I'm not even sure I'm comfortable doing this.. but for some reason I feel I should give it a shot.
So.... we're moving. To Mexico for the next 2-4 years.
Yep. So our TTC date is probably shot out of the water. DH is fine with giving birth in Mexico... I'm sort of okay with it. But I'm not comfortable with being away from my friends, family, loved ones - my support system. I know this is what God has called us to.. but that doesn't make the transition any easier.
Still haven't moved yet.
Planning to be gone for the next 5-10 years.
I'm terribly bored.. I feel so badly for you if you're reading trying to keep up with me.
Noone is over on the TOC board.. so I have to make this look like a conversation.. plus I've totally been a little slack on my posts. I've been a member for 1 year now.. and I have 264 posts.
That's pretty slack. If I do say so myself.. slacker!
I think a really hard part of being a board lurker is seeing other people get what I want.
I know some of us went from TOC to TTC to Conceiving..
I am just so sick of sitting in a holding pattern.
It's like I'm so very happy for them all... but inside I feel something hit my heart.. and it hurts.
I don't know what my life is going to be like for the next few years. I was comfortable where we were at.
Then God called us higher...
And we've answered. But should I even be a little upset? I don't think I'm called to be a childless woman... or maybe I missed the mark.
I lurk on the TTC 0-12 months board... and there are a lot of BFP over there these days.
I asked N.es if I got pregnant would that change anything?
He said probably...
Is it wrong to secretly pray I'm pregnant every month?
I know.. not God's timing.
It has not seemed like God's timing even when we approached the date we felt God had given us to start TTC.
So maybe I can't hear.. or maybe I'm just not paying close enough attention.
It makes me terribly sad.
I turn 31 this year.. I'll be living in a 3rd world country... I'll be away from everyone and everything I know.
N.es said he doesn't think it'll be the 2 years I'm thinking.
Why was I thinking it was going to be another 2 years you ask?
Well... we have to be trained to run the ministry school there... 2 years is how long our mentors have agreed to stay on until us or the other couple there get the hang of it.
He says it won't be 2 years like I'm thinking.. He said he feels like God is going to shift something and give us our TTC date.
I guess I should take some sort of comfort in knowing he's at least on board.
Patience and long suffering.
I have always said I wouldn't want to work after giving birth..
God gives His children the desires of their heart.. maybe I need to reevaluate how I'm looking at all of this...
So I just posted something on the "Just let it happen" board.
Just let it happen.
I think tonight.. after our friends wedding.. I think I'm going to spend some time in prayer thinking about what this move really means.
Our child will have dual citizenship... I'll have a much slower pace of life.
I won't have nearly as much on ym plate there as I do here in the states.
I already sound like I've moved.. "the states"
I just read an article about a bra that doesn't allow nipplage to show through.
I hate walking around with my arms crossed in front of me.
Anyway.. back to thinking while typing...
I'm going to go ahead and get the year on fertility friend.. I'd be nice to know. I've been using it for a year and a half now.
A year and a half.
Long time.. for not even really trying.
Funny thing.. I stopped taking BCP's Oct 2006.
I don't want to think there's a problem.. and I won't.
So I'm back to my weekly Wedneday brain dumo
I am having the most intense nausea since Friday's wedding... where I ended up puking in a trash can.
It so sucks. I want to think I'm pregnant and take the stupid test - but at the same time I don't care to know.
I know now isn't a good time... and I'm afraid I actually may see the 2 little blue lines. How insance is that. Just a few posts ago I was complaining.
Complaining about wanting a baby... now I just want AF to come one already. I can't seem to wait until the 19th.. I need to know like right now.
But I dare not take the test.
I'm not "feeling" preggers.. plus there's some sort of stomach bug going around. I really think mine is food poisoning that's just kind of lingered with me.
I'm a basket case... one week "let's be pregnant NOW!" The next week "I am really hoping I'm not pregnant."
We've got Mexico.
We've got a few more debts to knock out.
So I told DH about what's been going on with me this week.
He said he was really glad I shared it with him... I was a little nervous about how he was going to react. He was very peaceful.. I don't think it really threw him off much.
He was pushing to POAS though... so sweet. I said I don't feel pregnant anymore... like I have 0 symptoms except sore BB's and that's because AF is right around the corner.
So we told our closest friends today about Mexico.
It was a little hard for me to speak.. but I never let on that I was a little choked up about it.
I'm now sitting in our bedroom typing on my computer. Alone.