My first TTC Journal
Hi everybody. I'm new to this. My name is Jessica. I am 23 years old, will be 24 in September. DH just turned 26 in April. We have been married for 2 years (this May) and we are TTC our first child. I just graduated from LSU on Friday with my Master's degree in Social Work, and I am currently trying to find a job for the time being. My goal is to be a stay-at-home-mom once I finally am able to have a baby. Well, here is my TTC story.
About a year ago (before my DH and I ever even thought about TTC) I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, about 20 pounds in about 3 months. This threw my cycle all of course, and I eventually stopped menstruating. I went through 2 OBGYNs, tons of B/W, and 1 diagnosis of PCOS before I decided to see an RE. He did more B/W and an U/S and told me that I do not have PCOS after all. He diagnosed me with Hypothalamic Amennorhea. Basically, my pituitary gland shut down after all of the weight loss and stopped sending out the appropriate hormones to the rest of my body. He said that my body may or may not ever go back to the way it was before :cry:
I was devastated about this because this is something that I did to myself, no one made me lose so much weight at one time. But on the bright side, my RE told me that with the proper medications/treatment, I should have no problem conceiving. My ovaries and other reproductive organs looked fine via U/S. So, of course, he decided that I should try Clomid right away as I was not ovulating (or menstruating) on my own. We did one Clomid cycle (with the trigger HCG shot to make me ovulate) and did not conceive that cycle. I ended up developing a cyst (from the Clomid) and had to sit out one cycle (without being able to use Clomid.) Well, miraculously, we ended up conceiving on our own without Clomid! (I had ovulated on my own again!) Unfortunately, I ended up having a miscarriage on the same day that I found out I was pregnant. :cry:
I was absolutely DEVASTATED. What made it worse was that I had requested to be tested for an LPD (Luteal Phase Defect) and/or for low Progesterone (same thing.) When I asked the nurse for this simple blood test, she denied me. She claims to have never heard me say that I had a positive OPK. I wanted to be tested on 7 DPO (when you are supposed to be tested for an LPD and/or for low Progesterone.) She said that because I did not tell her I had a positive OPK, there was no way for them to know where I was in my cycle or what DPO it was, and therefore they could not test me for an LPD. Well, she is full of s*!% because I did tell her I had a positive OPK, why else would I be requesting a 7 DPO blood test????
I was FURIOUS :evil: to say the least and talked to my RE about it. He told me that he would not have minded at all for me to come in and have the test. If the test would have shown low Progesterone, I would have started right away on Prometrium, which I am doing now. The whole M/C could have possibly been prevented and I could still be pregnant right now! I was so mad because my M/C was most probably caused by low progesterone. When I had my HCG drawn up that day, I also had my Progesterone drawn up and it was low. Granted, I had already started to bleed, but it was lower than normal. Looking back on my chart now, my BBTs had dropped 4 days before the M/C, signaling that it was probably low Progesterone that did it. The day of my miscarriage was January 19. This past Saturday (May 19,) I would have been 4 months pregnant!
It took me a long time to work through the pain, anger, and sadness associated with my M/C, but I finally was able to find happiness and acceptance again in my life. But recently, I don't know why, I have been thinking about it and reliving it all over again. I have been extremely depressed and sad over the whole thing, and very angry at the nurses who took my baby away from me (or that's how I see it.)
Well, we were initially told by my RE to wait one cycle post-M/C before TTC again, and then my new OBGYN (third one's the charm, I hope) told me to wait 2 cycles post-M/C to make sure my uterine lining is nice and "fluffy." So I waited my 2 cycles, and 3 and a half months later we were finally able to try again! (It took me that long to have 2 cycles and 1 of them had to be induced by Prometrium.) We have decided to forego using Clomid for the time being, since I ovulated on my own and got pregnant in January, and since I ovulated on my own during my 1st cycle after the M/C, even though we did not TTC that cycle per my doctors' advice (It was so hard to see that positive OPK and know that I could not TTC!) So about a week and a half ago I got a positive OPK (Or so I think- its always so hard to tell! and they were "Answer" brand OPKs- the cheap kind,) and my DH and I were finally able try again! However, although I am ovulating on my own, do not be fooled. My body is not back to normal yet. I am currently ovulating about 5-7 days after most people, so my cycles are about 5 weeks instead of 4 (which sucks b/c you can't TTC as much as some people can because your cycles are sooooo long). I have had to take 2 Prometrium capsules vaginally (per day, ever since 3 days after my positive OPK) in order to prevent M/C, should I be pregnant. If I am not pregnant, I have to still take them until I get a negative HCG blood test, which I cannot take until May 30 (this is also extending the length of time before we can start a new cycle and TTC again b/c the Prometrium that I am taking is keeping me from having a period on my own if I am not pregnant.) If I get a positive at-home or blood test before May 30, I have to continue taking the Prometrium until I pass a certain point in the pregnancy. I don't care how uncomfortable, messy, or aggravating the Prometrium suppositories are, I'll do anything to prevent another M/C!
I am also taking 1 baby aspirin a day to increase blood flow to the uterus, possibly making the lining thicker and "fluffier." My RE said to do this, my OBGYN said she never heard of it helping. But its worth a try! Today I am either 10 DPO (per Fertility Friend) or 9 DPO (because we never know the exact date of ovulation, do we?) I am extremely tempted to take a HPT today but I'm going to try to make myself wait until tomorrow. Last time I found out at 10 DPO, but I'm not sure I'm actually 10 DPO yet (I think Fertility Friend might be wrong) and I don't want the disappointment (or money wasted) with getting a negative result today.
On a side note- something else that has been going on with me is that I have been having intermittent lower right pelvic pain since about November of 2006. At first we thought it was a cyst, but cysts were ruled out. Then we thought it was a kidney stone, but I don't think thats what it was. Then the pain went away and came back after my M/C, so we thought it was due to that. Then it came back again, and I ended up having a right ovarian Hemorrhagic cyst (in April,) so we thought the pain was due to that. But the pain is still here, and the cyst is gone. I am hoping that I do not have Endometriosis, or worse, some kind of abdominal or pelvic tumor or something. I do not have any family history of Endo or any other symptoms, other than painful I/C at times (though I have a retroverted uterus and a history of Vaginismus, so the painful I/C could be because of that...) At what point do I start having more investigative procedures done to find out the cause of this pain? My RE said I could have Endo, but probably unlikely since I do not have any other symptoms (no painful or long periods, and the pain is not associated with any specific part of the cycle, it just comes and goes throughout the cycle.) We're not at the point of doing a Lap yet, and neither my RE nor my OBGYN think its appropriate to do one this soon. The pain is not bad enough to cause me to take any pain killers, but its just bothersome and I worry more about what could be causing the pain rather than the pain itself!
Well, I have to run now and apply today to become certified as a GSW (Graduate Social Worker). I also have a job interview tomorrow. The position is to be a social worker working with children who are in crisis, doing therapy, treatment, counseling, etc. Maybe it will go well and I will get hired and forget about TTC for the time being! I will keep everyone posted on my HPTs- will take one sometime tomorrow if I can hold out. Even if its negative, its still early on, and I won't lose complete hope (even though I found out extremely early last time)...
I have enjoyed reading everyone's journals and hope to find the same help and support that I see so many of you offering each other. Thanks for taking the time to read my journal, and I will continue to update,
Well, I woke up this morning at 5 AM and decided to test. Big Mistake. BFN. :cry: So I went back to bed all depressed and woke up around 8:00 to get ready for my interview.
The interview went well, they offered me the job, but I turned it down because it just was not the right job for me. So now I am back on the hunt for a job! In the meantime, I have wayyyyy too much free time to sit here and obsess about TTC issues...
I have to admit that I was (am) really thinking that this could be it this time around. I have had a few early pregnancy symptoms, but I'm not sure if they're from taking Prometrium 2x a day or if they're really pregnancy symptoms. Yesterday I was having sharp shooting pains in both breasts and it lasted for a couple of hours....that is unusual for me, I usually never have painful breasts. I also was having some weird abdominal pains (different from the usual lower R pelvic pain described earlier...) but I'm not sure if they're pregnancy-related pains. I've also been more aware of the blue veins around my breasts- they seem to stand out more. And (of course,) since a few days ago, I've been very emotional/depressed/crying a lot recently. And my temps are extremely high for me (98.4)....I know that Prometrium can raise your BBTs b/c its a form of Progesterone, but do you think it would raise them that much? Too much to think about... :roll:
So needless to say, I was a little disappointed, okay majorly disappointed, when I got that BFN this morning! And of course when I got up 3 hours later, I could see the faintest blue line in the test window, but its barely there and could be an evap. line. I bought some more pregnancy tests today (they are sooo expensive!) and want to return them b/c they're the digital kind, and I would rather have a line that I can obsess over. For some reason, don't ask me why. I'm trying to decide when to test again, definately not today, maybe tomorrow afternoon. I don't want to keep getting BFNs and getting all sad and depressed. Plus this is costing us money!
Will keep you posted,
Today I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Woke up this morning and decided to test around 9:00 with First Response Early Response. BFN. Total devastation and depression ensues. I have read, however, that FRER may not be the most accurate at detecting early pregnancy results, though that is what they claim.
I think I might go and find the brand that I used the first time around (in January) and take that one tomorrow morning. Has anyone tested - on 12DPO with FRER and then tested + afterward??? :-?
NO BFN THIS MORNING!!! Because I didn't test... :lol: I'm actually going to SKIP A DAY like I am supposed to and test tomorrow morning. I HAVE to test tomorrow morning because my husband and I are leaving town tomorrow and if I do get a BFP I want to go get a Blood serum HCG and Progesterone level drawn before leaving town for 5 days...
On a lighter note, DH and I are leaving tomorrow morning to go to Destin, Florida for 5 days/4 nights. It is about 5 and a half hours from where we live in LA, and we go to Destin every summer. The water is blue-green and gorgeous, and the sand is snow white! I can't wait to go and escape everything, especially the TTC world (just for a little while though, I'm not fooling myself or anyone else!) Bring on the sun and the sand!!! 8)
Still having lots of symptoms (shooting pains in bbs, some tiredness, nauseated yesterday, hot flashes at night, high BBTs, blue veins on chest, ect.) HOWEVER I do not know if these symptoms are from pg or that stupid Prometrium!!!! :?
If only I was not on Prometrium, I would know for sure that I was pg with all of these symptoms! Well, I will test tomorrow morning and keep posting! Wish me a BFP!!! :wink:
I'm back! After reading my last post, I thought about my lack of restraint. I had woken up that morning and was planning on being strong and not testing that day. Well, I ended up testing later that evening during a moment of weakness, and surprise, surprise, a BFN and nothing but disappointment. I woke up the next morning and took another test (b/c we were leaving for Destin) and it was Negative. That was 14 DPO according to FF. I took yet another HPT on Saturday and it was negative. At that point I was convinced I was not pregnant and a blood HCG test confirmed it on Tuesday (18 DPO). I actually got AF that afternoon, before stopping the Prometrium, which was good b/c I don't have to wait days and days before moving on and starting a new cycle. I am now on CD 2 and can't wait to try again! I just hope I ovulate sooner this time around. Last month I O'd at CD 20 (which is good, considering I did not use Clomid and have an anovulatory history.) Hopefully my body is trying to return back to normal like it was before losing all of that weight last year. I wish I was still 15 pounds heavier so that I would not be going through this right now! But it doesn't do any good to "wallow" in the past. I tend to do that wayyyy too much and make myself miserable. DH and I had fun at the beach, but it could have been better. The waves were really rough and it was really cold and breezy (surprising for Destin this time of year...) But it was definately good to escape reality for a little while. Now I am back, waiting to hear from one job that I interviewed with yesterday. I would be working with Autistic children for the School Board as a Social Worker. They should let me know something by tomorrow, I hope! I have another interview on June 12 if this job doesn't work out. I would be a Social Worker for the state, doing mental health work (therapy, medication management, etc.) with children who have severe mental disorders. This type of job would appeal to me also. I really want to work with children, no matter what I do. Either way, I will not be starting work (for either job, no matter which one I would get hired for,) until the beginning of July. That means I have a whooolllleeee month of nothing to do! We are going to Vegas June 15-20 and I am taking 2 weekend trips as well, but I need a hobby! I am reading for fun and I just started scrapbooking and I'm loving it! Too bad its sort of expensive. I'm making a wedding scrapbook with all of the things left over from 2 years ago that I have not known what to do with all of this time. (Our 2 year wedding anniversary was Monday). Oh well, fingers are getting tired from typing. Will update with any new info,