Today is CD24 and I'm still having interesting s/e. I'm off and on crampy, nipples are sore and cranky as all get up. WOW! I'm trying not to snap, but its getting harder and harder. Plus, dh has been trying to get some lovin' and I just can't bring myself to do it. I just want to crawl in a corner by myself. The only person I want to see is ds. He keeps me sane.
Last night, ds had a mild case of the runs and I couldn't stand how funny he was about it. We're trying to potty train right now and he was sitting on the toilet going and going and going. I kept asking if he was done and everytime I did, he'd go again. He was just amazed with himself. At one point he told me that his poopy was coming out really fast. It was hysterical.
On the TTC front, I'm just sitting here waiting. I really don't have any expectations since I really don't know when I o'd and we didn't dtd that much. I needed a month (maybe two) of nothing. I needed to officially my mind off of things. Maybe the weekend will help. I'm hoping we go camping this weekend. The weather is putting a minor glitch in our plans, but I'm waiting it out.
CD27 and happy its Friday. Only 13 more days until my vacation and I can't wait!!!! I don't even care that my fertile time will be while I'm on vacation and dh is home. I'm going to visit my family in upstate NY and DH is only coming for the last part of the vacation.
No plans for this weekend. The camping trip fell through, but I think we're going to take ds to a water park on Saturday. Nothing else new to report. I was really crampy on Wednesday, but now its just on and off. Who knows?!
CD28 and feeling like AF is lingering over my head. My main symptom which has been consistant from month to month is the absolute dryness the day before and that's now. I thought I had o'd around day 15-16 so that would make sense if the witch arrives tomorrow. She always makes her presense 13 dpo.
I'm really trying not to think about it. That was my plan for the month. I completely let go. I enjoyed probably a few too many summer cocktails and did all the things I haven't done in a while. Now I'm counting down for vacation. 12 more days!!! Then I countdown until the lap. When I get back from vacation, it will be 15 days.
I feel like all I do is countdown.
CD29 and AF is teasing me. I really wish she would have arrived today, if at all. There's nothing worse then getting your period on Monday morning. Nothing really to report. Just pretty crampy and cranky. I really felt bad for dh. He wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary, but I just wasn't in the mood. I tried to tell him I was PMSing, but he just didn't get it. Sometimes I just want peace and quiet.
CD30 and still crazy cranky. I was a mess last night. I could feel the tension in my shoulders and stomach. I haven't felt like that in a while. Then to top it off, I saw a commercial on TV that made me want to scream. It was an Always maxi pad commercial that ended with, "Have a happy period...Always. " WTF. Are they kidding? Was this scripted by a clueless male? Has their ever been a time that your period has made you happy? Did they think that creating the ultimate maxi pad would make that happen. Come on now. That ended my night. I went to bed shortly after.
Now I'm just sitting at my desk being miserable at work. DS woke up this morning as I was leaving for work. He was crying for me and it broke my heart. What a shitty way to start the day.
Sorry I'm such a bummer this morning. I'm more emotional now than I was on clomid the last six months combined. I hope my attitude improves and fast. I've got a lot of work to do the next two weeks and I can't afford to be cranky.
Off to sulk in my cube.
Shortly after my last post, AF made her appearance. I knew she was coming...she's not real sneaky about it. The strange thing is shortly after she arrived, my crankiness went away. It was almost as if the weight had been lifted. I was a little disappointed that I wasn't pg, but realistically it would have been a miracle. I hadn't been in the mood to dtd and I wasn't tracking.
I'm heading off on vacation is Tminus 8 days and I can't wait. With AF arriving on CD30, I actually have a chance of seeing dh when I o. Again, a miracle will have to happen since we'll be with my parents, my sister and her 3 kids and we'll all be in one house. Finding some alone time could be interesting. Oh yeah, ds will be in the same room as us. If the challenge wasn't enough.
No other news to report. Just wishing the week would go fast. Last full week of work until August 13th. Wahhhooooooooo.
I had the tiniest bit of a silver lining yesterday. I had been pretty stressed about bills, as always, and then I got my paycheck. My boss who typically isn't the nicest person in the world, gave me a $500 bonus. WTH!! That's a first. In the 5.5 years I've worked here, I've only received two bonuses. One was for a major project I worked on for 9 mo and the other was when we won our contract for a whopping 15 years. This was just for doing a good job! Wow. The timing couldn't have been any better. We just had to pay off $780 in airplane tickets so that we could go visit my family next week and this really helped. Finally, a little bit of happiness.
I have a drs appt on Monday. Its my annual ob visit. It was supposed to be back in April, but with the IUIs and clomid, I wasn't willing to risk a pap smear. Now I've got to bite the bullet and go in and I'm not looking forward to it. This visit will mark 2 years of TTC.
On a more positive note. This is my last full week of work until the end of August. I leave for vacation on Thursday and come back to work on the following Tues. Then I have my preop appt on the 16th which will take me out of work another 1/2 day. The following week I have the lap (21st) so that will take me out another day or so. Before I know it, it will be Sept and ds will be 3 years old.
This summer is going by really fast!!
I had my annual gyno appt today and that was an emotional trip. I completely lost it when he started to review my chart. The poor man looked scared. He was reassuring and even gave me a hug. I just couldn't help it. Everytime we started to talk, I started to cry. I've just been so emotional. I hate crying in front of people and I feel like its all I do. Anytime the subject comes up, so do the tears. Will it ever get better?
One more day closer to vacation and I'm ready. I can't focus at work at all. It's only 9:20 and I'm bored and ready to go home. I've got most everything ready for our trip. I just have to do one more load of laundry and pack. I'm so excited to see my family. I saw them all in May, but it was only for 2 days and some of that was spent at a Memorial Service. This time I'll have 10 days with them. Plus, I'll get to see some friends and have a social life. Those things don't happen much these days.
I live in a place where dh grew up. I can't remember if I've posted this before so I apologize if this is dup info. I feel like everyday of my life is a high school reunion. Plus, making friends in this town has not been easy. Everyone knows each other and they hadn't been to accepting of new people. It took me almost 3 years to make a friend that wasn't from work. Needless to say, that doesn't make for much of a social life. Its a major downer.
Sometimes it bothers me and sometimes it doesn't. I just get excited to go home because I get to see my friends and have fun. I won't see everyone because I'll be a couple hours north of where I live, but I'll get to go out and have a few adult beverages and listen to music and I just can't wait!!!!!
Wahooooo...only an hour more at work. Tomorrow morning I'm off on vacation. I've done everything I need to do for the day so now I'm just slacking. You can only surf the Internet for so long.
I'll probably still post once or twice while on vacation. I get stuck in the house while ds naps.
I did have a small gray cloud over my trip, but I'm trying to forget about it and hope that it goes away. My mom just IM me and said that my nephew came down with a stomach bug last night. Normally, it wouldn't be too big of a deal, but all of my nieces and nephews are with my mom until Sunday (total of 6 kids and 2 adults) and that's a lot of people to get sick. I really hope no one else gets it. We'll see....
I'm back from vacation and have post vacation blues. It was a great week and a half though. The weather was awesome and ds did great. I did have some weird things happen to me while on vacation. I typically o between 17-19th day. By CD19 I hadn't felt anything and then bam. I went from happy go lucky to PMS and crampy/miserable just like that. It hurt so bad that I actually took tylenol. Plus, I had almost a week of major cm. Sorry for the TMI, but this is definitely an interesting cycle for me.
I haven't cared too much about ttc this month since I'm having the lap done on the 21st. Plus, I was away from dh during most of the time anyway. It was just a weird month althogether.
Today is CD24 and I'm just waiting for AF. She should be arriving anytime between Monday and Wednesday of next week. I'm just glad it won't be Saturday. It's my birthday and I want to celebrate. The only bummer about August is that I'm 24 months of TTC with no BFP. I never thought I would get to this point.
What I can't figure out is why it happened so easily the first time. That's the cruel part to all of this uncertainty. Was the first time a fluke? Did the c-section cause problems for me? Those are the questions that keep me up at night. And I think that's why I was so willing to have the lap done. I want this to be my answer so desperately. I feel like I've put a lot of weight in this one procedure. Only 12 more days until I know...I hope.
Today is CD25 and like clockwork the cramps have begun. I starting keeping a journal back in January of everything. I noted when I got pos on the OPK, what symptoms I had on what days, days that we dtd. So have I mentioned that I'm a little OCD.
I read back in the last couple of months and I always starting cramping on CD25. I do have sore bb's, but that's it for now. How nice would it be to get pg just before the lap. Not only would I finally be pg, the obvious benefit, but I'd also save myself the misery of the lap.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
CD28 and waiting. I did have something happen last night that has never happened ever. I think I experienced my first migraine. My head really felt bad before I went to bed, but I just attributed it to a lack of water. Our water went out on Friday and then it was under drinking/cooking advisory until yesterday. I didn't have any bottled water in the house so I was drinking more soda than normal. At around 3:30am I woke up in miserable agony. My head was throbbing so bad that I couldn't lay still. I dragged my butt out of bed and scrambled for some relief. Four tylenol and an hour later, I fell asleep. I felt pretty out of sorts this morning. I was pretty nauseous, but that was probably from the headache and bad allergies this morning.
Now I feel a little more human and speedy from my allergy medicine. So now that I've babbled on about my headache, I'm back to the TTC thoughts.
I didn't expect AF to arrive today since my o symptoms were much later this month. I'm always 13 dpo. I'm thinking she's going to make her appearance either on CD30 or 31. That's pretty much par for the course when I'm not on clomid.
My preop appts for the lap are Thursday so the games begin on that note. Hope everyone's Monday isn't too bad.
The title for this week should be ugh. That's how I've felt since my last post. Let's start with the fact that today is CD34 and AF still hasn't arrived. Being that my typical cycle is 30-31 days wouldn't you think I'm pg? After my 3rd BFN and a blood test, I am definitely not pg. How cruel is that? I've only gone past day 31 twice in the past two years. I so had my hopes up. If I don't get it by tomorrow, I will truly lose my mind. I've NEVER gone past CD34. I really don't know what is going on with me. I feel awful. I've had the most miserable headache ever. It's too the point that I've been nauseous too. I even went to my regular dr on Tuesday to see if I had a sinus infection. She didn't even look up my nose. She just went and changed my allergy medicine and that isn't helping.
I have my lap on Tuesday and I really don't want to go into it already feeling bad. My recovery is going to be even worse if I can't shake these symptoms. All in all, I've been really miserable. Luckily enough, it hasn't made me snap at people too much. This is a very busy week at work and everyone has been very stressed. It's been a challenge not to lose it on people, but I've been able to keep it together...for the most part. I'm actually at work today to make up for missing Tuesday. I didn't want to take too much sick leave since I don't have much and I'm still living the dream that I'll get pg someday. If I go out on maternity leave, the first ten days go to sick leave before it goes to short term disability and I only have 3 days right now. I accrue .5 day every month.
Well I better get back to work. Hopefully, I'll feel a little better tomorrow. Maybe its just a bug.
CD36 and NOTHING!!!!!!!!! Yet I'm not pg. A person can only take so many tests before they accept the fact that they are true. My new problem in my liquid diet for the lap tomorrow. I'm completely miserable and its only 11:30. I've got to go another 26 hours before my surgery. How do people do this and remain sane. I've always joked with people that I'm like a baby, I have to eat every two hours. Plus, my job is the marketing manager of dining services at a college. I'm surrounded by food all the time and its all free. Is that not the biggest tease ever.
I'm sitting at my desk with a bottle of gatorade and two empty coffee cups waiting for chicken broth lunch. Plus, I have a bag of hard candy's and 4 more jellos in the fridge. Have I mention that I can't stand jello? I know I'm whining and I don't deserve to be. There are many worse things out there and I'm a wimp, but that doesn't help. I'm still hungry.
Finally, AF made her appearance. Doesn't she know that its rude to be tardy...just kidding. Today is the day!! I'm off for my lap at 11:30. I've completed the miserable task of Bowel Prep and I just completed my first, but hopefully my last, enema. That was not a fun experience at all. I haven't had solid foods since Sunday night dinner and I'm going crazy. I just walked past ds's cracker jacks box and I almost attacked. No food is safe right now! Wish me luck...I'm going to need it today.
This surgery became a twofer deal. I went in for a laparascopy and came out with appendix too. Seriously, they found one of my tubes was blocked so they cleared it. Plus, my dr saw that there was a vericose vein wrapped around my appendix so they called in another surgeon and removed it. Wow. I never would have expected that. Yesterday was definitely a tough day. I don't remember anything about going under for the lap, but I sure did feel the effects of the general anesthetic. They gave me 3 different types of anti nausea medicine before I could leave. We were the last one's out of outpatient surgery and the rest of the night was a blur. However, nothing could have prepared me for today.
It wasn't the pain that truly got me as much as my mil's company today. She was supposed to stay with me because of the anesthetics and she proved to be as useless as ever. She came over and fell asleep almost the entire day. WTF. Plus, she was snoring. I ended up getting almost everything for myself. Doesn't that defeat her purpose. When I did get her to do something, it was the chore of all chores. I really wish my mom could have been here. She would have cleaned my house, done my laundry and pampered me. My mil, on the otherhand, acted like a patient and did nothing. Oh yeah, I did send her for motrin so I guess she did something. I know I sound ungrateful, but you don't know my mil. She wants to help, but she always ends up being more of a trouble than help.
At least the day is over. She asked dh if she should come back tomorrow and he was smart enough to say no. I had originally planned to go back to work tomorrow, but the pain was a little more than I anticipated. Plus, I'm bleeding pretty good. I didn't think my period was going to stick around. My dr said he would take care of that, but I guess this is just remnants from the surgery.
Off to bed. My bed and pain pills are calling me.
What a week! I'm so glad its over. I finally started to feel better on Friday only to come down with a nasty cold. I'm not a wimp, but this one was miserable. It almost felt like I had the flu. I did nothing but sleep the entire weekend. With my anniversary on Friday, it didn't make for much of a romantic weekend, but now its done and I feel better. I have a renewed outlook on the TTC front. I'm anxious for my two week visit to see how much damage there was to my tube, but for now, I'm just thinking positive and looking at due dates. Every year we've ttc, this time of year has made me anxious. It would be the ideal time to get pg. I would get the summer off and be able to spend more time with my family.
I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. I've done some reading on the internet, which is always a bad thing to do, and I've found if the damage to my tube was significant, that IVF would be my next option. While I'm hoping that isn't the case, I'm ready to move forward. I used to be scared of IVF, but I'm not anymore. We can pay for it on our credit card which has a zero balance and a very low interest rate and it would be doable. I'm just ready for a baby. I know, way to state the obvious.
On the otherhand, I had an awesome conversation with dh after the surgery. We've never really talked about his thoughts on adoption. I guess I always assumed that he wouldn't be interested. He's always said that he would be happy with one. However, we really surprised me the other day when he said he would be completely open. In fact, he's put some more thought into it than I thought. He was talking about International adoption. What a shocker. I guess he can still surprise me after 10 years.
Well I better get back to work. I've basically been out of commission for a week. Hope everyone had a nice weekend.
I've got renewed hope, yet again. I called my drs office about my post op appt because it was in the middle of the day and the place is almost an hour away. I was checking to see if they could change it to the morning or afternoon, but they couldn't and the only option was to push it back a couple of days. I didn't want to do that because it was practically the day I was going to ovulate and I was hoping that he would let us ttc this month. I asked the nurse to see if the dr thought he was going to give us the go ahead, based on what he saw during the lap. If he wasn't thinking of giving the go ahead, I was going to move my appt. Luckily enough, she caught him right after we spoke and he said that he was thinking of giving us the green light.
Not only does that mean, we're practically cleared to give it a run this month. It also means to me that the damage to my tube wasn't that bad. Yes! I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, but I really needed to hear some good news and I'm counting this as the start of it. Now I just have to wait until next Wednesday. I need to be patient and I will do my best.
Nothing really new on my end. Just counting down the days until my appt on Wed. Meanwhile, I can feel things starting to happen. Its either CD 10 or 11. AF arrived on the 21st, but it didn't really kick in until the next day. I'm going to start the OPK on Sunday. I usually o anytime between CD16-19. I guess I'm a late bloomer.
So here's my situation. I'm not really sure what's going on. CD1 was either the day of my lap on the 21st or the day after. I don't know which one to go with. I was very lightly spotting on the 21st and it was really heavy the next afternoon after the lap. That was either AF or from the surgery. Either way, it lasted about a week and was over on Tues/Wed of last week. On saturday, I noticed some minor spotting. I put a liner in just in case. As the day progressed, it got heavier and I even started to cramp a little. Now its a full fledged period again. I have to wear pads still because of the lap and that's just downright gross to me. Plus, I'm worried. Why is this happening again? I called the dr on call, but he hasn't called back again. I POAS this morning for the OPK and the second line is just started to show, but barely so I feel like I still have time for this month, but its just weird. If CD1 was the 21st, then today is CD13. We'll see what the dr says, assuming he'll call me back. Its been 20 minutes.
I've got my post op appt in a couple of hours and I can't wait. Please send me good luck vibes!!
I'm a little bummed by my visit. After they checked my bp, weight and temp, he brought me into his office to review the results. I did get to see some cool pictures of my ovaries and fallopian tubes. I'm not easily grossed out so that was kind of cool. When he showed me my right tube, he showed the picture of just the tube and then the picture of the dye coming out. When he showed me the left one, it was the same, but there was no dye. I forget the terminology he used to explain what he did to it, but he said it looked just fine after. Basically, it wasn't significant enough to worry about. I know that's good news, but I really wanted that to be the explanation for why we haven't gotten pg.
He gave me my options, which were the same prior to the lap and it was a bummer. Continue with IUI, try a super IUI or IVF. I asked what he would do if he was in my situation and he said IVF. I'm not opposed to that, but I know that dh won't be too keen. I think I'm going to try natural for a while. My SIL gave me a fertility monitor and it will take it a couple of months to recognize me. I'm going to start on my next cycle and see what happens. If we aren't pg by Christmas, I'll make a decision then.
And the TTC saga continues...
So I'm finally not bleeding from the lap. They had to give me meds to make it stop and now I don't know where I am in this cycle. I haven't o'd yet and its practically CD27. Craziness! Hopefully things will be back to normal. I need normal right now!!
I think things are gearing up. I've got some killer pains in my lower back. That either means that I'm getting ready to o or AF is around the corner. Now I know that can't be true...I hope. I just got over my 3 week period and I just don't think I could take more. I keep on forgetting to do the opk. I think I need to accept that this month is a bust. All I know is that I'm so hormonal right now I could lose it.
Of all days for things to happen, this morning dh really ticked me off. We've talked about renewing our vows on our 5th anniversary, but I never heard him really try to plan it. He would mention things in passing, but nothing significant. So today, he just lost it about its just another thing he's wanted to do that I've shot down. WTF. I always plan everything and I'm sick and tired of it. I just thought that it was his thing and he would take care of it. I want to do it to, but I just want him to take initiative for once. I really believe that I married the laziest man in creation.
Anyhow, I told him that he needed to look into places/dates. My guess is that it will never happen and that's really a shame, but I refuse to organize it. I know its a bit childish, but I don't care. Its his turn to pull some weight in this relationship. Enough of my rant, I'm off to Target.
I'm so confused right now that I don't know what to think. I'm getting some interesting cramp/twinges. I think I'm o'ing. The weird part is today is CD30. However, its not too accurate because of the lap. All I know is that I'm in TTC limbo right now. I've got a fertility monitor that my sil gave me and I'm ready to go, but I just need AF to arrive so that I can start.
I got my answer this morning...AF arrived right on time. I really didn't think that was going to happen because of the medicine they had given me to stop the bleeding. They said it would mess up my schedule, but I guess it couldn't tackle me. Now here's for the crazy part. You would have thought I saw a pg line this morning when I discovered AF's arrival. I was so happy that I couldn't stand it. Granted I would have been happier to see that I was pg, but I have a fertility monitor that I've been anxious to use and now I can start.
Since I didn't expect the witch to arrive today, I was completely unprepared. I had to run to the drug store at 7:30 this morning to get batteries so that I could start the monitor up. I was like a mad woman getting ready for work so that I could go to the drugstore too.
Now I'm ready for everything to begin. I don't have my hopes too up for this month since the monitor has to recognize me, instead of my sil, but I'm still excited. Plus, its almost Friday. Happy almost TGIF!
Holy cow...AF is kicking my a$$. I don't think it has ever been this bad before. Besides the vicious cramps, I feel like I've spent most of my day running for the bathroom. I just feel ickie overall. I usually don't do too much over the weekends with regards to a social life. I just haven't had a chance to meet too many people. Why is it so much harder to make friends as we get older? Anyhow, we have a bbq to go to tonight and a shower to go to tomorrow night. What I'd rather do, is crawl up on the sofa in my pjs and chill. Oh well, what can you do?? Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised and have fun.
She's finally left the building...thank goodness. Now I'm just waiting for the peak fertility on the monitor. I don't expect that it will know my body this month since I got the monitor from my sil, but I still can't wait. Other than that, just busy at work. I've had a few big nights on my feet, which is not the norm for me, and its kicked my butt. I'm hoping things calm down a little. If only it was Friday...
CD8 and patiently waiting. I'm worried that my peak is going to hit when we go camping next week. I'll be in a camper with my 14 year old niece and bil. That's does not sound like the right set up for making a baby. I guess we're going to have to sneak away. Or, send them all a hiking.
**warning...a vent coming**
I'm tired of hearing about pregnant people and I'm especially tired of hearing people say how easy for them to get pg. WTF. I swear everyone is pg. I went to work today and I am friends with an older woman. She's like a mother figure to me. Her daughter is about the same age as me and she had a little boy about a year after me. Now she's pg with #2. And her dil is pg too. If it doesn't get any worse, the other woman who works with me has 2 daughters and both of them are pg. One of them had a little boy over a year after me. My friend is pg with triplets and my other close friend has twin sisters who both just announced they were pg.
Is this madness or am I just oversensitive to the situation? Please tell me that I'm not losing my mind. I'm just tired of this entire TTC. It's been over two years and they can't really come up with anything significant to explain why its been so long. Gotta loved the whole "unexplained infertility" label. First they thought it could be my progesterone, but clomid fixed that, just no pg.
What a weekend. I thought I handled myself rather well. I went to my friend's sisters house and I was around pg talk and it didn't bother me. I had a few drinks and enjoyed myself. Then I woke up Sunday morning and poas and put it into the fertility monitor. Low and behold, I got two bars. Wahoooo. I was so excited that I ran out of the bathroom and told my friend and her sister. They must have thought I was crazy. Luckily enough, my friend was anxious to get home because I was definitely ready to be home. The older I get, the less I like to spend the night in a different bed than my own. I slept awful. Plus, ds was in the bed with me and he kicks.
When we got home, I put ds down for a nap and he slept for 3 hours. That was more than enough time to have some fun with dh. It was so nice to not worry about a little voice interrupting. It was the first time its been like that in a while. But then realty hit and I had to come back to work. Oh well. I'm going to make sure we dtd every other day until we get peak fertility. I had to make sure dh was on board with the schedule. At first he gave me a little bit of a fight about it. He doesn't like the fact that the only time we've been dtd is when we're supposed to and I don't blame him. I'm not too keen on it either, but after doing it as much as we have, I just want a break on the off time. I reminded him that this was the last time in our life that it would be scheduled and to be patient with me. It's just been so long since this has been going on...
It's still showing high fertility and we dtd again today. Plus, I have an acupuncture appt tomorrow. The timing couldn't be anymore perfect. I have a feeling that I'll see the peak fertility on Thursday. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but so far this month is falling right into place. Plus, since I just had the lap done, everything should be clear and ready to go. The only thing wearing me down right now is my head. I've got a vicious headache and my throat is a little dry. Please don't let it be a head cold. That would not be good. Only time will tell though.
Today is CD14 and I think I know why I haven't gotten pg in the past two years. I know thats a bold statement, but here's my thoughts. I've never used a monitor before so I feel like I'm starting to ttc for the first time. I've always used OPK and they've never shown up positive until at least CD17 or 18. The monitor is still only showing high fertility, but I've got some major egg white cm. I wonder if we've always dtd too late. Hmmm...something to dwell about for the next two weeks. I'm really hoping I see peak fertility tomorrow on the monitor. With my bil and niece in town this weekend, it could make it pretty interesting trying to sneak away.
Apparently, I don't know my own body. I thought I was on to something when the monitor told me high so early in the game. Oh was I wrong. Today is CD19 and still no egg. WTH. My body is like clockwork. I always o between CD16-18 and still nothing on the monitor. Is it possible that I missed it or that it isn't happening this month? That's never happened to me before. I was extremely crampy on Fri and had major cm so I really thought Sat would be the day. When that didn't happen, I banked on Sunday. Here it is Monday and nothing. So now I'm starting to think that the OPK have done me wrong. Maybe I o even later than I thought. I hate not knowing what's going on.
I just downright gave up on the monitor. I'm going to wait and see if AF arrives and I'm going to reset it and start fresh. In the meanwhile, I got the insurance statement about my lap and it cost $22,000. WTF. It was outpatient surgery. Why did it cost so much? I knew it was going to be more than normal because of the appendix being removed, but come on. This is ridiculous. It's going to cost me close to $2,700 with drs costs, anesthesiologist and hospital fees. Plus, they didn't really find anything wrong. I know it was good to do because it ruled out problems, but still. Did it have to cost me nearly $3k? I'm depressed. Money situations suck.
What a week!! We drove to St Michaels, MD to visit friends. That was a 10 hour drive. Then we went to visit my Aunt and Uncle in MD and then off to see my bil in DC. We did this all in 5 days. I'm exhausted. The good news is that it took my mind off of the 2ww. Today is CD28 and I have no clue which day I o'd (since the monitor was so screwy). I think it could have been the 5th or 6th, but if that was the case, we missed it. I don't have high hopes because I just went to the bathroom and saw the faintest pink color on the paper. That usually means AF is getting ready to rear her ugly face. I'm ok with it though. Now I know to reset the monitor and I'll get a fresh start next month. I usually get AF on either CD30 or CD31, mainly 31, so it is a little early to see spotting, but not impossible. It has happened this early before. I think it started up because we dtd this morning. I'm just trying to relax and enjoy the ride. Granted, its been a long one, but I'm really trying to have a new outlook on things. Meanwhile, people are getting pg everytime I turn around. A friend of mine just announced she was pg with her 3rd. I guess I'll just have to get used to hearing it....
Wow do I feel miserable. If I have too much caffeine (which for me isn't much) and I don't have breakfast, it turns ugly. I was practically twitching with hunger by 10. I finally got something to eat and then had lunch. By 3pm I was miserable again and then I had a horrendous headache. Needless to say, I was a real treat yesterday. Today its happening all over again. I had a cup of coffee and a banana. I started to feel bad so I got a piece of toast with peanut butter on it. I feel a little better, but not great.
I'd really like to believe this is a symptom, but I know it isn't. I just have occasional problems with low blood sugar. If I have starbucks coffee, my hands are shaking and I'm nauseous within an hour.
Now that I've dwelled on food, I'm hungry again. Today is CD29 and I'm holding off testing. Part of me wants to know and part wants to hold onto hope. I know that sounds crazy, but I'm sure some of you can relate. Once you get the BFN, the sadness begins. It's almost as if you want to hold onto the possibility just a little longer.
This whole process is quite maddening. I'm surprised people don't go insane while ttc.
I have the worst luck with posting about AF and then having her appear minutes after. She's a mean ol' witch. I did reset the monitor and made today CD1. It was a major debate, but since yesterday was midday and a really lite flow, I determined today to be CD1. In the end, it doesn't make too much of a difference, hopefully the monitor will find me.
Off to a college football game tomorrow with dh and ds. Ds really enjoys them and its fun for us too. Then we're going to the pumpkin patch on Sunday. Big doings this weekend. No big news other than that. My friend with the triplets is 27 weeks and holding on pretty well. I'm going to focus my attention on helping her.
TGIF everyone and have a great weekend!!! GL to any of those poas.
This week has flown by. I've been so busy that I don't even know what to do with myself. Some of it I brought on myself, I really need to not overschedule myself. The rest just kind of happened. I'll be in Charleston most of next week on business. Hopefully, I'll have Internet connection. If not, I'll have a lot of time at night in a hotel room.
Anyhow, still plugging away with the monitor. I think the reset must have worked because it asked me to start poas a little bit earlier than last month. It's CD8 and its still low fertility which makes sense. Last time it started with high on CD9 so the true test will be tomorrow. It will be interesting poas this weekend as we'll be camping...not necessarily the best setup for it, but I'll make it work.
Hope everyone has a good weekend!
I'm such a journal slacker. I really didn't mean for so much time to fly before I posted. I had Internet in Charleston, but I was so tired after our dinners that I just went back to my room and went to bed. I'm sure the glasses of wine with dinner didn't help. Today is CD18 and I'm so happy. I finally saw the egg on CD17. The only downside was that I didn't believe the monitor and took advantage of my hubbie the day before it appeared. Normally, I wouldn't be too concerned, but his sperm count as been dwindling lately. We dtd the day before the egg, the day of and the day after. If that doesn't cover me, nothing will.
I was talking to my friend on the phone yesterday morning because I was asking if we should dtd that night again or wait until the next morning. Her response was "shock and awe baby." I got a good laugh at her comment. She was basically saying, do it until you drop. There's nothing like a girlfriend to make you laugh at what can be a stressful time in your life. Now I'm officialy 1DPO. The obsessing will begin now...
Nothing new to report. I'm 3po and just feeling down in the dumps. I'm just plain depressed. There isn't really a good reason for it. I don't know if its hormones or what. Today I had a fit because the snack I was trying to make for ds for tomorrow turned out bad. WTF. That isn't worthy of being depressed. I was sitting at work today looking at all of the info/dates I've kept track of over the past two years and it nearly brought tears to my eyes. Why is it taking so long????? I feel like there's a big mystery out there still to be solved. In the meanwhile, I'm spending ridiculous amounts of money only to get BFN and nothing wrong with me. Please give me some good news soon. Each month brings me down even more which isn't helping, but I don't know how to stop it.
Wow, is it possible for PMS to start this early in the cycle? Today is CD21 and I am surly as sh$t. I feel like I'm snarling at any person who comes within 5 feet of me. Work should be fun today. I really hope no one messes with me. The only happiness I have today is that its Thursday and I only have one more day in the week. I have to work a little bit on Saturday, but not enough to get me down. Then I have to go to babiesrus on Sunday to get a shower gift for my sil. Now that could be interesting. My mil can truly drive me batty sometimes, but I actually invited her along this time. Other than that, nothing really new to report. My lower back is bothering me a little and I'm starting to get crampy, but that's nothing new. We'll see...
CD22 and trying to keep positive. I keep overanalyzing any twinge I feel. Again, why can't there be a camera where you can just see what the heck is going on. In the meanwhile, the monitor keeps telling me to poas every morning. Since this is the first true successful month on the monitor, I'm anxious to see what it makes me do.
Tomorrow could be an interesting day. I'm going to babies rus with my mil. We were supposed to go on Sunday because I thought I had to work tomorrow, but I don't have to work so I thought it would be easier to get it over with tomorrow. Although I don't have to work tomorrow, I have to work for a while tonight. At first I was bummed, but now it looks as if it worked out for me. DS woke up in the middle of the night with 103 fever only to find out this morning that he has strep. if I didn't have to work tonight, I would have had to take today as a sick day and I don't have too many of them left. Luckily enough, dh was able to cancel his afternoon appts and I came in to work at 1pm. Now it ends up to be an 8 hr day instead of 12. DS should be fine by tomorrow. They gave him a shot of antibiotics instead of 10 days of meds. TGIF everyone!!
CD24 and starting to get pretty anxious. On Fri night I had some pretty crazy twinges. They were actually pretty painful. I wish it would be implementation, but it would probably be too early. Now I've just got pressure down there and I'm crampy. That's pretty typical for me before the witch arrives. Trying to be patient and positive. I wonder how long that will last. Either way, I should know by Sat what the deal is. Nothing else to report. I spent 4 hours with my mil on Sat and it wasn't too bad, just exhausting. Then we had everyone over today to celebrate bil's bday. Hopefully, this week will go fast. I'm already ready for next weekend. Maybe it will be a bit more relaxing.
CD28 and I'm losing my mind. Pleeeeeeaaaaasssseee let this one take. I can't take the madness. Either way I'll know by Saturday so only two more days to obsess. The monitor isn't asking me to poas as of CD25 so I'm hoping that doesn't mean it lost hope in me. I still don't quite get the monitor. I guess it would help if I read the directions again. I read them when I first got it, but its been a while. Now I'm just trying to keep myself busy. No good symptoms to obsess about. I was crampy yesterday, but that has subsided for now. It seems like I'm mainly crampy in the PM. Is that weird?
I used to think I was a strong woman, not in the physical sense, but the mental. Lately, I don't feel that way. I'm very sad today. Last night, I started spotting which means the witch is getting ready to show her ugly face yet again. I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. Why am I not getting pregnant? I've gone through all the testing, had 3 failed clomid cycles, 4 failed IUIs and a lap that didn't show anything significant. Dh's sperm analysis was fine too. Granted, his sperm count hasn't been what it used to be, but still going strong. I'm tired of the failure.
I'm tired of hearing people's baby news and I'm sick and tired of hearing that it will happen when you least expect it. When will I possibly be in a situation where I'll least expect it? Another fun one is that I'm too stressed about it for it too happen. Again, how does one turn your stress off? As you can tell, I'm pretty sick and tired of the stupid comments I've heard over the past 2 1/2 years. I know that everyone has meant well, but there must be an etiquette book created for people on how to deal with people trying to get pregnant. Notice I refuse to use the word infertile. That word is not in my vocabulary and I refuse to use it. Maybe that's my last ditch effort to happiness. Who knows?
I'm usually pretty chipper on a Friday. It means a long weekend, but I'm not feeling too chipper today. I just want to crawl into a ball in my pjs and get back into bed. The only thing keeping me going today is the fact that I'm only working two days next week. I'm off Thurs and Fri and I took Wednesday.
I realized yesterday that I've never taken a day off for just me. I'm talking never in over 10 years of working. I've always lived somewhere away from home and spent all of my vacation visiting someone else and next week I need it. I'm going to enjoy the day with dh and ds and I can't wait.
Sadness is gone, but now I'm frustrated. Today is CD4 and AF has been long gone. When I was doing all of the IUIs, the big thing we had problems with was the thickness of my lining, hence a short period. If there isn't much there, not much to come out. Well this period lasted barely 3 days and I never really had one major day. That isn't good. I'm trying desperately to do this without going back on clomid. I just didn't like it. It dries you out so much, which is sooooo not condusive to having enjoyable sex. I know you can get preseed, but now the romance of the situation is completely gone.
I'm a major buzzkill right now. I'm no longer depressed, just annoyed at everything. I'm sick of disappointment.
Tomorrow is a new day...
Thanksgiving is over and so is my vacation....bah. We had dinner with my inlaws and then again yesterday for mil bday and that's enough. I feel like I've been with my inlaws constantly the last couple of weeks and that's been tough. My sil is pregnant (due the end of Jan) and its been really tough seeing her. I know that sounds mean, but I can't help it. I feel like I'm staring at her belly everytime I see her. I am happy for them, especially since I know they had a hard time getting pg, but its just so hard to see it. Plus, every conversation is about the baby. I feel awful and childish for even having these feelings, but I can't seem to stop them.
In the meanwhile, today is CD10 and I'm back to poas for the monitor. Its still showing low fertility, but that's not surprising. I don't typically o until CD16 or 17. I did call the RE on Tuesday about my short period and they suggested something called self heal. Its a liquid that you have to put in tea starting on the day you ovulate and for 7 days after that. I'm going to our nature store today to see if they have it.
Hope everyone had a great holiday!