well this is the 100th post in this journal! nothing exciting going on though!! i go for my HSG test this morning and the doctor will be the same one handling the rest of the fertility stuff!! so far the metformin is a good thing, mood has leveled out (nice little side effect!) and dandruff is clearing!!!!!! now if we can get the acne to settle down, the diarrhea to stop and you to show up life will be perfect!!! i think having fuchsia and the baby here last week helped daddy, he got to play with a very interactive 6 month old and see how i am with them (it's been a few years i think he needed the reminder!) cause now he's talking about being ready, no more holding back, the world is ready for his child and all that! okay so this is only a little new, he flip flops a bit depending on mood, but this is the first time he's been so positive about it all! crossing my fingers, soon soon soon! anyway, love you always, mom!
so i leave tomorrow to go see fuchsia and mom and victoria!!! there is soo much to do still, i never realized how much work i was ignoring this week! but it's all good, i left my list out and daddy made some adjustments, he will do the dishes if i cut tomato for him, things like that. i was going to go over to aunty anna's but i don't think i'm going to make it. i'm not sure if she'll be able to come over, it's getting to hot for her but i hope she is able for a little bit, it's good for her to get out too.
went to the chiropractor yest with daddy, they booked us together! and yes my back is that bad. he wants me to start the warm-ups at %50 of what i am supposed to start at because my back revolted, it went into spasms and after a couple days locked right up. daddy said he even makes surprised little faces and then disappointed faces when he's working on me because it's that bad and i've waited soo long to come in! oh well at least it's getting worked on now and should be in better shape by the time we now you are here whenever that happens) but i am looking at a solid year and a half of work, still better than surgery!
the love in this house is so great, you are a very lucky little one and your not even here yet, there are so many people that are looking forward to seeing you and parents that love each other so much and have even more love in store to share with you. sometimes i can't believe how lucky i am to have found my soul mate. he must be, things are just to perfect (perfect being flawed in good ways and better in others). anyway i just wanted to share how much daddy and i love each other and how great things are and have been for almost five years at this point! hoping to see you sooner than later, love always mom.
i know it's been a while but as i mentioned at one point i went to bc to see aunty fuchsia and grandma for a week! it was a great trip but glad to be home, daddy drove everyone nuts while i was away and it's unanimous that i am never to leave him home alone for more than three days ever again! i did however come home to a clean house and that was very nice and daddy made me breakfast so i know that he can do these things!! okay so i already knew because he good at helping out around the house but it's nice to see it!
as for me... not sure what the metformin is doing other than giving me the runs but we shall see. haven't been temping since i went away, figured it would be a nice break. but today cd 24 we have a lower temp than normal for this time (36.4) and spotting for three days now, very light mind you but it built up creamy spotting on sat. and then almost nothing yest and now today it's random! no idea what to expect this time around but if i get af then it's back on the b6 (i stopped to see what the met would do on it's own) and unfortunately it will mean picking up the clomid for next cycle but i will wait till i have an official cd1 before i call as it's $37 and i don't start it till cd3. feeling okay in general, moods are still holding steady so that's terrific. talked with therapist before i left and she cleared up a few things for me. nothing to get into just general stuff. grandma is doing really well now that we have her trying a new little treat! (i will tell you when you're older) hopefully she will be able to get her strength back and be able to hold you when we show you off. keeping in mind that this means you have to get here first (*hint hint!)
i asked daddy to watch and interesting movie yest called 'the business of being born' it's about midwifery and home birth and is a documentary by ricki lake. it shows some neat statistics on the mortality rates of woman and children in hospital vs home births and documents some home births and c-sections first hand so daddy got to see how 'messy' it is (his words not mine!!!) but he stayed up past bed time to watch it with me and is now even more adamant that he would prefer a home birth although he understands my desire to be in a birthing center in a hospital to do a midwife water birth! it's a family history thing, we have a tendency to turn at the last minute, like 36 hours after labour starts and i REALLY don't want to have to transfer while in full labour! also with my history of higher cholesterol, anemia in high school, and the insulin issues it puts me as a moderate risk for home birth, they will probably do it but a transfer plan would be a must. one way or another it will all work out! as long as your healthy is main thing. well i'm off to my day, love you lots and will kup! mom.
alright so it was brought to my attention that another lady that had her hsg this cycle is also spotting early. hadn't thought of that one as i was told it would be right away. but htis is getting annoying! looking at consistency and flow i am thinking that af is right around the corner today. not looking forward to having to get the clomid but thinking it may be a case of 'ding ding round two' for all this. at least the testing is done, we know what's going on and the only thing left unchecked is the thyroid issue. july 15 is the appt for that one and i am actually looking forward to it as the nausea and dizziness really gets annoying and the met cause more of it. anyway, will have to kup as usual as to how things progress, just really not happy about the early spotting thing. love always, mom.
well tomorrow is number 30 for me, birthday that is, and still no sign of you, BUT, i am confident that time will do it's thing when things are ready so trying to keep my head above water! lost some weight so that helps, scale shows 198 lbs after breakfast this morning so YEAH!! starting clomid tom. just have to go out today and pick it up, hoping it'll be a one time shot as it's not cheap and it's not covered but daddy says we'll do what we have to so that helps. tonight aunt anna is taking me out, no idea where but i have to dress up and not eat dinner and she will be here around 7 or 8 pm with nikki to take me somewhere, will have to fill you in tom when i know! tom i don't have anything planned so daddy and i might just have a normal day after he gets home and then sunday he is home to recover! we had thought maybe we would be doing something but at least this way he doesn't have to run off to bed at the ridiculous 8 pm that he usually does (that's what happens when you get up at 4 am for work!) well love you lots and hoping that this will be the month! love always, mom!
it seems that it is one of those months were nothing is happening and nothing is going on but at the same time i feel fractured, as if i'm being pulled in a million different directions at once. no one direction any more important than the next and none of it very important at all. i'm blaming the clomid and the weather competing with the bipolar for control of my brain which i somehow have managed to hold on to so far! the five day round of clomid is over and now we wait, and dance and wait some more. hoping that the nasty warned side effects don't hit with such a limited dosing but i have been warned that it can take up to a week after you stop taking it for them to hit, we are again waiting. the house seems to be a never ending source of work these days, just when i think that i am on top of things something else comes up. i call it practice as i know the end of this journal will hail even more demands on my time and sanity! at least that is the hope! feeling pretty good about things in general and somehow hanging on to a mostly positive attitude towards life it just seems to me that i am holding everyone and everything else up sometimes, the weight of the world is always negative as no one else wants to do it. oh well, the people in my life now are worth it and i know that they will carry me when i need them to as well. bills are maintaining nicely, chiropractor is being worked in without too much effort and hopefully the income tax gets sorted out sooner than later, i finally figured out that we needed to send in another form fo the request of an adjustment after we sent in the marriage status change (to common law) so that has been accomplished and now we wait up to six weeks to hear back before we call and complain that it hasn't been done! well okay hopefully we won't have to call but you never know! anyway, weight is holding down nicely, expect to fluctuate throughout the month but as long as it keeps shifting to under 200 i am happy! well that's about it i guess, love you always, mom!
good morning, it really is beautiful today! got to watch a really spectacular lightening show last night with big think streaks and one that looked like a stream of embers falling! after all these year watching the storms the cats have gotten to a point where it doesn't even phase them anymore, they come up to the patio window and sit beside me and watch too! so some good news from bad! went to walmart the other day and it was horrendous, too hot, no ac in the van, had sammy with me (he's currently 5) and he was great, the lines sucked and last night i discovered that i bought large undies instead of xl. so this morning i get up at 7 refreshed and feeling pretty good, my chart shows a nice set of crosshairs with two bd's in the five days prior and a slow rise pattern (36.1, 36.4, 36.5, 36.6!) so i tried on the undies just out of spite... they fit!!! sitting at 201lbs with some water weight (normal for 3dpo) and the large fit!!!!! i have discovered abba isn't as bad as it always seemed, aunty anna and daddy have worn me down! and now i can't get it out of my head! hoping to see you this month really not looking forward to having to do the clomid again, i think it did affect me and i didn't like it, now that it's gone i feel a lot better. if you decide that this is the cycle you're going to stick around then i won't have to do it any more!! hint hint!! anyway, waiting patiently and love always, mom!
well here we are at 10dpo and no clue what's going on! had a small cramp last night that felt like af was coming but once and then nothing, except the extraneous amounts of cm that seem to have been none stop since o and getting clearer and more of it and still in that creamy texture, hmm? not sure what to make of that! still no bloated physically but i keep looking down cause it sure feels like it! boobs are doing the usual intermittent sore/achey/stabby feeling and sometimes if daddy catches one it hurts. aureola is doing a new color, a reddish brown when large and an even darker brown than normal when small and although i don't think they are actually any larger they feel like they are a little swollen (if that makes sense!) lower back has been aching for a couple days now and nausea seems to hit whenever it feels like, mostly at night though daddy is being good about my stuff, not sleeping and low energy and achey all over but he's in luck as aunty anna needs my help before her mom comes home so i'm not around much right now. i think it works nice cause she is much more tolerant of my 'baby fever' than daddy is sometimes!!! my back is doing nicely, should be in good shape by the time you are here and decide to wreak havoc on my posture! will be paying the wellness plan for it as soon as possible and starting with a payment plan so there shouldn't be any issues with not being able to go when you are closer to arrival, which is a nice weight off my shoulders. income tax should be here in another few weeks and then we can get things rolling around here, need a new bed and some bills need looking after and of course and as always, the house! would like to have a new house for you before you actually get here but will settle for one before you can walk! should know either way about your arrival by friday at the latest, have one test left and then i call for an appt to confirm before i think about telling anyone but dad. crossing fingers and trying not to freak out over this cycle! love you lots, mom!
well it's still up in the air, symptoms could be either way, need to relearn what my body does with the luteal phase with met and clomid doing their thing. although no cramping or anything like that yet i did get a whiff of 'that smell' this am. it's the one that i know means there is blood on the horizon although this am it was a little different and maybe, just maybe it is only spotting! wishful thinking! anyway, lower back is aching still (muscles not spine for a change!) and still not sleeping well, boobs are sore in the morning when i first get up (and this morning they were huge with huge aureola's that were REALLY dark, daddy's eyes bugged out when he saw them!! nausea and dizzy's come in waves together so it could just be from the thyroid, should know more about that in about two weeks (appt is on aug 12) aunty anna is even getting a weird vibe from me this cycle! she joked yest that she is supposed to be the one keeping me in check and playing devil's advocate to mellow the fever but she can't help but be excited so she is crossing fingers and trying to stay calm too! you seriously have so much love waiting for you here and yet you're not even with us yet! you lucky little brat!!! i say that with all the love of a mother and therefore i'm allowed! well will KUP as usual, hope to see you soon (or at least the poas that says you're here!) love always, mom!
well it seems that we are moving on to the preg journal!!! clear blue easy this am after 14 cycles, two with metformin and one with clomid!!!