I decided, after reading a couple of journals, that I would like to have a journal without writing involved. I am doing this for myself to keep myself from going crazy over the waiting game while TTC. My husband and I have been married 3 years and thought it was a good time to start. We were pregnant after only 5 months. I was soooo happy so was my DH in fact he didn't believe me at first! We told all our family and friends which then told me all of their horror stories. I should have known that it would be the begining of the end. After a week of being pregnant I started spotting called the doc. but the nurse told me not to worry about it. Well I knew somthing was not right and just waited for the worst to happen, what esle could I have done? Another week went by and the spotting was getting worse and was now a nice bright red I ended up going to the ER, which my husband is wonderful in almost everyway except when it comes to unexpected change or money expence, I lost the baby that day. I stopped at Mc Donalds and bawled all the way home. I was there by myself becaue everything went so fast I didn't have time to call anyone. After all was said and done my GYN/OBY found out that I am RH- which was really great concidering the ER people never checked so I had several blood test to determine if I had built up any antibodies against the baby. Thank God that I didn't. After the loss a lot of people told me that it was God's will and he has a purpose in all of this and actually I found a great comfort in that some people probably wouldn't have been comforted by in but it was nice knowing that someday I would see my little sweet child. Now back to reality after waiting 1 cycle we have started TTC again. I am really scared, I don't know if that is the right word, but whatever it is thats what I am right now. I want to be preg. so bad this month I keep praying over and over again that it would be so. I told my DH that I might cry if my cycle starts he thought I was being to melodramatic I told him that he probably will just never understand since he's a guy. Now I play the waiting game wich I might add is not one of my virtues! Ha ha I told myself that if nothing happens by the 12th then I will by a test.