Missy's TTC Journal - Page 4
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  1. #31
    missy11
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    Can we say sore bb's?? I really hope this isn't just the medicine speaking. They said to wait until Monday to test, but I just don't think I'll be able to wait. I'm going to dwell on some symptoms for now:

    1. dizzy and nauseous
    2. Sore breasts
    3. Irritable!!!!!

    I'm off to dream about babies...

  2. #32
    missy11
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    BFN

    I can't stop crying. I know that sounds pathetic, but I don't care. I'm sick and tired of seeing a neg pg test.

    **updated** I just came back after reading my post above and I realized how harsh I sound. Life isn't bad, I'm just having a bad run right now.

  3. #33
    missy11
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    Today is definitely a better day. I felt sorry for myself this whole weekend and today I'm back to reality. I've spoken with the nurse and I have an appt for a baseline u/s on Wed. Plus, it looks like I'm going to go back to clomid (instead of femara) since my progesterone didn't really improve. I had some awesome numbers on clomid, but we weren't doing the stims at the same time so I think we're going to try that. We'll see on Wednesday...

  4. #34
    missy11
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    What a week! I had to drive to NC for a meeting on Thursday only to return in the worst rain storm ever. It downpoured for 5 hours straight. Now I'm regrouping for the week. Everyday has gotten a little better, but this negative hit a little harder than others. I guess I thought the IUI would be a sure thing. I know better than that, but I really wanted it to be. I had my baseline u/s on Monday and everything looked fine...no cysts and endometrium lining was thin. I started clomid on Thursday and wowsa on the moodiness. Just like I remember it! I've really been trying to be more patient, but I feel like I could attack at any minute. Plus, my sex drive is basically zero. That makes for a sexy evening...not.

    Tomorrow is CD9, last clomid pills and first of the injections. Yeah

  5. #35
    missy11
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    I'm depressed. I hate feeling this way, but I can't help it. I know its part due to clomid, but I can't help but think I use that as a fallback. Things have been really tough lately. We've been incredibly tight on money and sinking in deeper and deeper. I just don't know whats happening. I know we have a lot of credit card debt, but I don't know how to get rid of it. Plus, our business is slowing down. I'm hoping the economy will rebound and things will turn up for the positive, but I hate the part of not knowing. My parents have offered to help us out, but I know dh wouldn't go for that and I don't blame him. He always seems like my parents look down on him as it is. My other two sisters are sahm and he thinks hes failed me.

    I know I'm blabbing on about stuff that isn't ttc related, but I'm stressed right now andhow am I fixing it? By trying to get pg again. I know that sounds crazy, but dh is 41 and I'm almost 34. I don't want to hold off any longer.

    I just want to cry.

  6. #36
    missy11
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    I had a pretty dark day yesterday. It started off with a mini panick attack followed by a good dose of depression. Luckily enough, that's not my personality by nature and I bounced back pretty quickly. I feel much better today. Plus, my dh was busy yesterday, today and the phone are already ringing for next week. The downfall of owning your own business (versus getting a guaranteed paycheck every other week) can really wear thin on your nerves. Its the whole "not knowing" that doesn't fare well. Since I'm such a control freak, it makes it worse.

    Anyhow, I had my CD13 appt u/s this morning and everything looked good. My numbers/follicles were better than last month so something is going well. My lining is at 6 and I have three good follices (23, 20 and 16). The IUI is scheduled for Sunday morning!!

  7. #37
    missy11
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    The weekend came and went. They did the IUI on Sunday and everything seemed to go ok. DH's sample was a little lower than last time, but they said it looked good. That bummed me out. In fact, I started crying on the table. I felt like such a dork. I can't keep a hold of my emotions these days. You never know when the water works are going to start. I'm trying desperate to be positive during the brutal 2ww. I get blood work done on Monday to check progesterone, but nothing else right now just waiting.

    Please let this work...

  8. #38
    missy11
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    Another day passed, another day closer to knowing. I've never wanted time to fly until now. I hate that I'm rushing through life, but ttc can do that to you. You're constantly thinking of the next step and how many days it takes to get there. The next thing you know, 18 months have passed.

    I've really tried not to lose sight of the present, dh and ds. In fact, dh kind of brought that up with me and he made a good point. I've dwelled so much on getting pg again that I kind of got caught in the moment and got distracted from them, but no more.

  9. #39
    missy11
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    Have you used the phrase, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Today, I've added to it. I woke up on the wrong side of the house. Wowsa am I cranky? I have no clue why, but I'm in hiding today for fear of what I'll say. You would think it wouldn't be the case as its Friday.

    On the TTC note, I'll start the symptoms game (even though I know some has to do with the HCG trigger shot).

    1. nausea
    2. full bb's
    3. Face starting to break out

    Let's see what the week brings! I need to give blood on Monday. Hopefully, my progesterone number is higher.

    Thank goodness next week is spring break on campus. I work on a college campus so when students are gone, it is nice and quiet and that's exactly what I need right now.

    TGIF!!!!!

  10. #40
    missy11
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    Tomorrow will be a week since the IUI. Wow, how times goes slow. Still obsessing over every single feeling.

    1. Major bloating
    2. Gassy
    3. Heartburn (on Fri)
    4. Cramping

    Please let these be good signs. There was one other thing today that kind of worried me. When dh and I were bd'ing, it hurt like crazy. My right side felt like it was being attacked. I was going to say stabbed, but that just didn't sound right. LOL. I'm hoping it was just because of the time of the month. I'm going to call the RE on Monday.

    Happy St Patrick's Day!

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