My journey to Baby #1 (BFP on 3/29/07)

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Joined: 03/16/15
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My journey to Baby #1 (BFP on 3/29/07)

Ok so I am finally going to do it…I am finally going to start my TTC journal. I have been reading and rereading so many of other women’s journals that I think it is finally time for me to tell my story. Here are the basics, I am 29 years old (30 in March) and my DH of 5 years is 31. I went off BC in June of 2005 and after a 3 month wait we started trying in September last year. Just to back up a bit, I have always known that I wanted children but been afraid that I would have problems. My mom and her sister have always had female issues (miscarriages, fibroid tumors, etc). So it has always been in the back of my mind that I would have trouble. My husband is in the military and up until this last year he was gone a lot so it wasn’t a good time for us to start a family. I wanted him home for as much as possible during this amazing experience. So that brings us back to Sept of last year. I wasn’t expecting a lot at first, I had never tracked my cycle and have always had irregular cycles. I was right, it took us about 7 months to get pregnant the first time. We were so excited but I was a little worried because I had a lot of cramping. I was 5 weeks pregnant. My friends that I had told said not to worry, some cramping is expected. I made an appt with my primary doctor but when he did a urine pregnancy test, it came out negative. I didn’t know what to think..I was very disappointed. He decided to do a blood test so he could look at my HCG levels but I knew that it was over. I woke up the next morning to find that I had started bleeding very heavily. I talked to my doctor later that day and he said he wasn’t surprised by what I told him had happened, my HCG levels were very low so if I hand’ started to miscarry he knew I would have soon enough. I bleed for about a week, it was horrible. I think the worst part was telling the people that you told about the pregnancy that it was over. That is not a good conversation to have, oh yeah by the way, I miscarried yesterday. ARRGGHHH. My husband and I told ourselves that we would keep it to ourselves the next time.

So, we kept trying and low and behold got pregnant again right away. I was shocked actually but very excited because this one felt totally different from the first one. No cramping, breast soreness, I was exhausted and very gassy. I told myself not to get too excited after what happened the first time but it was hard to not be happy. My husband and I told friends, yes we broke our rule…we just couldn’t help it. I found out on a Sunday and I had to leave for San Diego Monday. I am from SD so I decided to tell my friends in person while I was there..it was perfect. The bad part came on Thursday when I started spotting not to mention I had somehow caught a cold. My flight back to NC was a redeye Thursday night, I was feeling like such crap and had a bad feeling about the pregnancy. I got home the next morning and went straight to bed. When I woke up, the bleeding had returned. Oh, I was so disappointed. I just kept thinking, what the heck is going on? Why is this happening again and at 5 weeks? What am I doing wrong? All of the normal things that go through your head when something like this happens.

I knew that I had to see a doctor and went through the procedure to get an appt with an OBGYN. Little did I know how hard that was going to be. I am sure so many of you will agree that Insurance is horrible! I mean I know we have to have it but it makes getting to a doctor so much harder. Especially when you live off of a base and in a town where not a lot of doctors take your insurance. I wanted to scream. I had to wait 3 months to get into see a doctor. My husband and I decided to take a break during the 3 month wait for my appointment because I really did not want to go through a 3rd miscarriage and we had no clue what was going on. I think that is one of the worst things, the not knowing. It may happen again but it may not, that is the risk that we all take.

This brings me up to last week. My doctors appt was last Monday, the 18th. I didn’t know what to expect going into the appt. I had a new doctor and a lot of things to figure out and as we all know, some doctors aren’t so willing to help find the answers to all of your questions. I met my doctor and liked him off the bat. He was younger and seemed to be actually hearing everything I was saying. Not just sitting there acting like he was listening when in reality they weren’t. Anyway, after I gave him the low down on everything that had been happening, he did the pap and he felt my uterus. He said he couldn’t feel anything out of place. He also scheduled me for some blood work and an ultrasound. The end result was for us to keep trying. He said that until that 3rd loss he didn’t want to do any extensive blood work or other tests. I was a little disappointed in this and I really did not want to go through another miscarriage. I mean who does? I told him as much. He said that really we don’t know what happened the first two times and we really can’t say that it will in fact happen again. My second miscarriage could have happened because it was so soon after the first one and my hormones were out of whack. We just won’t know. I had my ultrasound last Thursday and the doctor should have the results today. I am hoping that they call and let me know the results but I am not sure if they will. They are mailing me the results of all the other tests. With my family history, I just don’t know what to expect.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

So here we are to today, CD 16 and I should be ovulating any day now. I am currently taking my temp (which I just started doing last month) and tracking my CV. I also get pretty bad cramps during ovulation (which started this morning) so I should ovulating any time. The bad part is that my husband has duty today and tomorrow so we may not have much luck this cycle unless BDing on Wednesday works. That is part of our problem…timing!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

No test results yet. I hate waiting. I would hope that if the doctor saw something abnormal on my ultrasound, he would call me and tell me, right? I think I am going to give him until the end of the week and if I haven't heard anything I will try to call. I know this practice is really busy so I want to give him enough time to look at the results.

My temp stayed down today and the ovulation pain is gone which at least means I am not ovulating today. This is good. I am hoping that I have a temp serg tomorrow or thursday when DH is actually home. I have a small window here so I am keeping my firngers that I ovuate during that time.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

YEAH!! My temp went up this morning just as I hoped. I should be ovulating today or tomorrow! I am very excited...especially since my DH is actually home today and tomorrow. He will be happy when I tell him. I am trying not to get my hopes up with this cycle but it is so hard not to. All we can do is BD as much as we can. LOL :lovebed:

Come on swimmers.... :bluesperm: :pinksperm:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am now officially confused! I thought for sure I was going to ovulate yesterday, I had all the signs...higher temp, EWCM...but when I took my temp this morning, it was down. :banghead:
So what does this mean then? I have no freakin clue. My DH and I BD last night and will again tonight just in case but he won't be here all weekend so if I actually ovulate then, I may miss this cycle. AARRGGHHHH. My body is so weird. Last month (my left ovary) I had a lot more cramping and my temp went up and stayed up. Granted I was traveling during my ovulation and kept forgetting to take my temps so I dont' know the exact day that I ovulated but I can pretty much guess. No wonder my cycles are irregular...each ovary has a mind of its own! This is going to be a long cycle if I don't O soon. You know I actually like temping, it has told me so much about my body but man it is nerve raking. I was actually surprised at how disapointed I was this morning when my temp was lower than yesterday. I really had high hopes that we had the timing right this cycle. Timing has been our major hurdle...it is not easy trying to conceive when the days you are Oing, Your husband is at the station standing duty. And its not like he can come home for a quickie. Anyway I am just babbeling now. Lets just hope that some of the swimmers stay in my system until I do O.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well I actually have good news today, my temp went up this morning and not by just a little bit...by a whole lot. LOL I am excited. I don't know if this means I ovulated yesterday or maybe today? DH and I BD last night so I am keeping my fingers crossed that the swimmers make it to the egg! I guess I am onto the 2ww...boy I hate the waiting. It was kind of nice not stressing about all of this the last few months since we were taking a break.

I was talking to a good friend of mine last night (who is about 13 weeks pregnant) about the weird thing my body was doing (you know with the decrease in temp yesterday). She said, you guys just need to relax and have fun...stop temping and let it happen. I was like..I know I know but I have no clue when I actually ovulate when I am not temping..it will take sooo much longer for us to get prego if I didn't....hence the last 12 months!! LOL I love my friends to death but some of them don't understand because it wasn't as hard for them to get pregnant. Its not that easy to just let it go and relax for the month...especially when my DH isn't home all the time and its not like you can just get pregnant any time of the month! I just get frustrated sometimes because I REALLY want to get pregnant...I want to be part of that club!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Good Morning everyone!

I am feeling pretty good this morning. I am now at 4 DPO...I finally have cross hairs. My chart looks so official now. I wasn't able to pinpoint O last month so it looked nothing like this one. FF says we have a good chance of getting pregnant based on my O date and when we BD. I am happy about that because we only had a two day window. We will see. FF says I shold wait until 17 DPO to test but I can't wait that long...I am going to have to test the weekend before that. Not to mention I am leaving for Brazil the day before it says I should test so I won't even be in this country on 17DPO! Also, I need to know if I am pregnant or not before I leave....It yes, then no partying in Brazil...if not, then I can at least have a little fun. LOL I really hope that it is a BFP but I am trying not to get my hopes up. I did notice that my temp went up even more this morning and my breasts are tender.......????

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. Mainly about how things are going to change between my DH and I once we have a baby. I know that he is going to be a great dad but I am worried that all things baby and house are going to fall to me to take care of. Do you know what I mean? Right now I am having to deal with a lot of laziness and he says that it has a lot to do with work and I know he has been REALLY stressed out and wants to just relax when he gets home BUT the stuff at home still needs to get done. We have projects around the house that we started but not finished....whats goign to happen when we add a baby to the mix? I don't want to do it all myself. This is why we have waited the past 3 years to start TTC..he wasn't home and I didn't want to go through all of it myself. I am sure I am worrying for nothing and things will get better once it quiets down at work for him. He hasn't always been like this. I really don't want to become that nagging wife that men talk about...sometimes I feel like I already do nag him and I hate that. How do you get through that? I wish that he would just get up in the morning and say...I am going to finish this OR I am going to take care of this today, rather than sitting on his butt and watching TV or playing on his computer. I used to like sleeping in until 11 and then hanging out all day but since we have bought the house, that has changed for me. I would much rather get up at 8 or 8:30 and start on projects. It just seems our priorities are different and I don't know how to get them back together?
I know I need to talk to him about all of this, I just don't know how to do it in a way that won't upset him. I love him very much.

Wow, that was kind of a depressing post. I just needed to get it out I guess. If anyone reading this has any good ideas, please let me know!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Boy it was a long week. I went to Toronto for work and I had the worst travel experience and I was only gone for 2 days. I am not going to go into it now but let me tell you, I was really glad to get home on thursday.

Things are going better at home now. My DH and I talked about how I have been feeling lately (see my last post) and he didn't realize that it was that bad. He promised to be better and he already has been. His parents are coming down this weekend and he helped me get the house together so that was nice. I am really glad that we talked...I have the tendency to keep things inside until they burst out and cause more problems. I need to talk things out more often.

On the TTC front. I am getting excited about this cycle but I am trying not to get my hopes up. I am at 9 DPO and my temp dipped on 7 DPO and has stayed up since. Implantation??? Maybe. My breats have also been very tender. I have been fighting myself about testing early and tomorrow is 10 DPO but since his parents are here we decided that I shouldn't test just yet. We don't want to tell anyone at first and if I tested and we got a BFP then we would have to tell them. We wouldn't be able to hide our excitment. So I decided to wait until tuesday at the earliest. I am keeping my fingers crossed for this month. I so want to be pregnant.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am feeling a little doubtful about this month now. My temps went down for the second straight day and I am feeling a little crampy so I think AF may be coming. If my cycle stays on track like the last 3, then I should start my period tomorrow. If I haven't started by wednesday morning then I am testing. I just can't wait any longer than that. Smile I really hope that I don't start my period and I get a + test result. If not, then we will just keep trying.

This last weekend went really well with MIL and FIL. I enjoy their company. I am pretty lucky really, neither my parents nor DH's parents intrude on our lives. They are there if we need them but never have told us what to do. DH finally told his parents about the m/c's so we talked a little bit about it. I am glad that they know actually. I don't have to worry about hiding it any more.

Well not much else to report. I just keep thinking about AF coming..its hard not to be disapointed. I am trying to keep my head up since I dont' even know yet if she will come. I will write more tomorrow.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Ok, temps went up this morning and to higher than they have been all month. What the heck! This could be good news ladies. I was quite disappointed last night because I was really feeling like I was going to start my period..you know, moody and crampy. I was quite surprised when my temp was up quite high this morning. I am trying not to get too excited. One other good thing...on this day last month, my temp plumeted and I started my period....???? I don't really have very regular periods but they have been quite consistent the last 3 months. We will see. If I don't start my period today, I am testing tomorrow morning. I will be 13 DPO anyway so I should get a BFP by then.

I heard some great news from a good friend yesterday. She is now about 13 weeks pregnant and found out that they are having a girl. The baby is healthy and has a strong heart beat. Can't get much better than that. How exciting. They have a 17 month old boy, Ian, right now so they were hoping for a girl. I am so happy for them. I just hope that I am joining her soon.

Keep your fingers crossed for me! Write more later...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OMG, OMG....it happened. I got a blazzing BFP this morning. It showed up right away. I tried to take pictures but our camera wouldn't take a clear picture. I couldn't be happier yet I feel very guarded like somthing in me is not allowing me to fully translate what is happening. I think I am trying to protect myself from the hurt of another m/c if it happens again. Does that make sense? I do feel different this time. My bbs are very tender and I am really tired but I also have a kind of fluttery cramping going on down there. Its not like a pain, its just that I can tell there is something happening. It is still very early and both my m/c were at 5 weeks so I will be pretty much holding my breath until after next week. The bad part is that I will be in Brazil next week for work. So if soemthing happens I will be in a foreign country and away from my DH for support. Well we will just cross that bridge if we come to it...I just hope that bridge doesn't come near me. LOL I think I am going to keep writing in this journal for a little while...at least until I pass the 5 week mark.

Good Luck to all of you ladies. Keep your fingers crossed for stickiness!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well I got another positive test this morning and my temps are still high though it did dip from yesterday. Should I be worried? I have no clue. I had to take my temp about an hour earlier today so that might be a reason for the difference. I just hope that this isn't a precurser for something else. I am going to say positive though. I have a doc. appt today at 11:45am and he will be able to confirm the preg test and then hopefully do blood work. I will have a good idea of whats going on once I see the results. I am quite nervous but who wouldn't be I guess after two early m/c's. I am so praying that my HCG level is high and my progesterone is high. I will feel 10 times better if they are. I have been having minor cramping...its kind of weird, almost like I can't describe it. It is very low and feels most like ligament pain (I think that is what they called it). From what I read though, you don't usually get this until the 2nd trimester. So I dont' know what to think. I cramped a lot during my frist pregnancy and m/c but this cramping is not the same...its not as intense and feel more like pressure than anything. Ok, I need to stop obsessing about every little thing and know that if this baby is meant to be then it will be and everything will be fine.

Thank you all for listening and I am hoping that you all get BFP's soon!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

A lot has happened since I last posted here. I have been on a roller coaster ride of sorts. Things were giong really great with my pregnancy and then its like the rug was pulled out from underneath me. Sometime during my 7-8 week our baby died. It just stopped developing. I found out on the 9th and had a D&C on the 10th. I had never had a D&C before...all of my prevous miscarriages had been natural. everything went fine though and i recovered quickly. I think the hardest part of it all was waking up in the operating room after it was over and I just burst into tears...it was like I just felt that the baby wasn't inside of me any more and it was the saddest thing. It was so hard to stop crying but the nurses were great...there were a few that had been through the same thing so they were really supportive. My husband was great through the whole thing...there at my side. I think this whole thing has brought us closer together too. I realized how much he loves me and how much I love him as well has how ready we both are to start our family.

So where do we go from here you ask? Well the doctor has sent off the tissue from the D&C to a lab to be tested so we can see what was wrong with the baby. I am also scheduled to go back to see her on December 6th for some more testing. My doctor told me that if there is something physicaly wrong with either my DH or me, she will do her best to find it. I do feel blessed to have a good doctor on my side..one that is willing to do all she can to help us. We will be taking a little break before we start trying again. I want to do all the testing we can and my doc wants me to have 3 full cycles before we try again. So February it is. Matt and I decided that we are going to use this time to focus on us and do thing around the house that i was going to have to put off since I was pregnant. We may also take a trip...maybe a cruise. Just the two of us. I think that would be good for us.

This is all so hard to deal with...hard to wrap my head around. Why is this happening to us? I know there are so many women out there that have the same problem but it doesn't make it any easier to understand. I know that everything happens for a reason but what could possibly be the reason for this?

Thanks for listening.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am feeling pretty emotional today. I think its my hormones. I feel like I could break down and start crying any minute. I just feel so lost at times...its hard to explain why too. I think those of you that have had m/c's understand what I am feeling...does it every go away? I know that I will never forget this baby or any of the babies I have lost but this one is much harder than the last two. I know its because we became so much more attached...we saw the heartbeat, everything was working out perfectly. We were so happy. How do we get back to that? Will we be that happy with the next pregnancy...i think eventually we will but I think at first we will be cautious about getting too attached. thats natural right? I have so many emotions going on right now and I don't even know how to express them. So many questions....

Hopefully the answers come soon. We want a baby so badly.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Things seem to be getting easier each day. I still go through these boats of needing to cry but they do seem to be getting less and less. I found out today that anohter woman on the June board had a m/c, one similar to mine where the baby stopped developing sometime in the 8th week. I was really hoping that no on else would go through what I went in my circle of June friends. I feel so bad for her.

I was reading some things today about miscarriages and how when you have had three in a row, there is most likely something wrong...these aren't just fluke m/c any more. That is so scary. I just hope that if there is something wrong with me, that the doc finds it. It would be so hard if I found out that I couldnt have a baby...NO, I am not even going to think about that yet. There is no reason to. I am just anxious for some answers.

One of my very good friends was rushed to the hospital early wednesday morning when she had a seizure in her sleep. She is 20 weeks pregnant right now too. She is doing ok but it was so scary...they still don't know what caused it but the baby doesn't seem to have been affected by it. Thank God.

What a crazy week it has been...is anyone else having all these bad things happening to them??

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

So I haven't posted in a while since we aren't actively TTC right now. I am patiently waiting for AF to show and I have no clue when she will come. I am hoping soon so that I can get this cycle over with and start temping again. I feel so lost when I don't know whats going on with my body. I don't think I O'd this cycle...I dont' know how unual that is after a D&C. Either that or I am going to O and this will be a really long cycle. We will see.

SO I am going to the doc for my 4 week checkup tomorrow. I am actually pretty nervous...I have no clue what to expect. We will know the results of the pathology on the baby and hopefully know what happened. I am sure she will do an exam to make sure that everything has healed ok and give us the ok to DTD again. I am also hoping that we come away with a battle plan...a plan for all the testing we will do in the next few months. Matt is coming with me tomorrow...I am gratefull because he has been my rock through all of this. I can lean on him if we get bad news.

We got to talking last night about the sex of our baby and if we want to know what it was. Right now I dont want to know, I feel like all that sadness will come right back to me if we knew. I also know that if we found out, I would want to name him/her and I want naming my baby to be a happy time, not a sad one. His initial reaction was different...he said he would want to know but that he would do whatever I wanted to do. Men go through things so differently than we do. He is ready to move on, ready for us to TTC again....he has pretty much put the last m/c out of his mind. I know that he will always remember that baby but he doesn't think about it every day like I do. I keep thinking about how far along I would be right now...how I would be out of the danger zone. I keep thinking how diffeerent our holiday will be now. I guess I am not fully over what happened and I don't know that I will ever be. I will never forget what happened or long for that baby. I guess time will tell what our life holds.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well we had our appt this morning. The pathology report from the tissue wasn't back yet so we won't know what happened for a few more weeks. We did find out that the pregnancy itself was normal so thats good. They took a whole bunch of blood from me so they can do all the recurrent pregnancy loss testing. I am also goign to be scheduled for an MRI so they can look at my uterus and make sure that everything is good there. I have my next appt on January 10th so we can go over all of the results then.

I am feeling some of the emotions coming back to me today..it was hard going back to the doc office, it brought back quite a few memories. I wasn't really expecting that. So now we just wait...wait for AF, wait for test results..I am tired of waiting already. The doc wants us to prevent pregnancy until at least February mainly so that we have the time to do the testing necessary for a healthy pregnancy next time around and for my uterine lining to build back up again. I am fine with this and totally agree on waiting.

I will post more once AF is here and I can begin temping again...that will at least give me something to focus on.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Today is the EDD of the first baby we lost at 5 weeks. I don't really know how I feel right now..I am sad because I could technically have a baby right now and yet I am feeling Ok with things. The first pregnancy was short lived so I didn't have much time to get attached like this last one. I am not dismissing this loss what so ever but it does lessen the sadness of it. It also helps that I have my beautiful rememberance necklace on...I am able to keep my losses close to my heart where they always will be. I have the EDD birthstones of all three losses in this necklace and I wear it each day. Its almost like I have a piece of each one that I carry with me. Does that sound weird??

I am also feeling hopefull today..hopefull that my doctor is going to be able to find out whats happening and fix it. I have already had blood work done (though no results just yet) and I have an MRI scheduled for Wednesday night. I should also find out the pathology results on my last m/c in the coming weeks. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere.

Right now i am waiting for AF to show which has been frustrating...I am not on CD39 with no sign of her showing up. I just want her to show up so I can move on with the next cycle...I am going to start charting again so that will help me to see if I am still ovulating regularly. Matt is really ready to start again, more than I am I think. For me, I am just scared of losing another baby. I want to give this next pregnancy all it needs to survive and right now we don't know what that is. He wants that to but i think he is tired of waiting for the answers..he wants them now. Men..they can be so impatient (I wouldn't mind hearing those answers now either though).

We will see what the next few weeks bring. Happy Holidays to everyone reading this....

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

CD42 and still no sign of AF. I am going to scream...I need AF to get here so that I can start a new cycle!! I haven't had to wait this long for AF in about a year. This is so frustrating.

On another note, I had my MRI last night. That was a crazy experience. If you have not had an MRI before (whihc I hadn't either) you are in for quite an obnoxious ride. That thing is soooo loud...when I was finally finished, I felt like I do after a rock concert...my ears were throbbing. They give you ear plugs but it was still very loud. I can see why children have a hard time with MRI's...it would be a very scarey experience as a child. I am not clostophobic (sp?) so I didn't have a problem with the very tight space but if you are prepare yourself. Its amazing that with all of today's technology that an imaging machine like that is still so obtrusive.

I don't know when my doc will get the results but my next appt is on the January 10th (I have problaby mentioned that before) so we will go over all the test results then. I am excited to see what the heck is wrong with me and why I keep miscarrying.

Well now all the testing is done and all we can do is wait. This weekend will be nice..we are going up to MD to visit Matt's parents for Christmas. It will be a nice break. I am then leaving for Cleveland on business on the 27th for a few days so really I won't be back to work until after the new year. Pretty nice little break.

GOod Luck to all the TTC'ers. I wish you all Christmas BFP's if they are possible.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Happy New Year! Well as you can see from my siggy, I finally started my period. I started on December 27th and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...I did have some pretty painfull cramping the first day and very heavy bleeding day 1 and 2 but other than that, it was a piece of cake. I am happy to be starting a new cycle...I also starting temping again. I really hope that this cycle isn't as long as the last...I really don't want another 47 day cycle.

I had a nice Christmas with Matt's family, I do enjoy seeing them. We went to his Aunt's house for Christmas eve and it was harder than I expected it to be. This was the first time that we had seen his family since the m/c and I didn't know what to expect from them. Matt's cousins both had babies int he last year too and it was hard to see them. Most of his family didn't say anything to me which I actually thought was best. A few of them mentioned how sorry they were and that it had happened to them too. Its hard to explain why I had a hard time...it was almost like some of them were dismissing what happened. I know that his family loves us and wouldn't wish something like that to happen but I also didn't feel like they truely understood what had happened. Does that make sense? At one point I had to get out of there or else I was going to lose it..thankfully Matt noticed and we were able to escape to the basement for a while. I thought I was past a lot of the feelings I felt that night but I guess I wasn't. I know it will get easier and it already has. I was happy when the night was over and also that I don't have to go through that again for a while.

Fast foward a few days. I was getting ready to leave for Cleveland on the 27th and got a call from my OBGYN. Well it was actually the nurse but whatever. She said that they got the results back from my MRI and I have small fibroids in my utuerus. She also said that I should not worry and my doctor will go over everything at my next appointment on the 10th. So this took a minute to process for me...my mom has had fibroids so I am not surprised that I have them but could this be why I have miscarried? Shouldn't these fibroids have been taken care of during my D&C? If yes does that mean that these fibroids have grown since then? What does that say about the fibroids that could have been in there during my last pregnancy? Is that why my first two pregnancies didn't implant correctly? So many questions and still a week to wait to get the answers. I have tried to do some reasearch online but there are so many unknowns out there and a lot I don't know about the kind of fibroids I have. I am gonig to try not to freak out too much until I talk to the doctor...i could be worrying about nothing. My mom didn't seem to think that fibroids was the cause of my last miscarriage and she also doesn't think these current ones are anything to worry about. We will see.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Wow, a lot has happened since I last posted. I am going through a loss that I just don't know how to deal with. One of my best friends and her fiance were killed on Sunday in a motorcylce accident. I still can't believe that they are gone. I am a wreck. Other than my m/c's I have never experienced the loss of a family member or friend close to me. I don't know how to deal with this? I miss her so much already. She was always a bright spot in my life...always there when you needed her...always made you feel great about yourself...was always ready for a party. She was still young and so beautiful. How could this happen?? I sit here looking at her picture, at pictures of us together, remembering those moments and I feel thankful to have ever known her.

Matt and I will be flying out to San Diego on Friday for her services this weekend. They are having a viewing on Saturday and the funeral on Sunday. The viewing will be hard and I still haven't decided if I want to see her like that. At least I will be with the rest of my friends...it is sad that this is the reason we are all together again but Marcia would have wanted it...she would want us all to be together...I just wish she was a part of it. I wish that we were coming out to celebrate something great..like her wedding. That is why we should have been out here...not to mourn her.

This weekend is also our wedding anniversary...6 years since we were all in vegas for my wedding. Marcia was there...all of us together. Now we will be all together again. How can we possibly celebrate this anniversary?

In case you are reading this and would like to see pictures of my beautiful friend, please visit my myspace page as I have dedicated it to her... http://www.myspace.com/jamiejoonc

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well I finally made it to two pages. I am actually going to do two posts..this one is going to be about my weekend last weekend, remembering my dear Friends Marcia and Rogerio. The next post will recap all of the updated in regards to TTC.

Here is how the weekend transpired (In case you have read my post in P&IL, this is pretty much the same post):

Matt and I flew into San Diego on Friday afternoon and met up with friends that night. I was quite nervous to see everyone..I didn't know how it would be, especialy without marcia there. In the end, it was a really nice night...we all spent time catching up and I was happy to see everyone and their kids. We also spent a lot of time going through pictures and reminiscing (sp?) about all of the wonderful times we had with marcia.

Saturday was another story. Saturday my friend Michelle and I drove out to where the crash happened and I knew then and there that this accident was purely that...a tragic accident. They were coming around a blind curve with a mountain on one side and a gardrail/cliff on the other...the Escalade was coming the other way and somehow they crashed into it. Its hard to know exactly what happened but everything is being done to look into it by the families. Marcia's fiance was a professional rider and I know for a fact that he wouldn't have been doing anything stupid with her on the back of that bike. I keep thinking that if they had just been seconds earlier or later, the accident wouldn't have happened. But it did and I am trying my hardest to deal with that. Ok so back to saturday...after visiting the crash site we met up with our other friends at the morturary for the viewing. I hadn't decided what if I wanted to go in and see them and I knew I probably wouldn't decide until I was there. We got there and I saw one of Marcia's long time friends and we just hugged and cried...it is so hard to see everyone else and yet its comforting to see everyone and be able to share your grief with them. I also saw a lot of Marcia's family some of whom I haven't seen in about 10 years. I knew then that I wanted to be close to Marcia and Rogerio and I wanted to see them. So we all got in line and walked up to the caskets. It took me a little whle to be able to look at Marcia...Rogerio looked so normal, almost like he was asleep and he was dressed in a very nice black suite. I closed my eyes and made my way over to Marcia...she didn't look like herself really and they had her dressed in a wedding dress (this is becuase they had just gotten engaged and were to be married sometime in October) I felt this overwhelming heartbreak...I couldn't stop crying..all of us were. I was able to hug her sister and her husband along with Marcia's parents. It was very hard but in the end I am so glad that I did it...I was able to say goodbye to her in my own way. One feeling that was quite overwhelming for me was that I didn't want to leave her...I just wanted to be close to her.

Later that night we all met up at one of our friends house for dinner...my wonderful friends had decorated the house with Vegas stuff since it was our 6 year wedding anniversary (we were married in vegas). I had barely thought about our anniversary all day...they didn't forget. It helped keep all of our minds onto celebrating our love and friendship.

Sunday was the funeral and we all met up early so we could get seats for we knew that there was going to be a lot of people there. And there was...people were in the lobby listening to the service. It was an open casket ceremony and they had a large TV hooked up with a slide show of pictures cycling through. Some made me cry, others made me laugh but for the most part I just felt this overwhelming feeling of loss because I knew that we would never be able to make those memories again. The service was beautiful and it was wonderful to see how many people Marcia and Rogerio touched and how they brough everyone together again..something they both always did.

We came home monday and I still feel exhausted from the weekend. I am finally getting my appetite back but it is still hard to not think about her. I still can't believe that this happened and I will never see her again. She will always be in my heart though and I will never forget my dear friend Marcia. If she taught us all anything it was that friends are forever and to cherise them as often as you can....I will never take my friends for granted again..they are my family.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Ok, on to my TTC drama... I went to the doctor on the 10th to get all of my test results back. All of them came back NORMAL! I am totally normal. This is good news, right?? Well I am kind of mixed about it actually...its good that there is nothing wrong with me BUT why the heck then have I had 3 miscarriages??? AHHHH. I almost wanted something to be wrong so I had something to pin it on, something to say, "YES, this is what happened"! My doctor said that most likely something was still wrong with the baby, maybe a heart problem or brain development problem but we will never be able to know since I wasn't far enough along to test for that sort of thing. My first two m/c's could have been a hormone issue or something but since I was only about 5 weeks each time and m/c naturally there is nothing we can do now.

So where do we go now, you ask? I went in yesterday (about 8 days after ovulation) to get my progesterone checked. Depending on the test results, I will either be put on supplements next time I get pregnant or they will do further testing once I start my period. We will see. We did get the go ahead to start trying next cycle, which is good. Matt and I are feeling positive about this next pregnancy...something has to go right after this last year,doesn't it? I know that Marcia will be watching over us too and helping us to have the baby we so desperatly want. If we do get pregnant next month then we will be due in November...pretty cool.

I will update again once I have a definite plan for next cycle.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

SO AF came on friday..yepiee. This means a few things, 1st is that we are closer to TTC again and second that my cycle is back to normal. I am excited but nervous to try again..I really don't want to go through another loss..I dont' think I can take another one. There has to be something good on the horizon though, right?? Matt is being so positive about this which is great, he is helping me to get past my fears.

My doctor has been great too, she is going to put me on progesterone supplements at the beginning of this next pregnancy to help things along. She will also test my HCG #'s and do early u/s's. I feel like I am in good hands.

So now we just wait for ovulation and see what happens...I am not too worried about actually getting pregnant as that has not been our problem. If our timing is right we should be able to get pregnant right away...that would mean a November baby. Smile

Anyway, wish us luck and I am sure I will be posting in this journal a lot more now that we are actively TTC again.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

CD8 and not much going on really. My AF was a little longer than usual but I attibute that to my D&C. I just hope it doesn't screw up my O date. So the more I think about it and the more I post on the TTC boards, the more excited I am about getting pregnant. I am trying not to get too caught up in everything because then I will be dissapointed if AF shows up. I am just really hoping that it happens this month. If not, then we move onto to delivering in December which is the month my first angel would have been due in. Which means it would be a year since I first got pregnant and I still haven't had a healthy pregnancy. It will bring back some feelings that I thought i was over with. Ok, no negaitivity...I dont' want to be negative about this. I know that it will happen soon and I WILL have a healthy baby at the end of it. Whether I get pregnant this month or 6 months from now..I know it WILL happen..it just has to.

Anyway, focusing on TTC has helped a lot with keeping me from dwelling on losing my friends. I still think about them all the time but at least now I have something to be happy for.

We will see what happens, right? I should O next week and matt will be home so our timing should be good. Wish us luck!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well I should be O-ing soon, that is if my body cooperates this cycle. Let the BDing begin :lovebed:.

Ok so I have a confession to make...I did it, I paid for a Cheri prediction. I just had to. I am usually pretty sceptical and I still am but I just couldn't resist this, I had to know what she "saw" for me. It wasn't that much either..just 6 US$. Anyway here is what she told me:

"Thanks for letting me know.. would tell you APRIL and BOY.. so that is either birth month conceive month or the month youf ind out in.

Also, I am sure you have been for testing for the mc, and wondering if they have looked at your cervix, and perhaps suggested "stitching" it?? just zeroing on the "cervix" area so wondering if they have linked this as a possible reason.

When it comes to APRIL also seeing it more mid month so like the 13-15th.. could you see if that would be when your testing or ovulating?

When it comes to your son, would tell you that he is going to be very active. Someone who loves to tunr and play, always seemsd to be ono the go and just will be very active. It hink that you will find that even as a baby, always seems to be awake more than most newborns,a nd always eems to be fairly quick ot learn on how to be mobile. He is going to be a child that always wants to be on the go, involved wiht what is happening and in the "know". You will find that when you haveguest over, he will want to be in the ktichen with you, listening in, talking, asking questions and being invovled.. if there is someone talking to you and talking to your husband in different rooms, he will spend equal times in each room going back and forth! He has a great sense of humor and very advanced for his age.

You will find that he loves sports, anything that invovles running is great! he has great accuracy and a drive to succeed and plays well on the team.

I think that you will find that he is always very physically able, seems to have a great knack for excersise and over all health. you will find that this is something that he focuses on, often promoting "family" fitness, or eating habits and will try and direct the changes that he feels are needed. He is very well read on this subject, and does alot of reading and studying. I think that the fasination seems to come from people passing away for "treatable" diseases like "heart failure" and heart disease..etc.

When it comes to career paths, I see him linked in the medical field in "diet and nutrition" I also feel that this is more linked to the "sport" field working with atheltes and training..etc.

When it comes to mararige I see him closer to 28, they will have two girls and one boy of their own."

Ok so here are some of my comments on this prediction.

1st...I really hope that I do get pregnant before April but really its not that far off.
2nd..Boy is good, we would like to have a boy first
3rd...I have had an MRI done of my uterus and they have found nothing wrong BUT that doesn't mean that they may not have to "stich" my cervix for my pregnancy. I think I may have to ask her about this.
4th...if what she says about our boy is correct, we aren't going to get any sleep! LOL

In the end, I am glad that i got the prediction...is great to hear what our children might be like.

Here is Cheri's website in case you ladies have not heard about her before:
http://www.angelfire.com/magic2/predictions/otherforumpredictions.html

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

CD14 and I have no clue what is going on with my body. I have had a huge lack of CM this cycle...I usually have quite a bit up until this point and either I am not catching it or its not happening. The other weird thing is that my temps are rising each day BUT I dont' feel like my body is ovulating...no O pains like I am used to and no EWCM just yet. I mean I guess I could still have some today and actually O tomorrow. I think I am just being impatient..I feel like all I have done this cycle is wait, wait, wait!!!! :timer:

Oh and I meant to bring some OPK's to work with me today so I could test but I forgot them. Arrgghh...so now I am debating on if I want to drive home at lunch to test or not. Hmmm...I think I might. I guess it will depend on if any EWCM shows up in the next few hours.

I know that I am just anxious to get moving on this cycle. We have been BDing every other night this week and will again tonight and this weekend so hopefully, if I ovulate, we are able to catch the egg. If not then we move onto the next month. Easier said then done...I am already so attached to the women on the November birth board that it will be hard to leave. I know that not all of them will get pregnant but a lot of them will. It is so hard to not get attached, isn't it?? Attached to that hoping and dreaming of what could be. I think for me too is that I really want something good to happen...I need something good to happen. There has been so much loss in my life recently...something good will help lighten the load.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

CD15...this is my projected O date but no O yet. I was able to jet home at lunch yesterday to take an OPK and it was negative (I had a feeling it would be). Soooo I brought two with me to work today so I could test again. I just took one and it had a light line which is better than yesterday where there was NO line at all (I am going to do another OPK later today to see if there is a difference). Soooo maybe this means I am going to be Oing soon. I sure hope its this weekend because DH has duty on monday and tuesday which means no BDing. Well unless we want to sneak away and do it at the station...which really I am not that adventerous. LOL We BD last night and will again this weekend so hopefully we will catch that egg when it happens.

Wish us luck!!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

CD18 and still no signs of O. AHHHHHHHH! What the heck man. :banghead:

My body is really frustrating me this cycle. I don't now if its because I have my hopes up for a BFP this month or what. I am just so ready to have a successfull pregnancy. I have two friends who are pregnant and I really want to join them. Also we are coming up to our first lost anniversary in April and I would really like to be pregnant before then. I need to stop obsessing so much..but how can I really when we have been through so much in the last year and a half. I never thought it was going to be this hard.

Alright thats enough negativity. I looked at the chart for my September cycle (my last BFP) and I actually didn't ovulate until CD19 so I guess all hope is not lost this month. Here is the problem though...say I do ovulate tomorrow or today even...DH is on duty at the station until Wednesday. We DTD yesterday so we may still catch the egg but not like we would if he was home. He said that all I had to do was come to the station and he would find a place for us but I just don't know if I am that adventurous...I guess I just need to think about what I want to do for a BFP. I guess we just need to wait and see when I O..that will make the decision for me! I just hope that I do actually O soon...that would really suck if I don't.

AHHHH...here is to more obsessing.. :clinkingbeer:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Took an OPK today and it had a light line...at least thats better than no freakin line at all, right??? I just hope this means that maybe, just maybe I will be Oing soon. Ahhh...this may mean that I will be getting in on in places I hadn't dreamed of. :getiton:

Oh and one more thing. I finally made a dentist appointment, Marcia would be so proud of me. I HATE the dentist and haven't been in a very long time...I am talking like 9 years. :eek: I really need to go and finally broke down and did it. I want to make sure that I get x-rays and stuff before I am pregnant too. My appt is tomorrow...did you read that TOMORROW!! :teethchatter: I am actually glad that its tomorrow..that way I can just go, get it over with and not stress for weeks on end. Wish me luck because I am going to need it!!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

CD20 and I think I may actually O today. I had some major cramping last night and my temp jumped a little bit today. The OPK I took yesterday had a line on it (not a dark line but a line none the less). I am planning on taking another OPK today so we will see what that brings. I am just glad that I didn't O yesterday since DH wasn't home. No worries now though..we will take care of business after dinner tonight. We will see if we are able to catch that egg! If not we will jsut try again next month.

Oh yeah...Happy Valentines day everyone! I received some beautiful red roses today from DH and we are meeting our very close friends for dinner tonight. It should be nice.

Ok so I went to the dentist yesterday and man it was hard. You know the part that I hate the most is the scraping...you know when she cleans the tarter off of your teeth. My teeth are still hurting from it. She promised though that it would not be as bad at my next cleaning. Oh and I have to go in next week for a filing. That shouldn't be too bad. I am really glad that I went though...my fear has been conquered. :clappy:

I hope you all have a great day!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

YEAH for me...I O'd yesterday (or sometime between tuesday and Wednesday). We DTD last night so I really hope we caught the egg. It will be disapointing if we didn't but that just means it wasn't meant to be and we will try again next month. Ok so onto the dreaded 2WW, patience girls, I need patience! I need a distraction really but what could it be?? hmmmm, I will have to think about that. I am up for any suggestions???

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

5DPO and am doing ok. I had a rough day yesterday though...I had a huge headache and was feeling nausous...I could barely get off of the couch all day long. It was horrible. I haven't felt like that in a really long time. Maybe I slept wrong or something. I was finally able to keep down some excedrin and once that kicked in, my headache at least felt better.

I feel much better today but its kind of like I can feel the headahce just waiting to come forward...you know what I mean? Its like its not fully gone and if I do one wrong thing, it will be back. Weird.

Anyway, hopefully this week goes by quickly so I can test either this weekend or the beginning of next. We will see how long I can hold out for and how I am feeling. My birthday is next weekend so I want to know before then if I am pregnant...that way I know how much I can party. KWIM??? I can't believe that I am going to be 30. NO more 20's! I seem to be having a problem with this birthday. Oh well...we can't stop time, can we?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

6DPO and trying very hard to not analyze everything that I am feeling right now. Here are some symptoms...

Increased appetite
headaches (haven't had these in a while)
kind of crazy dreams
cramping a little bit today
creamy CM

Ok so these could all mean nothing, which is why I am trying really hard to not get excited that maybe we were able to conceive this month. I mean our chances are good but I also don't want to build myself up so much to just be devasted at the end of the month..KWIM???

Well we will see what tomorrow brings...if I get a temp dip in the next few days then that is a really good sign. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Ok, I am adding Heartburn to the list...man, I never get heartburn. Well maybe it was the clam chowder I had for lunch...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

7DPO..not as many symptoms as I had yesterday except for a little bit of heartburn this morning. My temp keeps going up though so that is a good thing...its hasn't been this high since I was pregnant. We will see what happens.

I have decided that I will start POAS monday the 26th..I have a few girls from the November board testing with me that day so it should be fun!! I hope that we all get BFP's.

I have pretty much decided that I am going to try Acupuncture. I have been having a lot of issues with my neck and shoulders lately which is causing these tension headaches. My neck just feels so stiff lately. I talked to a coworker and she suggested that I try Acupuncture. She had a few sessions with great success. I figure I can have it help with my fertility too. I think I am going to wait until next week to call so that I can see if I am pregnant or not. I am not sure if that will matter but at least I will know something.

I had to go back to the dentist this morning for 2 fillings...it really wasn't that bad but my mouth is still sore. The anesthetic is the worse and I was numb for hours. Oh well..it had to be done, right? Everytime I go in that office, I think of my best friend Marcia that died in January. She was a dental hygenist and such an amazing person. I hadn't been to the dentist in 9 years and not while she was a practicing hygenist. I just kep watching my hygenist and thinking about how much Marcia did. I won't be able to call her up and ask her questions or talk to her about the work I had to have done. It just makes me miss her so much more.

Ok enough of that...boy this post is all over the place isn't it? Soo much going through my head right now I guess. Will see what tomorrow brings!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

What a hard last few days for me. Where do I start? Why not with the TTC stuff. I am now on 12DPO and really have no signs of pregnancy yet. I had a temp dip Saturday morning so maybe this is implantation?? I just dont' know yet. I tested this morning but it came back a BFN. I am goign to wait a few more days and test again. We will see what happens. The thing is...if you look at my other cycles, my non pregnant cycles...none of them had a temp dip. Only my pregnant one. I am trying really hard not to think too much into this but it could be a good sign, no?

Onto personal stuff. My grandpa has been sick for a long time now, he has emphazema. It has progressively gotten worse over the last month. Last thursday he was put on life support and then taken off when we learned that he didn't want to be kept alive by machines. He was breathing on his own but we knew that he wouldn't last long. He died in his sleep early saturday morning. Even though I knew this was goign to happen, it was still so hard to get that phone call. How do you really prepare for someone dying? At least I was able to spend some quality time with him last summer in Alaska and I was even able to talk to him a few weeks ago. The service will be on Thursday and unfortunaly I will be unable to go. A last minute trip to Alaska is very expensive and we just odn't have the resources to make it out. My mom is on her way out there now. I just wish I could be there for her and my family. They have all been through so much.

I just don't know if I can take any more loss. I have lost 3 precious babies, 2 dear friends and now my grandpa. All in the span of a year. I just hope this is the end of it.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well the witch is coming today, I just know it. My temp dropped this morning, I started spotting last night and I have the beginnings of some major cramping. Its weird though because if she does come today she will be early. That is if my O date was correct. OH well..maybe it is from all this stress as of late. So what does this mean, well if AF comes today then I will most likely O around March 14th which would give me a due date of...December 5th. I am ok with that. A December baby would be fun. So, I am a little dissapointed but it is the first cycle after the m/c so I wasn't expecting a lot. I was just hoping for a + on that HPT for my Birthday...what a great birthday present that would be. Well so far my prediction from Cheri is proving true...If I do get pregnant next cycle I may not find out until April which is the month she predicted for me. We will see how things go with this next cycle....maybe it will be more normal!

Well one good thing is that I can party hard this weekend!!! Drink up ladies!!! :cheers1:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Here is a link to my Grandpa's Obituary. It makes me cry just reading it...he was such a great man!

http://www.legacy.com/ADN/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=86638553

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so glad that today is Friday. This week seemed to have lasted forever. Its probably because so much is happening this week and I have been looking forward to this weekend for a month now.

My Grandpa's funeral was yesterday and from what I heard, it was a really nice service. The VA did a military salute to my granpda and my mom and aunt were given flags for his service. My Uncle read the eulogy...I am just sad that I missed it. I know I will hear more about it from my mom soon.

So my good friend Natalie is coming in to visit today. I am so excited to see her. I am taking a half day at work to surprise her at the airport. She thinks that I am working a full day and my DH will pick her up. I can't wait to see her face when she sees me. We are going to have a good weekend. I have a dinner planned for my birthday tomorrow night and the rest of the time we will just hang out and do whatever we want.

I can't believe that I am turnging 30 tomorrow. How time flies really. I have been thinking a lot about why this birhtday is effecting me so much and I think I figured it out. I thought that by 30 I would have had a baby of my own and I don't. That is kind of hard to deal with. I know that I will have a baby on my own but I really thought that i would by now..kwim?

Anyway..I hope you all have a great weekend!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Another Monday....I really didn't want the weekend to end. It was great seeing my good friend Natalie and I didn't want her to leave. It is wonderful being around friends that have know you for so long and we can sit and talk about old times and how old we feel. yes, OLD!! I am now 30 years old. No more can I say I am in my 20's. Thats ok..my aunt told me that her 30's were the best time in her life..I hope it is the same for me. I am def. more mature than I was 10 years ago..I am a lot more grounded and I have a wonderful DH and friends.

Anyway...back to the weekend. I met Nat at the airport on friday afternoon, she was surprised to see me since I told her I was going to work all day and Matt would be ther to pick her up. I loved seeing the "what are you doing here" face. So we chatted it up for a little while and then all went out to dinner. Did some running around and then came home to watch Jackass 2 (she hadn't seen it yet). Saturday we sat and talked all morning and then headed out to the mall to walk around. We met Matt at the dog park and hung out with all the dogs. We then went home, had some wine and started getting ready for our dinner. The place we went to was interesting...we sat at this really large table on these tuffets. They were actually pretty comfortable. The food was excellent and the company was even better...we had about 7 of us total (3 people couldn't make it) and we laughed and just had a great time. I drank quite a bit of wine and was a little loud but what the heck, it was my birthday. We then all came back to our house and had some cake and more wine (well really that was just me). Nat and I then stayed up and played XBOX 360 for a while. It was a great day. Sunday we slept in and then went to see Breach (pretty good), took the dogs to the park again and watched another movie.

All in all, it was a great weekend. I needed it after everything that has happened lately. I hope that this is the start to a better year. I realized that everything started happening not long after my birthday last year and has lasted all year long. Keep your fingers crossed that the start of this new decade for me is a good one. Come on BFP!!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

CD10...nothing new really going on. My temps have been kind of crazy this cycle though. Started quite high for AF and today I had a really low temperature....weird. We will just see what the next week brings. Dh and I will just BD when we can (his schedule is kind of crappy this next week) and see what happens. I should ovulate sometime next week but I have no confidence on what day. My AF's have been longer since the D&C and last month I didn't O until CD20...If my cycles go as they have been, I should be Oing on CD15. I seem to take longer to O every other month. We will see if I am right this month.

Nothing much else is going on right now...just waiting for the weekend. This is my girl weekend (DH has duty) where I have a chance to get caught up on the chick flicks I have missed and hang out with my very pregnant friend. Hopefully we can work a little bit on the nursery...it is going to look great. I am so excited for her. They picked a name for the baby too...Meghan Avery...beautiful right. I love it. I can't wait until I am able to pick out the perfect name for our baby.

Jamie

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

So things have been pretty uneventful this cycle...that is until last night. Last night I got EWCM!! Yeah for me. I almost jumped DH right then and there. I was quite excited because I wasn't sure when I would O this cycel and I thought for sure that I would O when DH would be at the station standing duty. Luck was on my side this time. DH is home and we BDed last night and will again tonight. Hopefully we cath that egg this month. Come on spermies... :pinksperm::bluesperm:

You know what else this means...it means that i have one ovary that O's around CD15 (my right I think) and then one ovary that O's on CD19 or 20. I am thinking this is normal but it is hard not to overly obsess about everything. I mean I can get pregnant..that has not been our problem.

Well we will see what my temp looks like tommorrow morning..if it jumps then I know that O'd today and we are onto the dreaded 2WW. I did also promise my friend that I would not test until AF was late and since she is on preg.org, she will find out if I do. (hi Michelle!) Wish me luck!!! LOL

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

CD16 and my temp didn't jump this morning but I am not too worried. I think it will tomorrow. The EWCm I got was late monday night and that only means that I will O in the next 48 hours, right? So maybe i will O sometime today and my temp will skyrocket tommorrow? I was comparing this cycel to my December cycle and that seems to be exactly what happened there...they are very similar. We DTD enough that we are coverd even if I O today. We will see what tomorrow brings.

I have been thinking about something or rather how to respond to something. I have been asked twice in the last few days if we are in the "family way" yet? How does one with problems sustaining a pregnancy respond to this? I know that I will respond differently depending on who is asking but really...how are you supposed to answer this? Well I was in the "family way" three times but thnigs just didn't work out...they don't want to hear that, do they? So in repsonse to one, I just said No but not for lack of trying. I mean we are trying so its true but if he only knew the truth, right? My response to the other one will probably be a little different..I may tell a little bit of the truth because I think he would want to know but it doesn't make answering the question any easier. I mean most people don't want to hear the bad stuff...they want only the good so that they don't have to feel bad about it themselves. Do you agree?? I just hate that I can't just say, yes..i have a beautiful baby now. arrgghhh

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

CD18 and I am pretty sure that I O'd late last night. I had major O pains and I got an almost positive OPK yesterday. The line wasn't darker than the control line but it was the darkest I have ever gotten on an OPK. My temp did go up today and I know it will go up even further tomorrow. We BD yesterday and may again today so hopefully we catch the egg. Now the dreaded 2WW...I am glad that I will be busy, it will help time fly.

I have a lot planned for this weekend...we are walking in a charity walk tomorrow morning and then taking the dogs to the beach. The dogs are walking with us so we should all have fun. The sunday I am trowing my good friend her baby shower. It should be a fun day..I am making this butterfly shapped cake. I thought about just buying one but that is the easy way out..I like to make things more personal and I know she will love it. Then next week i will be spending time getting everything together for a tradeshow the week after. A colleague and I will be traveling to Charlotte on the 25th for a few days. Its nice that its close. Then Misty is scheduled to have her baby on the 28th and I should be able to test around the 30th if AF isn't here. Phew..like I said, it will be busy.

Ok so if I am pregnant ths cycle, my EDD would be around December 6th or 7th. I love it. What a wonderful christmas present AND it would be a good time to take that time off.

Have a great day and weekend ladies!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Good Morning everyone! What an exhausting but fun weekend I had. I will get to that in a sec, I first want to update you with my very confusing chart. My temp jumped this morning (finally) and FF has not put my cross hairs at CD17 which would make me 4DPO. I am not sooo sure I agree with it. Usually my temp shoots way up (like this morning) after I O which would mean that I O'd either on CD19 or 20. My temp yesterday was taken earlier than normal because I really had to go pee and just couldn't wait until my normal temp time. If I do the temp corrector it puts my temp at 97.48..hmmmmm :WTF: Anyway..i am quite confused my my cycle this month so far..maybe once I put in some more high temps, FF will move my CH..who knows?? Either way I won't test until that last weekend in March.

So onto more fun stuff. We did the walk for charity on saturday morning with the dogs...the weather was quite cold so we were freezing until we started walking. There was quite a few people there so it was nice. We then took the dogs down to the station and let them run aroun don the beach for awhile...that is until we were all freezing again and couldn't handle it. :teethchatter:

Sunday was Misty's shower and it turned out great. Everyone had a great time. I made this butterfly cake and I loved the way it turned out..i will post a picture when I get to my camera again. We played this guess the body party game where you look at ultrasound pictures and try and guess the body part...it was great and I highly recommend it to anyone planning a shower.

I was quite exhausted by the end of the day yesterday and was happy to just vegg on the couch with DH. This week will be busy too but that just means I will have less time to obsess!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Wednesday is here and I am trying not to obsess about the 2WW. I keep feeling my boobs (a few times a day) just to see if they are any more tender than the previous feel. Smile FF moved my O date as I thought it would to CD19 so I am now only 4DPO. I feel better about this O date. We still have a good chance of catching that egg so keep your fingers crossed for us.

Things are going to start to get busy for me...I am getting my hair cut after work then tomorrow I am going to have to start laundry and get things togehter for my trip next week. Friday night we have dinner with friends and Saturday is my half-day spa appt (boy am I excited abuot that) and then maybe off to the Maternity and Baby expo that afternoon. I then leave early on Sunday for Charlotte for a trade show. Next week will also be a big week...I come back on Wednesday night and Misty is having little miss Megan on wednesday, Michelle is having her "big" u/s on wednesday and I get to test (if AF hasn't come yet) next weekend. Phew..a lot going on, huh?

Oh I almost forgot, here is a pick of the butterfly cake I made for Misty's baby shower last weekend. One wing was chocolate, one was white and the body was strawberry cake. It was a hit and I totally recommend it to anyone throwing a party. PM me if you want the link to the recipe.

Have a great day!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I just love all of these new journals popping up! Hello to all of you!

So I am in Charlotte now, sitting in my drab hotel room. We arrived in Charlotte earlier today, set up our booth at the CC and then hung out at the hotel for a little while. We then had a great mean at the cheesecake factory...it was really great food. I can't believe I had never eaten there before. I will def. go again the next time I am near one. Now I am sitting here on the computer watching TV..exhausted and very full. Actually I am hoping that my food digests a little bit because I have a wonderful piece of Oreo Cheesecake waiting for me. YUMMMYY!!!

So how is this cycel going? Good so far. I am now in the 1WW and trying not to obsess too much. The good thing is that I made a point of not bringing any HPT with me so I have no urge to test. Here are my symptoms so far in case you want to obess with me:

nausuous at times after I eat
tired earlier at night
breats are sore on the sides

Pretty promising, right? I have a good feeling about this cycle..our timing was great this time. Well we will see how these symptoms progress in the next few days. Hopefully my temp is thrown off too much with me sleeping in a hotel room...I tend to not sleep as well and/or forget to take my temp in the morning.

Oh I almost forgot to tell you....my half a spa day yesterday was amazing! The hot stone massage was wonderful...they even put these little hot stones between your toes. I highly recommend it. I also had a facial and a mani/pedi. I have already messed up my nails (I work with my hands so I am really not surprised at this) but it was all worth it.

Have a great night and I will update again later...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

10DPO and I have the same symptoms as 2 days ago plus I have had a few mini headaches and some cramps today. I really hope that its implantation and not AF. I think I will be pretty disappointed if she shows up. I am goign to stay positive though because I have a good feeling about this month.

I am still out of town and missing home. It is hard sleeping in another bed and then I keep getting hot and then cold when I am sleeping. Its very annoying. My temp was quite high this morning and I am not positive that it was correct mainly because I kept waking up through the night. We will see what tomorrows temps bring.

Good Night!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

12DPO and I am excited yet "not sure" of whats going on. Here is why I am excited: My boobs are still a little bit sore but more on the sides, I am feeling quite nauseous today,I have had Creamy CM every day and I am exhausted. Here is why I am "not sure": I have had quite a bit of cramping...kind of off and on. There is def. something going on down there...I just don't know what..yet.

My temp was high again today so I know that is a good sign. We will see what it is tomorrow...keep your fingers crossed that it is high still. It is going to be hard to deal with if its low. I have really tried to not get my hopes up but it is soooo hard not to. KWIM????

On a lighter note, my friend Misty had her baby yesterday. I am so happy for them. Megan Avery weighed 10lbs, 7 ou and was 22 in. long. Big, right. She is so beautiful too..just perfect. I went and saw them this morning and I am in love already! I can't wait to babysit.

I will post more tomorrow...thanks for reading!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OMG, OMG, OMG. I tested yesterday afternoon about 4 pm with pretty diluted pee and it came up right away...2 lines!!!! I am so excited and very scared. I am trying my best to think only positive thoughts though!!!
I took another test this morning with FMU and the line was much darker, yeah!!! Here is a pic of the tests:
The top is yesterday and the bottom is this morning:

I am so excited! I told DH right away yesterday and also called some close friends. I am hoping with all my might that this one sticks. I called my OB's office and luck would have it that my doc is on vacation until tuesday and I will be our of town until Thursday. The nurse said that she is oging to send a message to my doctor to see when she wants to see me. I know she wants to see my right away so I am sure we will work it out.

Wish me luck ladies!!!!!!

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