Joee's Second TTC Journal! Lets do this again!

HELLO! I told you I would be back! HAHA!!!!

So after many many many unexpected life changes; losing Taylin, moving in with In'laws; we have finally decided to TTC again!

This is not without risk. We are still grieving for Taylin (both DH and I have recognized that), and yet we still know that we are ready to complete our family. And , seeing as how our financial and housing situation is still being established, we also recognize the additional pressure a pregnancy might add.

We are putting our faith, our fertility, and our next little miracle in the hands of God!

Oh, and just to help, I am gonna obsess for him a little! :ROFL:

ready? I am too!

MY CHART

Cycle #1 CD 16 1 DPO

So we squeeked in a last chance shot at a June Baby. I dont temp, but I do track other O symptoms, and I believe that yesterday may have been O day! Can never be sure, lol. I have had lots of wet CM for about 5 days, and the EWCM has sort of come and gone. It may even be an annovualtory cycle. But thats ok. I am just happy we have the show on the road!

So stats for this cycle:

BD 2 days before (no sperm) and day of (tons of sprem!) estimated O.

Will BD tonight as well, just to be sure. although CP was high soft and closed... so I think its over.

I had O type pain for two day before yesterday. Along with bloating and BM issues. This has become normal fare for me recently. But I do distinctly remember feeling a sharp pain on both my left and right side! So maybe I let go of two eggs? haha! that would rock!

EDD would be 6/16/09 if we concieved. At least according to FF. Docs always come up with something different.

I am going to OD on folic acid starting today! I have been religious with my prenatels since the MC, so I am good there. But I will be sure to triple my dosage and have plenty built up in my system! Just in case!

Cycle #1 CD 17 2DPO

Well we didnt BD last night. Andy was feeling emotional about money and crap and just wasn't it the mood. Actually I wasn't either. I feel confident that my fertile period ended yesterday, so I am not too worried about it. I am on the other hand, worried that hes about to lose his mind. Money is so flippin EVIL!!!

Anyhoo, lets start a symptom list shall we? Of course, there is NO symptom I could report right now that could be related to pregnancy, as implantation cannot and has not occured yet. But its fun anyway!

I woke up feeling very very bloated and gassy.
I had vivid dreams of scratching off a $2000 lottery ticket! (Gonna go get one today :ROFL:)

Yup thats it!

::update::

I did not win anything on my lottery tickets.... damn dreams!

Cycle #1 CD 18 3DPO

Man am I full of gas! LOL... hot air is something I am no stranger too, dont get me wrong. But ding dang! Must be the cabbage rolls MIL made LOL! They were good, but I don't think I will be eating anymore.

Other than that, nothing to report at all! Actually, I find that to be the best news, as my pregnant cycles are the ones I am convinced that I am not preggo, lol. Due to lack of symptoms of course!

OH OH! I have decided, as long as money allows... when I get my BFP I am going to buy one of each HPT I can find in my area, dip out of the same cup of pee, and see what the reults yield! That should be an awesome addition to the DYSAL Board! The ladies will love it! I am thinking maybe 11 or 12 DPO (depending on the day I get my BFP of course) Earlier the better I say... that way we can see which ones really do pick up the hormone best and earliest!

I am not too stoked on the weekend though. Praying my cousin has a BBQ at her house, cuz I have no interest in hanging around this place!

ETA: Bloating is still bad! so bad that I tried on like 5 pairs of pants.. all of them very uncomfortable. Not that they were so tight, just HATED the feeling of something touching my waistline. Also I feel jittery and a littel out out of it now.

Cycle #1 CD 19 4DPO

Woot! We got busy again last night! ahahaaa! I know that O is over, but it felt goos to have a "last measure" :ROFL:

Woke up with a sore scratchy throat and my ears feel stuffy. Also, more gas and bloating. Have very vivid dreams last night too, but when I woke up I forgot them all!

UGH DH.. BRB

Cant a girl get some privacy?

ANYHOO

I have decided that I will stop smoking tommorow.. I know I know I am an *** for even smoking in the first place. But my excuse is stress. BUT if I am praying for a healthy little on, I have to do all I can to be as healthy as possible and give that little one a good start. So I must buckle down and stop NOW! Any prayers ayou have to spare I would appreciate!

Cycle #1 CD 20 5 DPO

Woot! 5DPO... this TTW is going faster than I hoped!

Soo... I still have that awful sore throat and stuffy nose. I think its just a good old faashioned cold. My bones are a little achey and I feel even more tired than normal. LOL... par for the course I suppose.

Just got done doing our budget. Ack. This is gonna be a tough two weeks. Everyone wants to be paid on the first. PITA! In laws will get no payment with this check, sad to say. We just do not have the funds this payday.

Crap! I didnt budget in any HPT's! Ahhh... I will wriggle them into my food budget lol. WHICH I left at $170... but I am hoping it wont be that bad. Well, it will be once I start POAS! :ROFL:

Oh and I was weak and bought a pack this morning... :( ah well, we try again tommorow.

ETA: Helllooo heartburn! Ouch!

Cycle #1 CD 21 6 DPO

Well I am coming up on the home stretch! Although I am fairly certain this cycle will be a bust. I don't feel anything that would indicate to me pregnancy. I mean yes, I am gassy and bloated, but like I said thats been normal for me all through my luteal phase since I lost Taylin. She did a number on my cycles to say the least.

Last night was pure unadulterated hell with Everit. Up screaming most of the night. Then he wakes up at 6:30 this morning raring to go. I am very very very tired and very cranky and just want this piss-**** day to be over.

Smoking? Still doing it. I hate myself for this. *Sigh*

ETA! So I had a bloody nose this morning! Very very curious....

ETA again! Having some very sharp cramps that are NOT gas related! oooohhh! this may be implantantion day!

Cycle #1 CD 22 7 DPO

Well poop. I sure don't feel pregnant ladies. Not that I should yet, but it just doesn't feel like our month. I am actually really ok with that. Just knowing that we are trying is all that matters to me. I know that God will bring us our LO when the time is right!

I don't feel much of anything at all today. Boobs are normal, no bloody noses, sore throat is gone too. I am tired, but hell thats normal. And I am still bloated and gassy, but thats normal too.

My mood is much better than yesterday lol.

And heres the weirdest thing of all... I have cash, and the ability to get tests, but have no desire to POAS. VERY unlike me. Usually i am peeing on everything by now. I think I am finally feeling more zen about TTC! Which is good! Its important to stay relaxed!

But I am still doing the Folic acids, and the prenatels and the calcium. i am keeping the coffee intake to a minimum and trying to get at least one glass of juice a day.

And yes, I am still ****ing smoking. WHY? ugh. At least I know if I get my BFP I can stop that day... why the hell cant I stop now? i dont get me sometimes.

ETA: My wrists are freaking aching like a mutha-ucka! Must be the storms today...pressure changes play hell with my joints. Although usually its my knees that feel the most pain, yet they are strangely ok?

Cycle #1 CD 23 DPO 8

Im not feeling it. Just not feeling it. Other than copious amounts of CM, which I have anyway, I cannot pinpoint one single symptom that is even making me feel semi-enthused. :confused:

Its ok really, I am just happy to be trying! In fact, part of me has always wanted to be part of the TTC game. I mean, it can be difficult and heartbreaking, but It has always been an instant ordeal for me. Never got to obsess too much. And I love to obsess! :ROFL:

So heres the scoop so far:

Wrists are still aching like crazy.

CM is creamy, watery, and slippery all at the same time! LOL!

I am moody, but I am a SAHM with two children forced to live with the in-laws and broke as a joke. Moody is not a symptom of pregnancy, its a symptom of life!

I STILL have no urge to POAS! I am totally content with buying sticks tommorow and maybe testing Saturday morning...SO strange for me. You have no idea!

Ugh so its MIL's day off. I hate when shes home. I love her, dont get me wrong, but it throws off my schedule. And I never know where to be. Its like I am banished upstairs. UGH. And she has 7 days off starting next Wed, (her birthday) I am gonna be a freaking lunatic by the end of that ordeal!

JUST A FEW MORE MONTHS JOEE!!! just a few more months.... *sigh*

ETA: Just ate something, and I feel very very nauseous right now.... icky, but YEAH! lol... ugh think im gonna go lie down for a spot.

Cycle #1 CD 27 12 DPO

well Well.... I tested all weekend, lol. And got negatives. EXCEPT for Sunday morning FMU... I *think* I got a faint line, BUT when the test dried it dried up all funny! Then I could not tell either way! Frustrating. So I tried an FRER, but it was negative! So I am guessing it was an EVAP.

I have no tests left! :ROFL: I am such a dork. I will go pick some up after I drop Ryan off at school today.

But I just don't think this was the month. I am still not havng any sypmtom that is terribly out of the norm. And with all those BFN's this weekend, it pretty much sealed the deal for me.

The only thing I am holding out hope for is that I was wrong about my O date and I O'd later than I thought, which is entirely possible! FF has my test date on THURSDAY! Seems WAY too late to me, but they may be right!

Anyway, I will update later with the results.

UPDATE!!!!

(copied and pasted from a post on the DYSAL board)

Okay so.. I am still getting BFN's on the tests...

So I looked back into my history and realized that I have NEVER gotten a BFP before CD 30, lol. I am on CD 27. So I guess, regardless of when I *think* I may have O'd, my body wont cough up any HCG until i have CD 30 or later!

I am a little confused by all of this, but I am guessing I must be a late implanter?

So, OF COURSE I will keep testing every single day but I will not feel dissapointed until I get a BFN on Wednsday!

ETA: So I took that test into some nice bright natural lighting, and I see a FAINT PINK LINE! WHAT WHAT? I know it is MORE than likely an EVAP, but I looked at all my other tests from this weekend and NOT ONE of them has an evap line, and especially not pink like this one is. I am now having cramping, and feel like AF is coming. I am so confused. :confused: