I am ready.
This past weekend, Matt finally gave my the green light to quit taking my BCPs. At this point, AF was already 6-7 days late...I knew I wasnt pg, but was worried that my irregular cycles were coming back to haunt me.
I had a crazy dream last night that I was pregnant and going into labor, and I went to Wendys where Matt was working (haha!), and the only way to get to the hospital was to swim across this rough sea. I ended up giving birth in the water to this beautiful baby...
thennnn I woke up and went pee and saw that my darling AF came back to me!
I am pretty scatterbrained right now, but so happy that I will be able to start trying again this month.
I am also kind of scared. I just dont think I could handle if something else went wrong again. I'm not too worried about the heart condition coming back again...but what if it were something else? What if it has no arms or legs? What if it has a chromosomal abnormality? What if I am forced to make the same agonizing decision I did last time? I dont think I could live with myself. I know I did the right thing last time, but it was so physically and emotionally painful, I just dont think I could do it again. Sarah has been a tremendous amount of inspiration for me, and I saw where she said that just because you lose one, it doesnt mean you get a free ticket the next time around. Until she said that, I hadnt even thought about it like that.