Thread: Missy's TTC Journal

Wahooooo...only an hour more at work. Tomorrow morning I'm off on vacation. I've done everything I need to do for the day so now I'm just slacking. You can only surf the Internet for so long.

I'll probably still post once or twice while on vacation. I get stuck in the house while ds naps.

I did have a small gray cloud over my trip, but I'm trying to forget about it and hope that it goes away. My mom just IM me and said that my nephew came down with a stomach bug last night. Normally, it wouldn't be too big of a deal, but all of my nieces and nephews are with my mom until Sunday (total of 6 kids and 2 adults) and that's a lot of people to get sick. I really hope no one else gets it. We'll see....

I'm back from vacation and have post vacation blues. It was a great week and a half though. The weather was awesome and ds did great. I did have some weird things happen to me while on vacation. I typically o between 17-19th day. By CD19 I hadn't felt anything and then bam. I went from happy go lucky to PMS and crampy/miserable just like that. It hurt so bad that I actually took tylenol. Plus, I had almost a week of major cm. Sorry for the TMI, but this is definitely an interesting cycle for me.

I haven't cared too much about ttc this month since I'm having the lap done on the 21st. Plus, I was away from dh during most of the time anyway. It was just a weird month althogether.

Today is CD24 and I'm just waiting for AF. She should be arriving anytime between Monday and Wednesday of next week. I'm just glad it won't be Saturday. It's my birthday and I want to celebrate. The only bummer about August is that I'm 24 months of TTC with no BFP. I never thought I would get to this point.

What I can't figure out is why it happened so easily the first time. That's the cruel part to all of this uncertainty. Was the first time a fluke? Did the c-section cause problems for me? Those are the questions that keep me up at night. And I think that's why I was so willing to have the lap done. I want this to be my answer so desperately. I feel like I've put a lot of weight in this one procedure. Only 12 more days until I know...I hope.

Today is CD25 and like clockwork the cramps have begun. I starting keeping a journal back in January of everything. I noted when I got pos on the OPK, what symptoms I had on what days, days that we dtd. So have I mentioned that I'm a little OCD.

I read back in the last couple of months and I always starting cramping on CD25. I do have sore bb's, but that's it for now. How nice would it be to get pg just before the lap. Not only would I finally be pg, the obvious benefit, but I'd also save myself the misery of the lap.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

CD28 and waiting. I did have something happen last night that has never happened ever. I think I experienced my first migraine. My head really felt bad before I went to bed, but I just attributed it to a lack of water. Our water went out on Friday and then it was under drinking/cooking advisory until yesterday. I didn't have any bottled water in the house so I was drinking more soda than normal. At around 3:30am I woke up in miserable agony. My head was throbbing so bad that I couldn't lay still. I dragged my butt out of bed and scrambled for some relief. Four tylenol and an hour later, I fell asleep. I felt pretty out of sorts this morning. I was pretty nauseous, but that was probably from the headache and bad allergies this morning.

Now I feel a little more human and speedy from my allergy medicine. So now that I've babbled on about my headache, I'm back to the TTC thoughts.

I didn't expect AF to arrive today since my o symptoms were much later this month. I'm always 13 dpo. I'm thinking she's going to make her appearance either on CD30 or 31. That's pretty much par for the course when I'm not on clomid.

My preop appts for the lap are Thursday so the games begin on that note. Hope everyone's Monday isn't too bad.

The title for this week should be ugh. That's how I've felt since my last post. Let's start with the fact that today is CD34 and AF still hasn't arrived. Being that my typical cycle is 30-31 days wouldn't you think I'm pg? After my 3rd BFN and a blood test, I am definitely not pg. How cruel is that? I've only gone past day 31 twice in the past two years. I so had my hopes up. If I don't get it by tomorrow, I will truly lose my mind. I've NEVER gone past CD34. I really don't know what is going on with me. I feel awful. I've had the most miserable headache ever. It's too the point that I've been nauseous too. I even went to my regular dr on Tuesday to see if I had a sinus infection. She didn't even look up my nose. She just went and changed my allergy medicine and that isn't helping.

I have my lap on Tuesday and I really don't want to go into it already feeling bad. My recovery is going to be even worse if I can't shake these symptoms. All in all, I've been really miserable. Luckily enough, it hasn't made me snap at people too much. This is a very busy week at work and everyone has been very stressed. It's been a challenge not to lose it on people, but I've been able to keep it together...for the most part. I'm actually at work today to make up for missing Tuesday. I didn't want to take too much sick leave since I don't have much and I'm still living the dream that I'll get pg someday. If I go out on maternity leave, the first ten days go to sick leave before it goes to short term disability and I only have 3 days right now. I accrue .5 day every month.

Well I better get back to work. Hopefully, I'll feel a little better tomorrow. Maybe its just a bug.

CD36 and NOTHING!!!!!!!!! Yet I'm not pg. A person can only take so many tests before they accept the fact that they are true. My new problem in my liquid diet for the lap tomorrow. I'm completely miserable and its only 11:30. I've got to go another 26 hours before my surgery. How do people do this and remain sane. I've always joked with people that I'm like a baby, I have to eat every two hours. Plus, my job is the marketing manager of dining services at a college. I'm surrounded by food all the time and its all free. Is that not the biggest tease ever.

I'm sitting at my desk with a bottle of gatorade and two empty coffee cups waiting for chicken broth lunch. Plus, I have a bag of hard candy's and 4 more jellos in the fridge. Have I mention that I can't stand jello? I know I'm whining and I don't deserve to be. There are many worse things out there and I'm a wimp, but that doesn't help. I'm still hungry.

Finally, AF made her appearance. Doesn't she know that its rude to be tardy...just kidding. Today is the day!! I'm off for my lap at 11:30. I've completed the miserable task of Bowel Prep and I just completed my first, but hopefully my last, enema. That was not a fun experience at all. I haven't had solid foods since Sunday night dinner and I'm going crazy. I just walked past ds's cracker jacks box and I almost attacked. No food is safe right now! Wish me luck...I'm going to need it today.

This surgery became a twofer deal. I went in for a laparascopy and came out with appendix too. Seriously, they found one of my tubes was blocked so they cleared it. Plus, my dr saw that there was a vericose vein wrapped around my appendix so they called in another surgeon and removed it. Wow. I never would have expected that. Yesterday was definitely a tough day. I don't remember anything about going under for the lap, but I sure did feel the effects of the general anesthetic. They gave me 3 different types of anti nausea medicine before I could leave. We were the last one's out of outpatient surgery and the rest of the night was a blur. However, nothing could have prepared me for today.

It wasn't the pain that truly got me as much as my mil's company today. She was supposed to stay with me because of the anesthetics and she proved to be as useless as ever. She came over and fell asleep almost the entire day. WTF. Plus, she was snoring. I ended up getting almost everything for myself. Doesn't that defeat her purpose. When I did get her to do something, it was the chore of all chores. I really wish my mom could have been here. She would have cleaned my house, done my laundry and pampered me. My mil, on the otherhand, acted like a patient and did nothing. Oh yeah, I did send her for motrin so I guess she did something. I know I sound ungrateful, but you don't know my mil. She wants to help, but she always ends up being more of a trouble than help.

At least the day is over. She asked dh if she should come back tomorrow and he was smart enough to say no. I had originally planned to go back to work tomorrow, but the pain was a little more than I anticipated. Plus, I'm bleeding pretty good. I didn't think my period was going to stick around. My dr said he would take care of that, but I guess this is just remnants from the surgery.

Off to bed. My bed and pain pills are calling me.

What a week! I'm so glad its over. I finally started to feel better on Friday only to come down with a nasty cold. I'm not a wimp, but this one was miserable. It almost felt like I had the flu. I did nothing but sleep the entire weekend. With my anniversary on Friday, it didn't make for much of a romantic weekend, but now its done and I feel better. I have a renewed outlook on the TTC front. I'm anxious for my two week visit to see how much damage there was to my tube, but for now, I'm just thinking positive and looking at due dates. Every year we've ttc, this time of year has made me anxious. It would be the ideal time to get pg. I would get the summer off and be able to spend more time with my family.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. I've done some reading on the internet, which is always a bad thing to do, and I've found if the damage to my tube was significant, that IVF would be my next option. While I'm hoping that isn't the case, I'm ready to move forward. I used to be scared of IVF, but I'm not anymore. We can pay for it on our credit card which has a zero balance and a very low interest rate and it would be doable. I'm just ready for a baby. I know, way to state the obvious.

On the otherhand, I had an awesome conversation with dh after the surgery. We've never really talked about his thoughts on adoption. I guess I always assumed that he wouldn't be interested. He's always said that he would be happy with one. However, we really surprised me the other day when he said he would be completely open. In fact, he's put some more thought into it than I thought. He was talking about International adoption. What a shocker. I guess he can still surprise me after 10 years.

Well I better get back to work. I've basically been out of commission for a week. Hope everyone had a nice weekend.