I want to be a mommy!!!
Okay so here's my attempt at an online TTC journal. Here's some info about me. I am 23 years old, married for 1 1/2 months to Colin 24. I am currently in school working on my EC-4th grade degree to be a teacher!!! I love children and have always known that more than anything in the world I want to be a mommy!!!
Colin and I were going to wait about 2 years to have children, but the baby bug has bit us badly and we decided to make the bigtime decision to go off of BC. I read the stats and was pretty convinced that we wouldn't get pregnant right away and I was perfectly content with that. Time to do the things I want to do. Time to lose weight, time to save some money, time to switch jobs, time to prepare!! (I am a big time preparer!!)
So here's my first cycle off of BC and my "symptoms" are insane. I am thouroughly convinced I am pregnant even with 5 BFN's in the past 5 days :evil: . I am on DPO 12 right now and I feel, well...pregnant. I know that many will say that it's side effects of coming off of birth control, but I haven't read about any side effects like these. I had to put ice packs on my breasts they hurt so badly today and I NEVER have breast tenderness even before my period. So right now I am completly at a loss. A loss for sanity, a loss for reason, a loss for why my body is behaving the way it is right now if all the HPT tests are true. I am going to post my giant list of symptoms here in the next post I make. I started keeping track of them when I first started cramping on DPO 3. I thought it would be a good way to be able to gauge how I would feel b/t ovulation and my period. So i didn't "make up" symptoms....UM, I guess that didn't work.
I know that so many of these symptoms are up to interpretation (except for the erect nipples, noone can take that away from me!!! I KNOW that that is wierd!!! LOL).
So here's my TTC journey. I pray it is short and sweet. But if it is not, than I will take this opportunity to learn about my body and reflect on life. I know that God has a plan for me and He will give us a child when it's the right time. I have Faith that He truly knows what is best and I put my life in His hands :)
Okay next post will be my symptoms. Now don't laugh, I am very thorough, LOL.
DPO 1 & 2 nothing really; feeling very bloated though
DPO 3 AF type cramps; still bloated; bad mood; dropped bowl & burned nyself lost concentration; sore bbs at night (one sharp pain) constipation
DPO 4 not as bloated; maybe boobs are sore??? constant pinch on my left side, sometimes all over; very aware of the pinch when I walk around or twist; slight headache which got worse throughout the day; very tired midday than got a burst of energy; HORRIBLE cramping when went to store tonight diareaha; kinda creamy CM (I think, I don't generally track this)
DPO5 woke up very crampy and gassy; still have the pain in my left side. Don't even know if I can call it a pain...maybe more of a prescence ;). feeling bloated again; didn't want to finish my breakfast felt a bit grossed out by my yogurt; slight headache; overall "unwell" feeling;
DPO6 woke up in the middle of the night very hot and bbs sore; woke up this morning pretty asymptomatic :( ; beggining to think this isn't it. I really felt pregnant before. I don't feel pregnant today :( update: I feel a little nauseus....I think. I HATE pregnancy symptoms. They are such common feelings. I do still feel my ache, but am wondering if it's my bladder. Off to look up where your bladder is :( nipples are a bit senstive (my nipples are never sensitive, nor erect, they are both now) tummy ache off an on; constipation
DPO 7 nipples still erect; bd'd today, dh said he felt like he was poking something softish, and lower than usual; tummy ache, but no cramps; slight headache; kinda tired, but have been studying all day so to be expected; constipation UPDATE: ouch! my nipples are hurting!!! I have the least sensitive nipples in the world, my left nipples is hurting even when my shirt rubs on it!
DPO 8 tested today, no surprise BFN (FMU, $store cheapie); nipples still hurt, breasts still a bit sore, but that appears to be it. Later at night HORRIBLE AF cramps, seriously painful. Went to eat pizza and definitly felt nauseous but ended up eating SIX pieces of pizza!!!! tired much much earlier than usual; constipation
DPO 9 tested today , BFN (FMU, $ store cheapie); nipples still hurt and erect, breasts sore. Feeling dizzy and almost passed out in shower (maybe low blood sugar???) bawled my way through this day, super emotional, very nauseous all morning. constipation
DPO 10 tested AGAIN today, BFN (FMU, Equate +/-). How can it be that I am not pregnant??? AF cramps, sore breasts, erect nipples, nausea, Yadi Yadi Yada constipation
DPO 11 tested AGAIN BFN (FRER) no cramps at all :( sore breasts erect nipples, nausea, tired (but probably because I was running around all day) constipation
DPO 12 tested w/ FMU $store hpt, BFN. this am VERY painful & sore breasts, sore armpit on the right???, erect nipples, pulling in stomach; mild cramps; nausea constipation....update: okay so about a week ago I measured my nipples because they seemed abnormally large, so today my breasts were very hot and they look like a roadmap with all the veins going through them; so i decided to measure them....they each grew more than 1/2 an inch!!!!
Ugh, so took another test this morning. BFN. YUCK!!! I woke up @ 4am and had (tmi) some bathroom issues....So when I tested @ 8:30, it wasn't quite FMU. Don't really feel pregnant so far today (only been up for about 30 minutes though, lol). Breasts are sore, but not as much as yesterday. Crazy people we are for WANTING to feel like crap :lol: . I have a blood test today @ the doctor, I guess it still might be too early. I know if it comes back BFN that's what I will tell myself. I will tell myself that until I get a positive or my period shows.
UPDATE: okay boobs hurting real bad again. :P
Okay so I'm back. Doc really doesn't think I am pregnant. Didn't do blood or urine test, said it would be way too early. He thinks the breast issue is hormones from coming off of BC, he didn't really address any of my other symptoms, just said they were a product of coming off of BC. I guess it's easy for him to dismiss them because he sees it all the time. So most likely I am not pregnant. I'm okay with that too. It hurts a little I guess, and it still can't be 100% ruled out. But I am just glad that the doctor confirmed that my "symptoms" were real. In fact he felt my breasts and was very surprised by how swollen and lumpy they felt. He said it was obviously hormonal changes of some sort, and he hopes I don't have to deal with it each cycle. He says if I do, that he can prescribe something for me.
I really really liked him, he was very kind and very knowledgable. I feel like I trust him. And get this, I found out later when talking to my SIL that he delivered my nephew!!!!
So I have just a few rants for the day.
1. it is not fair that I am nauseous w/ sore boobs and tired and dizzy and NOT pregnant
2. it is not fair that I feel pregnant and am NOT pregnant
3. Finally, if I am NOT pregnant I want to get my AF and have all of these symptoms GONE. My biggest fear is that they will stick around :(
Yesterday I went to my parents house and I ran into my brother's fiance there. Turns out she's pregnant !!!! OMG! Now I know that there are 6 women in my family that are of childbearing age. But 3 of them are still in thier teens and the 2 above me already have children and didn't want anymore. So I naturally ASSUMED I would be the next to get pregnant. Guess not. It's kind of depressing to know that if I get pregnant within the next few months I will have to share my "thunder" (Friends reference, heehee) with someone else. To add, she is very cute and small and will be very "cute" pregnant. I will not.
Oh well, maybe she brought some fertility vibes into my family (not that we really need it, LOL) and I will get pg faster :).
Well it's official I am NOT pregnant. It's okay though :) I just had a SEVERE reaction to coming off of BC. Hopefully this month I will either get pregnant or have a less stressful 2WW. I am about to enter the most fun week and a half of TTC. The actual trying part!!! It's so much fun ;)
I have a good feeling about this month, I don't know why. We shall see though. I am temping this cycle. I might try the green tea and robutussin thing too :) I ordered TCOYF. It should be here monday or tuesday. I am so excited!!!