Well after reading so many journals, I thought that I would start one. Maybe it will make me feel better about TTC.
My name is Christine and my husband and I have been TTC a baby since New Years 2005. I realize that we haven't been trying for very long but there are some other circumstances that make me very nervous. My husband has Variocelles (sp) and all the information I can find says that it may make TTC more difficult.
My husband has 3 children from prior relationships. They are 18, 17 and 16 years old. My husband is 38 years old and I am 29 years old. They live across the country and it is hard to be away from them. So I know that he can have children, although he doesn't remember when the variocelles appeared. Hopefully they appeared when he was a teenager before he had children.
So that fact alone makes me VERY NERVOUS. So nervous that I panic and start worrying to the point where I cannot do anything. It paralyzes me. I talk about this with him often and he tells me not to worry, that if the variocelles are the problem, then he can have them removed but I don't want to wait for 6 months before they are removed. I want them removed NOW. He would rather wait and see if we can get pregnant rather then have his manhood manhandled by a bunch of doctors. Besides, not all men who have variocelles have problems conceiving.
I was on the BCP for 13 years straight. I am vbery nervous that I may have done damage to myself because I was on the pill for so long. But after talking to my TTC friends here on the board, they say that it should be no problem. My doctor says that there is no problem with being on the pill for so long.
I stopped taking them in November and all of my cycles have been 27 days long. I did have a short luteal phase during the first cycle (11) days, so I started taking Vitex during my next cycle. That luteal phase lasted 14 days. Much better.
Before I went on the BCP my cycles were very regular. I never had problems with cramps or anything like that. When I was on the BCP, I always had horrible cramps. Now that i am off the pill, no more cramps and AF only shows up for 3 days.
Now that I am on my 3rd cycle I am taking my pre-natal vitamin, Vitamin B6, and EPO. I didn't take Vitex so that I could see what my luteal phase will be like. This last cycle I also started using OPK's and preseed. We BD'd like crazy on CD 11, 12, 14, 15, 16 and I had a positive OPK on cd 14. FF says that I O'd on CD 15. So we should be covered. I used Preseed on Cd 11, 14,15, and 16.
I am 5 DPO and hope to test with my TTC 0-12 months friends on Valentine's day.
DH asked me every day if I am pregnant. It is slowly driving me crazy. I keep telling him that I can't think I am pregnant, because if AF shows up I will be devastated. He then asked if I was going to be sad if AF shows. DUH Of course i am going to be sad.
The other night we were watching scrubs and one of the main characters is trying to have a baby as well. She is haveing difficulty, and i couldn't watch it without thinking about myself. I hid in the bathroom and cried. I pulled myself together and went to bed. DH went to bed with me and started talking about me being pregnant. I started to cry again and he asked wh I was crying and I didn't really have an answer for him. I had no idea why I was crying. The show didn't make me very sad. I guess I just needed to cry. The he said that I must be pregnant abecause I am so emotional and that he hopes that I don't cry my entire pregnancy. I said of course i won't be crying. I will be so happy to be having a baby.
Yikes, I have written so much. I will try to post again soon.
This morning I could barely get up. I was so tired. I got up to temp and after I went pee. I then laid back down for 15 minutes and had to get up to pee again.
I then went into the bathroom and noticed that I have a huge amountof acne on my face. Not just my face but my chest, head and back are breaking out.
Today at work I was thinking that I haven't had much of the cramping that I had during the 2ww last cycle. Hmm interesting. I have had a lot of gas (TMI) and my throat has been really sore off and on the last couple of days. I noticed that I am having heartburn more and that I am burping up fluids. I wonder if that is why my throat is sore. My sense of smell has been very strong lately too. I don't know if I am wishing it was strong and noticing everything or if it is for real.
I hate the fact that AF and Pregnancy symptoms are so similar.
I can't wait until Valentine's day. That is when I will be testing.
Well I am at 9 DPO and this morning I tested. Not sure why I wanted to. Maybe it was because my temps went back up again. BFN
This weekend was so strange. Friday I totally felt like I was pregnant. In fact I asked DH to kiss my belly before bed. My temps went really high the next morning, but for some reason I had no symptoms at all. All the things that have been happening to me all week stopped dead on Saturday, so of course I spent the day researching ttc online. I felt that I definetly wasn't pregnant. Dinner came and I wasn't hungry, so later I got hungry and decided that I wanted pickled asparagus, pinapple chunks and crackers for dinner. Then I started watching the Olympics and there was a Tim Horton's comercial on that made me bawl like a baby. Now everytime I see that commercial I start bawling again. I also keep breaking out. Before with AF my breakouts were small and the pimples went away rather quickly, but these ones are sticking around.
Sunday was a better day although my temp dipped a little. I had some strange cramping and a TON of creamy CM. I felt much better. Still very emotional though.
This morning my temp went back up again and as I sat up in bed, I felt this huge wave of nausea. I got up to brush my teeth and gagged the entire time. So I went to eat some crackers, then I brushed my teeth again. The nausea stayed with me until I got to work. Then it went away. Thank God. I hate that feeling. Everything smells so strong today. Smokers, coffee... everything. I wonder if that is a symptom?
So I planned on testing this morning so I went out yesterday and bought a pregnancy test. So then I stop at Roots for a new pair of sweats and while I am in the change room I see that I have started spotting. Crap. That made me so sad. So I came home and talked to DH. He said that it was OK and that we shouldn't be disapointed because this is our first month trying. We will try again next month. I told him that I agreed with him but I couldn't help it and started crying. I told him that I was sad and that I will be fine later.
So I poured myself a glass of wine and went to sit in the hot tub.
That made me feel better. We just bought the hot tub and I am glad to able to use it for at least a couple of weeks.
Well I have started a new cycle. I am so happy that only shows up for 3 days now that I am off the pill. I spoke to DH this morning and he asked when I would be fertile again. I told him the first week of March and he is going to try and book his days off for those days. If he cannot get those days off then hopefully he will be around to BD. He is so sweet. I love him so much. I cannot wait to give him a child. I am a little sappy today, I haven't spent any time with him in about 2 weeks. Oh well. His b-day is on Thursday so I went shopping today for his birthday present. He is going to love it!!
My it has been a long time since I posted last. Well DH and I managed to BD this weekend and I believe that I ovulated on Sunday so we should be covered. We used preseed each time so hopefully in a week and a half I will be able to test.
I just found out that I have to go to NY this month. I was initially worried that I would miss my next fertile period but thanks to me charting I was able to see that I will be ok. I hate having to travel for work, however I love going to NY. DH and I took advantage of the hot tub this weekend. He can use it as long as it is set to 101 degrees or lower for 30 minutes. That is pretty chilly, although it feels good when it is cold outside. mMost websites say to stay away from the hot tub when TTC but the mayo clinic says it is ok as long as it is 101 or lower.
If we don't get pregnant by the summer then we are going to go tot he doctor and get us checked out. Hopefully we will not need to do that.
oh well, i better get back to work. Here's to the 2WW!!