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  1. #11
    Posting Addict Tracy V's Avatar
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    OMG OMG OMG OMG

    I just picked up the last of my prescriptions and organized them into a big plastic box that I can easily tote around. HELLO???? I think I now own a third world pharmacy!!!!

    Seriously, I asked Scott if he wanted to see the needles he'd have to use for the prog, and he declined. So do I take this huge honking box with me into the doctor's office when I go??? I'll have to be sure and ask on Monday when I go in for my mock transfer.
    Tracy
    Mom to Evan Edward and Rowan Grace - DOB 9/16/08

  2. #12
    Posting Addict Tracy V's Avatar
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    Had my mock transfer and first US today. Uterus and ovaries looked good, but I do have two small cysts in my ovaries. Dr. Shamma said that was normal, and that in the 3 weeks we have before Lupron, they should dissapate. If they don't, he will aspirate them. But, he said it wouldn't delay what we're doing at all. Other than that, all is good.

    I'll learn more about the meds on 5/16. Betsy, Dr. Shamma's nurse, was sooo sweet and helpful. She told me the first 10-12 days stims would be easy shots, and I could do them on my own. The other ones I would need help, but if Scott wasn't around I could come in to the office. I'm not going to worry about it at this point...one day at a time.

    I won't actually start shots until the 23rd. The Lupron shot is a one time deal, so I'm not exactly sure what will happen between the 16th and the 23rd, but again, I'm not going to sweat it. I could drive myself crazy thinking about all this stuff.

    I missed Scott today, though. It gave me a preview of what it will be like while he's in China and I'm going through all of this alone. I'll just have to pony up. It will really only be 9 days (16th-25th), so I will manage somehow. I'm just going to make sure to leave lots of "Me-Time". The book I'm reading says that now is the time to pamper yourself, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to worry about anything, and will just do whatever it is my heart desires for the day. Once he's home, things will start to heat up, and he can help me through.

    Anyway, I continue to feel like I have a three week respite from all this TTC stuff. Now, we wait.....
    Tracy
    Mom to Evan Edward and Rowan Grace - DOB 9/16/08

  3. #13
    Posting Addict Tracy V's Avatar
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    I'm feeling very resentful today. Scott has been in Tiawan since last Friday, so for a total of 7 days. He'll be home tomorrow evening. We're on completely opposite schedules - my 6:00 a.m. is his 6:00 p.m. But that's not why I'm resentful.

    I understand that his job requires travel. I understand that sometimes it's more often than either of us would like, and that he has little control over it. I even understand that he may enjoy his travels, that it can be an adventure and an opportunity to meet new, interesting people.

    What I don't understand, is how he can just "check out" of our life and go on his way. If I were traveling, I would call as regularly as possible to see how he was doing. And if he were in a crisis, which I feel I currently am, I would DEFINITELY make a point of calling whenever I can.

    Last night when I talked to him he told me he'd call me when they got them to the hotel at the end of the day (he's traveling with a large group of coworkers). Not only did he not call me when he told me he would, he called me four hours later after he had been out to dinner and drinks. Again, I don't mind him having fun while he's over there, but he couldn't have taken two minutes to check in with me, let me know he's safe, and see how I'm feeling?

    Even though I've chosen to make these sacrifices in our marriage (quit my career to move to his home town and support his, take a lesser paying job so I have flexibility, ALL of the infertility tests, etc...), I find myself resentful towards him. I KNOW all of this was my choice, so I shouldn't blame him, but lately I can't help myself. Especially with our issue being MFI. Once again, I find myself saying, this isn't fair. Intellectually, I know this is happening to US, but I still feel that I'm bearing most of the burden of this and it's not my fault. And if only he'd appreciate that a little more, I might feel better. I mean, in less than three weeks I will start injecting drugs into my body and enduring almost daily blood tests and vaginal ultrasounds, and THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

    Most of the time he's very good at supporting me, and I know he wishes he could do more, take more of the burden, but when he travels it's like I don't exist. I am so upset right now. I don't even want to talk to him. I don't want to see him. I just want to take off somewhere and have fun and forget about all of this for awhile.
    Tracy
    Mom to Evan Edward and Rowan Grace - DOB 9/16/08

  4. #14
    Posting Addict Tracy V's Avatar
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    Feeling much better today. Not sure why. Scott and I had a good talk yesterday evening - he felt bad that he didn't call me when I needed him to. He told me again that he wishes there was more that he could do for me, but really there just isn't.

    I started freaking out about the drugs again today and called Lori (Dr. Shamma's nurse) to make sure I had the right drugs in the right quantity. I do. The total amount came to right around $6000, which seems high, but she said I have the right stuff.

    I found some research on the benefits of acupuncture, so I'm going to try it. It may be kind of expensive (one place quoted $90, but the other was $60), but if it helps me relax and I enjoy it, then it's worth it to me. Especially if it boosts success rates, which I've found studies show it does. Something about it increasing blood flow. Anyway, now is the time for me to pamper myself, more so than any other time in my life, so I'm going to do it. Hopefully I can get in with Shirley Moore ($60) since she's a Chamber member, but I currently have an appointment with Healing Solutions on Tuesday 5/1.

    Scott comes home tonight. I can't wait. He'll be home for 5 days, then he goes to Boston again for a couple days. Unfortunately, I have a board meeting and the Expo Tuesday and Wednesday, so both will be late nights. At least I'm busy - it makes time go by more quickly.

    Oh, I've decided to TRY and stay off the boards for awhile. I think I'm driving myself insane. I need to focus on other things for a bit.
    Tracy
    Mom to Evan Edward and Rowan Grace - DOB 9/16/08

  5. #15
    Posting Addict Tracy V's Avatar
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    The next few weeks will be a test of my strength.

    Scott is going to be traveling the following dates :

    5/3-5/4 Boston
    5/8-5/10 Columbus
    5/12-5/24 China

    I told him to tell his boss that I want a travel bonus. I know it can't be helped, so there's no sense making him feel any worse for it. I just know I feel so much better when he's home, and I know the next 30 days are going to be a challenge for me. Oh well...I'll just focus on one day at a time. If I stop to think about it, come three weeks from Friday, he won't travel again for 3 weeks. The good news is that he'll be here for the really critical time, the ER and the days building up to it. And we'll have a nice long Memorial Day weekend in the mix, too.

    I called Dr. Shamma's office today to see if they were okay with my doing acupuncture. They are. I have my first appointment tomorrow. Only 16 days until the Lupron shot!
    Tracy
    Mom to Evan Edward and Rowan Grace - DOB 9/16/08

  6. #16
    Posting Addict Tracy V's Avatar
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    Irritated. That's me today.

    I went to Walgreen's to pick up my second packet of pills and they said the insurance company said it was too soon. Well, that's because I'm freakin' taking them for IVF!!!! Sigh....I know, I know....I should just be glad the insurance company is paying for them. I can pick them up on Friday instead. No biggie. I shouldn't have been so snotty to the pharmacy lady, but I'm so sick of going to Walgreen's only to find my prescription hasn't been filled. I'll apologize to her on Friday if she's there.

    THEN, I went for my acupuncture appointment. Nobody every showed. They're not an open clinic - only open for appointments. I had a 1:00 appointment, but they never showed. I waited for 15 minutes before calling the office (in a neighboring town) to let them know I was leaving. No apology, no nothing. Ugh!

    Have I earned this bad Kharma or what?

    OK, ok....I know things could be worse. I need to have an attitude adjustment.
    Tracy
    Mom to Evan Edward and Rowan Grace - DOB 9/16/08

  7. #17
    Posting Addict Tracy V's Avatar
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    Classic - just found the SNL skit that defines my coworker Erin. I used to enjoy my job and was struggling with what to do after we have babies. Now I almost can't wait to leave. Sad, huh?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0vCd9MT9ec
    Tracy
    Mom to Evan Edward and Rowan Grace - DOB 9/16/08

  8. #18
    Posting Addict Tracy V's Avatar
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    Just got a call from Shirley Moore's office. She can get me in for acupuncture on Thursday and again next Wednesday. Then we'll go from there. I had an appointment for a massage on Friday night, but I went ahead and cancelled it. I have another one next Saturday, so that should be good for now. I mean, I haven't even started injections yet! I should save SOME pampering for later in the month, right?
    Tracy
    Mom to Evan Edward and Rowan Grace - DOB 9/16/08

  9. #19
    Posting Addict Tracy V's Avatar
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    Wow! What a busy week. I guess that's good, though, since I'm really getting ready for this to begin. Only 12 more days! The weekends always fly by quickly, so really it will be less than a week before we know it.

    I had my first session of acupunture yesterday, and WOW. I loved it! I was so totally relaxed afterwards, that I could almost feel the increased blood flow in my body. My feet and legs were sore from the previous day (worked at an expo for 12 hours and man, was I tired), but after the acupuncture I felt GREAT! I went home and had a nap, which I won't be able to do regularly, but it sure was nice yesterday. I feel more at peace with everything, which is probably a mental thing, but I'll take it. She wants to see me twice a week until implantation. I told Scott I'd cut costs elsewhere if we need to, but I want to continue as she advises. Besides, if it works, it will be cheaper than a second or third IVF!

    She put 10 needles in all in my legs and feet. Five each leg. After she inserted the needles, she left me to just rest for 30 minutes or so...it was SO peaceful. She told me that I could do acupuncture in conjunction with massage, and I may do more massage down the line, but I think for now I'll just stick with this and warm baths.

    Scott gets home this evening from Boston. We don't have any plans for the weekend other than spending time together. He leaves for Columbus on Tuesday for three days, then to China for 12. Ugh. Oh well, I'll have plenty to keep me busy. I may make a cheese/meat tray for dinner with wine. I want to get the brie in while I can.

    This has been a tough week at work. Very stressful. Sid's letting me leave at 3:00 today, and I left early yesterday, which definitely helps. The weather is beautiful so it will be a nice afternoon for it. I really struggled with even continuing to work during this process - that's how bad it was.

    Well, speaking of which, back to work....
    Tracy
    Mom to Evan Edward and Rowan Grace - DOB 9/16/08

  10. #20
    Posting Addict Tracy V's Avatar
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    Figured I'd include a photo of my drugs. Wowsa, eh?

    Tracy
    Mom to Evan Edward and Rowan Grace - DOB 9/16/08

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