Haven't been on my computer much with the holiday craziness. Steve got me a WII for Christmas--my ankle is doing a lot better, so I have been finding games that I can play that aren't too excruciating. I am so glad that I bought that brace--it has been a lifesaver.
Christmas was fun--nothing too crazy went on. Savannah was thirlled everytime she got a present and would start screaming.
Went to my SIL's for my nephew's birthday last night. After we were there for an hour, my six month old neice starts vomitting. Becky, my SIL says, "oh, we meant to call you, she has been throwing up on and off all day, and she ran a fever this morning--around 100, but it went away with tylenol. She's just teething, and we knew you would still come, so we didn't call."
..........really? This is the same SIL that brought my nephew to family stuff when he had rotovirus and Savannah got it and was lactose intolerant for SIX MONTHS as her digestive system repaired itself. I told her, "well, we're already exposed to whatever it is..." During dinner, she threw up 2 more times everywhere. Becky cleaned her up, and then put her in her crib, shut the door, and came out to eat dinner. She didn't even have a monitor with her. My MIL asked, "where's Hazel?" and she told her, "she needs to rest." I can't even believe her sometimes--your baby is really sick and needs some love, and you plop her down where you can't see or hear her, shut the door and come to eat dinner. Unreal.
They continued to insist that she is just teething. Newsflash--teething doesn't cause you to vomit violently 7 times in one day. They use a forhead scan thermometer--which I have too--and it is 1-2 degrees on the low side--so her "around 100" is definately more like 101 or 102. Teething doesn't cause that high of a fever. After dinner, my MIL went and got her and was cuddling her and rocking her. Her whole face was flush, her eyelids were droopy, and she was just totally miserable. Becky says, "Hazel, you're lucky Grandma is here, because you wouldn't be getting held this much if she wasn't here, sick or not! haha"
I just want to slap her sometimes. Your baby is sick, that should be your number 1 priority. She should have cancelled the birthday party. Thanks for having us over to your house with your sick baby, where there are sick germs, to eat food that you cooked when your sick baby has been peuking on you all day. Really thoughtful. She just blows my mind.
My mom was asking how I "feel" yesterday. I don't know--my boobs are sore, but they always get sore a week before. I am back and forth on being hopeful and thinking no way. Nothing to do but wait, really.
I need to go sort toys. My favorite--yikes.
Vann and I went to target today. We passed the baby stuff and she said, "Maybe we'll get a baby in our family someday. But we just have to wait for God to give one to us."
It kind of made me tear up...
Ughhhhh--this has been like an anti-break for me. I have been cleaning rooms from top to bottom--Vannah's room on Monday, ours yesterday. It's so nice when it's done, but the moving out of furniture and then back in is killing me. Then I have to hike containers up into the loft-my ankle was protesting it all today. Tomorrow I am doing the office and taking down the tree. Then, I am plopping my bootie down for a few days of rest!
I've got to start thinking about Vanntastic's birthday party. She wants it at Chuck E Cheese.
Steve built Vann a big girl bed, and it was finally finished today. I took her crib apart--and couldn't stop crying. I had to ask him for an allen wrench--and he thought I was crazy for crying. #1--I can't believe she is so big--I can't believe how fast she is growing up. #2--I thought there would be a baby in the crib by now. Still waiting....
Went on a little trip to Branson for New Years--not sure if AF will show tomorrow or not. I hope not--but I have been really crampy. I really don't know. We were throwing pennies in a wishing pond, and I asked vann what she wished for. "A baby, Jesus will give us one in two days." I want to know where she gets her info, and if it's accurate.
CD 28--I will either love or hate this day. I refuse to test until AF is late--so if she doesn't show today, I will consider testing tomorrow. No sign yet, but it is early. I have to go in to work for a while today--hopefully that will distract me a little, but most likely I will be obsessing about this all day. I want to be pregnant and have a healthy baby SO bad, but I am SO tired of doing all of this. The idea of calling and scheduling another round of meds and IUI just makes me want to cry. I'm just hoping and praying that this is it.
My period started this morning. I cried a lot. I had my hopes way too high this cycle. I think I had it in my head that this was the last one, that it would work. I am wondering if I will ever get pregnant again. It makes me so sad to think that I might not ever be again. I wish I would have relished ever moment during Vannah's--taken way more pictures, videoed her moving--just documented it way more. Ignorance is bliss, right? I just feel like I don't know what I am supposed to do. I don't understand why this has to be so hard--we are good people, we have a good family, why is this so complicated for us?
It's just a really bad day for me. I might wait to call about scheduling for next cycle because I think I will end up being too upset to call during my break time at school. I've got to suck it up now and get ready to go.
On with the show--I am doing fine now at school--busy, busy, busy. Sometimes you just have to put on your game face, right? I'm still not calling until later because I am not full flow yet--just brown stuff. I think earlier I was sad, now I am just mad. It's all so unbelievably aggravating!!
Everything is scheduled for next CD 12. I am working through my first day of Clomid headache. CD 3-7 I am on it. I'm feeling really discouraged about the whole process. I'm just so tired of it--seriously--7 years of this foolishness. I just want to be past all of this.
I've been really down about all this lately. Near tears a lot. My mom keeps telling me that she thinks my SIL is pregnant--I think she is worried about my reaction. I just want to go to bed and not think about it.