10 dpo Well the afternoon of 9 dpo is when the nightmare began, lol. My obsessive self took over and I went back to look at that morning's test, and there was a line. Naturally I thought, "possible evap," so I took another test and the ink looked funny and was smeared across the window, so I took a third test (all dollar store tests) and a faint line came up on that one, and the more it dried the darker it got. It was a solid line, despite being faint, so I got my hopes up. So the morning of 10 dpo I tested with an Answer brand hpt (same sensitivity as FRER) and there was a possible (but not obvious) super faint line. I also took another dollar store test, and a super faint line came up on that one, too, more obvious than the Answer brand, but fainter than the 9 dpo test. More on that in my 11 dpo notes.
Symptoms about the same, except bloating and gas after eating meals started.
11 dpo Symptoms the same as yesterday, still bloated and gassy after meals. Also very irritable today. Wasn't planning to, but tested again using a dollar store test. A super faint line came up again, slightly darker than yesterday morning's test. Later in the day I compared the 9 dpo test with the 10 & 11 dpo tests because it didn't make sense to me that the 9dpo test was a bit darker. It was then that I realized the line on the 9dpo test was in a different place than the others, and then it occurred to me that maybe it was an ink line or something and not an actual line. Here it is:
The "supposed" line is too far to the right of the "T" for test line. This made me think the test was invalid, and therefore meant that I may have not gotten my first true line until 10 dpo.
11 dpo, 9:00pm - I decided to go ahead and test again tonight using the Answer brand since we are leaving early in the morning. It was BFN. I wasn't really surprised, it seems to be the story of my life for ttc #2. Get hopes up, get BFN, AF shows. So now I will just sit back and wait for AF. Not gonna expect anything but her showing up now. Hopefully she will just hurry up and get here and get it over with. She should be here by Sunday or Monday.
You know what I don't get, though? All these symptoms I've had. Surely there has to be SOME difference between PMS and pg symptoms. Uggh.
"OK Lord, I don't get this... but You know best. I put it in Your hands and ask for your help to wait on Your timing. Maybe that really was You I heard speaking to my heart a couple of weeks ago during prayer: 'It will happen. Keep trying.' "
Well its 13 dpo and still no signs of impending AF. She is supposed to be here today, or by tomorrow at the very latest. I tested again this morning since it's Mother's Day and still BFN (using a FRER this time).
Yesterday I almost puked after using a throat spray for my sore throat, which started yesterday and has been very painful. I have never reacted that way to it. I didn't even swallow it, I just sprayed, let it sit for a few seconds, then spit it out. And today I'm feeling nauseated and a bit weak and shakey. My temp went down yesterday but back up slightly today.
I guess it's possible I'm having late implantation and it just hasn't been long enough to get a BFP yet. So I continue to wait, holding out a tiny bit of hope.....
On 14 dpo (the day after Mother's Day) my temp dropped, and AF showed up by evening. I started spotting the evening of 13 dpo, right after a bout of diarhhea, which I often get a day or so before AF shows up. It was just a little bit of spotting, then nothing else til mid-morning on 14 dpo. At least AF didn't show up on Mother's Day. That was nice of her. :lol:
As for how I felt emotionally when AF showed, it was weird. I didn't feel much of anything. I guess I was kind of prepared for it already when I got the BFN. In a way I had already prepared myself mentally for it, too, and had even started posting on the February 2010 birth board as a "hopeful" for that month already, once I had the diarrhea followed by spotting.
The next day, CD 2, I went ahead and ordered some OPKs online for this new cycle. I guess I'm just kind of numb to it all now, and am going through the motions. I think I am finally ready to completely "let go and let God." It's out of my hands now. Today I was reading in Matthew 8 about the faith of the Centurion, and it inspired me. I am ready to have that kind of faith now for getting pregnant again. And for some other things, too. Like a house. We really need a house. The mobile home we have is roomy enough, but.... it's a mobile home. And it's old. And we need good health insurance. That we need first. And quickly. So I put in a "rush order" with God this morning during prayer. :D
"Only say the Word, Lord, and it shall be done."
Now I wait to see how God will wow me. He is so amazing, after all. His love for us is so Grand. And.. I will also wait on His perfect timing. It will be interesting to see how it all comes together.
CD 8 (Monday): Yesterday, on CD 7, my temp spiked, but didn't think much of it since temp can fluctuate sometimes. However, I had also "possibly" had EWCM, though I wondered if it might have been BD 'leftovers'.... so just out of curiosity I looked up on FF to see if there were any charts where they O'd as early as CD 6. Expected to see "none found" but was surprised when quite a few charts came up! :shock: Wow, who knew you could O that early? We had BD'd yesterday morning, so I figured if it did turn out to be true and I O'd that early, we at least had a chance. Turns out my temp went back down this morning, though. So it was a false alarm.
I am still dealing with being tired a lot, and am thinking it's time to see a doctor. Only thing is, I've gone to the doctor for this sort of thing before, and all my blood tests, etc., came back normal. However, this peeing thing... there has to be something wrong. I urinate, but when I get up it feels like I still have to go, and I can sit back down and go again. It's like my bladder isn't emptying completely. And in general, I have to pee a LOT. More than a pregnant woman I think. And the bloating. Oh. It's just awful. So anyway, I think I will make an appt. I just hate going to the doctor so much. I'm afraid I'll spend a bunch of money again and get no answers. So knowing me, I will probably put it off a little longer.
CD 16 (Tues, May 26): I am so bad about forgetting to post here every day. I need to make it a habit, like maybe right after posting on my chart coming straight here.
We had a nice date night Sunday evening, starting with some fun at the house. We got in a good BD session, but took a looong time, so it was a bit of an effort. We had BD Sat morning also, but no 'deposit' was made, iykwim. It had been a whole week prior to that, maybe it had been too long and that's why there was a problem. DH has been working a lot of hours lately, add to that the fact that Hannah is a night owl and that doesn't leave much time for us to have the opportunity. DH is worn out from work by the time he goes to bed, so there's no "middle of the night" opportunities, and... well, I'm usually pretty worn out, too.
So when we got in that one good BD session, I was hoping I might O soon. Even within 3 days I would have been happy. But as it turns out, it's now 2 days later and still no +OPK (as of 4:15 p.m. today). I had EWCM yesterday, and my OPKs appeared to be getting darker, which made me hopeful I would O soon, but now I wonder if the supposed EWCM might have just been BD leftovers, as my CM was mostly dry today and what little I did have was sticky.
I decided to try Robitussin this cycle to help with CM. I've been taking it since Saturday. Unfortunately I only remembered to take it once on Saturday and once on Sunday, but yesterday and today I've been taking the recommended dose. It does seem to be helping some, my CM isn't quite as dry as normal, though today it has been drier.
I've been a lot more relaxed about ttc so far this cycle, with the exception of earlier today. I got into a bit of a funk when I didn't get a +OPK by noon today. I knew that meant the little wiggly guys from the good BD session on Sunday would likely be gone by the time I ovulate. They can last up to 5 days, even 7 in some cases, but that is more rare and the most common time they last is 2-3 days at most (at least according to what I've read).
CD 20 (May 30): Well I'm still waiting around to O. Still getting a negative OPK as of this evening. I had to use a different brand because my usual brand was out of stock, so I am hoping this brand will give me a good positive. I got over my funk, and at this point I'm just kind of coasting along, trying to stay busy with other things and keep my mind off of it. I figure when it's meant to happen, it will happen. I absolutely positively refuse to stress about it anymore. Today I made it a point to thoroughly enjoy the child I have. God also spoke to my heart with a special Scripture today: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, to give you a future, and a hope." (Jer. 29:11)
CD 21 (May 31): I am still getting a negative OPK as of this morning. For some reason it really bothered me when the OPK didn't show a positive. I felt myself sinking into a depression, and negative thoughts began to bombard me. I can't ovulate, I can't get pregnant, I can't keep the house clean like I want, I can't get Hannah to sleep at a decent time, blah blah blah. I laid all this at the Lord's feet and remembered the Scripture He had given me the day before. No wonder He had given that to me, He knew I would need it for today. I went back to bed and when it was time to get up and get ready for church, Hannah did something really funny and I laughed harder than I have laughed in a really long time. DH was shirtless while brushing his teeth, and she went running back there to see him. She pointed to him and said, "Boobies." (He is *ahem* a bit overweight.) He walked out of the bathroom to hide from her, laughing, then walked back into the bathroom and as soon as she saw him she yelled, "Boobies!" We were both cracking up now, then she made it even worse by saying, "BIG boobies!" :ROFL: That was great. I needed that so much. Thank you, Lord, for that sweet little girl you gave us.
CD 23 (Tues., June 2): Way-yell, as of around noon today, still no +OPK. My temp dipped down pretty low yesterday morning and was the same this morning, so I thought for sure O was emminent, but apparently not. I have now broken my record of O'ing on CD 23 at the very latest (and even that was late for me). Not sure what is going on with me this cycle, I have also had some nausea off and on, and tender boobs. Guess my hormones are just crazy and out of whack. I don't have any unusual stress in my life right now, so it can't be stress. No major change in my diet, either.
So I continue to wait.... the Good Lord knows the best timing for everything, so it's in His hands. Hey maybe He is trying to teach me something about patience? I wouldn't be surprised, I sure do need that. He has changed me so much over the years, since I first accepted Him into my life as Lord and Savior (referring to Jesus Christ, here,for those who don't know), but this patience thing... well it has taken a bit more time for me to learn the lessons He has tried to teach me. I have been stubborn about letting that one go. I want what I want, and I want it now. When I'm driving, I like to drive fast, even if I have all the time in the world to get somewhere, so not only do I grit my teeth and MAKE my foot stay more upwards than downwards on the gas pedal, trying with all my might not to go more than about 5 mph over the speed limit, I also get irritated when a slow person gets in front of me. The steam starts blowing out of my ears. ESPECIALLY if they're in the left lane and driving slow, because to me, it seems they are ignoring the rules of driver courtesy and it just boils my blood. So yeah, I still have a problem with patience. But...as Phillipians 1:6 says... "Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ".
(PS: I added my siggy to this post so that my chart will be on this page. Trying to make it easier for those who may want to look at it. ;))
CD 26 (Fri, June 5): FINALLY... I got a definite +OPK today! :yahoo: I thought it was + yesterday afternoon, but when I saw this morning's test, I decided yesterday's wasn't "quite" there yet. Never thought I'd be so happy to do as common of a thing as O'ing! Of course then I read about someone who got a +OPK one month and still didn't O (her temp never rose), so I am reserving any real excitment until I see my temp rise. I'm guessing it won't rise until at least the day after tomorrow.
2 DPO ( Mon, June 8 ): Well I've had a temp rise to confirm O. Even if I was still subtracting a degree (see notes at top of page after clicking on my ticker), I would still be well above the coverline. Finally, I am in the 2ww :D
In my mind, however, I am just looking forward to next cycle. Not that I have no hope for this one, but because I am trying to protect my emotions. I am not going to put any stock in symptoms this 2ww, unless something very unusal or out of the ordinary happens. Just going to kind of coast along until time for AF to arrive.