Seems like a fitting title. My dh and I had worked so hard to convince everyone else that we only wanted Emily and had no desire to have another. I personally knew I was lying about it to everyone, including myself. But I never imagined that he was lying as well!
So low and behold the cat came out of his bag, then mine, then Emily's and together as a family we have decided to slowly enter the wonderful world of modern medicine~as we step gently into in-vitro fertilization.
Here is to praying for a miracle! And to the start of a journal I never thought I would have!
Last night was so much fun. Mom begged us not to tell Dad but everyone else that knows thought it would be better if he knew. First because he would get his feelings hurt if everyone knew but him and secondly because when the day (hopefully) comes to announce we are pregnant he would totally freak out with worry. We wanted to make sure that he knew that we went through all the testing and doctors consultations and have all of my specialists, especially the transplant team's, best wishes to go forward with this.
So who would tell Daddy. I begged dh to but he was a little scared. So the guys were upstairs in the man room after dinner watching football. My sister and best friend, Diana, told me I had to go up there and tell Daddy and couldn't come out until I did. Then they sent my sister up there to guard the door. I finally told him. He was very excited once I explained it would be okay for me. Then since the man room is Em's old room and she has the downstairs two bedrooms to herself now, Daddy turned to Chris and said "this doesn't mean we are going to loose our hangout to a nursery now does it". Chris quickly replied "nope, your grandaughter is loosing her den". Dad said "phew, good deal because we need our escape especially if there is going to be another baby or two", :rofl: Too cute!
Dh also held a baby for the first time ever last night! Diana and her dh, Greg, have an almost 2 month old son that I got to witness enter the world. They also have a dd 18 months older (and a whole foot taller) than Em. Big Greg handed baby Greg to Chris when C was off guard. The pictures are priceless and now C can't wait to hold him again! Here are a couple of pictures of my dh's first infant handling experience, and to make it even better baby G was so sleepy and fussy!
Enjoy, because we all have!
As it stands right now we are only telling the closest of our couple friends (which includes dh's cousin and wife) and my entire family. We don't feel like sharing with his mother and father or his brother and sister in law because they would just wear us out the entire time. If some of you remember his mother has been hounding me about having "his" baby since we've been together and refers to Em as her "stepgrandaughter" like she is some second hand kid, and that in itself pisses C off because he IS her father! Not to mention how after the transplant she kept on and on about "maybe you can get your tubes untied and have a baby". So no need for undue stress at the moment. I told dh we rarely see them (even though they live 20 minutes away and next to dh's cousin we are friends with) and that maybe we could just call one day and be like "hey, we just had a baby" :rofl:
How funny that people who can't pick up the phone to call you say, um ever, seem to check your family website everyday. And how they can get so much out of so little. So needless to say the ttc cat is out of the bag! Oh well, atleast said person doesn't know the in laws, lol. But I'm willing to bet she suddenly turns up pregnant, even after they swore off another, just that type of couple to "out do" everyone around them.
I did something today I never thought I would do. I registered Em for the local public school, at her request. I am so nervous, she is so excited. She has decided to start after Christmas break. This is something she has asked for the past two years. It will allow her the opportunity to go to LA more often for classes because our county has the 8 weeks on 2 weeks off school year.
She is so excited about her school clothes, too. I mean sure they have a strict dress code of solid polos that they can choose to wear a solid hoodie or sweater over and non torn or decorated jeans and khakis, but come on the kid has sported a plaid skirt and nasty old "bucks" for 7 years now! And she can wear jewelry and makeup! I actually shopped online for everything today and think I have enough for this year and the beginning of next year.
So, that is one thing that has been used to pass my time until my appointment with the best specialist in TN on December 19th. Oh, and I finished all my Christmas shopping today, all online (gotta love it) except the Hallmark ornaments. Now what in the hell am I going to do until the 19th to keep from going crazy with anxiousness and nervousness?
Oh how I wish we could just get on with it all already.
Wow, I will do anything to pass the time until we can truely get started.
Friday Chris was off so he joined me at the hematologist for my final visit. She, too, had nothing but good things to say about our choice to do ivf. After that we rode past the construction site for the dealership then went to lunch. After lunch I asked to go to Porter Paints and of course, we did. I got paint for our bedroom-anything to pass the time. I painted our olive green walls a lovely shade of silver-gray with a beautiful blue accent wall. I also did the bathroom with a few accent walls of the blue-above the tub and shower, the entire outside of the "potty closet" and the wall across from the door in the "potty closet". It looks so pretty. Tomorrow I will get new curtains. All I could think of the whole time was how lovely a cradle would look in our newly painted room. Dh said if we were to be blessed with twins I could have a craddle on my side and he would take one on his.
I just really pray to God for just one more miracle in our life! The kidney was truely a miracle and we feel that for all of the bad luck and suffering we have been through if we could just have this one more blessing of joy, we would never want for another thing again.
I have got to stop shopping. I ended up at Pier 1 yesterday and bought green toned cushions and pillows for the two accent chairs in the den. Now I will have two sets to change out. It does look nice with the green and the Christmas decorations. I have baby G right now, he is napping. He is so precious. When he saw me this morning he started to laugh and kick his feet with excitement. He really brings about a joy in all of us that is unexplainable.
Chris and I finished reading the Couples Guide to IVF. What a great book. He is getting a little nervous about giving me shots but that is only because he knows that I am really good at administering IM injections and that I can spend a whole day doing just that because I get requested to start iv's and give IMs by patients. Because it doesn't "hurt" when I do it. I told him no pressure I don't care if it hurts like hell as long as it gets done.
It is so interesting how dreams for the future can change overnight. When I finished my schooling I wanted one position at one hospital. Of course without years of experience the chances were slim that I would get it, hence my work for DCI and Donor Services. Well low and behold, I received a call this morning about said position. I explained that it wouldn't be fair for me at this point to accept an interview because we were in the early stages of beginning in-vitro.
I called dh, shed a few tears while telling him, but not tears of sorrow, tears of joy. I just never thought that would have been an interview I would have ever turned down. But doing so, for this reason, was the best feeling I have had in a long time.
I was having such a wonderful day today. We all went to Em's special liturgy at Church, her last one ever as today was her last day in Catholic school. She was a bit weepy in mass, when I saw her tears I lost it. Thank God Diana was in the cry room with Greg because I was able to run away and have someone to cry with. When I picked her up at 10 she was bawling. She said she did okay until the teacher made the announcement and everyone started hugging her and crying, then she said she lost it. But she did tell them all that she was excited to make the change but just a little scared. After school we did some retail therapy and when we got home she FINALLY cleaned out her wardrobe including her shoes.
Sadly, I lost a friend today. I found out about 30 minutes after it happened. Irene was killed in a car accident on her way to work, mom and I are devestated as we loved her so much. She had just had her iud removed and her and mom would pray everyday for us to both have our babies together. She made such a beautiful bracelet for Mol for her bday and was going to make Em one for her bday in Jan as well. I am devestated for her son, husband, mother, sister and most of all her brother, who was riding into work with her and is in very bad shape. Please if you are reading this and pray, say a little prayer for my friend and her family. If there was ever a person who was genuine, it was Irene.
I am so damn down today. I guess with the mass today and all I just can't help but think of everything else.
We want another child or two so badly. We have everything to offer another child and then some. I am just so scared that ivf won't work and we will be empty nesters at such a young age. I don't know that I am ready to be 38 and not have someone depending on me. I see so many people who have so many children in this state that can't even put their kids in a car seat and here I am today at the dealership looking into all the options I will have if I am blessed enough for two car seats because the bimmer can't hold two seats and Emily in the back and I refused to let her upfront, even if she will be 12 at the time.
I know if this doesn't work we will get on fine, in time. God I hope ivf works for us..........
Maternal Fetal Group had to cancel our appointment for tomorrow. I was so bummed out but then in the next breath she said "I do have your appointment for Center For Reproductive Health that the doc said I could go ahead and give you". That just made my day. We go back to the ob on January 2nd now and our intake appointment with the RE is on January 24th at 2pm. We are beside ourselves today because now it seems so real and official.