I think this would be sort of helpful for me to try to write down how I feel about this whole ordeal.
I wanted my DD she was planned and it took two months for us to get her. I still cant believe how fast it happened. I was so pleased.
She put me through hell and back and in the end I had this beautiful bundle of joy in my arms. I didnt think I could get pregnant since my DH and his X had actively tried for 10 years and it never happened. Then she goes and has an affair and get pregnant right away, which is another story. Needles to say I didnt think he and I would ever have any kids because of that. So tomy surprise now she is almost 19 months and a chatter box.
I rmember b-feeding her, feeling so lost and dealing wiith a horrendous case of PPD. Not being able to sleep gaining 30+ pounds and getting hemorrhoids from her. What I am trying to say is that it has been really hard for me raising my child. I thank God for her but she has been really hard for me.
I have anxiety really bad and need medication for it. yes I am finally coming to terms and admiting it.
So for the longest time the thought of havinganother one make me sick to my stomach. DH has always wanted another so so I agreed to have another pne only if we started trying in february. Then came april and I finally said yes.
Well its almost October and no baby yet. I literally put my life on hold becasue of the dream of another child. I told my real good friend that I was TTC and the Biatch goes and gets pregnant . So now she is 4 months preggo and I am not. I am sorry if I might sound narrow minded but that was my baby she has in there, It is so painful to see her get bigger and bigger everyday and me sit here barren like an old seasoned woman. I get even sad when some of the ladies here positives and I think that all of this is turning into a big depression for me.