I've finally gotten enough nerve to start my own journal. My name is Missy and I just turned 33. My dh is 40 and we have a ds who will be 2 on Saturday. We've been TTC for 13 months. That in itself, took forever to say. I've been wanting to do this, but everytime I started, something stopped me. Who knows?
I think I've always lived in the denial world. You never think something would happen to you, but the older you get, the more reality hits. I think this reality has been the hardest. With ds, it took 4 months to get pg, but this time we haven't been as lucky. My cycle is pretty normal, DH s/a was normal and the HSG came back ok, but still no luck. I've used the OPK tests for the last 7-8 months and I just finished my first cycle on clomid (50mg).
I know there are many others who have been ttc for way longer and I just don't know how you keep your positive attitudes. Me, on the otherhand, have gotten pretty depressed about it. I don't know if its hormones rearing their ugly head or just plain depressed.
However, I'm taking back over starting today. I saved up and bought an elliptical trainer, I've been eating healthier, and getting a good amount of sleep. Bring on the baby!
Today is CD5 and my second round of clomid. It has definitely been a weird day today. I've been really crampy, well before I took my first pill, and almost as if I'm getting ready to Ov. It really shouldn't be possible, but I went out and bought the OPK tests just in case.
I'm really hoping this week goes fast. DS's 2nd bday is on Saturday and I'm ready to celebrate my little boy's birthday.
Still on the healthy kick. I've been working out on my elliptical trainer 3 times a week. My personal goal is to get rid of the left over baby fat and get my self confidence back up.
On to my second pill and nervously awaiting s/e. I'm really hoping I'm not as moody this go around. I'm not sure I liked myself for a week or so and I definitely don't want to feel that way around ds's bday. No real news to report except that I went to a baby shower today. I was proud of myself, I didn't get too upset. The only thing that got me was her pg belly and hearing her complain about it. What I would do right now to have that belly.
Oh and the hormone he** begins. I'm already weepy and its only CD3. Just when I think I'm doing better, someone asks me about ttc is going and I lose it. I don't want to feel this way. I'm trying to stay strong about it, but something always knock me down at the last minute. I'm making a pact to stay strong. The working out is definitely helping me get rid of some of the anxiety and stress and I need to keep with it.
I'm really excited for this weekend though. My dear little boy is turning 2. I can't believe how fast time flies. I can't wait to see his face when he opens his birthday present from us.
Off to sleep. The sooner I go to bed, the sooner my weekend can begin.
What a weekend! We had a party for ds and today we finally cleaned up the mess. The crazy part is that we only had about 15 people here, but boy did they pack a punch. I invited our neighbors to the party against my better judgement, but I felt guilty as they've always invited us to their dd's parties. Anywho, she was a nightmare. She opened ds's presents and continually grabbed toys out of his hands. I tried to keep giving Nate something else to keep him distracted, but she'd strike again. All of this with the mom watching on. Aaaagggghhh.
Besides the annoying neighbors, the party was a hit and I didn't think about ttc once. This morning was day 10 and our first scheduled bd'ing. DH woke me up this morning and it was just the way to kick off the clomid marathon. That's what I call it. You're given your day to start dtd and you're off an running.
Other than that, all is good. Not too moody today, but bb's feel like they are blowing up. I did my workout tonight and I'm ready for bed. On to another week of work.
I'm such a slacker. Everytime I sat down to type in my journal, I lost my motivation. So I'm back. Today is CD 29 and I'm about to lose my mind. I didn't even want to say it out loud for jinxing myself. Last mo on clomid, AF arrived in the evening of day 29 so I'm nervous as can be. I don't know why I'm making myself so crazy with anticipation because its really unlikely this month was the month. A mean intestinal bug reared its ugly head right around my fertile time. I know, how lucky for me? It's bad enough that the clomid has made me a crazy woman, but this month is was probably for nothing.
Aaaaggghhhh...still I sit here wondering. Do I test? I can't bring myself to do it. I figured if I test and see a BFN, then I'll have two depressing moments. First would be the BFN test and the second will be when AF actually arrives. I'm going for just one depressing moment. If I can pull it off, I'll wait until Sunday. That's my goal. That way, it will be 11DPO.
Back to work...or at least for another 43 minutes.
Wow, has it really been that long since I posted? I really didn't mean to let it go that long. The burst of energy I had in previous posts, all went downhill fast. I haven't been on my elliptical trainer at all. Here I am back again, two more clomid cycles later and today is CD20. This is my last month on clomid.
I finally went to a RE and he told me not to continue with clomid. In his words, "it isn't the answer for everyone" and I'm relieved. It definitely didn't bring out the best in me. I'm glad I found a RE that I like. I really just picked one that my insurance would cover, only to discover that he was was considered one of the best for our area of the South. He found a couple of things that he found to be red flags in both mine and dh's info. So know we're off to check on them. I've got blood work scheduled for the end of this week, an ultra sound scheduled for CD3 (assuming I haven't gotten my pd) and another round of blood work on CD21 and an exam. DH, on the otherhand, just needs to do another SA.
I'm going to do my best to keep up with my journal as it really does make me feel better to get it off my chest. Sometimes, the anxiety can be real heavy.
Good news and bad news. Blood work came back normal, but AF arrived last night. Oh well, that was the last of clomid. I talked to the nurse and now I'm off and running. I've got blood work tomorrow. DH has another SA on Monday and I have an U/S on Dec. 11th. I've got mixed emotions about what's going on right now. I'm glad that I'm getting to the bottom of why its taken so long to get pg, but I'm also scared to find out the truth.
My aunt wasn't able to have kids and I never knew why and I think that's lingering over my head. I know that I'm different than here, I've got my ds. But you still can't help but think there's something genetically out there.
I just called and made DH's appt. I really thought he was going to put up a stink about going to do it again, but he was a good sport about it.
Other than that, nothing else really new to report. Back to work...bummer.
Wow, what a morning. I had another round of blood work done and that was a doozy. I couldn't even count how many viles they took, but it was out of control. I don't mind giving blood and luckily enough the person who was doing it was good. If not, I think I would have passed out. Now I just sit back and wait...again. No other TTC updates to mention. Just wishing the old hag away. I should be in the clear by Sunday. This month was a little heavier than others which actually makes me happy. I know, who's typically happy about a heavy period? At least I know something good is happening. TGIF and have a good weekend!
More tests and more good results!! DH had a s/a done on Tuesday and it came back good. There was only one area that was slightly below normal, but the nurse said it wouldn't be cause for starting IUI or IVF. Plus, she said its a real common area to be a little lower (morphology). Now I'm just getting nervous for my appt on Monday. They are doing an US. Other than that, nothing real new. Hoping for a quiet weekend. We're going to see DH's grandmother on Sunday, but that's it!