so yest was mother's day and by the end of the night i bawled like a stupid child. i
m almost 30, and yet again i don't get to celebrate that day. and the to top things off, daddy was supposed to come home and have some us time and he did want to do anything and then at the end of the night i read a post about a lurker getting a bfp. i'm happy for anyone that gets one and it is a cool day to find out but not something you make as a first post. it sent me off the deep end. so i think im going to try and hide out for a bit (going to aunty anna's today and really not looking forward to seeing little sammy) this week is the week and right now my emotions are all over the damned place and i don't know what to do. love you lots, mom.
wow progress is a good thing. first off daddy is earning major brownie points with everyone because of how good he is being with all the testing! he has made up for his minor verbal outburst sunday night (he felt really bad!!) and is willingly going to do his part of the tests! i have been helping aunty anna move stuff around at her place (lots of heavy moving and cleaning) so i haven't been to the pool but i have been getting quite to workout so it's all good. hopefully in june she will be helping me with this place for when i leave for a week. today should be fun, dinner and a movie! lol and some really good timing. i should be revving up to o this weekend and so i am getting a little 'friendly' with dad. the problem is that he has threatened to call the geneva convention on me if i touch him!!! he has to save the boys till thur so any contact is considered cruel and unusual punishment!!! but after that he's all mine!!! feeling much better after sunday, hopes are back where they belong and everything is sailing along doing it's own thing! love you lots, mom.
so things are going better this week. i do blood work tom, daddy did his yest and has his SA today (it really is a big thing that he is doing this without complaint!) next week i do more blood work and things may get a little hairy around here as today is daddy's last day for smoking and all. i bought the nicorette inhaler and will be starting that today (so far i haven't had one but i've only been up for an hour!) exercise hasn't really happened lately but i have been moving furniture and scrubbing over at aunty anna's so it's all good, diet has been going well, shake for breakfast, sandwich for lunch, a little snack and then something light for supper. crossing fingers and toes that i can do all this, loose weight, quit smoking and get pregnant. that's a tall order but i'm trying not to put any time limits on things and just let it happen, doing what i can along the way. okay so i opened the inhaler and it's really cool! it doesn't blow smoke or anything but you can feel that it's more than air being inhaled, one cartridge lasts 20 min and is the equivalent of 4 smokes so five minutes each and it should last a while, got 42 cartridges for 35$ (on sale) two little puffs and i feel better already! anyway we shall see how it rolls and i will kup! love always, mom!
I DID IT!!! i went a whole 24 hours without a smoke!! the inhaler is working really well and i only used one cartridge all day! i also got my first watkins stuff yesterday, i can't wait, i already have a few ppl that are waiting impatiently for me to order!! daddy isn't doing as well with the quitting thing, he didn't bite my head off or anything but was not in a good mood yest and we were supposed to bd. i am not impressed but really don't want to say much as he is doing this for me (but if we don't bd then it's wasn't the point. at least for giving up one of them!) we shall what happens. can't think straight so will end for now. miss you love you mom.
so the quitting smoking is holding as long as i am home, i can't wait till anna quits so that i can stop for total instead of being a social smoker! the inhaler is working great! watkins is going well, will be placing an order this friday!! weight loss is on hiatus but still trying to watch what i eat and stuff. daddy and i are going to a movie again today!! we saw wolverine origins last week and this week aunty anna gave us tickets to say thank you for helping her with her unpacking! have no idea what the score is this cycle. i know that it is cd 18 and that we have bd'd every two to three days for the last two weeks so timing should be good if i did o. i think that i am more laid back this month because there may be something else going on and we have to wait for all the tests to come back in. we shall see what happens, so far so good this month though, no post coital spotting at all!! that's a start, now if i can have another good length cycle (won't know what the luteal phase is) and no spotting before af (or no af at all!!!) then we can move on from there. anyways, love you lots, mom!!
hello sweety. well, i'm back on the no smoking bandwagon full force again (was only smoking at aunty anna's) and doing well enough that i don't need the inhaler much at all and don't even want one in the evenings!! we will see how well that holds up but i keep telling myself that i'm doing it for you and that really seems to help!
i am cd 30 today, so much for that great run of 28's!! but i'm pretty sure i o'd late due to all the cleaning and moving stuff at aunty's house. no big deal will test friday if af still not here. so far have almost no signs of anything, may have been an anovulatory cycle i wasn't temping. a little gas a little heartburn and some bad acne but that's about it, don't even really have any bloating this time so no idea what to think!
daddy is doing great, he quit smoking and toking and although things were a little rough!! he is doing much better and i am soo proud of him!
i started seeing the chiropractor last week. my neck is really bad, i do have a hump but it's not osteoporosis it's just the spine is sooooo out of whack. so went for xray (couldn't do lower back because you may or may not be here!) and go back today to see what the xrays show and how we will proceed. still not sure what i think of it all but daddy is paying and pushing for me to go and is so happy that his back is better that i will give it an honest attempt! at least i will have a good knowledge of who i am seeing when i am preggo's and need it for that!!!
well that's about it for now, love you lots and lots and can't wait to see you! love mom!
here i am cd 31 and not a clue as to what i am doing anymore! well okay so not entirely true but it sure feels like it sometimes! uncle mike may be coming over later today, they denied his adoption application after two years, this coming after they lost the file (it had been assumed he was notified and they closed it) so he is now waiting on the letter that explains why and then he is off to appeal (i hope he really deserves this). daddy and i are going to the bank to just pay off poppa (he's desperate and technically we can help so we are, but not for the reasons he thinks!!) and tomorrow i am taking daddy to see terminator, with aunty anna's coupons that she gave last week!
so the neck thing, saw the chiropractor yest and got to see the xrays, i now know why it hurts to swim laps, why i keep getting headaches, backaches, and all kinds of other issues! my neck has an almost total reverse curve. the vertebrae are hooking into the discs and the curve angles towards the back not the front like it's supposed to. so i will be seeing the doc once a week and starting an at home exercise program twice a day for the next 18 months to try and correct the problem and get back into better health. there is a name for this and i think it's cervical kyphosis, but i need to check with the doc. the pictures i was able to find look like my xray! will have to kup on this one, it really is noticeable now that i know what it is! it's kinda funny!
as for you, like i said cd 31 and no clue, some bloating starting but not much and harder than normal. gas and some soft stool. heartburn. nothing like what i normally see. however i was getting nauseous again when i take the prenatals and/or the b6 so i have stopped both for right now (if you are here i can start taking them again and it will be fine) diet hasn't been the greatest and i quit smoking!!! didn't have one at all on sunday, had one yest and so far so good still don't want one today (it gets bad around 11:30 so i hide!) will be testing friday i think if no af, that should put me at cd 34 which should be 13 dpo if my cm is right for ovulation (it really does mess me up now not temping and not knowing!!)
well love you lots and hope to see you soon!! love mom!
hello my darling, i know it's been awhile but things have been odd lately!
i've been helping aunty anna do a lot of stuff at her place, moving stuff and cleaning and getting her settled back into her parents. and daddy and i went to the fertility clinic and had a bunch of tests done. i also starting going to the chiropractor. so i have a bit to fill you in on, first stop the fertility results, this is copied from my ttc board post
okay so fertility follow up was this morning, i am trying to find positive stuff to focus on cause it's really not that bad...
fertility issues saved my life!
well maybe but it's a good way to look at it.
first off DH (missed a bunch but remembered the good one):
1st SA was within normal, %51 good, 25.2 million count and %9 vibratory!! we figure these are the stoner boys anyway and we want a girl!!!
2nd SA was within normal no vibrating ones and %57 good
so he's off the hook and we move on...
it is PCOS, but it looks like i am ovulating, long story short i got the impression that it's either bad eggs, bad lining or some combination, he figures i could probably get preg on my own but is concerned with the bipolar stuff, here's where i start to really like him! he has years of experience with bipolar patients and is totally on the same page with where i am right now (3 months off meds and starting to cycle)
my insulin is up (22.0) and he is concerned about diabetes, and my thyroid is off AGAIN (t4 is 27.4 and tsh is 0.03)! so baby saved my life with the whole diabetes thing as we always check glucose but have never had insulin checked before now, we are trying to avoid insulin shock! thyroid did the funky chicken a few years ago so we are going to a different specialist at the U of A this time... will see how that goes.
SO there is light at the end of the tunnel (i think)
step 1: 850 mg x2 daily metformin + 50mg clomid cd 3-7 only for 3 cycles, if not preg then iui for 2 if not then ivf
IF: step one doesn't agree with me then straight to injectables and iui then ivf if still needed
IF: bipolar becomes totally unmanageable then we will go straight iui for one then ivf if needed
so it looks like he is on the ball and has some good long term plans for me with some short term speed-it-ups if necessary, he still would like me to stay off the bp meds as long as i can as they cause conflicting issues, we shall see, thankfully i have a fantastic support team here including professionals! and at least i now know why i have been getting dizzy and hot flashes for weeks, same thing happened last time thyroid went (this time i thought it was other things as thyroid has been fine, i test once a year!) the only thing left to do now is tackle what is going to be covered and what isn't, i have special coverage with disability but it's not always clear!
chiropractor did an xray that showed i have kyphosis of the neck ( my curve is straight and trying to curve the wrong way) so we are starting a bunch of exercises and stuff that should fix it in about a year or so, so far i am thankful as it should make carrying you a little more comfortable as well!! getting that back in shape for you love!
i got to see my bff from high school today!!! her little daughter is adorable!! she also had two years of ttc issues following a miscarriage so i 100% enjoyed the whole day!! it's not nice that she had to go through that and i feel a little bad about my feelings on the subject but i also know that i have a hard time with the easy conception babies right now since you are proving a little stubborn to show up! i know the feelings will resolve and also know that those who love me get it (it helps!). on the 20 i will be going out there for week and i can't wait!!! i get to see my mom as well!!!
well it's late and i am tired so i will wrap it up here, love you lots and doing what i can! love mom!
so the metformin is now in the system and the pill case. got the dizzies something awful yesterday but i guess it's to be expected. between the thyroid causing it for the last little while and getting worse then the side effects from the metformin kicking in today will be a veg day. lay around and let everything run it's course! i have decided that i am not quitting smoking, i will continue to abstain when around daddy as he is doing well but with everything going on (quitting smoking, neck, insulin, thyroid, waiting for you, dealing with meds and funding for you, bipolar stuff, the trip coming up, cleaning the house completely before i go, plus all the daily usual stuff like budget and cooking and all that) something had to give and smoking is the easiest one that eliminates a lot of pressure and well it's really the only one i can! still using between 1-7 a day so it's not really too bad (i've smoked worse) and i can go all day on one if i' home and calm and having a good day! the plan has always been to quit when you get here, using the guilt of you in my tummy to motivate that last little bit so we will be sticking with that one and seeing what happens. that's about it for today, love you always, mom.
good morning my little one. so far so good here on the home front. metformin, although causing some diarrhea issues is otherwise sitting well. not sure what the difference was but my mood seems to be settling a little, i had a good cry and talk with aunty anna on sat and i think it helped me to realize what great support i have and that it's okay to need someone sometimes! my back i killing me. the lower back is settling out nicely with the warm-ups the chiropractor has me doing twice a day but the upper back is in so much pain, i can't wait till thursday so i can ask him to crack it again (he does this thing where he puts his fist between the shoulder blades and then uses his body weight to crack it!) we put the air conditioner in saturday as it was getting unbearable to sleep, it's better now but i am not looking forward to the living starting to heat up again, i don't enjoy living in the bedroom with the air conditioner. maybe if i can get that laptop of anna's fixed at least i will have something to do! i'm looking forward to next week, hoping that i will be kept busy enough so that i don't miss daddy too much! it's going to be a long week with fuchsia and my mom and seeing victoria again! here's hoping daddy doesn't make too much of a mess while i'm away, he has agreed to have the dishes done before i get in but i am spending the week trying to clean everything so it will be nice for him. i have the HSG tomorrow. i am not really looking forward to it but i hear that if you take the advil first and relax it's not that bad and at least it doesn't take too long. not sure when the doc will want to see me do some more blood work to monitor the metformin and my insulin levels but i think he is waiting to see what happens with the endocrinologist too. will have to kup and this stuff, there's a lot to deal with! when i told my mom she says 'oh yeah don't you remember me telling you that you are at risk for diabetes? it tends to skip a generation in our family and you are due.' thanks mom! my dad also told me that he is at risk as well, which puts me double whammy for 'at risk' really glad that we found this now before it became an issue! i am hoping that by reading this it reminds you to get checked for both blood sugar AND insulin as we never checked insulin on me and that was the problem. little things like this are what really sink home why doctors call it a 'practice' no matter how much experience they have it is always the combination of them and you that make your health care work. never hold back and always ask the questions no matter how silly or embarrassing you may think it is. never be afraid look things up or second guess a doctors decision. and ALWAYS double check your meds before you take them, the pharmacy doesn't always catch the little things (i.e. giving a diuretic to someone on lithium! this is a bad thing and if necessary needs to be monitored very carefully!)
anyways i love you and hope that i am doing all the right things for you to join us soon! (ps my 30th is coming up and you would be a great b'day present!! poas date is close enough to bday to wait!) Love mom!