well here we are again, cd 21 - 6 dpo and crossing are fingers! at this point have no idea what to think so i am trying not too, but man tv sucks lately. every show i watch has baby/pregnancy in it, i'm talking friends, family guy, dad was watching beast master this morning and there was a baby, it's getting ridiculous! getting pregnant this cycle wouldn't be my first choice for a due date but then again i'll take whenever you're ready to show up! i'd be set for dec 14, sharing a time frame with fuchsia and michelle's little ones, but really not a bad time. you'd be far enough away from christmas to have two separate days, but at the same time close enough to be thought of when christmas shopping and getting all the sale prices, so yeah! and with the weather around here hopefully not too cold when we bring you home and old enough to withstand the deep winter temps when we take you out. thankfully i've been keeping pretty busy with shopping (today should be the last day of it for a while!) and stuff around the house and going out with aunt anna (who is doing great these days, i'm so proud of her!) that i haven't really had time to think too much about stuff, but still wishing on a star each night and thinking happy thoughts and all that good stuff. waiting (im)patiently for your arrival, love Mom.
WOOHOO!! that's all the shopping done, all the bills paid till at least then end of april, money in the savings account, new mouse and keyboard (the new mac keyboards are so flat it's gonna take a while to get used to!) the only thing i forgot was ink for the poor printer, i'm gonna have to use a whole cartridge set just to clean it looked at the chart his morning and wow! it looks neat, got a huge temp spike this am (37.2 c) don't know what that means yet if anything but will be watching it, triphasic in the obvious realm? we shall see. so far nothing really in the way of symptoms (a little odd at 7 dpo) usually have some by now for af, boobs starting to get sore that sort of thing, so far yest. was a gassy day (had lower end gases the day before, upper yest.!) lower back is a little tender and nipples are letting me know they are there and not happy about rubbing on the shirt, but nothing really strong so still waiting. as predicted with the sleep schedule cycling again i am hitting a drop in energy and increase in fatigue. after almost two weeks of not sleeping i am starting to sleep better, thankfully the shopping and stuff is done (okay i need to get veggies and pay rent but it's all a five min walk away) so i should be good to sleep a bit more the next week and maybe get on warcraft. wanted to yest. but ended up out with granddad instead! daddy is so happy at the house right now, all bills paid, kitchen FULL (i made him a map to the deep freeze!) and some money in the savings!! plus a good five cheque month for april so everything is sitting soooo pretty right now! stress release is great! well crossing fingers, wishing on stars and secretly hoping that you want to come to us this cycle, lots of love always, Mom.
good morning my sweetheart! well apparently i am still cycling the not sleeping stage but that's okay, there's nothing really going on right now that requires my attention, little dishes, put the clean laundry away (but at least it's clean) aunty anna is sick with a bad head cold, i am so proud of her for not letting it rule her last week, now she has earned some serious down time for it! she has come a long way on the road to recovery lately, it feels good to see her up and alive! daddy's finger is finally almost all better! grandma's cross stitch is almost done, should be another week or so if i putter with it. granddad's jeff foxworthy movies came in yest. so they are here for his b'day dinner on friday (it's actually thursday but helen gets paid friday) daddy and i are as strong as ever, we are both feeling soo good with the current situation financially that it's hard not to be strong. i am slowly getting used to the new keyboard, but daddy hates the new mouse! he can't left and right click at the same time in warcraft so he still uses the old one (it wasn't really broken, just cuts out from time to time and has to be plugged in again) in light of the recent situation with daddy's mom (you may get to know her as mamma [ukrainian] ) we have decided that she will be allowed to get to know you, she is an evil woman, but in light of the fact that she's dying she has mellowed a lot! we figure that she won't be around long enough to corrupt you (remember you know mommy, i don't take this stuff lightly, she is a bad person, but still family) so the sooner you show the more chance there will be of you at least getting to see her before she goes. i love you and your still just a twinkle in my eye! can't wait to meet you, love always, Mom.
ps a little something i wanted to share about friends
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.
so i am having a happy to hibernate day! this is never a good day to go anywhere you might run into kids if you don't like jokes! daddy is at a chiropractor appt. so i have the house to myself for a bit (it's wed so his day off) i noticed that in all the excitement i forgot to tell you that we got a fertility clinic appt! May 7 (usually an 11 month wait) I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I HAD ONE and they called to confirm! yeah for the doc! this morning so far so good no spotting and it's 9 dpo! cd 24, temps still up at 36.8 this am. some mild cramping, possibly bowel (that time of month for it) as i had a bm shortly after they stopped. crossing fingers and toes that the b6 is working and that we are having a nice long lp for you. really would love for you to show up this cycle! it has the added bonus of not having to go camping with the boys in nov as it's really cold and i'm NOT sleeping on the ground at 8 months preg! if daddy wants me to go he will have to rent an rv! also had a dream the other day where you decided water birth at a center wasn't natural enough and came early while we were camping! yeah, don't much more natural than in the middle of the bush beside a campfire using the hunting scale to weigh you! i've been pretty good about not talking about you a whole bunch so i haven't gotten on anyones nerves yet this month! crossing everything for your arrival this cycle, love always Mom!
Happy Birthday to granddad! he's 60 today, we are going out to dinner tom. and his movies came in yest. (Jeff Foxworthy the Incomplete Deer Hunter trilogy!) he should like it! Temp is still holding but started spotting last night (last pee so i didn't tag it until today) we are cd 25 and 10dpo so i am guessing that the b6 is working (been spotting by 7/8 dpo) so this is an improvement, not bad for the first month, will continue and see what happens. not getting upset about spotting at this point, had some mild cramping yest. so spotting could be implantation (not holding my breathe) but i will not be surprised if it continues and turns into af, will KUP. daddy is starting to understand the chart! not that he wants to admit it! he was looking at it this morning and commenting on the spike the other day. he really is cute! well that's about all, was feeling pretty crappy yest. slept off and on the whole day, dizzy and weak. feeling better today though. love you lots, will kup, Mom.
BODY IS PISSING ME OFF well as i'm sure you can tell i am still spotting today, implant should have stopped by now so it's the other one... what the hell is wrong with me, why is everything so messed up, i was such a good girl, i had plenty of opportunity to 'oops' you into my life bfore bt NO i waited, waited for mister right not mister right now, waited for life to be good and loving and special and that you would be wanted by all parties involved and this is how i get thanked. with nothing but a big fat slap in the face every damn month. well, u/s is on the 13, and got the fertility clinic next month so we will see what the hell is going on but in the meantime, im pissed.
okay well i'm feeling better now (a little) finished reading twilight, ordered the other three from the library, going to dinner tonight with my dad, for my dad. spotting is weird today. almost looks like i might bleed today. rusty ew looking stuff so far, which is kinda new, hoping to have a normal bleed for a change (lately has been none existent). weirdest thing this month has been the hot feet, sweaty and almost burning hot at times especially at night. ordered my own copies of tacking charge of your fertility and wise woman herbal for the childbearing year yest. should be in around the 16 now all i have to do is get my hands on the supplies, asked dad to ask the medicine man when he talks to him next if he has any ideas (they don't really use red clover blossom or raspberry leaf so he doesn't know if they can help) will have to start searching, maybe i can find an online supplier that is good. nathan is happy about the fertility clinic appt. maybe we can finally get some answers to why things have been weird and why it's been this long with so many 'close ones' still really hoping that it's nothing major and it's easy to fix, will be asking about natural remedies before we go chemical, regardless i still have to be careful, some things can trigger the bipolar or make things worse, but being off the meds opens up some great options. love you lots, mom.
okay so still spotting, ew part seems to have gone away though and now back to regular old, old stuff! thinking that maybe b6 is not working so well, thought that spotting was happening on 8dpo but upon further inspection seems to be 10dpo across the board? once af starts think i will stop taking it as lab results have said it was fine (by what standard and timeline though was my question) and try the herbal infusion in wise woman herbal for the childbearing year. red clover blossom and raspberry leaf with a little peppermint. hopefully i can get my hands on some supplies (no luck yet) and things will happen, i would love to have to cancel the fertility clinic but i doubt that is going to happen now, with this spotting it's looking like af by tonight or tom (no cramping yet but that tends to hit right before) and then timing would be off for the may 7 appt.
had dinner for my dad last night at outback steakhouse. alice springs chicken Mmmm... bacon, sautéed mushrooms, cheddar, and monteray jack over grilled seasoned chicken breast mmmmm! got a cheesecake for take home dessert, will snack on that sometime today! he LOVED his movies that we got him, has seen bits before on tv and couldn't wait to get home to watch them! plus since we missed step moms bday (sent a card woohoo) daddy decided to pay the whole bill instead of going halfers like we planned! they were both very happy! good news on dad's job front, he should have been docked some money from the safety bonus because he missed a day but they gave him the whole amount anyway! they give gift cards and we shop there for groc so it always works out well for us! it was almost a whole shopping budget for next week! unfortunately he went to bed with a full stomache and didn't sleep well so i am hiding on the computer now from his tired mood! have one last little shop to do today (ink and tp!) and then it's all back to normal, full stocks on everything, so as long as we can keep it up this time we are soooo ready for you! i'm beyond ready for you, my heart aches and my head hurts thinking about the why's. haven't hit the 'why me' phase yet though so that's a good thing, just why. anyway, love lots, Mom.
spotting on the decline, some mild cramps (feels like when you eat too much) absolutely nothing showing with first morning pee? if pattern hold to this nothing or nothing much then i will test tom morn. i am now cd 28 and 13 dpo, not holding breathe but def. working on crossing fingers! hoping today's temp dip is a good thing! implant spot then temp dip? i have no idea will have to wait and see how things turn out. not getting excited but trying to do some visualization exercises, i really really really want this to be it but also really don't want to jinx the whole thing. i finally got the herbs i need for the infusion, the mall up the road has them, and granddad gave me some jars, now it's a case of waiting on full bleed or late preg before i can take anything! maybe make some peppermint tea later though as i can have that and i promised myself last night that if this is it then there will be no more spotting and if there's no more spotting then i will cut back the smokes more, and lay off the coffee (usually have one or two cups in the am only) finally got a step stool yest, (been looking for a two step and the stores are always out!) and some ink for the printer so life is good, the last of the 'catch up' shopping is done! well think that's it for now, will KUP love always, Mom.
ETA: showed up at 8:30am one cramp and there it was. new cycle, new day, new attempt at something, going to start the tea infusion now. crossing fingers, here we go again.
So i have a period! a full blown, with clots and everything bright red period! first one in a while that's been normal, so the b6 didn't stop the early spotting But no pms and a normal flow is def. a great start! the raspberry leaf and red clover w/peppermint is really yummy, just add level teaspoon sugar to cup and Mmmmm, usually i'm a three sugar two cream kinda gal! be it coffee or tea! mood is holding pretty good, have odd moments but the bipolar seems to be holding off for the time being, getting lots of positive reinforcement, lots of random 'i love you' 's from daddy and aunty anna. thinking we should be okay for a little while longer here, tends to take three to four months. so today it dawned on me that we have a jar of half-caff coffee in the cupboard so will be switching to that, continuing to lay off the smokes (holding at nine a day in an 18 hour period) and sub one of the two cups of coffee for the tea. so one cup half-caff to stave off the migraine later and one cup tea in am then another tea around dinner. think positive thoughts, here we go again! lots of love, Mom.