A long and complicated journey--hopefully to baby 2
I don't even really know where to start this. Seven years ago--my husband and I started trying to have a baby. After a year of frustration--we did the "infertility" workup. I have to put that in quotations--because it isn't really infertility--more like subfertility. If I am truly infertile--that would mean it is impossible to conceive, right? IE--inable-means NOT able, inappropriate-not appropriate. Anywho--I had 3 IUIs with clomid with no luck. Then, my OB did an HSG--where they inject dye into your tubes and take X-rays. I had a blockage on the left side that was flushed out. Ten days later--I had an IUI--and 2 weeks after that--an amazing BFP. My daughter was born in January of 06.
We never really used any prevention after she was born. After her first birthday--we started to seriously try on our own for a while. Then, we went back to clomid and IUIs. After just 2 cycles--I had another BFP and was thrilled. Unfortunately--at 8 weeks--I had a miscarriage. It was the most horrible thing that ever happened to me. It began on September 11th--making a terrible day even more terrible. We had 2 more IUIs and then took a break. We had 2 more later--and a break. Last spring--4 more IUIs. My doctor wanted to do a repeat HSG--we even had it scheduled--but my insurance company said that I couldn't have a second one. You only get one per lifetime. (which makes me wonder--if I get cancer, will I only be allowed chemo once--even if it comes back later? Insurance policies make no sense when it comes to infertility) After awhile--my OB talked me into a laparoscopy where he could "blow out" my tubes during the procedure.
That was yesterday. He said that I had some endometreosis--and that my right tube was clogged, but he blew it out. I will meet with him soon to go over everything. I don't really have any answers right now. I have stitches in my bellybutton and just above my pubic line. (and the only bandaids that are in my house are Hello Kitty--so imagine how ridiculous that looks at my hairline...) I also have a really sore shoulder--yikes--that is the worst part about it! It hurts more than the incision site or anything in my pelvis. Plus, I am super bloated--and feel like I am about 4 months pregnant because of the bloatedness.
I want to start this journal--because I need an outlet. Even if nobody ever reads it--I just need to get some of my thoughts out. My mom is amazing--and so is my husband. I talk to my friends a bit--but these are ladies who have had 3 kids in 4 years and 2 kids in 2 years--so as sympathetic and empathetic as they are--they can't really get it.
I just am at a place of the unknown--it's such a weird place right now. I'm also a big fan of adoption--and would love to adopt a child of color and have a multi-racial family. But I also long to be pregnant again--and go through all the changes that go with it. I'm just really conflicted.
I'm also starting to feel so old! I'm 34--and a friend from high school/college just posted pictures of her first GRANDCHILD on facebook. That is freaking me out. I'm trying to have a baby--and she has a grandchild. It's crazy.
We'll see what happens from here--my infertility place suggested IVF--but my insurance doesn't cover it--and we can't afford it. So I am curious to see where we go from here.
And here is a sidenote--I haven't read enough of the health care bill to have an opinion on it--but so many people say, "I don't want bureaucrats in Washington making health care decisions for me!" But my response to that is--who is making your health care decisions now? My doctor had to do a more expensive surgical procedure because my insurance company wouldn't pay for the procedure he wanted to perform. Would Washington bureaucrats be any worse than insurance company bureaucrats? Just wondering...
I will post as soon as I know anything. I've got a kid in the tub--and I don't think I can get out of cooking 2 nights in a row--stitches or not!