I am hoping that this effort is going to be useless and that in 2 weeks I will no longer need this journal to detail my TTC journey. I am hoping at the end of this 2WW I will be moving to a pregnancy journal. Here's hoping!
DH and I have been TTC for a while and from charting I knew something was wrong, my LP's were only 9 days MAX. So I made an appointment with the gyno and convinced him to run some tests. He tested my progesterone and at 8dpo it was only 5, normal is 4.4-28. It was still in the "normal" range but it was still low. He perscribed me Clomid and tested again the next cycle. Well it worked, my progesterone went up at 8dpo it was up to 14. it went up but it was not my magical cycle because at 9dpo I started spotting again. MY gyno would not hear any talk to there being a problem with my LP so I switched to an RE.
I LOVE my RE. He is wonderful and puts me at ease. He is the first Dr in the state of Michigan to successfully perform IVF. That makes me fell better about my choice of dr's. I told him of my short LP and he was concerned that my progesterone was not high enough in the 2WW so he perscribed me progesterone suppisorites to use after I O. Finally someone willing to listen that there was a problem! I love him even more! So did more tests after the cycle I was in when I started seeing my RE. The Next cycle we did an S/A for DH and a post coitial test for me and my CM.
DH semen analysis went well. Normal sperm count is 50 -150 million and DH's was 218 million. Sounds like a good number and the rest of the measurements were good, so the problems does not lie with him. It is me.
Post Coitial test was interesting to say the least with horrible results! We BD at 5:30 in the morning and I went in for the test at 8:30. That is 3 hours in between, the Dr said between 2 and 8 hours. Well the exam was fairly straight forward, almost like an annual exam. They take a sample of your mucus at the cervix and just inside the cervix. The technician went to look under the microscope at the results and what seemed like forever she came back with HORRIBLE news. There were only 2 non moving sperm in my mucus, those were the ONLY ones she found. She said that my mucus was thick and was most likely preventing the sperm from getting where they needed to be. She said that since that is the case they are going to need to put them where they need to be, that I will need IUI. More bad news for me.
The next cycle we tried estrogen to thin out my CM, but it was a useless cycle because I did not Ovulate. The first time since I started charting and it was devestating. Moving on to IUI.
Was not successful! I went for my U/S and it showed 3 good follies in the left so I thought this was a great shot. We did the IUI and prayed. It did not work. We were so upset I almost could not go on. I wanted to crawl in a dark corner of the room and cry and never come out. I feel like a failure of a woman. I cannot even get pregnant when they inseminate me! DH has a hard time talking about things and tends to keep them bottled up.
WOW! This IUI was so much easier/better than the first time.
The first time I had horrible cramping and it took her forever (or at least it seemed) for her to insert the cathether into my uterus. This time she (new lady) was able to slide it right in. I had minimal cramping this time and she waited for it to stop before starting the insemination. The first time I had some heavy spotting, this time NONE. I don't know if it is because I knew what to expect or what, but this time was easy!
I am trying not to get excited and as hopeful as I did last time, it just hurt more when it did not work. I am only 3DPO, but I feel great! I just need to hold out until 23dpo (march 6) to test. I told myself I would not do it any sooner!
Well here I am 4dpo and I feel okay. The first week is easy, it is the second week that kills me! I have been a little crampy lately and I don't know why. It almost felt like O pais the other day on the left side. Really strange. DH and I barely talking about being in the 2WW. I think after we got our hopes up so high last time that we are better off not talking about it as much.
I have a baby shower to go to next weekend and I already don't want to go. First they never really wanted a baby, and now they are mad that it is a girl. I am so mad that I could just scream at them. They started trying in July but stopped in August because she was not ready yet and her husband was not mature enough to be a father, her words not mine but I agree. Well it turns out she got pg in august before they stopped trying. Go figure right! Any way the shower is next weekend, the same weekend I will find out how this IUI cycle went. Not good timing. I am hoping for nothing but good news so I will not be sad and weepy during the shower.
Well nothing new on the 2WW front. Still cramping in the ovaries every now and then. I have no desire to POAS. Most likely because I know it will be positive from the trigger shot. Last time I POAS at 8dpo and it was faintly positive so I know it stays in my system for at least 9 days. I am 1/2 way thru the semester so in 8 weeks I will have my paralegal degree! Now if I could get PG too it will be a great year!
Okay so I have a friend I will call A, who keeps telling me that another friend I will call P keeps copying us, kind of like keeping up with the Jones'. Well I saw that they did a lot of the same things as us, but also did the same things as other friends as well, so I never thought much of it until now! Just an example of what I am talking about, we bought a 32" LCD TV, P bought a 50" Plasma TV (always gotta be bigger). We bought an older travel trailer P bought a newer travel trailer. The other friends got a horse, P got a horse, and you see where I am going with this. DH built a racecar from the ground up, P's hubby bought a car and thought he could beat my DH in a race, yeah right didn't happen! That was how it was going until now and this latest thing that happened shows me that they are trying to be bigger and better than us and that is really pi$$ing me off! DH has a truck that used to be his daily driver, well with gas prices on the rise, we saved 2,000 and bought him a beater car to drive back and forth to work. We figured it would last a year well it lasted 2 and he was ready for a new car. In that 2 years we got the truck paid off making us capable of taking on another small payment. He was going back and forth on another beater or a nicer car that he would have for a longer time. That back and forth stopped when he found the car he has always wanted! We have had it for about 2 months and P's hubby called him and was telling him about how he was looking for that type of car! Trying to tell my DH that he is finding newer cars with fewer miles than his for less money than we paid. My DH did his research and not to mention he is a car guy, he knows his stuff and knows P's hubby is full of CRAP. They just have to have everything bigger and better.
I need to get a massage! I don't need this crap in the 2WW!
I feel fine for the most part. Still have some strange twinges to the side, still almost like O pains. Strange huh? This morning I woke up with cold sweats. I was freezing cold laying in my nice warm bed, but I was soaking wet from sweating. I have no idea what that was all about, but I am still a little cold right now. I took a hot shower and thought I was fine at home, but I am cold now sitting at work.
I am 9DPO and know that it is still WAY to early to POAS and frankly I don't have the urge right now. I am going to hold off until Thursday, 12DPO.
Well it happened again last night, more cold sweats but I woke up afraid too. I have no idea what I was dreaming about, I only remember a little bit, but I remember being frightened when I woke up, and cold and sweating. I don't know why this is happening. I am not under any real stress, I mean TTC is stressful but that stress has been there for a year! On line it says to see a dr if it continues, but continues for how long? 3 nights, a week, or longer. I don't know of I can handle waking up that scared again.
I thought about POAS this morning for about 5 seconds and realized how crappy a BFN would be and decided against it. Hopefully I will hold off until Thursday. It is only 2 days I can wait!
Tonight is the last night of one of my classes! That means that #1 half the semester is over, #2 that I only have 2 classes left before I graduate, and #3 that spring is almost here!
BFN this morning. I think this cycle is a bust too. Oh well, I will test again on Saturday and stop the progesterone after that. I am just not feeling it. I am having some EWCM which is strange. I never have EWCM at O time and after O the progesterone gives me creamy CM. I am not sure what to make of it, but I am trying not to read much into anything these days. I guess only time will tell. I will have to make an appointment with my RE for tuesday because I am out of clomid refills.
This week has been an odd sleeping week for me. I had cold sweats 2 nights in a row and the second night I woke up terrified. Last night I had a dream that I was with all my friends and knew they were my friends but none of them had faces. Their faces were all blurry and as I was waking up I heard someone say don't neglect your friends because of one.
I have to say that was strange to hear that in my dream because a really good friend from childhood found me on myspace. We have been writing back and forth all week and catching up on the last 15 years. I don't have many friends left from growing up. I was getting into a lot of trouble and made the choice to leave the situation and people that were bad influences on me. So most of my friends now are the wives of DH friends. I think the dream is telling me to not neglect the friends I have now for the one I have not talked to in years.
I did some research and I have found 2 different meanings of seeing faceless people. One says that the faceless person is god and the other says that I am still searching for my own identity and searching for who I am. I don't know which one to believe, but it was a memorable dream.
I also went to the RE today and he said I have a nice looking chart and I said too bad the pg test this morning was negative. He said that he has seen many women test at 13dpo and have it be negative then at 15dpo it is positive. He said to see what the weekend holds and we will take it from there. He likes how well I am responding to the clomid and said we will give this protocol 2 more times and if I still don't get pg we will give femara a try. He said that femara does not have the cm drying effect that clomid does and read about a study that had higher pg rates with femara over clomid. I love him, he always makes me feel okay and gives me hope that it will happen. I started spotting last night which is strange given the I am on the progesterone. I usually spot day 2 and start on day 3 so it is unusual for my cycle. And I still have the EWCM