My IVF journey

30 posts / 0 new
Last post
Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74
My IVF journey

Well, I've thought about doing this for some time, and just never got around to it. Here goes.

Scott and I have been TTC since 6 months post wedding, so since September of 2004. We're both 37, and have taken a "break" here and there, which means we just stopped charting, or POAS, or taking drugs, vitamins, etc. But for the majority of that time, we've been actively BD'ing and hoping something would stick.

We visited a specialist (my OB/GYN, who just happens to also be a reproductive surgeon) and had the slew of tests scheduled. I don't have PCOS, my pipes are clear (HSG last fall), and I O regularly, usually on CD15. My LP is 15 days on the money, and my progesterone levels are just fine. DH's SA came back just "OK". Count and motility were fine, but morphology was on the low side. Dr. Fettinger recommended 3 rounds of Clomid, then 3 rounds of Clomid + IUI, then on to IVF or adoption.

Last summer we did three cycles of the Clomid. No luck.

We just finished up our 2nd round of Clomid + IUI, again, no luck.

Scott travels out of the country quite frequently, and it just so happens for the next two months he'll be overseas when I O. Our doctor doesn't freeze sperm for IUI's, so we've decided to move on to IVF without going throught the recommended third round of IUI. With my age a factor, we just don't want to waste anymore time.

It's amazing to think back sometimes to when we got married. We were just 34 and thought we had all the time in the world. Now, we're both frantic that our biological clock is running out.

So, my next appointment is next Thursday with Dr. Fakih at First IVF. It's a consult, and we can expect US's and blood work. I'm assuming also a SA, but we'll know a heck of a lot more after our appointment. For the next week, I've vowed to not badger Scott with any of this. He took the most recent BFN very hard.

I continue to pray to God for strength and patience.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74
Blessings

The man Whispered “God speak to me” and a meadowlark sang. But the man did not hear.

The man yelled “God speak to me” thunder rolled across the sky, but the man did not listen.

The man looked around and said, “God let me see you” and the stars shined brightly but the man did not notice.

The man shouted, “God show me a miracle” and a life was born but the man did not know.

So the man cried out in despair, “touch me God, and let me know you are here” whereupon God reached down and touched the man, but the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.

So remember, don’t miss out on a blessing because it isn’t packaged the way that you expect. Take notice of the blessing around you.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74
Update on appointment

Just talked to Dr. Fettinger's office, and they prefer Dr. Shamma, so I've changed our appointment to Monday, April 16th. I feel very anxious now....not sure why?

Too much coffee? Hah!

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Spent a long time on the phone this afternoon talking to my friend Robyn about her IVF experience. She had twins a year ago this past December. It was really helpful talking to her, and I'm glad I got the chance to do taht before our appointment on Monday. Right now I'm just sitting here waiting for Scott to show up so we can go to the season opener for the Great Lakes Loons....fun! I think I'll definitely be having some beer. Smile

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Today is the big day! Can't wait!

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Zowie. What a whirlwind.

My OBGYN had been pretty comprehensive in his testing and notes, so Dr. Shamma had everything in front of him when we got there. He started by asking me what I thought, and I ran him through our history. Bottom line, according to him, Scott's poor morphology. He told us that had he seen our file a year ago he would have recommended IVF at that time. Basically, we've been wasting our time with this other stuff. Sigh. Oh well, at least we're here now.

Anyway, the meeting went FAST. We need to look at the doctor's schedule (they only due retrieval and transfer on certain weeks) and how it corresponds with Scott's travel schedule. They'd prefer we use fresh versus frozen sperm since there's the morpohology issue, and with Scott going to China for two weeks mid-May, there's an issue with getting all three of our schedules together.

SO, we will likely start BCP's tomorrow, and perhaps stay on them for an extra week or so to make sure we time it right. Then, it's a pretty standard IVF/ICSI procedure. Lupron, injectables, retrieval and transfer. We'll likely have the retrieval the last week of May, or early June.

The cost was far less than we thought it would be. They give a 20% discount since he's friends with my current doctor. Sweet! My insurance will likely pay for office visits, tests, ultrasounds, and some meds, so it ended up being right around $6000 per cycle.

Next steps - go in for blood work tomorrow a.m., start BCP's tomorrow likely, and have mid-cycle ultrasound and trial transfer on 4/23. It's all me at this point...Scott doesn't have to do anything but be moral support. Biggrin

I was so freaked out, I broke out into hives. It's all pretty overwhelming. The good news - my doctor said this is pretty textbook. He sees no reason (at this point) why we won't be successful. The other good news, he sees no reason why I can't enjoy good wine (in moderation) before transfer. Wink

So that's where we're at! Whew, huh?

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Got a call from Lori yesterday afternoon, and we've scheduled the Lupron shot for 5/16. At that time, she'll show me how to deal with the injections. She asked that Scott be there, but since he'll be in China, I guess it's all me. She said we could teach him the tougher injections at the egg retrieval appointment (which should be around 6/2).

I picked up my BCP's at Walgreen's - they are covered by insurance. Whew. I'll find out later today if my injectables are covered. Fingers crossed.

I also had the blood tests that Dr. Shamma requested this morning. There were like 9 vials total. Ugh! But better safe than sorry.

I told Scott last night that I would try to relax during this process, and would stop obsessing about every little thing. It takes so long (not really, but compared to a regular cycle) that I could drive myself crazy if I don't focus on other things during the waiting. So, I'm going to keep myself busy (as always), try to focus on talking to my husband about other, non-baby topics, and take it one appointment at a time. I think the crazier I get, the harder it is for him. He seemed happy that I was approaching it this way.

We had a good talk, so feel good about where we are.

Next step....call Walgreen's to check on the injectables.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Whoo hoo!!!! Just called Walgreen's and they have my prescription, and my balance is right around $230. I can only assume that means that insurance is covering my meds - what a HUGE help. That saves us a couple grand, at least. I'm hoping they cover my US's and other testing, too. So far they have, with Dr. Fettinger, so I'm optimistic!

I'm feeling good on the BCP's. It's nice to not have any SE's (from Clomid) or hormonal swings. I am also enjoying not temping or charting...and I'm thrilled to not have to POAS anymore!

Scott's been in a better mood. I think my plan to make light of it while reassuring him that I love him worked. He's happy that I'm happy. And it's nice that we CAN'T do anything until May 16th. We'll just enjoy this time instead of constantly focusing on TTC.

We're going to dinner tonight - he leaves for Taiwan on Friday for a week. The first of several business trips out of the country. Sigh.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Just picked up the scrips - $213. SWEET! There were two HUGE Walgreen's bag full. Amazing. It was somewhat embarrassing, because I know the pharmacist. He's on our board of directors. But, I figure, that's his job so I'm not going to sweat it too much.

Talked to Scott last night again. At dinner, I shared a post on one of the threads. Somebody had asked, besides pregnancy, what does your heart desire? I told him that I had everything my heart desired except for a baby....good jobs....good friends....nice home....healthy family. He said, "you didn't say a husband with good morphology?" I asked him if I had endo or PCOS and couldn't conceive if he would want me thinking it was my fault or feeling bad about it and he said no. I told him our situation was just luck of the draw and it didn't matter. We were in this together, and I didn't think about it so he shouldn't. His mom emailed me yesterday and asked why the two IUI's didn't work. I chose not to give her details. I just don't want to make Scott feel any worse than he does. He did assure me that he's okay, though, so that's good. We had a GREAT, romantic dinner.

He leaves tomorrow for Taiwan. I just found out he's also going to be gone 5/3-5/4 and then again 5/12-5/25. I'm going to be on my own for a lot of this it seems. That's okay as long as he's here for the ER.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Just met a deadline for our print newsletter at work, so have a few minutes before I need to shift creative gears.

Got a call from the pharm and they still owe me three boxes of scripts. WOWSA, that's a lot of stuff. I better hide it from Scott or he'll get THAT look on his face again. The one that's utter fear...crossed with nausea. The more of this burden I bear, the better.

Saw this on a poster at a Reality Store (like the game of Life for 8th graders) yesterday and LOVE it. It applies:

"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot, and missed. I've failed over, and over, and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan

Of course, I shared it with Scott, and he was like, "yeah, but how many shots has he MADE? That's why he's a success." Dumb boy. He totally misses the point.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

OMG OMG OMG OMG

I just picked up the last of my prescriptions and organized them into a big plastic box that I can easily tote around. HELLO???? I think I now own a third world pharmacy!!!! Lol

Seriously, I asked Scott if he wanted to see the needles he'd have to use for the prog, and he declined. So do I take this huge honking box with me into the doctor's office when I go??? I'll have to be sure and ask on Monday when I go in for my mock transfer.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Had my mock transfer and first US today. Uterus and ovaries looked good, but I do have two small cysts in my ovaries. Dr. Shamma said that was normal, and that in the 3 weeks we have before Lupron, they should dissapate. If they don't, he will aspirate them. But, he said it wouldn't delay what we're doing at all. Other than that, all is good.

I'll learn more about the meds on 5/16. Betsy, Dr. Shamma's nurse, was sooo sweet and helpful. She told me the first 10-12 days stims would be easy shots, and I could do them on my own. The other ones I would need help, but if Scott wasn't around I could come in to the office. I'm not going to worry about it at this point...one day at a time.

I won't actually start shots until the 23rd. The Lupron shot is a one time deal, so I'm not exactly sure what will happen between the 16th and the 23rd, but again, I'm not going to sweat it. I could drive myself crazy thinking about all this stuff.

I missed Scott today, though. It gave me a preview of what it will be like while he's in China and I'm going through all of this alone. I'll just have to pony up. It will really only be 9 days (16th-25th), so I will manage somehow. I'm just going to make sure to leave lots of "Me-Time". The book I'm reading says that now is the time to pamper yourself, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to worry about anything, and will just do whatever it is my heart desires for the day. Once he's home, things will start to heat up, and he can help me through.

Anyway, I continue to feel like I have a three week respite from all this TTC stuff. Now, we wait.....

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

I'm feeling very resentful today. Scott has been in Tiawan since last Friday, so for a total of 7 days. He'll be home tomorrow evening. We're on completely opposite schedules - my 6:00 a.m. is his 6:00 p.m. But that's not why I'm resentful.

I understand that his job requires travel. I understand that sometimes it's more often than either of us would like, and that he has little control over it. I even understand that he may enjoy his travels, that it can be an adventure and an opportunity to meet new, interesting people.

What I don't understand, is how he can just "check out" of our life and go on his way. If I were traveling, I would call as regularly as possible to see how he was doing. And if he were in a crisis, which I feel I currently am, I would DEFINITELY make a point of calling whenever I can.

Last night when I talked to him he told me he'd call me when they got them to the hotel at the end of the day (he's traveling with a large group of coworkers). Not only did he not call me when he told me he would, he called me four hours later after he had been out to dinner and drinks. Again, I don't mind him having fun while he's over there, but he couldn't have taken two minutes to check in with me, let me know he's safe, and see how I'm feeling?

Even though I've chosen to make these sacrifices in our marriage (quit my career to move to his home town and support his, take a lesser paying job so I have flexibility, ALL of the infertility tests, etc...), I find myself resentful towards him. I KNOW all of this was my choice, so I shouldn't blame him, but lately I can't help myself. Especially with our issue being MFI. Once again, I find myself saying, this isn't fair. Intellectually, I know this is happening to US, but I still feel that I'm bearing most of the burden of this and it's not my fault. And if only he'd appreciate that a little more, I might feel better. I mean, in less than three weeks I will start injecting drugs into my body and enduring almost daily blood tests and vaginal ultrasounds, and THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

Most of the time he's very good at supporting me, and I know he wishes he could do more, take more of the burden, but when he travels it's like I don't exist. I am so upset right now. I don't even want to talk to him. I don't want to see him. I just want to take off somewhere and have fun and forget about all of this for awhile.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Feeling much better today. Not sure why. Scott and I had a good talk yesterday evening - he felt bad that he didn't call me when I needed him to. He told me again that he wishes there was more that he could do for me, but really there just isn't.

I started freaking out about the drugs again today and called Lori (Dr. Shamma's nurse) to make sure I had the right drugs in the right quantity. I do. The total amount came to right around $6000, which seems high, but she said I have the right stuff.

I found some research on the benefits of acupuncture, so I'm going to try it. It may be kind of expensive (one place quoted $90, but the other was $60), but if it helps me relax and I enjoy it, then it's worth it to me. Especially if it boosts success rates, which I've found studies show it does. Something about it increasing blood flow. Anyway, now is the time for me to pamper myself, more so than any other time in my life, so I'm going to do it. Hopefully I can get in with Shirley Moore ($60) since she's a Chamber member, but I currently have an appointment with Healing Solutions on Tuesday 5/1.

Scott comes home tonight. I can't wait. He'll be home for 5 days, then he goes to Boston again for a couple days. Unfortunately, I have a board meeting and the Expo Tuesday and Wednesday, so both will be late nights. At least I'm busy - it makes time go by more quickly.

Oh, I've decided to TRY and stay off the boards for awhile. I think I'm driving myself insane. I need to focus on other things for a bit.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

The next few weeks will be a test of my strength.

Scott is going to be traveling the following dates :x :

5/3-5/4 Boston
5/8-5/10 Columbus
5/12-5/24 China

I told him to tell his boss that I want a travel bonus. I know it can't be helped, so there's no sense making him feel any worse for it. I just know I feel so much better when he's home, and I know the next 30 days are going to be a challenge for me. Oh well...I'll just focus on one day at a time. If I stop to think about it, come three weeks from Friday, he won't travel again for 3 weeks. The good news is that he'll be here for the really critical time, the ER and the days building up to it. And we'll have a nice long Memorial Day weekend in the mix, too.

I called Dr. Shamma's office today to see if they were okay with my doing acupuncture. They are. I have my first appointment tomorrow. Only 16 days until the Lupron shot!

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Irritated. That's me today.

I went to Walgreen's to pick up my second packet of pills and they said the insurance company said it was too soon. Well, that's because I'm freakin' taking them for IVF!!!! Sigh....I know, I know....I should just be glad the insurance company is paying for them. I can pick them up on Friday instead. No biggie. I shouldn't have been so snotty to the pharmacy lady, but I'm so sick of going to Walgreen's only to find my prescription hasn't been filled. I'll apologize to her on Friday if she's there.

THEN, I went for my acupuncture appointment. Nobody every showed. They're not an open clinic - only open for appointments. I had a 1:00 appointment, but they never showed. I waited for 15 minutes before calling the office (in a neighboring town) to let them know I was leaving. No apology, no nothing. Ugh!

Have I earned this bad Kharma or what?

OK, ok....I know things could be worse. I need to have an attitude adjustment.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Classic - just found the SNL skit that defines my coworker Erin. I used to enjoy my job and was struggling with what to do after we have babies. Now I almost can't wait to leave. Sad, huh?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0vCd9MT9ec

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Just got a call from Shirley Moore's office. She can get me in for acupuncture on Thursday and again next Wednesday. Then we'll go from there. I had an appointment for a massage on Friday night, but I went ahead and cancelled it. I have another one next Saturday, so that should be good for now. I mean, I haven't even started injections yet! I should save SOME pampering for later in the month, right? Lol

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Wow! What a busy week. I guess that's good, though, since I'm really getting ready for this to begin. Only 12 more days! The weekends always fly by quickly, so really it will be less than a week before we know it. Wink

I had my first session of acupunture yesterday, and WOW. I loved it! I was so totally relaxed afterwards, that I could almost feel the increased blood flow in my body. My feet and legs were sore from the previous day (worked at an expo for 12 hours and man, was I tired), but after the acupuncture I felt GREAT! I went home and had a nap, which I won't be able to do regularly, but it sure was nice yesterday. I feel more at peace with everything, which is probably a mental thing, but I'll take it. She wants to see me twice a week until implantation. I told Scott I'd cut costs elsewhere if we need to, but I want to continue as she advises. Besides, if it works, it will be cheaper than a second or third IVF!

She put 10 needles in all in my legs and feet. Five each leg. After she inserted the needles, she left me to just rest for 30 minutes or so...it was SO peaceful. She told me that I could do acupuncture in conjunction with massage, and I may do more massage down the line, but I think for now I'll just stick with this and warm baths. Smile

Scott gets home this evening from Boston. We don't have any plans for the weekend other than spending time together. He leaves for Columbus on Tuesday for three days, then to China for 12. Ugh. Oh well, I'll have plenty to keep me busy. I may make a cheese/meat tray for dinner with wine. I want to get the brie in while I can.

This has been a tough week at work. Very stressful. Sid's letting me leave at 3:00 today, and I left early yesterday, which definitely helps. The weather is beautiful so it will be a nice afternoon for it. I really struggled with even continuing to work during this process - that's how bad it was.

Well, speaking of which, back to work....

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Figured I'd include a photo of my drugs. Wowsa, eh?

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

The acupuncture has been blissful. I went for my third appointment today, and don't go again until next Monday. We have another 4-6 appointments before transfer (depends on whether we do 3-5 day). I'm really enjoying it. I also have a massage this Saturday, and plan to schedule another one the week of Memorial Day since Shirley won't be able to see me for acupuncture that week. I'm going to have to just start carrying my calendar with me everywhere. So far, work has been extremely flexible, and our schedule is definitely easing as we get into summer, so it's been nice.

Got an email from Scott's cousin Christy today. She and her husband are expecting their second child. They've now gotten pregnant twice during the time period that we've been TTC. I'm okay...but it takes a bit of wind out of me. I am very happy for them, of course, I just look forward to the day when WE have good news to share. I pray it will be soon.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

BTW, I'm fairly obsessed today. I don't know if it's because we're within a week of starting the Lupron, or if it's because I'm bored at work so am killing time dinking around on the boards, but I can't seem to focus. I do so much better when I'm kept busy! I wish I could just take a month off of work so I could be leisurely and read books and stuff. Though I suppose that would probably make time go by even more slowly.

I forgot to mention earlier that I had a good talk with my boss, Sid yesterday. I've been having a hard time accepting one of the new girls in my office. She's fairly obnoxious....always talking about so-and-so she knows and "the club", and interupting other perfectly nice conversations. Plus, she has an uncanny way of showing up just AFTER everybody else has done what needs to be done. I'm not saying she's a slacker, but...if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it MAY be a duck.

Anywho, Sid and I sorted it out, and I'm going to try and be patient and tolerant, and maybe help coach her on how things are around here. I'm vital to the team, and all that...Sid did say some very nice things, like how I just "have a way about me that makes people feel good", and that it's obvious I haven't been myself, etc.

He then proceeded to ask if I've put any thought into what I'll do after we have a baby. Yikes! I wasn't really prepared to talk to him about it, even though we HAVE put some thought into it. Honestly, with Scott traveling so much it's quite difficult now, and we don't have any children! If we have twins, I definitely won't continue working. No way. We don't have any family nearby to help us, and I'm not keen on two infants in day care, so that's out. If we have one, I may have more flexibility, but ultimately, I likely will not continue working (at least full time) once I'm a mama. But NOW is not the time to discuss that with my boss. We aren't even preggers yet! I did promise him I would give him ample notice.

All in all, a good conversation. I'm lucky to have such a great support network.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Nothing too crazy to report...Only 6 days until Lupron, and I know they'll fly by quickly. Scott returns from Columbus tonight and leaves again for China on Saturday, so we'll be busy hanging out together for the next couple days. Saturday I have a massage and maybe some shopping to look forward to (I don't want to buy much, just maybe a couple pairs of capris and/or shorts for summer - I've gained weight since starting BCPs, so I'm not entirely comfortable these days. Ugh.) Sunday I'll just relax, maybe rent some flix, do some reading. Low key. I don't mind the first couple days that Scott is gone...it only wears on me after 4-5 days.

Monday I have acupuncture, and then it will be Tuesday, the day before I start Lupron/suppression! I have a busy week outside of that stuff next week, too. Bunko two nights, a business after hours (work) and golf meeting another night (ack!), and I'm hanging with my Little Sister on Tuesday (BBBS). Soooo....like I said, the time will fly.

I've been pretty focused at work today, but I'm fading now. It's 3:43 for Pete's sake. Maybe now is a good time to wander into the kitchen and have a soda. I have plenty to do to keep me busy, if only I could keep my mind to it!

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

You know, I surf the boards pretty regularly. My job is somewhat stimulating, but I do need a break every once in awhile, so I pop over and check out what's going on with everybody else in the TTC world. There seem to be a lot of posts lately with people struggling on the issue of telling people about ART and being around babies and/or pregnant women.

I guess I feel VERY lucky. Sure, it stings a bit when I hear that somebody else is pregnant, but I'm always thrilled for them so get past it quickly. DH and I were talking over lunch, and I think the reason it stings is that I SO want it to be me that's sharing good news. To be resentful or unhappy around babies and/or pregnant women just isn't in me. I LIKE babies, that's why I want one! And mothers are inspiring to me right now. But I do respect that everybody grieves in their own way...for me, I avoid maternity shops, Babies-R-Us, and all other retail stores pertaining to pregnancy and babies. I think I'd get lost in the melancholy. But again, that's just me.

I also feel VERY lucky that we've been able to talk fairly openly with most of our close friends and family about the IVF. Nobody asks inappropriate or painful questions, offers unsolicited advice, or criticizes our choices in the least. If they are talking about us behind our backs, I don't worry about it because I'm sure it's well intentioned and we don't know about it anyway, so what's the difference? I've got WAY more important things to worry about! The most we get is the occasional, "how are you", which we've come to learn can be code for, "what's happening with your fertility treatments?" but if we don't feel like answering in depth, we don't, and everybody leaves it at that. It's been pretty much up to us to open the door to conversation. I can't believe how lucky we are sometimes, really.

I'm a very open person. I don't have a lot of secrets, and in my family there aren't many topics that are off limits. For me, it's been very therapeutic to share our journey with the people around me. And I've been very fortunate that those same people have been very respectful of how difficult it's been for us over the past three years. The only people I haven't shared with have been my paternal grandparents and my dad's sister (my Aunt). From the same gene pool, they are very judgmental and religious. I honestly don't know their thoughts on ART, but I don't want to risk it because if they ARE opposed, they won't hesitate to share their thoughts, and frankly, I don't want to hear it. My dad respects that decision. He's awesome about it, actually. He told me the other day that he knows how painful this experience must be for us, and he respects our right to privacy. "If there's something you want me to know, I expect that you'll tell me. Otherwise, know that I love you and I'm rooting for all that you wish for." How awesome is that??? Lucky, I tell you.

With that said, I have to tell you about cousin Connie. She's actually my dad's cousin, and very well intentioned...but...almost every time we see her she asks, "are you pregnant yet? no? well you better get to it girl!" Sure, that helps. :-? Comments like, "you're not getting any younger" or "what are you waiting for?" are par for the course. I finally broke down and told my aunt that she needed to tell Connie to stop making those comments or else I would stop coming to family gatherings. That's been my only experience with insensitive comments. I can't imagine if she were my MIL or sister, or some of the other horror stories I've heard on the boards. At least I see Connie only a couple times each year.

Well, Scott leaves for China tomorrow. Sigh. On a good note, I have a great line up of activities while he's gone. Massage tomorrow and Sunday with my Mom. Next weekend I scheduled a spa day on Saturday, so that will be nice (and overdue, you should see my roots!) I know the time will fly - it always does.

Today I saw a post of somebody's + HPT. I got so thrilled. I thought, in just over a month, that could be mine. I'm going to keep thinking that way. Sure, I know that realistically it may not take the first time, but I'm going to think POSITIVE. I'm going to allow myself to be excited, and happy, and picture a time in the very near future when we have all that our hearts desire. I just KNOW it will happen. And I can't wait.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74
Gotta love Dear Abby

This isn't an issue for me, but I can understand how it is for some women...

From Sunday's Dear Abby -

DEAR ABBY: On Mother's Day, our church has a tradition of asking all the mothers in the congregation to stand for a blessing and recognition of their importance to our community and the job they are doing.

My wife refuses to stand and be recognized by our community as a mother. She says she won't do it because there are some women in our church who are not standing, and some of them might not be able to be mothers and may be hurt at the recognition the others are receiving.

I realize that infertility may be a great loss to them, but these women live with it every day. I doubt that our church's annual recognition of mothers will add more pain than those women already endure. Don't you agree? -- PROUD HUSBAND AND FATHER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR PROUD HUSBAND AND FATHER: No, I do not agree. Your wife is a woman with unusual sensitivity and empathy for the feelings of others. I respect her stance on remaining seated, and so should you.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Well, the big day is almost here. I can't believe we set this train in motion tomorrow! I can't wait, but I know that the time will fly. The good news is I have a lot of fun stuff to look forward to in the meantime to keep myself occupied...

Speaking of which, I better get back to work. Wink

ETA - forgot to mention earlier, last night I had a dream that I was abducted (maybe because of that little girl that was abducted in Portugal?) and my abductors injected me with bad things (maybe because I'm starting my injections tomorrow?) I feel more excited than anxious, but maybe the closer I'm getting the more anxious I'm getting. It's a big step! And this is a very stressful time, everyone keeps saying. I need to keep focusing on relaxing and making sure I'm getting my self-care in. I just with DH were home with me. :cry:

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74
Elton John - Blessed (lyrics)

Wow. Heard this on the radio on the way home tonight. It's a sign.

Blessed - Elton John

Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed

I know you're still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed

And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed

I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed

I'm feeling incredibly emotional tonight, considering I don't have any hormonal fluctuations due to the BCP, I can only assume it's due to the mental buildup I have going on because tomorrow is the BIG DAY. Really, I need to calm down or I won't get any sleep!

Perhaps the two glasses of wine I had tonight will help with that....sigh. I'm off to bed.

Tomorrow....

p.s. I really, really, really miss my husband.

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

Well, I had my Lupron Depot shot today. I was under the impression that I'd have to self-administer those shots daily, but they gave me just one shot that stays in the body for one month, so that's good. I'm to stay on BCP until Saturday (5/19) and once my period starts call them to schedule the baseline US and bloodwork (probably on 5/23). That evening I'll start stims. I'll self-administer stims for 10 days, and then Scott will administer the trigger shot (probably on 6/1). During stims I'll go in for monitoring on days 5, 7 and 9. 36 hours after the HSG shot, they will do the ER in Rochester Hills (about 90 minutes from home). No bed rest after the ER, just "take it easy". The transfer will be 3-5 days later, also in Rochester Hills, and I am on 24 hours bedrest after that, with 2 additional "light activity" days after that. They will not do a blood pregnancy test until 14 days post transfer. (ugh!)

No more kickboxing once I start stims, and she wasn't sure about golf, at least the week of ER/ET and perhaps the following week, too. I'll have to ask Dr. Shamma about that one when I see him, I guess. I can still walk, but not at a "jarring" pace - they don't like treadmills...odd. I've always thought of treadmills as having more cushion, but I'll just take it easy either way and err on the side of caution.

I got pretty detailed instructions in writing, and fortunately I had my meeting with Betsy, who is very patient and thorough. I don't feel like I walked away with any questions, which is good.

Oh, and great news, the cysts were gone, and my uterus and ovaries looked "perfect". And I didn't even feel the Lupron shot, despite it being intramuscular. Smile

Scott send me these today - badly needed. He's so perfect (well, he's not, but he's perfect for me!)

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74
After the Lupron Depot

I've felt weird the last few days. Not sure if it's mental, or what, but I've been absolutely exhausted. I'm not even motivated to workout in the a.m. which is so not like me. I almost feel like I have a constant hangover. And I've been crampy. I know it will all be worth it, so I'm sucking it up...but thought I'd mention it for posterity.

The injection site is sore and bruised. It didn't hurt when I received it, but it sure hurts now. It's a pain in the ass....ha ha! Again, also worth it, a hundred times over.

Well, I gotta get ready for work. Scott will be home in less than a week, thank God. I know the time will go by quickly. It always does. I've got plenty of plans for the weekend - hanging with the dog tonight, Blooms tomorrow (planting flowers in the community for you lurkers), cut/color/eyebrows at the spa in the afternoon, and then shopping for a dress to wear to the three weddings we have in June. I'll go for an a-line to allow for some bloating in my lower region. Wink I haven't decided if I will go out Saturday, but at some point this weekend I also need to do laundry, clean the house, and mow the lawn, so there is no shortage of activity. I also hope to get dinner in with my grandparents on Sunday. Whew...I'm tired just thinking about all that, but like I said, it will make the time go by quickly!

Happy Friday!!!!

Tracy V's picture
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 74

I'm switching to a blog....

http://tracyscottm.blogspot.com/

I don't feel comfortable sharing my online journal with family and friends.

Log in or register to post comments