nov 9 08
well my little one, it's sunday, and if af doesn't show by tues then i should be testing for you. not sure about things at this point, i don't feel pregnant but at the same time i don't feel pms either. had another dream about you last night, this time (for the first time) i dreamed about an actual baby girl, not just a faded spot where a baby would be in my arms, you had my nose and cheeks and daddy's chin (that was the premise of the dream!) i gave birth and saw the placenta and everything and then i got to hold you. usually when i try to envision holding my child there's nothing there but faded space. it woke me up with such a warm feeling, and the look on daddy's face (in the dream) was so heart warming. well when you do get here you will see for yourself the love that we have for you! just wanted to share the dream for the records! love you lots little one!
nov 10 08
alright, mommy is going nutty today. no af yet, cramps are bowel only but there, took a test and got a bfn but its still a little early, going to wait it out now, if nothing by cd 34/35 then we'll test again. it could be that daddy is right and you will play little ninja hiding in the shadows until you pop out and go surprise! in the meantime the wait is driving my nutty! i will try to occupy myself today with some housework and the baby blanket that is just for you!
i've been looking for a picture of the celestial pattern i want for your nursery and it just dawned on me, i should have a pic of the throw with the pattern i want from when i lived at todd's place!!! every so often the old noggin' kicks in! anyway, off to the day my love.
nov 12 08
well that's two tests now that say no but it still feels like they are wrong and daddy is right, you will play little ninja and just pop out when your good and ready! not much new going on, thought i'd say hey and let you know that 'you are driving me crazy!" the whole are you or aren't you is totally worn off it's appeal! got gas like mad, stomach ache is only in the morning when i wake up and after a few passes of gas and quick trip to the bathroom the ache's are all gone, tired in the afternoon for sure (nothing new for me though!) feeling really good today, can't remember if i noted or not but at one point a few days ago i could smell af coming (get that bloody sniff) but that's long gone, cramps made a brief appearance but are also long gone, i am currently cd25-13dpo and hating the dollar store tests! going to go to the clinic in a few days and see what their tests say. well bread is almost done and my mouth is watering so will say goodbye for now, love you and hopefully know your here soon!
nov 14 08
well my little darling, we test for you on monday, as for today, nipples are looking a little darker, bowels smell awful and stomach is tight and not so much crampy as pulling, by that i mean when i stand up (about once a day) it feels like my insides are pulling against the stand. at this point i am leaning 50/50 i am now cd 27 and according to FF 15 dpo which means that if you are here then you should register on the test by monday. daddy is getting a little more sure you are here and right now he is my biggest skeptic (which is good because it helps to keep me grounded) the gas is getting really annoying, wouldn't mind so much if i knew one way or the other, you will learn that mommy hates the "not knowing" part of things. when i know what something is then i can deal with it, until then all i can do is be super aware of what is happening and treat everything with kid gloves, once i know then it's easier to determine the limitations of stuff (my ankle is a prime example of this, you will probably hear all about it sometime!) in the meantime, everything is here and prep'ed for your arrival as far as telling everyone (especially daddy!) mood has been good lately, energy is slightly above normal for me, and still no sign of spotting, breasts have been sooo sore the last couple days, last night it was hard to get to sleep because of it. can't think of much else to say, i will be going for a localized surgery on the 25th to remove a bump on my leg (it's from hitting it on the patio door frame!) shouldn't be a big deal, will just have to take it really easy for a while, going to see if grandad will drive just in case. well little one i love you and hope to see (know of) you soon!
nov 16 08
well my darling, i haven't counted you out totally this month. although there have been times when i was pretty sure. so far temp went down yest. then went back up today, started 'rusting' yest. and a bit today with the odd 'scabby' (probably clots but it looks more like pieces of a scab) my chest (not boobs the actual rib cage) is sooo sore today it feels like it's bruised or something. nipples and boobs are a little sore today as well and as of yet no real cramping (although i tagged it on ff) it seems to be bowel cramps more than anything else. last night i was sure what was going on so as i fell asleep i asked for you, i asked to have you stay if you are here now, and i prayed for you to be ours now. this morning temp went back up to 36.7 which if you are for sure here, is a good sign. although with the rusting i am still not so sure unless this is late implantation or just one of those times you hear about where the woman gets her period but is still preg. i want you in our lives so bad sometimes it hurts my heart to think that it's not time yet. i know good things come to those who wait but i've been dreaming about you since i was 8, haven't i waited enough? i've been so good, all those times that i could have, and didn't, all the men that i waited through to find your daddy, and now that i have the perfect guy for us, they say patience is a virtue and sometimes i really don't feel very virtuous. i have so much love to give to you and everyday it builds. well, we'll see what happens and know that when you come, we'll be ready and waiting with open arms.
nov 17 08
I'M GOING CRAZY! alright, thinking i'm going to check out giant tiger for hpt and cancel doc appt. i feel like i hypochondriac with this spotting, three days now and i'm kind of on time for a regular cycle (except for the O temps) i'm cd 30 with a dpo of 18 according to ff and i swear i'm one good cramp away from af. there was a bit of a dip on cd 20 so i guess the temps could be wrong, i don't know the bfn's from earlier are messing with my too. i want you here so bad that maybe it was mind playing tricks with my body and i am running a normal cycle in which case the bd timing was way off (damn daddy's work schedule sometimes!) but i wasn't in the mood either. i think i'm getting a cough, had the sniffles yest and a bit of phlegm this morn. kind of queazy but it's still really early in the am. chest still hurts a bit but so far not like it did yest, feeling dizzy again (started last night). okay that's my rant for today, if your here then please just be here, no more questions, no more spotting, and show a big bfp.
nov 18 08
well looks like you're not ready for us yet. that's okay, we'll be waiting here when you are, gonna take a little break for a while so if don't write it's because i need a little normal back in my life. it's amazing how crazy things can get when you just don't know. when you're ready, so are we.
dec 1 08
well so far the de-stressing is working, i'm feeling a lot more relaxed and comfortable. wanted to check in and let you know that things here are moving along nicely, we are hoping to have a house for you by this time next year! you can thank grandad (my dad) for some vitamin top ups, very important is the folic acid (this way i can keep taking my meds and everyone is happy!) and he picked up some green tea as well, this is good for strengthening the uterus so that you will stick around! (and yes if you do your homework i stop taking it when i ovulate, then take it up again when i bleed!) everyone is waiting for you patiently, not driving me nuts about "baby" at all! no seriously though they all know that i get worked up pretty easy on this subject so the most i get is a look of questioning!. well love you lots, can't wait to know you. ttfn!
feb 16 2009
well my love it's been a while! been hiding off the boards for my own sanity, ttc can be all encompassing when you have little else to do. I am updating this today because I am going crazy with anticipation! On wed I will be going to the doctors to do blood work to see if you are here. Here's an update:
for the last two weeks, we have been nauseous, gassy, bloated, frequent urination (like every half hour!) super human sense of smell (i can smell the fish and chips place across the road), an aversion to foods (dad's favorite bistro's are now to be eaten when i'm not in the room, chicken and i aren't talking and ground beef is on my list of 'one more chancers'), my aureola's are doing weird things (they are darker on average, they keep changing size, the bigger they are the lighter and flatter they are) and they hurt on and off (tingly but painful or just pain sore), I'm not hungry unless I crave something and then I want to cry if I can't have it, and I'm sooooo tired all the time, heartburn is occasional and usually after a particularly large belch. Got a bfn on friday but with a decidual bleed i have no idea if that's normal or not, there could be the chance of there being two of you there and then that might explain the bleed but still waiting to find out. Well I'm getting tired again and daddy has to get up early so i'm going to go. love you lots and hope to know of you soon! Love Mom.
Feb 21 09
Well my little one, i grow more sure that you are here by the day, at times i am sure that i can feel you, however failing to get confirmation at this point we continue on the premise that it's all in my head! i have gotten past the nausea and now have; sore boobs, veins everywhere, outgrown my bra, outgrowing my pants, underwear that apparently has no butt anymore, super smell and weak stomach combined, become best friends with the toilet and considering buying stocks in toilet paper (i'd be rich!), my energy is coming back slowly after having slept for two weeks straight, meat and i are on an as needed basis, cheesy's like to trick me (heehee we'll let her have a few bites then we'll let her know that we are really minty! hahaha!), sugar is great but not chocolate, there appears to be a small fist in my abdomen that rolls around sometimes and finishes by jabbing a knuckle in random spots, it is probably the lack of confirmation one way or another (yes or no, don't even care anymore as long as it's definite) but i go for most of the day happy with small pockets of time when for no reason at all i want to curl up into a ball and cry, no reason, just because i can, putting my socks on now requires the knee to the shoulder instead of the chin angle, and bending over involves a squat, dishes are fine now as long as i pee first and have the option to pee at anytime during and after (i do them with the towel on my shoulder for drying as i walk), appetite has come back for the most part and all i want is pasta. well i guess that's about it for now, just wanted to update for the records! blood work was negative but will be pushing for an ultra sound when i see the doc on monday. love you lots, mom.