Joee's Second TTC Journal! Lets do this again!

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Joee's Second TTC Journal! Lets do this again!

HELLO! I told you I would be back! HAHA!!!!

So after many many many unexpected life changes; losing Taylin, moving in with In'laws; we have finally decided to TTC again!

This is not without risk. We are still grieving for Taylin (both DH and I have recognized that), and yet we still know that we are ready to complete our family. And , seeing as how our financial and housing situation is still being established, we also recognize the additional pressure a pregnancy might add.

We are putting our faith, our fertility, and our next little miracle in the hands of God!

Oh, and just to help, I am gonna obsess for him a little! ROFL

ready? I am too!

My Ovulation Chart">MY CHART

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Cycle #1 CD 16 1 DPO

So we squeeked in a last chance shot at a June Baby. I dont temp, but I do track other O symptoms, and I believe that yesterday may have been O day! Can never be sure, lol. I have had lots of wet CM for about 5 days, and the EWCM has sort of come and gone. It may even be an annovualtory cycle. But thats ok. I am just happy we have the show on the road!

So stats for this cycle:

BD 2 days before (no sperm) and day of (tons of sprem!) estimated O.

Will BD tonight as well, just to be sure. although CP was high soft and closed... so I think its over.

I had O type pain for two day before yesterday. Along with bloating and BM issues. This has become normal fare for me recently. But I do distinctly remember feeling a sharp pain on both my left and right side! So maybe I let go of two eggs? haha! that would rock!

EDD would be 6/16/09 if we concieved. At least according to FF. Docs always come up with something different.

I am going to OD on folic acid starting today! I have been religious with my prenatels since the MC, so I am good there. But I will be sure to triple my dosage and have plenty built up in my system! Just in case!

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Cycle #1 CD 17 2DPO

Well we didnt BD last night. Andy was feeling emotional about money and crap and just wasn't it the mood. Actually I wasn't either. I feel confident that my fertile period ended yesterday, so I am not too worried about it. I am on the other hand, worried that hes about to lose his mind. Money is so flippin EVIL!!!

Anyhoo, lets start a symptom list shall we? Of course, there is NO symptom I could report right now that could be related to pregnancy, as implantation cannot and has not occured yet. But its fun anyway!

I woke up feeling very very bloated and gassy.
I had vivid dreams of scratching off a $2000 lottery ticket! (Gonna go get one today :ROFL:)

Yup thats it!

::update::

I did not win anything on my lottery tickets.... damn dreams!

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Cycle #1 CD 18 3DPO

Man am I full of gas! LOL... hot air is something I am no stranger too, dont get me wrong. But ding dang! Must be the cabbage rolls MIL made LOL! They were good, but I don't think I will be eating anymore.

Other than that, nothing to report at all! Actually, I find that to be the best news, as my pregnant cycles are the ones I am convinced that I am not preggo, lol. Due to lack of symptoms of course!

OH OH! I have decided, as long as money allows... when I get my BFP I am going to buy one of each HPT I can find in my area, dip out of the same cup of pee, and see what the reults yield! That should be an awesome addition to the DYSAL Board! The ladies will love it! I am thinking maybe 11 or 12 DPO (depending on the day I get my BFP of course) Earlier the better I say... that way we can see which ones really do pick up the hormone best and earliest!

I am not too stoked on the weekend though. Praying my cousin has a BBQ at her house, cuz I have no interest in hanging around this place!

ETA: Bloating is still bad! so bad that I tried on like 5 pairs of pants.. all of them very uncomfortable. Not that they were so tight, just HATED the feeling of something touching my waistline. Also I feel jittery and a littel out out of it now.

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Cycle #1 CD 19 4DPO

Woot! We got busy again last night! ahahaaa! I know that O is over, but it felt goos to have a "last measure" ROFL

Woke up with a sore scratchy throat and my ears feel stuffy. Also, more gas and bloating. Have very vivid dreams last night too, but when I woke up I forgot them all!

UGH DH.. BRB

Cant a girl get some privacy?

ANYHOO

I have decided that I will stop smoking tommorow.. I know I know I am an *** for even smoking in the first place. But my excuse is stress. BUT if I am praying for a healthy little on, I have to do all I can to be as healthy as possible and give that little one a good start. So I must buckle down and stop NOW! Any prayers ayou have to spare I would appreciate!

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Cycle #1 CD 20 5 DPO

Woot! 5DPO... this TTW is going faster than I hoped!

Soo... I still have that awful sore throat and stuffy nose. I think its just a good old faashioned cold. My bones are a little achey and I feel even more tired than normal. LOL... par for the course I suppose.

Just got done doing our budget. Ack. This is gonna be a tough two weeks. Everyone wants to be paid on the first. PITA! In laws will get no payment with this check, sad to say. We just do not have the funds this payday.

Crap! I didnt budget in any HPT's! Ahhh... I will wriggle them into my food budget lol. WHICH I left at $170... but I am hoping it wont be that bad. Well, it will be once I start POAS! ROFL

Oh and I was weak and bought a pack this morning... Sad ah well, we try again tommorow.

ETA: Helllooo heartburn! Ouch!

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Cycle #1 CD 21 6 DPO

Well I am coming up on the home stretch! Although I am fairly certain this cycle will be a bust. I don't feel anything that would indicate to me pregnancy. I mean yes, I am gassy and bloated, but like I said thats been normal for me all through my luteal phase since I lost Taylin. She did a number on my cycles to say the least.

Last night was pure unadulterated hell with Everit. Up screaming most of the night. Then he wakes up at 6:30 this morning raring to go. I am very very very tired and very cranky and just want this piss-**** day to be over.

Smoking? Still doing it. I hate myself for this. *Sigh*

ETA! So I had a bloody nose this morning! Very very curious....

ETA again! Having some very sharp cramps that are NOT gas related! oooohhh! this may be implantantion day!

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Cycle #1 CD 22 7 DPO

Well poop. I sure don't feel pregnant ladies. Not that I should yet, but it just doesn't feel like our month. I am actually really ok with that. Just knowing that we are trying is all that matters to me. I know that God will bring us our LO when the time is right!

I don't feel much of anything at all today. Boobs are normal, no bloody noses, sore throat is gone too. I am tired, but hell thats normal. And I am still bloated and gassy, but thats normal too.

My mood is much better than yesterday lol.

And heres the weirdest thing of all... I have cash, and the ability to get tests, but have no desire to POAS. VERY unlike me. Usually i am peeing on everything by now. I think I am finally feeling more zen about TTC! Which is good! Its important to stay relaxed!

But I am still doing the Folic acids, and the prenatels and the calcium. i am keeping the coffee intake to a minimum and trying to get at least one glass of juice a day.

And yes, I am still ****ing smoking. WHY? ugh. At least I know if I get my BFP I can stop that day... why the hell cant I stop now? i dont get me sometimes.

ETA: My wrists are freaking aching like a mutha-ucka! Must be the storms today...pressure changes play hell with my joints. Although usually its my knees that feel the most pain, yet they are strangely ok?

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Cycle #1 CD 23 DPO 8

Im not feeling it. Just not feeling it. Other than copious amounts of CM, which I have anyway, I cannot pinpoint one single symptom that is even making me feel semi-enthused. :confused:

Its ok really, I am just happy to be trying! In fact, part of me has always wanted to be part of the TTC game. I mean, it can be difficult and heartbreaking, but It has always been an instant ordeal for me. Never got to obsess too much. And I love to obsess! ROFL

So heres the scoop so far:

Wrists are still aching like crazy.

CM is creamy, watery, and slippery all at the same time! LOL!

I am moody, but I am a SAHM with two children forced to live with the in-laws and broke as a joke. Moody is not a symptom of pregnancy, its a symptom of life!

I STILL have no urge to POAS! I am totally content with buying sticks tommorow and maybe testing Saturday morning...SO strange for me. You have no idea!

Ugh so its MIL's day off. I hate when shes home. I love her, dont get me wrong, but it throws off my schedule. And I never know where to be. Its like I am banished upstairs. UGH. And she has 7 days off starting next Wed, (her birthday) I am gonna be a freaking lunatic by the end of that ordeal!

JUST A FEW MORE MONTHS JOEE!!! just a few more months.... *sigh*

ETA: Just ate something, and I feel very very nauseous right now.... icky, but YEAH! lol... ugh think im gonna go lie down for a spot.

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Cycle #1 CD 27 12 DPO

well Well.... I tested all weekend, lol. And got negatives. EXCEPT for Sunday morning FMU... I *think* I got a faint line, BUT when the test dried it dried up all funny! Then I could not tell either way! Frustrating. So I tried an FRER, but it was negative! So I am guessing it was an EVAP.

I have no tests left! ROFL I am such a dork. I will go pick some up after I drop Ryan off at school today.

But I just don't think this was the month. I am still not havng any sypmtom that is terribly out of the norm. And with all those BFN's this weekend, it pretty much sealed the deal for me.

The only thing I am holding out hope for is that I was wrong about my O date and I O'd later than I thought, which is entirely possible! FF has my test date on THURSDAY! Seems WAY too late to me, but they may be right!

Anyway, I will update later with the results.

UPDATE!!!!

(copied and pasted from a post on the DYSAL board)

Okay so.. I am still getting BFN's on the tests...

So I looked back into my history and realized that I have NEVER gotten a BFP before CD 30, lol. I am on CD 27. So I guess, regardless of when I *think* I may have O'd, my body wont cough up any HCG until i have CD 30 or later!

I am a little confused by all of this, but I am guessing I must be a late implanter?

So, OF COURSE I will keep testing every single day but I will not feel dissapointed until I get a BFN on Wednsday!

ETA: So I took that test into some nice bright natural lighting, and I see a FAINT PINK LINE! WHAT WHAT? I know it is MORE than likely an EVAP, but I looked at all my other tests from this weekend and NOT ONE of them has an evap line, and especially not pink like this one is. I am now having cramping, and feel like AF is coming. I am so confused. :confused:

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This deserves its own post I think!

Dont know for sure if this is the real thing or not..BUT it popped up within time limits! and I have never seen an evap before the 3 minute mark!

OMG OMG OMG I think we are PREGNANT!!!!

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Cycle #1 CD 28 13 DPO

Well, after some more faint bfp's, I started spotting today. So I guess I am not preggo after all. in fact, I would bet that I am actually miscarrying a VERY early pregnancy. Which is horribly sad. I cannot imagine getting TWO false positives and not having something going on in there, ya know?

Anyway, I am glad I never told DH. And I regret telling everyone else now, because for some reason its emberassing.

So journal, you and me are gonna be spending some time together!

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Cycle #2 CD 1

The witch is here. Wow, this sucks. I don't understand why God would loet me see two lines on TWO tests and then have AF show up early. I must be a bad person or something.

DH didn't seem to give a crap. He just said "Oh". Nice, eh?

Whatever. **** THIS DAY.

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Cycle #2 CD 5

haha, that was an angry post! I am much better now, lol.

So heres something spooky... Two years ago, AF started on the same exact day (OCT. 7) and i got pregnant that cycle with Everit, whos due date was July 15th (born July 2nd)... kind of weird that if we caught it this month I would have THE SAME EXACT due date!

I have been thinking on this, and I am not sure I want to have a baby in July again. I dont want to take away from Everits glory, ya know? But I am still gonna try, and let God make that decision, lol.

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Cycle #2 CD 6

So I had a chat with DH about "cycles" lol. I rambled on and on about the fertile window, the signs, the importance of timing, yada yada.

This was his response "So, we get to do it like at least every other day, right?"

BWAHAHAHAHAHHA ROFL

Gotta love that man!

And and! not TTC related, but surely helpful... there is a small possibilty of us moving into a house by November first! Long story, but we will find out today! Lots of prayers that it happens!

ETA: No go on the house. Which is fine! I actually realized after much prayer, and allowing my true feelings to surface, that I was not ready to move out yet. Crazy huh?

And I wrote this on facebook... I liked it. Copy and paste!

What you thought you wanted, you didn't. What you didn't realize you needed, you did. When you thought you had to walk through the darkness BEFORE you saw the light, you were wrong. Blessings, enlightenement, and understanding can come at a...ny given moment. Trust your intuition!!!!! For it comes from HIM.Read More

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Cycle #2 CD 7

Ugh I have the worst cold! Icky! Ryan is sick too... and I am just waiting for Everit and Andy to catch up lol. I think e is feeling poopies today.. he is entirely too calm to be feeling normal. Right now he is lying on my bed watching Dora. SO NOT LIKE HIM!!!

I am recording CM as dry... although I cannot be sure because of all the BD juices and the fact that every time I cough or blow my nose I pee a little (thats what two amazon children will do to your bladder, :ROFL:)

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Cycle #2 CD 8

Ugh this waiting to O thing is slower than molasses in January.

Anyhoo, I THINK DH is catching this cold... which is GREAT! He needs to catch it now, get it OVERWITH before O time comes! Seriously! GET THE DAMN COLD ANDY!!!

And I wonder if having a cold pre O can affect O at all? I am not running any fevers at all... but I do feel like I am.

I wish I could know! LOL... just want to know if this is our month. I need ESP. Or something.

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Cycle #2 CD 9

EWCM? WTMF? On CD 9??? what am I gonna have, like a 22 day cycle or something? Oh well.. i guess I am gonna be getting busy tonight!

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Cycle #3 CD 10

SO after seeing the EWCM yesterday (scant, i must admit... but very there) we BD last night. I laid down for 1/2 hour after, making sure not to stand up and let anything "drip" lol. After 45 minutes, I had to pee.... so I know I lost some there.. just hoping everyone got inside before I "dropped them off at the pool!" ROFL

Today, i cannot tell if I have more EWCM or if its leftovers. I marked EWCM on FF, just because... I plan on BD every night! I already know DH is potent, so I am not too worried about reducing the quantity! LOL!

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Cycle #2 CD 14

Oh yeah, O is here (or will be shortly!)

Tons and tons of EWCM, nice cramping and nausea.... I am guessing I will O tonight or tommorow!

So, I think BD timing is pretty good... specially of we do tonight. Actually if I DO O tonight, and there are still some swimmers in there... well perhaps we have made a girl! WOOHOOO!

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Cycle #2 CD 15

WOOT! So proud of DH. He had to make 50 hoses at work yesterday, but he still had the energy to give his woman some lovin' ...thats a good boy!

I feel confident that O was yesterday or today... most likely in the late night last night. will have to see what the CM does, but I think we have a good shot this month!

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Cycle #1 CD 16 2DPO

Oh another 2WW. Please God, dont let me go mad! Please give me patience! PLEASE!!!

I still have this god Awful cold. It wont let up. But I am getting more and Better sleep now, so I am hoping it goes away soon!

And just cuz... 2DPO? UGHGUHGUGHUGHUGHUGHUGH

*ahem*

So FF has my test day on November 4th. (remember this is my twin cycle from two years ago?) I got a BFP with Everit on the 5th. So here I am, all wishy washy and wondering what day I should test on???

Who am I kidding lol.. it will be ASAP.

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Cycle #2 CD 17 3DPO

So again, the cold lingers. And something else as well.. pinchy pinchy cramps on both my left and right side (low)..

Nausea has been very mild, but noticable.

Nips are still tender! This is odd for me..

ugh obsession.

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Cycle #2 CD 18 4 DPO

Wow did I have some wicked Nausea this morning! Wicked bad! DH got Sonic for breakfast (NOMS) and after I ate it, OMG I almost lost it all. I had to lay down to even feel human.

The pinchy cramps are gone, as is most of my CM. But now I feel like I have a yeast infection (itchy oooh) and really tender girly bits. Like sore to the touch. , lol... thats an amazing sign for me, as I had horrible YI's through the first tri of both Everits and Taylins pregnancies! This was exactly how I felt!

I have been craving coffee, especially fancy fancy coffee's like mochas and stuff. I wanted Coffee ice cream SO BAD last night. I settled for an ice cream sandwich... hardly a replacement, but the DUDE abides....

4 DPO... really?

Of course, I must speculate as well...

Now here: I had my first EWCM appear at CD 9, followed by wet wet creamy then EWCM again. I BD through all of it. I picked CD 14 as my O day, as I had cramping and copious amounts of CM that day. Basically, there were more signs telling me it was O day. BUT as we all know too well.... our bodies do as they wish when they wish lol! So, could I potentially be, oh I dont know... 9 DPO? WOW that would rock lol. Either way, i am not testing until NOVEMBER 4th! Thats it. Not a day earlier. No more wasting cash on tests and breaking my heart. UNLESS

ETA! Ok a few noteworthy things from yesterday! MIL opened a can of saurkraut last night. I almost lost it. Im not a fan, but I have never been offended by it. I was ready to chuck!

And Ryan decided to dip his french fries in syrup. Yup, another almost chuck fest!

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Cycle #2 CD 19 5DPO

a few days closer to possible implantataion! ROFL... is it hasnt happened already!

So I HAVE to share my dream from last night! I got a BFP..but it was like A HUGE BFP like no control line lol.... just blaring!

Anhyoo I went to ER (not sure why?) and they did an ultrasound.. I was like 5 months along with TWINS!!! BOYS!!! :eek:

OMG were we excited! And I remember the doc telling me I had to stay in the hospital (again, not sure why?) But I escaped to Cailfornia to tell my family lol...

It was an awesome dream. Really, really awesome.

I have nothing exciting to report thus far, other than being very irritable and wanting to hide upstairs all day away from the inlaws. Typically I can be friendly and such, but today I am NOT interested in making the effort. Just one of those days I guess.

Today we carve our punkins! Woot!

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Cycle #2 CD 20 6 DPO

Its a damn good thing I dont have any tests in this house! Or any money to get some lol... I am FORCED to wait! And that is a good thing... because even after all the heartbreak of last cycle, I am still wanting to test early! :help1:

So I am in a pissy mood again. And I am bloated, and whiny and blah. Hard to say if its my living situation or something else... but I am just meh.

But now that I am 6 DPO I can safely start posting sypmtoms without seeming like a complete fool!!!

Sore boobs. Nips and sides and all. They feel like they are on fire really.. all tingly and achy.

Bloating. Wasn't too bad until yesterday. Now its bad. I feel like a giant hog beast.

Overall poor self image. You now how you feel when you just feel ugly? And not even make up and nice outfit can fix that frumpy, uncomfortable, I look as bad as I can get persona? yeah... have that.

CLUMSY. I broke a plate yesterday. Dropped punkin guts all over the floor. tried to tie ryans candy necklace (he worked SO hard on it poor baby!) and I dropped that too...

Irritable. Not too terrible out of the norm for me... but I feel it SURGING lol.. a true effort to hold it down!

Overall, I just feel grumpies and uglies and MEH!

ETA: So INlaws have 3 cats... one is awesome KC... one is skittish but cute when she wants to be (Reeny) and then theres Porsha, who most of the time could give a crap. well, PORSHA, has been upstairs all morning... loving on me, rubbing in me, etc... find this odd!

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Cycle #2 CD 21 7 DPO

This nausea... wow. Been here since I woke up. Thought maybe it was a bm kinda nausea, but after finishing that (TMI SORRY) i did not feel any better. Sitting here as we speak, ready to hurl.

Its NOT from coffee/hunger (which I do to myself at least three times a week) I stopped at 2 cups, and I ate!!!

So, either I am knocked up OR I have offically caught the flu... :puke2: :puke2: :puke2:

Ugh.

Last night while DTD I was almost in tears. (TMI AGAIN) he was hitting something, ouch! I made him stop and change positions.

By BB's are sore and tingly.

Oh noes. I have a pit in my stomach. I think this is it.

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Cycle #2 CD 22 8 DPO

Well, I had another pretty bad bout of nausea again last night after I ate. And all night I had heartburn! Felt pretty poopies.

This morning so far is ok! Nothing to speak of really except the sore BB's and that pesky YI that is making me flipping insane, lol...

Had a dream I was pregnant! Well, I have those all the time.

Oh and it was funny... last night after I got super sick, DH looked at me and said "You pee on a stick yet?" AHAHAA!! im like, nope to early love! Saturday morning is the earliest I will test (11DPO). He was like, well thats too bad cuz I think your knocked up! WOOHOOOO!!!! He said he would be beside himself with happiness! As would I, of course.

Now I want to revisit how I feel about getting pregnant. I am excited to be pregnant right away, but I am ALSO very much OK if I am not. Breaking the news to the inlaws will be the hardest thing... so If I am than GREAT! and if im not, then really its ok. we KNOW its in Gods time, and it IS HIM that makes this decision... a wonderful feeling of peace has come over me! Thank you LORD!

ETA ETA ETA!!! Nausea is here and large and in charge! Oh :puke2: oh my stars.

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Cycle #2 CD 23 9 DPO

9 DPO! Woot! Finally we are getting somewhere!

Last night I had more nausea after I ate... so I am kinda feeling a pattern here.. Nausea strikes from around 9 am to 11 am...then I feel good then it hits again between 5 and 6 and remains until heartburn takes over OR I fall asleep whichever comes first.

This morning I have already had a BM, and feel that awful crampy feeling like AF is coming... (I always have BM issues when AF is on her way) so I dont have a clue what to make of that. It could go either way at this point... although usually the cramping and BM problems come on a day or two before AF is due, which is not until next week!

BB's are still sore and have that tingling/burning feeling. Not sore when I poke really, just a deep inside feeling.

I am BLOATED holy cows! My pants are tight and I am feeling oh so uncomfortable. Thank the Lord for cold snowy weather, and I can hide my muffin top with big sweaters!

Something else I noticed... I have had the worst taste in my mouth. And no matter how much I brush it stays there. I think its acutally from this cold that is still lingering, but im gonna note it, just in case.

Now I have been fairly dry in the CM department. I mark creamy on FF, because when I wipe it has a lotiony feel to it, but really nothing remarkable or copious to report.

So tommorow is payday. I will pick up my tests. I promised myself that I would stay away from Dollar tree. Those tests are just too ambigious to rely on, and just sets me up for failure. Not to mention, they are like potato chips... you cant pee on just one! ROFL

No, I am gonna buy the three pack FRER from wally world, and NOT pee untl Saturday morning FMU. If nothing, then I WILL wait two days and pee on Monday with FMU. If there is nothing by then, then its Wedsnday. IF wed. proves a BFN, then I KNOW AF will show and there will be no need to purchase anymore.Thats three tests... only $12 I shall spend. NOW if I get a BFP, then its directly to the dollar tree so I can do a progression for the DYSAL board, and a digital test so i can see that word!

I SHALL NOT SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY ON TESTS!
I SHALL NOT SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY ON TESTS!
I SHALL NOT SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY ON TESTS!
I SHALL NOT SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY ON TESTS!
I SHALL NOT SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY ON TESTS!

ETA ETA! I am struggling very hard to keep my food down right now... wow.

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I just wanted to say this... I would be VERY suprised if I was NOT pregnant... I feel it that much.

And I am thinking twins.

there I said it.

let it be known!

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Cycle #2 CD 24 10 DPO

Hello! And welcome to my recent reality, which is nausea, nausea, and MORE nausea! :puke2:

Its to the point that I am ready to jam my finger down my throat and just puke already. I hate feeling this sick! It comes in waves, especially strong in the morning and the evenings.

so let us not beat around the bush here! In a few short minutes I am off to get money and go shopping. i WILL be peeing on a stick or two today. I will be very shocked if I see BFN. I know its early...but the way I feel tells me either I O'd early OR I am carrying 14 babies lol.

Anyhoo, stay tuned. I am ONLY going to post ont the DYSAL board if there is an undeniable line... don't want to emberass myself again!

Stay tuned!

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10 DPO MID DAY URINE HELD 3 HOURS FRER AND DOllAR TREE! Dipped from the same cup!

and a comparison... had I JUST done a cheapie... i would think I had a BFN!!!!!

I am OVER DA MOOOOON!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!! JOY AND RAPTURE!!!! Thank you LORD!

ETA!!! PLEAS PLEASE PLEASE NO FACEBOOK COMMENTS!!! PLEASE!!!!!

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!