I'm an emotional freak show today--so I am fairly certain AF will show up right on time tomorrow. I had a slight glimmer of hope that I wouldn't have to go back in for IUIs, but that's just me being wishful.
Blah--I'm in a terrible mood right now--so I will keep the whining to a minimum!
I think I counted wrong and AF is actually due today--sunday. She hasn't shown yet--but she's coming. Soooo.....I have to make the dreaded call to schedule all my foolishness. Blah. Every one that I work with for infertility is really sweet and wonderful--but I really do hate calling them.
Vannah told my mom she has a fat bootie today. Wow.
I don't have a clue what is up with my body right now--today is CD 29, and no sign of AF at all yet. I am so crampy and have been since Friday. I am trying so so so so hard not to get my hopes up. It's good if it doesn't show until tomorrow--that would put my IUI during winter break so I won't have to take off. I keep going to the bathroom waiting for AF, but nothing yet. But I don't see how I could be this crampy and bloated without AF coming.
So---waiting sucks--we'll see what's going on in 24 hours. Most likely I will be full flow by then.
GAHHHHH---I hate waiting.
Okay--AF came the other day. So today is CD 3. I am starting clomid today--my favorite, so I know I will have a splitting headache all weekend. I'm just hoping and hoping and hoping that this is the last time we do this. That would be the most amazing Christmas gift ever.
I love Christmas--but all the hoopla beforehand is crazy! Work parties, one of my friends is having a party, it's all so crazy. I am skipping all of it this weekend and taking Vann to see the Princess and the Frog and maybe to the zoo for Wild Lights. I feel like I am being a jerk--but oh well, I want to spend time with my daughter, not ditch her off with a babysitter so I can hang out with my friends and coworkers.
So---that's my big plan this weekend.
Okay--I made it through the clomid headaches and wacky hormones--I hate being on the verge of tears for ridiculous things. Saturday is my US to peek at my follicles--I am hoping for 2 biggies--but we'll see. Usually on my first round of clomid, I only have one. This is a crazy busy week--so it has kept my mind off things somewhat. Tomorrow is my last day before break--then I will have 17 days off! That will be my entire 2 week wait--so I am sure I will be all neurotic about it. I will update soon!
Here's a prayer sent by a friend that I like:
Father God, Thank You for always being there for me no matter what I face. I know You will never fail me, even in my most intense trials. I have not always understood why I was going through certain things; however, I do not have to understand, because You are God and You are in control, in spite of my lack of understanding. I know that all You require of me is to trust You, and look to You in faith and You will come and save me, and bring me an answer. You always have, and You always will, because You are faithful. You never fail any of us who look to You. I have failed You, Lord, by my doubt and unbelief at times, but You have never failed me. Lord, please remove all the sorrow and grief I feel. Heal this pain I feel in my heart and help me to trust You more. Fill this empty place in my heart with more of Your Spirit. I ask this in Your name. Amen."
Okay--so my ultrasound was Saturday---I had 2 big follies and 1 small one. (28, 22, and 1 She wanted to do a double IUI since everything is cleaned out right now--so yesterday I had my first one, and this morning I am going back in for a second. We have never done a double before----I just am hoping and praying so hard right now that it works!! I had "amazing" mucous, she said. Steve's sample was about what it usually is--when it is awful, she tells me. I'm trying so hard not to completely freak out about it right now. I lay in bed at night trying to physically will my little eggs down to the tube... All 3 eggs were on my right side--which makes me really glad to have had the lapro, because that was the clogged tube.
I will update with more soon--I have to get ready to go!
Had my IUI this morning. She said that the sample wasn't great--his volume was low. Probably the cold we all have. Craptastic. She did the IUI anyway, she said that she was able to get 30% of them moving and "it only takes one." That's what she always says when it looks terrible. But, yesterday's was "good" for him, so I am still keeping my fingers crossed. I didn't cry this time, or yesterday, but it caught up with me driving home. I just feel like enough is enough--it shouldn't be THIS hard. There are actually people who accidentally conceive children....although that is a completely foreign concept to me. Just please, please let this be the end of this journey....I keep reciting to myself, "everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end..."
So, I will be trying to occupy my mind with Christmas. I need to get my cards mailed, and start wrapping the pile.
please, please, please, please, pretty pretty please...
Yesterday I thought I would "be good" and walk with the stroller to the post office instead of driving. Get some fresh air, get some exercise, avoid polluting...On the way back, I tripped over the back tire of the stroller. Now, I actually do this a lot, I take too big of strides, but I just got some new stabilizing shoes because I have high arches and tend to roll my ankles. What sucks about stabilizing shoes is that if you roll over the edge of them, you REALLY roll. My left foot rolled, so I threw my weight to the right. Unfortunately, I overshot, and rolled my right foot--so I let myself fall this time. I sat there assessing the situation for a minute--and my left ankle was better. (I should have just let myself fall...) My right ankle was hurting a lot--to the point that I wasn't sure I would be able to walk on it. Vannah says, "come on, mommy, let's go fast again!" I said, "mommy's hurt, we have to wait a minute." "OH, did you scrape your knee?" I'm sitting there at the top of the hill and can see my house. It's the first time I have EVER gone for a walk without my cell phone. Nobody was outside, no cars drove past. Finally, I figured that I would have to get up and could try to lean on the stroller. Once I started moving, it loosened up a little, or I just got used to the pain, but we made it home. The stability shoes are really great now--I can barely put weight on it without them.
I went to Walgreen's to buy and ankle wrap and stopped by MILs house on the way back. (they live on the same street--it's special) She asked why I was limping, and I told her I sprained my ankle. She saw it, and told me to go to urgent care because it was all blue and that meant I did some serious damage. So I went, they x-rayed, it is just a severe sprain.
Dumb me--went to Best Buy with Vannah last night and finished up wrapping presents and everything I would have usually done. It wasn't hurting that bad, but it was swollen like a baseball. (I'll have to upload a picture--I'm not even exagerating) This morning--SUCKED. It hurts SO much more today. I don't think all the walking on it helped.
I've been trying to stay parked in one spot today, but I still have stuff to do, laundry, put dishes away, and HAVE to go to the grocery store. Stinks.
Actually, I have decided this is all a big karmic slap to the face because my brother broke his ankle on Saturday night and I was totally making fun of him about being on crutches at Christmas. Me and my big mouth!
Had a long infertility discussion with the nurse practioner that saw me--her son and daughter and law are going through secondary too, and she was asking me all kinds of questions.
I've gotta get vann dressed and limp off to the store!