My IVF journey
Well, I've thought about doing this for some time, and just never got around to it. Here goes.
Scott and I have been TTC since 6 months post wedding, so since September of 2004. We're both 37, and have taken a "break" here and there, which means we just stopped charting, or POAS, or taking drugs, vitamins, etc. But for the majority of that time, we've been actively BD'ing and hoping something would stick.
We visited a specialist (my OB/GYN, who just happens to also be a reproductive surgeon) and had the slew of tests scheduled. I don't have PCOS, my pipes are clear (HSG last fall), and I O regularly, usually on CD15. My LP is 15 days on the money, and my progesterone levels are just fine. DH's SA came back just "OK". Count and motility were fine, but morphology was on the low side. Dr. Fettinger recommended 3 rounds of Clomid, then 3 rounds of Clomid + IUI, then on to IVF or adoption.
Last summer we did three cycles of the Clomid. No luck.
We just finished up our 2nd round of Clomid + IUI, again, no luck.
Scott travels out of the country quite frequently, and it just so happens for the next two months he'll be overseas when I O. Our doctor doesn't freeze sperm for IUI's, so we've decided to move on to IVF without going throught the recommended third round of IUI. With my age a factor, we just don't want to waste anymore time.
It's amazing to think back sometimes to when we got married. We were just 34 and thought we had all the time in the world. Now, we're both frantic that our biological clock is running out.
So, my next appointment is next Thursday with Dr. Fakih at First IVF. It's a consult, and we can expect US's and blood work. I'm assuming also a SA, but we'll know a heck of a lot more after our appointment. For the next week, I've vowed to not badger Scott with any of this. He took the most recent BFN very hard.
I continue to pray to God for strength and patience.
The man Whispered “God speak to me” and a meadowlark sang. But the man did not hear.
The man yelled “God speak to me” thunder rolled across the sky, but the man did not listen.
The man looked around and said, “God let me see you” and the stars shined brightly but the man did not notice.
The man shouted, “God show me a miracle” and a life was born but the man did not know.
So the man cried out in despair, “touch me God, and let me know you are here” whereupon God reached down and touched the man, but the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.
So remember, don’t miss out on a blessing because it isn’t packaged the way that you expect. Take notice of the blessing around you.
Update on appointment
Just talked to Dr. Fettinger's office, and they prefer Dr. Shamma, so I've changed our appointment to Monday, April 16th. I feel very anxious now....not sure why?
Too much coffee? Hah!
Spent a long time on the phone this afternoon talking to my friend Robyn about her IVF experience. She had twins a year ago this past December. It was really helpful talking to her, and I'm glad I got the chance to do taht before our appointment on Monday. Right now I'm just sitting here waiting for Scott to show up so we can go to the season opener for the Great Lakes Loons....fun! I think I'll definitely be having some beer. :)
Today is the big day! Can't wait!
Zowie. What a whirlwind.
My OBGYN had been pretty comprehensive in his testing and notes, so Dr. Shamma had everything in front of him when we got there. He started by asking me what I thought, and I ran him through our history. Bottom line, according to him, Scott's poor morphology. He told us that had he seen our file a year ago he would have recommended IVF at that time. Basically, we've been wasting our time with this other stuff. Sigh. Oh well, at least we're here now.
Anyway, the meeting went FAST. We need to look at the doctor's schedule (they only due retrieval and transfer on certain weeks) and how it corresponds with Scott's travel schedule. They'd prefer we use fresh versus frozen sperm since there's the morpohology issue, and with Scott going to China for two weeks mid-May, there's an issue with getting all three of our schedules together.
SO, we will likely start BCP's tomorrow, and perhaps stay on them for an extra week or so to make sure we time it right. Then, it's a pretty standard IVF/ICSI procedure. Lupron, injectables, retrieval and transfer. We'll likely have the retrieval the last week of May, or early June.
The cost was far less than we thought it would be. They give a 20% discount since he's friends with my current doctor. Sweet! My insurance will likely pay for office visits, tests, ultrasounds, and some meds, so it ended up being right around $6000 per cycle.
Next steps - go in for blood work tomorrow a.m., start BCP's tomorrow likely, and have mid-cycle ultrasound and trial transfer on 4/23. It's all me at this point...Scott doesn't have to do anything but be moral support. :D
I was so freaked out, I broke out into hives. It's all pretty overwhelming. The good news - my doctor said this is pretty textbook. He sees no reason (at this point) why we won't be successful. The other good news, he sees no reason why I can't enjoy good wine (in moderation) before transfer. :wink:
So that's where we're at! Whew, huh?
Got a call from Lori yesterday afternoon, and we've scheduled the Lupron shot for 5/16. At that time, she'll show me how to deal with the injections. She asked that Scott be there, but since he'll be in China, I guess it's all me. She said we could teach him the tougher injections at the egg retrieval appointment (which should be around 6/2).
I picked up my BCP's at Walgreen's - they are covered by insurance. Whew. I'll find out later today if my injectables are covered. Fingers crossed.
I also had the blood tests that Dr. Shamma requested this morning. There were like 9 vials total. Ugh! But better safe than sorry.
I told Scott last night that I would try to relax during this process, and would stop obsessing about every little thing. It takes so long (not really, but compared to a regular cycle) that I could drive myself crazy if I don't focus on other things during the waiting. So, I'm going to keep myself busy (as always), try to focus on talking to my husband about other, non-baby topics, and take it one appointment at a time. I think the crazier I get, the harder it is for him. He seemed happy that I was approaching it this way.
We had a good talk, so feel good about where we are.
Next step....call Walgreen's to check on the injectables.
Whoo hoo!!!! Just called Walgreen's and they have my prescription, and my balance is right around $230. I can only assume that means that insurance is covering my meds - what a HUGE help. That saves us a couple grand, at least. I'm hoping they cover my US's and other testing, too. So far they have, with Dr. Fettinger, so I'm optimistic!
I'm feeling good on the BCP's. It's nice to not have any SE's (from Clomid) or hormonal swings. I am also enjoying not temping or charting...and I'm thrilled to not have to POAS anymore!
Scott's been in a better mood. I think my plan to make light of it while reassuring him that I love him worked. He's happy that I'm happy. And it's nice that we CAN'T do anything until May 16th. We'll just enjoy this time instead of constantly focusing on TTC.
We're going to dinner tonight - he leaves for Taiwan on Friday for a week. The first of several business trips out of the country. Sigh.
Just picked up the scrips - $213. SWEET! There were two HUGE Walgreen's bag full. Amazing. It was somewhat embarrassing, because I know the pharmacist. He's on our board of directors. But, I figure, that's his job so I'm not going to sweat it too much.
Talked to Scott last night again. At dinner, I shared a post on one of the threads. Somebody had asked, besides pregnancy, what does your heart desire? I told him that I had everything my heart desired except for a baby....good jobs....good friends....nice home....healthy family. He said, "you didn't say a husband with good morphology?" I asked him if I had endo or PCOS and couldn't conceive if he would want me thinking it was my fault or feeling bad about it and he said no. I told him our situation was just luck of the draw and it didn't matter. We were in this together, and I didn't think about it so he shouldn't. His mom emailed me yesterday and asked why the two IUI's didn't work. I chose not to give her details. I just don't want to make Scott feel any worse than he does. He did assure me that he's okay, though, so that's good. We had a GREAT, romantic dinner.
He leaves tomorrow for Taiwan. I just found out he's also going to be gone 5/3-5/4 and then again 5/12-5/25. I'm going to be on my own for a lot of this it seems. That's okay as long as he's here for the ER.
Just met a deadline for our print newsletter at work, so have a few minutes before I need to shift creative gears.
Got a call from the pharm and they still owe me three boxes of scripts. WOWSA, that's a lot of stuff. I better hide it from Scott or he'll get THAT look on his face again. The one that's utter fear...crossed with nausea. The more of this burden I bear, the better.
Saw this on a poster at a Reality Store (like the game of Life for 8th graders) yesterday and LOVE it. It applies:
"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot, and missed. I've failed over, and over, and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan
Of course, I shared it with Scott, and he was like, "yeah, but how many shots has he MADE? That's why he's a success." Dumb boy. He totally misses the point.