Michelleey's TTC Journal

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Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113
Michelleey's TTC Journal

Well I'm starting this kinda late cause I didn't even know these were here, but better late then never. Okay, here we go...

My name is Michelle and I am 31 years old. My husbands name is Mark and he is 30. We got married on May 6, 2006 and decided to start trying for baby #1 right away. I have psoriatic arthritis and before TTC I had to go of some of my medication, so just before the wedding, i went off the biggy, and i had to be off of it for 1 month, so we made the decision to start trying on May 21st, but that was in the middle of a cycle so i was hoping for my period to come really fast so that we could get to trying.....and of course, because if i didn't have bad luck, i wouldn't have any luck at all, I ended up having the longest cycle of my life at 76 days, which brought us to August 5th, so that is when I officially started trying.
I am now in my 9th cycle and 10th month of trying and no BFP so far.
This month we are going to try preseed this month and see how that goes, and if nothing happens than I am going to take my dr up on her offer and go see a RE and have some tests done. Mark has not been tested yet either so I think that will be the first thing we do.
So now I am on day 12 of my 9th cycle and I am hoping for good things for this one,.....i guess we will see.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well not much to report today, day 13 and no signs of O. I have done 2 OPK's and nothing so far, I think I only have 2 or 3 more of them, so I have a feeling i am not going to catch it on those. I am still just hoping I ovlulate this month.

So I have a vent for the day. There is this woman in my office that is really irritating me lately. She askes me almost everyday if I am pregnant. I feel like saying, "Lady, even if i was pregnant, i wouldn't tell you". She is such a busy body. And then she has the nerve to ask me if I want to borrow her husband, I couldn't believe she said that, like impying that my husband is broken or something....Can you imagine. She has asked me this about 4 times now, I think the next time I will competely lose it on her. This has taught me a very valuable lesson though. The next time (assuming i will get pregnant this time and have the chance to have a second child) I won't be telling anyone that I am trying. I made the big mistake of telling everyone this time because I was so excited when we first started trying, but now I know why they say to keep it to yourself. Most people have been okay, but this one lady is just friggen rude.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

so I can't sleep because I am in a lot of pain right now, also I took a nap when i came home so i'm not super tired. My pain is getting really bad right now and it kind of scares me, cause I was very confident that when I finally got my BFP i would be able to handle the pain, but if its bad before i get preggers, what is it going to be like when i am preggers. Thank god I have a wonderful hubby who does so much for me. I don't know what I would do without him. Like tonight, he knew I was tired when I came home from work, so he told to me lay down, knowing full well that i would fall asleep, and then let me sleep for a while instead of making dinner, which i do most nights. Then when i woke up he said lets go out and get dinner cause i know you don't feel like cooking. He seems to be able to sense my pain or discomfort without me even having to tell him.

So i haven't O'd yet, waiting patiently....okay, who am i kidding, not so patiently, hopfully it will be soon. I started using preseed tonight, it was really good, I hope this helps my chances this month, since i never seem to get any EWCM.

well my eyes are starting to burn as i am writing so i am off to bed. Hopefully to wake to blazing high temps!!!!!!

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

So i just got a phone call, it was from Isis Fertility Clinic, apparently my doctor referred me after my last visit to her. So my appointment is on July 16th. I'm so excited to see what they have to say. Hopefully something good will come out of this and i will soon be holding my baby in my arms,....OMG it gives me chills. So right now i am using preseed and by the time i see the RE this cycle should be over, and if it doesn't result in a BFP then I am putting my hopes and dreams into the hands of the good people at Isis.

My mom is coming over in a bit, I haven't seen her in a little while so that should be nice. Mark is running a relay race for cancer research, and it goes from 8 pm to 8 am, so i am on my own for the night, I hate being alone Sad so hopefully my mom will stay late...hee hee, i am such a baby.

well thanks for reading, talk to you soon.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

So last night Mark and I were watching a movie and I started to get really hot, so i took my temp and it was 98.6, and even though it was at night, it was very odd for me to have a temp that high at night before O, and I started to have some watery CM, so i made sure we BD'd last night, and the night before too. So I woke up this morning and my temp was 97.88, which is pretty good, i'm really hoping i O'd yesterday, which would be CD16. Then I can start the dreaded 2WW. I am so mad at myself though, it was late last night when we BD'd and I completely forgot to use the Preseed that was in my bathroom... I did have some watery CM though, so hopefully if I did O, it will take.

So my neck and my back are still killing me. I took work off on Friday, and probably should have again today, but i didn't. I don't know what I am going to do to get rid of this pain, i need to buy a heating pad i think. Hopefully it will go away soon.

I got alot packed this weekend, packing up the den first so that we can store all the packed boxes in there from the rest of the place. I can't wait till we move. I will feel so much better about bring a baby home in the house as opposed to the condo. Only 19 more days till we move....

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

yay, i got my crosshairs today, 16dpo, so early for me which really makes me happy. My BD timing was really good too, FF gave me "high" for my chances this month....I really hope that is true.

I am still packing like crazy, I am home sick right now because of my neck and back, but i am trying to pack while i am home, which probably isn't helping my problem. Oh well, it has to get done...

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well FF changed my O, now its at 18dpo, so my potential due date would be March 18th. I had a lot of EWCM this time, which I NEVER have, and I also used preseed, so I am really hoping that this time is it......so if AF doesn't show, I will be testing on July 13, and if its BFN, then its off the the RE on July 16th. I really hope I don't have to go that route, but if I do so be it.

I seem to be in good spirits lately, except for my back and neck pain i am feeling pretty good. I have to say though, I am getting a little tired of seeing pregnancies and babies all around me right now, its not really bothered me that much before, but for some reason, i am having a hard time with it now. I work at a civic centre which has a day care, and when i am sitting out on my break everyday, they are bringing the kids out for a walk....they are do darn cute, but it makes me so darn sad....
Well enough moping around for today....I have to stay positive...ya...thats right....anyone know how to do that???? lol

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

so as you can probably tell, AF came and so i was out for March. So on July 16th I went for an appointment with the fertility specialist. It went really well, she thinks there is a chance that i have PCOS, so next cycle she will start doing test, i have to start with the CD3 test and go from there. DH is also going to get tested.
So i decided to relax this month and not stress out so much with temping and BD timing and such, and it really has been a much more relaxing month, except for when the yeast infection came out of no where, it was the worst one ever, its gone now, but i think i may have missed my O time, so there goes this month. I just can't catch a break.

My good friend told me that she is pregnant with her second child today, and i am so happy for her, but i just wanted to have my first before she had her second, well i guess its not going to work out that way.
oh well i guess i will just have to go for the test and hopefully the doctors can get me preggers.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

wow, its been a long time since i wrote in here. Okay, i will try to pick up from where i left off....
So after we went to the RE and talked to the doctor, we had to wait to get all the tests done until my next AF came. Well because I was only on CD5 when i went, i knew i had a while, so i figured i would just take it easy for that month since i knew someone was going to be looking at me now and getting to the bottom of it. Well that cycle was only 24 days with no O, and really bad timing, DH's grandmother died the day before and we were making all the arrangements for the funeral and such. So all the days i could do the fertility testing (2-4) i was at visitations or a funeral. So we had to wait another whole month. So again, i tried to take it easy, but this month I had major O pains and 2 +OPKs so i decided that this might be the month cause everything was going so well. So we bd'd like crazy over O time, and FF actually gave me "HIGH" for my preg. chance. I was so excited. Well that was short lived...AF came on Sept 7....so off to the clinic we went for our tests.
Our test date was Sept 10, it was wierd. Poking and proding and 21 viles of blood...yeah, thats right...21. DH was so sweet though...he went and did his thing and didn't complain once.
So I called back to make a follow up appt. and they gave me Oct. 2, so we went to this appt just a few days ago. The RE told me that all my test came back fine except my thyroid was a little underactive, so she wanted to run it again. and DH was fine too, she said his morphology was a tiny bit low, but not alarmingly, and his count and motility were great. So she said she would put me on Clomid to regulate my cycles and we would go from there.....so yesterday I started my first round of clomid. I'm really hoping this cycle brings good things....I guess we will just have to wait and see.
Sorry this is so long, if you made it this far, thanks for reading....

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

so far my this cycle is going pretty good. I ovulated yesterday, 2 eggs, one from each side. One was 2.1cm and the other was 1.9cm They gave me an HCG shot to make them fall, and then told me to bd the next night and the night after that, but when i got home the clinic had called and said that i was already having a surge on my own and that we would have to start bding earlier. So, i went yesterday for my ultrasound and they said they both fell. Yay. I am so happy, but trying not to get too excited though cause i don't want to set myself up for a huge disappointment. DH and I also talked about the possibility of having twins, and we have both decided that would be awesome if that is what happens. Two is better than none. It would also be better for me too because of my arthritis, it will be hard for me to go through a whole nine months with no meds, but i am so willing to do that for a baby, but if we had twins, we would have our family done, and i wouldn't have to do the 9 months again. (i totally will though if i only have one). Look at me talking like i am already pregnant....lol I'm just happy and DH and I are on the same page with whatever happens. So now i have to wait for the dreaded 2 weeks, i hate the 2WW.....i go back on November 8th for a beta. Cross you fingers for me......:)

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

so this 2ww is horrible....I can't concentrate on anything, I think my boss thinks i have totally lost my mind, him and the "big boss" are trying to work out a raise for me with the powers that be, and this week is really not helping my case. I just have absolutely no patience. I tested this morning and it was a BFN...I'm hoping it was just too early. Everything was so perfect this month, the 2 eggs, bd timing, we used preseed, and even the positions we did (sorry TMI). I guess all i can do now is wait for the blood test or AF, which ever comes first....please god don't let AF come......

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well today is the day.....i went this morning for b/w at 8:00, and i have been sitting on pins and needles since then, i think they are supposed to call by 3:00 or so. I am so nervous. I really want this more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I haven't even done any HPT's because i am so scared of getting a bfn. I have 20 of them sitting in my cupboard and didn't touch them. I have been calling my home number almost every five minutes to see if they have left a message, i am being a little neurotic, but i can't help it. Well i guess i will get my answer soon....

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

wow, i have been really bad at updating this journal. So I guess we can all figure out that my blood work results came back negative from my last cycle. I was devasted, I think i cried for most of the day. Everything went so well that cycle that it was hard to believe that doing it again could be any more successful. Nonetheless, I tried again. I went for my CD3 u/s and b/w and then did clomid from day 3-7, then i started the follicle study on CD10. This month i only had one mature follie, but it was a good size, 2.1cm i think, so i did the trigger shot and then came back for another u/s 2 days later and they said that i O'd. So now I am 7dpo and the wait is on.....for some reason its not that bad this time, i think it is because i really don't have that much faith in this cycle, i don't think anything is going to happen until we do IUI or something. So i don't feel like i am waiting for any good news or anything, I am just coasting along. Don't get me wrong, i would love it if this cycle brought us a bfp, but i just don't think it will.
On a more exciting note....I am going to see my friends baby tonight, she adopted him last week. I can't wait to meet him.
well that is all that is going on for now, i'll try to be better at updating this thing...:)

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

So I went to visit my friend the other day and got to meet her new little baby she adopted. He was soooo cute. I got to feed him and burp him, and it was awesome. I really can't wait to be doing that with my own baby.

I've been pretty down in the dumps lately, i don't know if its all the drugs, or if its just my lack of faith in anything happening. I want a baby so bad and I just can't forsee it happening for us, everytime I get hopefull and think "this is it" is comes back negative and i don't know how much more i can take. I think I might just be a grumpy goose right now, but i think this is all taking a toll on me, and i'm definitely not that happy girl that you see in the picture below anymore.

Well tonight my sister is coming over for dinner and i am making my famous lasagna (my family loves only mine for some reason) and some garlic bread and ceaser salad, wow i'm hungry just thinking about it. It will be nice having her over to get my mind off this crap, she has no kids and isn't going to have any (married a man who has 3 kids already and a vasectomy that he is not going to reverse), so the conversation rarely goes to TTC or kids, unless I take it there.

Well thats about it for now....Have a nice night!!!

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

Well its Monday, nothing much is going on. 13dpo and got a BFN yesterday, which i was pretty much expecting. I would expect AF would be showing her face on Friday or saturday and then we will start the process all over again.

On another topic, my sister, my niece and I had planned to have a xmas craft day yesterday, but because we got a HUGE snow storm overnight, it got a little messed up. DH and my sister were shoveling the driveway for about 2 hours and then we had to run out and get some salt and a new shovel (one of ours broke cause the snow was so heavy), and ended up spending around $200. oh well. So we got back at about 4:00 or so, and then started doing the crafts. It kinda sucked cause we had planned to start at noon, so we weren't able to get as much done as we would have liked. It was pretty fun though. I can't believe xmas is less than a month away.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well the rest of the cycle was as i thought it would be....a bust. I got AF on Friday and this morning went for my CD3 scan so i can start up the clomid again. Well, instead they found 3 cysts....one on one side and 2 on the other. So the dr. said he would prefer if i didn't take the clomid this cycle just to be on the safe side. So this really sucks. They are still going to monitor me with u/s so atleast i know when i am going to O, but because my natural cycles are so all over the board, he said that if we get to CD20 and i still haven't O'd, then they would give me provera to bring on AF. I really hope I O normally. I'm still feeling pretty down in the dumps lately, i can't seem to get out of my funk. My family came over today to do some xmas crafts, so that was fun, but the whole time i had other things on my mind. Well i guess we will see what this cycle brings......have a great week everyone!!!!

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well today has been a kind of depressing day, no reason really, just the mood i am in. My good friend at work is pregnant, and i see her all day long, and its just starting to get to me, it didn't really bother me before, but now it is, my jealousy is growing and its not good.
nothing else really to report today...just doing the waiting game now until O, and waiting for AF to go away....

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

so i started this cycles monitoring on Tuesday, and it was okay i guess. The good part was that my cysts are gone, but my follicle was only 1.2cm, so she told me not to bother coming back the next day (yesterday) but to come back on Thursday (today). So i went in hoping that my follicle was nice and fat since it had been 2 days since i had been there, but nope, only 1.5cm. It only grew 3mm in 2 days...that really sucks, they were growing much faster on clomid, but i guess that is to be expected right? so i have to go back tomorrow and see what is happening. I'm really hoping that its a nice big fatty tomorrow so she can give me the hcg shot and then i won't have to go at all over the holidays. If that happens, my 2WW will be my 2 week holidays i'm talking over christmas, so hopefully i will be so busy i won't notice i am in the 2WW....you think???? lol
well i guess we will see...i will report back tomorrow with the measurements....
have a good one!!!

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113
Michelleey's TTC Journal *(BFP 01/09/08)*

wow, i've really been lax in posting in my journal. So my follicle ended up being 2.1 cm and i had a really good surge on my own so i didn't need to have the hcg shot. So i ended up ovulating on December 24th. Then we relaxed and didn't really think much of anything this cycle since we weren't taking the clomid, i didn't stress at all.
Well on Wednesday morning (jan9) i woke up and took my temp, it should have been really low because it was the day before my period was due and it usually goes down that day. Well low and behold it was 98.6.....crazy....so i decided to take one of my IC tests that i had in my cupboard, and OMG it was positive, but fairly light. So i ran into the bedroom screaming trying to wake dh up....it was hilarious, i told him he had to wake up and focus his eyes cause i needed to show him something, so he slowly woke up and i showed him the test, and then his eyes shot open and he started hugging me and kissing me, it was so cute, but we both decided we needed to do another test cause the other one was so light, so i went to work and at lunch picked up a FRER, and went back to work and did it in the bathroom, the line came up in the 2 seconds, it was awesome. So i went for bloodwork yesterday to confirm and they called to say it was positive and they want me to come back on Saturday for anther blood test to make sure the #'s are climbing.
OMG i feel so blessed and so excited. God willing, i think this is the end of this journal and the beginning of a new one. I wish you all the best of luck and hope you all get your bfp's very soon.
luv ya'll
Michelle

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

So I went for my 8 week u/s yesterday, and it was just about the most painful thing i have ever been through. Apparently our little peanut stopped growing somewhere between 6 weeks and 8 weeks. We are devasted, i have spent the better part of the last 24 hours in tears. I know it happens to a lot of people, but i'm just not dealing with it very well. After trying for so long i thought i had finally gotten my miracle, but i guess it just wasn't meant to be. I haven't even started to miscarry yet, the doc said it could take up to two weeks, and if it hasn't then she wants me to come in to take some sort of medication to get things started, i will also be having an u/s at the same time just to make sure things are the way she thinks they are.

So I guess I will be back in the game soon, not sure how long, i may have to take a little while to grieve, i was already so in love with my little peanut that right now i can't even think of starting again right away.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

so i'm guess i am doing a little better, but still not great. I am back at work now, which is probably good for me, but i'm tired of people talking to me about it all day. I know they have good intentions, but i just don't want to talk about it. I guess i really learned my lesson about telling people that early.
So I decided to start a hard copy journal at home, somewhere that I can put my private thoughts, and somewhere that i can keep the pics of the tests and u/s for little peanut so that i always know where they are.
Someone sent us flowers last night, but the stupid florist hasn't delivered them yet, apparently this florist only delivers during the day, don't they know that most people work during the day???? so she said that the owner would deliver them at 9 last night, when the shop closed, well he never showed. It really pissed me off, someone went to the trouble of ordering the flowers for us, and gave money to this store, and the store can't even deliver them properly. Wow, this stuff normally doesn't bother me so much.
So still waiting to miscarry, nothing is happening yet. I took my temp this morning and it was still high, so i have my doubts that i will miscarry on my own. I really wish that this was just all over, but i just really don't want to have a d&c unless completely necessary.
well i guess i should get some work done, i didn't do anything yesterday.....

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

i'm feeling like crap today, not sure why all of a sudden. I have been pretty good the last few days, but today i am not for some reason. I really hate not having control over my emotions. DH and I were talking today about how crappy thing are right now, losing the baby, his work is really busy, he is right in the middle of school and has no time, the snow is relentless which isn't good for the mood, and the fact that DH has to shovel every night. But then he said, just think, in a couple months, i will be done school, work won't be so busy, the snow will be gone and we can get back to baby making. He is so sweet, i really don't know what i would do without him. I would probably be in the looney bin.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

i'm so nervous, i am going for my u/s today, and if it shows the same thing as last time then she will be giving me the meds to start the miscarriage. I just want to cry. I have been fine for a while, but now its like i am going to relive the whole thing over again. I wish it would have just happened when i found out and then it all would have happened at the same time. Everyone keeps telling me that they could have been wrong, and that i could go back today and everything will be fine. But i think i know better than that. They should have seen a heartbeat at the last u/s, and apparently they saw nothing, so i am really not holding out any hope, which is why i have already made my angel ticker.
I also have another vent....about people who have no idea what you are going through, but decide to give you advise and tell you what is going to happen. I was talking to my mom on the weekend, and we were trying to plan my sisters birthday party, and i said i didn't want to have it this coming weekend because i may not feel up to going out considering they are going to be giving me the drugs this week. She says "oh by Saturday you will be fine, it doesn't take that long". I was thinking, yeah, cause you know anything about miscarrying. She had four children without hardly trying and never had a miscarriage. I was concieved when she was wearing an IUD for god sake, and still carried me to term with no problems, and I am the first one in my family to ever have a miscarriage, so she really has no idea what i am going through, or what i should expect to happen. It just made me so angry that she thinks that i should just get it over with, pick myself up and go partying. She doesn't even take into account the emotional aspect.
I really wish i could just wake up and have this all be a bad dream.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well its over. I took the drugs on Tuesday night and they started working within half an hour. I can't believe how much pain I had. My doc told me that i would have cramping, but OMG, that was the understatement of the century. I was screaming in pain. I was taking advil, but that didn't work at all, i think i needed something much stronger, but my doc didn't give me any pain medication.
Its pretty much done now i think, i'm still bleeding a bit, but not as much as before. Right now i am just hoping my body goes back to normal as quickly as possible and we can start trying again. I really hope it doesn't take me another 17 months to get preggers again, everyone keeps telling me that now that i have gotten pregnant i will get pregnant easily now, but i don't completely believe that, i have seen that that doesn't always happen. I'm trying to be positive, its just really hard right now.

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Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well it looks like the bleeding is about to stop....thanks god. Its just spotting now, and I took a HPT this morning just to see if the levels are going down, and its pretty much negative now, there is a very faint line there but hardly even visible. I'm very sad that all this is over now, but kind of happy that my body is doing what it should and getting back to normal. Now i just hope my next AF comes in good time and doesn't take forever to get here, my temps are all over the board right now, but i've read thats normal after a miscarriage. Another good thing is that my cervix doesn't seem to hurt as much. This may sound weird, but I've been quite horney lately, which is strange, but i haven't had any kind of action since Jan 7th, 2 days before i found out i was pregnant. But i was finding lately when i would get aroused my cervix would really start to hurt, but now it seems to be feeling better. I really hope when i go back to see my doc for my follow up appt., she will say we can BD again, even though i she told us that between now and my next AF we have to use protection, which really sucks.....i wish i could just try again right away.

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Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

so i think the spotting has gone away too, i can't believe this is totally over and i am not pregnant anymore. I have to start back at the beginning with all the cycle monitoring and clomid and such, i really thought i was done with all of that....i can't believe i have to start it all over again.
I just found out that my landlord is pregnant, she is a year younger than me, and has two kids already. I knew they were trying, but apparently it happened right away for them. She is 3.5 months pregnant, so we were pretty much the same, our due dates would have been 2 weeks apart, so now everytime i see her baby i am going to think that I should have a baby the same age. I'm really not sure how i am going to deal with that.
I also have to stop going to this website i used to go to every day when i was pregnant that shows you the development week by week. I still keep going to it to see what my baby would look like now, cause i would be 12 weeks today, its crazy, so not healthy but i can't help myself.
I have to make a follow up appt this week since i am not bleeding anymore to make sure my uterus has been cleaned out and is back to normal, i just wish we could try again right now and not have to wait until after my next AF.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well its been a little while since i've written. I went for my follow up ultrasound this week and everything is fine and has been cleaned out, so now i just have to wait for AF to arrive to start trying again. Its very frustrating all the waiting. So i've decided that i need something else to take up my time and hold my focus, so i decided to try and get healthy and lose some weight. So i joined weight watchers last wednesday. It felt really good the first week, being back on track with my eating and stuff, i got off track for quite a while. So at my first wednesday weigh-in (i do it myself because i do WW online) i was down 4.5 lbs. I was so happy. I really didn't think i would lose that much because my birthday was that week and i had 2 days that i didn't eat all that well. But nevertheless, 4.5 lbs. I am really motivated now, and hope that this will take my mind off TTC a bit so i'm not driving myself crazy. I guess we'll see how that goes.....

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well i haven't been very good at writing here. AF still hasn't arrived, i believe i am CD42 or something crazy, i am assuming that is normal though, but quite frustrating since i just want to get back on the TTC train. I never thought i would ever wish for AF to arrive.
Since the last time i wrote, i haven't been very good with WW, my arthritis came back with a vengence after the miscarriage, and i have been in excrutiating pain for the past couple of weeks, so needless to say i didn't feel like preparing meals and cutting up veggies and stuff, i was just eating whatever was easy. I went to my rheumatologist yesterday finally and got a cortisone shot so i am feeling much better today, and ate healthy all day, i have no idea what to make for dinner today.

I have to make a little side note here, I have been lurking alot lately without saying much, haven't had much to say since i'm still kind of in limbo, but i just want to take this opportunity to say how happy i am for some of you out there that have had your dreams come true, i have been stalking a couple of you just to make sure that everything is fine and you are progressing nicely, namely Amber and Lisa, i couldn't be happier for the two of you and i wish you nothing but happiness in the future with your LO's, and for you Lisa with your 2 little ones, that is awesome by the way. I wish everyone that that has gotten their BFP's in the last while the best.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well the cortisone shot only lasted that one day and all the benefits went away. I have been struggling the last few days with the decision of whether to take a few months off of TTC to go back on my meds, or to tough it out and hope i get preggers fast and also hope i go into remission again. I'm still not able to make the decision. I haven't gotten AF yet either, today is CD52, and not sure when its going to come.
I am so tired today too, i can't seem to keep my eyes open.

So when i got pregnant i started crocheting myself some blankets, they were really cute, but since my m/c i decided i would give them away to friends who are having babies, i just finished one the other day and i am almost finished another, i will post pics soon if i can get a functional camera soon.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well i started spotting on Friday, i was so excited that AF was finally coming, well i'm still spotting 4 days later. Not sure exactly what is going on, i don't know if this is AF or what. I am supposed to have an u/s on CD3, but if this is AF then i have missed it. I don't know what to think. I am having brown stuff, i had some come out on a pad yesterday, but mostly its just when i wipe, so i don't know what this is. I guess i will just wait and see, and if we have missed CD3 then we will just do this cycle on our own and start clomid next month.....I'M SO CONFUSED.

Some good news, i got my new camera on Friday, its awesome, its 8 mega pixel and has all these awesome features, i still haven't figured it all out yet. I love getting new toys....lol

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

wow, i'm really bad at writing here....
well AF finally came, for a day....wierd. i think that is normal after a m/c though. So i went for my CD3 u/s and started taking clomid on day 4 cause the blood machine wasn't working on day 3 so they wanted me to wait one day. So today i went in for my cd10 u/s and b/w and it showed that i already have a follie measuring 1.9cm, so she said to wait till tomorrow and then she will give me the trigger shot. I'm so excited that it is all happening really early this time, this is the earlies i have ever O'd. Even if this doesn't result in a BFP i am just happy to be back to normal and trying again,......although i really do hope it ends up a bfp...:)

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

so i am now in the 2WW, i am so happy, i O'd on day 12, and had a 2.3cm follie. This waiting is going to kill me.

My sister and i are still fighting, things aren't getting any better, so i don't know what is going to happen.

I finished my baby blanket that i started when i got preggers, now i will just put it away until the time i can use it. Here's a pic of it.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

so i'm now 12dpo and going nutts, although i really don't want to test cause i really don't want to see a blaring white test....I have been feeling really sick today and yesterday, last night i almost threw up when i was brushing my teeth and today i have felt nauseaus all day off and on, smells are killing me. I don't want to read to much into this though cause i know i am just going to end up disappointed. There is probably some other explaination for it all.

Things are getting better with my sister, we are actually talking now which is good, although it still doesn't feel like things are back to normal yet. Hopefully soon it will be like the fight never happened.

My FIL went in for surgery today to remove 3 tumors from his bladder, DH just called to say he is out of surgery and in recovery, so hopefully everything is good and they got it all, any prayers would be appreciated for a healthy outcome and healthy recovery.

I think thats about all that is going on right now....i'll let ya know tomorrow if i break down and test or not....

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well i'm 19 dpo :eek: WTF....not sure what is going on. my temps are low and i took an IC yesterday and it was neg, so i'm pretty sure i'm not preggers, but i don't know why AF is not coming. DH and I have been pretty busy so i haven't gotten around yet to go for a beta, i should really do that, but i know its going to be neg. anyway.

DH's dad is good, there was only 1 tumor and it was pretty small, they were able to get everything and he came home that day. So we are all very happy that he is healthy again.

Not much else going on, i have been working in my garden lately which i love, so that has been helping to take my mind off of everything else going on in my life, which is awesome, and holy crap, what a work out weeding is.......

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

wow, i haven't written in a long time. That stupid cycle ended up being 61 days, i have no idea what happened as i know i ovulated because i am being monitored by a fert. clinic. So now i am on CD10, and i went to the clinic this morning and had NO follicles started. I'm so depressed, i haven't been on the boards in a while, i just don't know how to pull myself out of this funk. I am going away for the weekend to my sisters cottage, so i was really hoping that i would have a big juicy one growing right now so they could trigger me tomorrow like they did last cycle, and then go back on Friday morning for my follow up and then be free to go away, well now they don't even want me to come back till Friday to see if i have anything growing by then, so pretty much i am going to have to guess when i'm ovulating, i guess its not such a big deal, but it just feels like nothing in my body is working properly and its sending me further downhill.
I just keep thinking about the day when i got my bfp, and how extremely happy i was, i just want that feeling again more than anything in the world.

Much love to every one of my friends on this board right now, i wish i could stay with you for a while longer, but i just think i am going to take a break from the boards for a while and see if i can start to feel better. I wish nothing but happiness to everyone and i hope i will be back soon, i will check on you from time to time to see how you are all doing...Dawn and Austin, i say a prayer for both of you every night, and i hope you get your miracles really soon. Aimee and Andrea, i am so happy for you, i wish you both a very happy and healthy 9 months.....

talk to you all later.....bye for now....

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

so i've decided that i'm not going to completely jump ship....i'm going to continue to lurk and post messages here and there, and try to keep up on this journal, i just won't be here full time. I found though, that since i decided to take a break from the boards, something keeps pulling me back, i just can stay away and i NEED to know what is going on with this place, like if i hadn't logged on today i wouldn't know that Michelle and Scootsmom got there bfps, and that just makes me happy knowing that....i'm sure there have been some while i have been away, and i'm sorry i missed them, congratulations to all of you.

Well, as for me, this has been a very slow cycle, i took clomid 3-7, but it didn't do much about making follies for me, usually i have them growing well by CD10, but this cycle there was actually nothing to measure on that day so i went back on CD 13 and there was a 1cm growing...so i took 3 days off from the clinic and went away for the weekend and came back to the clinic yesterday and the follie was measuring 1.7cm. So i went back in this morning, 18dpo, and its measuring 1.9cm. i'm going back tomorrow and hopefully my body will be ready to surge on its own, i kinda don't want a trigger shot, i've been reading and i don't hear good things about it, even though i have had them three times already, but none of them resulted in a bfp, only the cycle that i didn't use anything gave me my bfp, so i really want to let it happen on its own, i just worry that it will take forever to do that......oh well, i'll keep you all updated....

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well i've finally ovulated. I had to go to the clinic Thursday and Friday because my body was taking forever to do anything. I really wanted to let my body O on its own, but Friday when i went, the doc said that if i didn't get the trigger shot, that i would lose the egg, it was getting too big, and it wouldn't be good quality, so i went ahead and had the shot. So I O'd on either Sat or Sun, but i am going with Sat because my temps went up on Sunday and that is where FF is putting it. So now i wait. God i hope this is it.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

wow, i'm really bad at this journal thing, its been so long. I will try and catch up. So i ended up getting AF on Aug 19th, so that cycle wasn't mean to be, and it hit me a lot harder than the others, not for any specific reason except that i am getting to the end of my rope with all this. So i told DH that i was seriously thinking of taking a break and just relaxing and getting my mind right before we continue, he said that he understood but thought we should keep going just for a little longer, so i agreed. We already had an appointment with the doctor booked to talk about our next step so we decided to keep it and see what she had to say. So she thought it would be best if we tried the clomid with IUI, and i pretty much agreed, although i was VERY nervous about it for some reason. So to make a long story short, we had our IUI's done Sept 2 & 3, and i was very confident about things cause we had some good statistics. I had two follies 2.1 & 2.2 and DH gave 2 very good samples, one was 26 million and the second was 22.5 million. So now i am just waiting to see what happens. This 2WW is killing me though, more than most i think because of the fact that we tried this new route. Please send along some baby dust if you can. thanks

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

9dpiui

not feeling too bad today, but yesterday was horrific. I had the worst stomach pains starting around 2:00 or so, and they lasted all night, i was afraid i was having an appendicitis or something, but then i started to get really bad diarriah (sp?) (sorry TMI) so i am thinking that is where the pain came from, but i'm surprised it would last that long.

Also, my arthritis doctor took me off all medication this cycle. Usually i just take my anti inflammatory up until i would find out i was pregnant, then i would stop it, but i read something about it having negative effects on implantation, so i talked to my doctor about it and she said that i should go off it now, and then if i'm not preggers, then start it again when AF comes and stop again at O time,. But the pain is horrendous, i'm surprised i'm even at work today. Last time when i was pregnant, i went into remission right away, so i am hoping that happens again if i get pregnant again.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

14dpiui

not sure how i am feeling about this cycle, i really have no pregnancy symptoms, i really don't feel anything at all except this horrific arthritis pain. If i knew i was preggers than i wouldn't even care, it would all be worth it, but not knowing is just making it worse. I am still going to wait till Thursday to test, i'll see what my temp does that day, if it drops i won't test, but if it stays high i will. Please pray for me that it stays high. Since the beginning of the cycle i've been praying that there is 2 in there (i had 2 eggs), but right about now, i am just praying for whatever i can get. I just want to be pregnant so bad. My EDD from the angel was yesterday, and I knew 2 people who were due on or around that day and they have both had their babies now, and that just makes me so sad. I just keep asking myself "when is it going to be my turn???" I guess only god knows that for sure.

On a lighter note, DH bought me a nintendo ds this week, he knows that i have been wanting one so he just went out and got it for me. We also got new cell phones which is exciting too. See, i am looking for the small things in life that bring me joy. Smile

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well i didn't write anything on Friday because i was just too upset. AF came Friday morning at 4:00. I was devastated. I spent the next 2 hours in bed crying until i had to get up for work. I guess i really did put all my hope into this cycle even though i said i wasn't going to.
So i went to the doc yesterday for my CD3 bloodwork so we can get this thing started all over again, and when talking to the doc, i just felt very discouraged. She has always been very optimistic about getting me pregnant, and usually when i leave there i feel alot better than when i went in. Well yesterday this wasn't the case. I asked her if she could see a reason why it didn't work this cycle, and she said, "I really can't, all your numbers are perfect" so then she said, "I am just waiting for your cue to move on" I was like, what does that mean, and she said "well we could start injectables or IVF. I was like WHAT, where is the optimism you used to have, my heart sank into my toes when she said IVF. I don't know what to think now. We are going to do another cycle of clomid/IUI and then if that doesn't work, i don't know what is next, i just feel right now that this is never going to happen for me.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

Well i'm on CD14 now, i have 5 follies, but right now it looks like only 3 of them are going to mature, and one of them is already really big, so by the time they trigger me there will probably only be two good ones, which i guess is fine, its one on each side which i pefer over having both on one side. So i have a 1.6 on my left and a 2.1 & 1.5 on my right. I have to go back again tomorrow and hopefully they will trigger me and then i will have my IUI's done Saturday and Sunday. I'm kinda hoping that I surge myself this month too, i don't want another trigger shot....although i will if i have to. Right now i am just crossing my fingers that i have atleast 2 viable eggs at trigger time.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well they didn't trigger me again, they still want those two smaller eggs to catch up to the bigger one, the good news is that the big one didn't grow, so i might have 3 good eggs, right now they are at 1.7 (L) and 2.1 & 1.6 (R). So it looks right now like i will be doing IUI Sunday and Monday.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

So i had my IUI's done (sorry a little late on this update) on Sunday and Monday, it looks like i had two eggs, 2.3 and 2.0, one on each side. I'm okay with that. DH's numbers weren't as good as last time, he had 8 million the first day and 10.5 million the second day. So now i am in the horrible 2WW, it really suck, i really wish (as do most of us) that there was a way to tell RIGHT AWAY if you are pregnant.
Anyhoo, that is where i'm at right now, with a long wait ahead of me.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

well its over, AF arrived last night....i'm so upset right now, especially since it came 3 days early.....what the h*ll is up with that??? I should be calling the clinic to make an appointment for CD3, but i just can't bring myself to do it right now....