At least the night sweats and nightmares are not present this cycle. I am trying to stay distracted and it is pretty much working. I am baking and trying new recipes on the weekends. Last weekend I made marshmallow fluff stuffed cupcakes! They are yummy! I am trying my had at some baking some different breads this weekend along with some new dishes. We will see how it goes. I have never made bread, from scratch, outside the bread machine! I am thinking of testing tomorrow, at 12 dpo, but terrified of seeing a bfn. I have no "symptoms" either way, which could go either way.
I fell like all I do is complain in this journal, but I guess that is why it is here.
So I tested this morning and as I suspected, bfn! I am so tired of this, I don't know how much more disappointment I can put myself thru. I know that I am only 12dpo and some don't get their bfp till 14dpo, but I am just not feeling it.
My last appointment at the RE we decided to move on the Femara if the clomid did not work in 2 cycles. Well this was #1, but I am thinking of asking to move onto Femara now. I am having a hard time deciding if I should move on to Femara or give Clomid another shot. If I do the Clomid I would move onto 150mg (from 100mg), and either medication I take we will still do the IUI. DH always says what ever I want to do he is in for, just tell him when he needs to give his sample! what a guy.
Third time was not the charm and apparently Jeasus was busy being reserrected on Easter to give me some extra faith. No 2008 baby for me, af just came for a visit after seeing a bfn this morning. I am going to schedule an appointment with my RE on tuesday to start Femara. I figured since I have done 7 rounds of clomid, 3 with IUI, it is time to move on.
I am just so hurt and heartbroken over all this. I was really hopeful again, I need to stop fooling myself into thinking positive month after month. I just want to go to bed for the next cycle.
Pity party for myself. I just feel so BLAH today. I have 2 dr appointments tomorrow. The RE at 9:30 to have a clomid check to make sure there are no cysts and a 10:15 at my family dr to get my foot checked out. I don't think I have told you about my foot. Well I was letting the dogs out one morning and I pivioted my right foot and felt a pop. The arch of my foot started hurting. No biggie probably just strained a muscle or something. That was probably about 2 weeks ago. Last week the bone on the top of my foot that goes to my big toe started hurting and my heel hurts like HELL. I can barely walk on it in the morning. I tried to get in last week but he was booked and could not fit me in. I have an appointment tomorrow right after the RE but I don't think I will be there on time. I have 45 minutes to meet with the RE and get to my next appointment that is about a 25 minute car ride. I tried to reschedule my family dr, but the next opening he had was on thursday. It is really impossible to see him.
I am hoping the RE will help reenergize me, I feel like giving up.
The appointment was a little disappointing with the RE, he brought up IVF. He said that he does not recommend doing more then 4 IUI's as the rate of pregnancy decreases after 4, but if I wanted to he would. He talked about injections but my insurance does not cover any of this and I am not sure I can afford that right now. He did give me femara to give a shot for this cycle. I am debating on whether I want to give it one more shot or just give myself a break. He also broght up doing a lap since my mom had endo. I have a lot to think about and talk about with DH. I usually have renewed hope after talking to him but now I just feel like a baby will not be in the cards for me right now.
The family dr was good, but I waited over an hour just for me to get called back then once back waited for an x-ray and to talk to the dr. After all that he told me that I have some torn tendons and ligaments and some swollen soft tissue, oh and a heel spur. I am going after work to get the gel inserts for my shoes and hope that it gets better. I like to walk and stand on my feet so I need to fix this issue quick! Oh and I need to lose like 30 pounds! I am quite the fat ***.
Jim and I had a long talk last night, over a bottle of wine, and he is as upset as I am. He doesn't usually share his feelings so when he did last night I was a little suprised. We have decided to take a medication break and see what happens the next couple of months. If I am not pregnant then we will look into the lap. I am kinda pushing for the lap before any more IUI's or medication because I would like to know if I have endo or if something else is going on in there. My mom had pretty bad endo if she had to have a hysterectomy because of it. This will also give us time to pay off the current RE debt and save money for more possible cycles, whether we go with injectables or femara. I think we would move on to injectables because the RE said that would be our greatest odds of conceiving. I think I can get my insurance to cover the lap if the dr will say it is for endo, but I may have to go to my obgyn for that. I will still temp to O just to confirm it and will probably take OPK's just to know we are timing BDing right and of course we love teh pre-seed! We will see what the next couple months hold. It is going to be strange not popping pills! I am just going to take B6 and pre natals.
Feeling pretty good, just waiting to O. I am still spotting so we have not started our BDing marathon, but we will. The OPK's are still negative so I am not too concerned yet. I think I may have to take an emotional break from all this. I joined the TTCFTFT board and made it my home. I seem to be one of the only ones left since I joined. I felt some really good friendships start to form and love the women on it, I just fell left behind.
My friend had her baby, but she is 5 weeks early. She is having a hard time breathing so she is on oxygen and hooked up to all kinds of machines. Her little lungs are not fully developed yet, but she is improving.
Here I am in my first 2WW in an un-medicated cycle in 8 months! I feel pretty good except for the stupid OKP's. I got a positive last Thursday in the morning and in the afternoon, then again friday morning, saturday morning, and sunday morning. I figured there is no possible way that I would get one today, and yet I did. I tested sunday afternoon and it was negative, but it was with the internet cheapies. There wasn't even a faint line but the mornings OPK with first response was a blaring positive. I took a pg test, just in case, but it was negative. I think I may have gotten a bad batch of first response. My temps indicate that I Oed already. I thought the morning of my higher temp would be low because we slept with the window open and was quite suprised when it was higher and stayed higher. Oh well, there is always something to worry about in the 2WW!!!!
My reading from Jenny Renny - Your reading reveals that your BFP news comes in May 2008 from a cycle that looks to start in April 2008. The baby shows as a boy and his EDD/birthdate is referenced the month of January 2009 - specific reference to the 24th and 29th.
Hopefully it will come true, but if I am pg this cycle my due date would be 1/8/09.
Well here I am 7dpo and feeling pretty good, but come 10dpo (or god for bid I make it to 12dpo) I will be a total wreck! Not much going on, just in a huge argument with my parents. Not really "feeling" anything. I have been pretty bad at updating this, I will try to do better!
11 dpo and I am not spotting!!!!! Before clomid I was only getting 8 maybe 9 day LP's before the spotting started. I was given clomid because of low progesterone and to try to extend my LP. Didn't work, my progesterone increased but my LP stayed short. So my RE gave me progesterone supps to use after I to extend my LP, they worked but still no BFP. So we decided to take a medication break to think about our next steps. I am so excited about my longer LP that even if I don't get my BFP this time around at least I have that. I have promised DH that I wont test until 13dpo, if I make it without spotting. No real symptoms yet, my boobs have been a little sore in the evenings and I was tired at 5:00 yesterday, but I also got up early. My temp went down yesterday and I thought for sure I was going to find spot when I went pee in the morning, but nope and my temp went back up today!!!! I don't know what any of it means, I am just excited about my LP.