Well, I'm not pregnant this time either. it's now CD 12, and I"ve got spotting, so AF will be here tonight I"m sure and leave me with an 11 day LP - even on clomid, so I really feel sad. Nothing seems to be working - and we already decided no IUI's or IVF's. Now I've got to decide some things - maybe even looking for another endocrinologist - again....
Here's what I wrote in another thread - sums up my thoughts and I don't have the emotional energy to re-type anyway....
I have some decisions to make in the next few days. It will be very hard to do, and any advice will be gladly accepted.
Here's what I need to weigh:
*If I should do another round of clomid - I was on it after my m/c due to short luteal phases (9-10 days), but it only lenghtened it to 12 or so, which is better - but the side effects were so much worse. Less CM and terrible hot flashes.
*If I should take progesterone medicine after O instead. With my pregnancy my progesterone was only 3 - which either indicated a bad egg, or a progesterone problem. When on the clomid it was sky high though...
*If I should not take any of the meds - afterall, I did get pregnant on neither before, but also - it didn't stick.
*When I should try. I want to keep going because this is taking long enough as it is, but having a fall baby would be the WORST timing with my job as a teacher. Winter would be a bit better, but still not great. The best for my job would be EDD's in Feb-April, then the next best would be EDD's March-July. I don't want to wait, but I also don't want to make things difficult with having to go back to work after baby. (Feb-April would allow me a 6 month maternity-paid, March-July would give me about3 months, and the other times I'd get about 6-8 weeks)
*I would ask DH, but I know what he'll say: It will happen sometime, and if not, we can always adpot. Which is a nice thing to say, but it doesn't help.
*I'm also trying to figure out if I should just stop temping and only use OPK's or if I should stop all of it.
*The last thing that is on my mind is that I have several medical conditions: thyroid, prolactin, arthritis... so in my reading I've read about things like antithyroid antibodies - which can keep you from getting pregnant, or staying pregnant. Also the lupus antibodies that are linked in some studies with arthritis.... I'm really not a hypochondriac, but if all I need to get pregnant and carry a baby to term ends up being a few shots of heparin or something... I might want to know. BUT I'm not sure my RE will run antibody tests, so it might not matter.
AHh, pity me. Well, i'm going to clean house and drink a diet coke (since I've been off caffeine so long and crave a coke) then head to the recycling center and try to think of something not baby related to keep me occupied. Maybe I'll buy some lumber and finally start building that partition wall in my basement.
I feel a bit better today. The spotting is still here - not creamy brown anymore - it's watery pink, so AF will be here very soon....
Anyway I talked with DH for a while last night - and he agrees - just try to get my thyroid more normal (right now it is just on the normal side of borderline) and then see where that takes us.
So I called my endocrinologist to get an appointment -but the phone was busy for a few hours - so I e-mailed the doc what I was concerned about.
Later I called again and got through. I got an appointment this afternoon! I'm really nervous because this doctor is SO serious and I don't want to seem like "one of those patients" IYKWIM!
I was surprised I could get in this soon - ususally it takes about a month.
My goal is to get my blood re-tested and then to get my meds upped a bit to make my thyroid behave it's self right in the middle of the normal range. Hopefully that will do the trick that it's supposed to and not only help the thyroid - but level out the prolactin too - which in turn makes my FSH better, meaning better egg, meaning better LH and better progesterone. So I plan to not take the clomid this cycle -and see if this thyroid trick works.
I was also very worried about my job for next year - not that I would lose my job, but that I would not be here to get my classroom started - and would have to try to sift though someone else's mess when I got back.
So a thought came to me when I was reading someone else's post - and I might try to switch job titles for a year with one of the "consultant" teachers - like the title 1 teacher. That way I can return to school about the time that the Title teacher starts pulling reading groups -so I wouldn't have to worry about coming back to a classroom that was a bit crazy.
OOOH - I just thought of another benefit! If I had that job - I would actually get breaks!!! That means I could pump a couple times a day! OH MAN! I hope that if I do get pregnant and am due in Aug or Sept - that I can get one of the Title teachers to trade with me!
Anyway, I've been pretending to work all morning, maybe I should actually do some work now
Well, AF found me just as i knew she would. I wasn't as upset as I thought - mostly because I KNEW she was coming.
The Endoc. appt. went as well as could be expected. My endo. deals mostly with PCOS and Diabetes, so when I asked him about being tested for antithyroid anitbodies, he didn't know how that relates to pregnancy - but he tested for it anyway and said he woudl do more research on it in the meantime. He will also fax the results to my RE later if I want him to.
He agreed to up my meds to keep me in the 1-2 range on my thyroid. Hopefully that will help. Also, my prolactin was a bit high last time (while still being normal) so he is upping those meds too.
I will get the official results today I think.
I was supposed to call tomorrow morning to the results line, but DH has a follow-up appt. with the internist that shares my endo's office. I think I'll ask the secretary for a copy of my test results while I"m sitting there wiating for DH.
I got some green tea extract for cm this cycle - and I'm going unmedicated. I decided not to go the clomid route this cycle - and I might stay off it for several cycles if it doesn't happen soon. I can always go back on it in the spring - when it would make for a more convienient EDD anyway.
Dh is happy about this too because he was paranoid of the possibility of twins -even though it is my secret hope to have them , I'll take one if I can get it!
Well, I haven't written in a while - mostly because my computer wouldn't let me get to this page... so frustrating!
anyway, here's the update:
I had an appt. with my endocrinologist - he ran blood tests for my thyroid and for my prolactin (which I was already being treated for) and I got him to run the antithyroid antibodies test too.
After a few days the lab results were in and I called the hotline number to listen to the message. All the nurse said was what the Dr. already told me a few days before - that they were upping my meds. She didn't mention the ATA test. SOOO I called their office to see if they could tell me - and the nurse was busy so I left her a message to call me on my cell phone since I wouldn't be at home. But, she called my house and still didnt' leave a message with the results.
I finally got ahold of someone on Monday. All 3 thyroid tests were off - and thus my meds are being upped. but I kinda think that the one notch higher dose still won't be enough. Also my prolactin was a bit high - but in the normal range. Since I explained to my doc that i was TTC and had recently had a m/c he said he would up those meds too so that it wouldn't be a factor.
Then I got my ATA results, but the secretary said there were no notes to tell me if it was positive or not, but she gave me the numbers for the 2 tests. I looked it up online and found a range for one of the tests. My level was 301. Evidently 0-50 is normal, 50-300 is borderline,and over 300 is positive for the antibody. I guess this means I'm positive for it.
I then called my RE to see if they could tell me what the other test meant since my endocrinologyoffice didn't know. They were not able to tell me without seeing the lab sheet. So I had it faxed to them. Haven't heard back form them yet today. I'll call tomorrow to see what is up.
Then I found out that I may need to have injections of immunoglobulin to allow for implantation because of the ATA. But I also read that they only give the injections to IUI and IVF patients. What about people like me that dont' necessarily need those procedures? I'll have to ask when I talk to the RE.
On top of all this I've been very good about taking my EPO and green tea - and I started to get more CM, and it was getting better, then WHAM I get sick. Woke up yesterday morning with a stuffy head, and today it is so much worse. I can't breathe out of my nose at all.
I had to take some sudafed - so now that negates all the green tea. I'll probably have to take even more, and I'm sad because after all this health stuff - I now have less of a chance because I have this stupid head cold I also had a high temp this morning - and I know i didn't O on cd10, so I'm sure it's a low grade fever. I dropped the temp.
I'll still use OPK's but I'm not very hopeful this time around.
Dh and I have always said that we wanted to adopt domestically through the foster/adopt program. Or just adopt an infant through a local agency.
But I'm in a tight spot - because I want a biological baby first - but it's not necessary.
So with the info about my condition being an autoimmune disorder - it will be MUCH harder for me to get pregnant in the first place - but also harder for me to stay pregnant. SOOO, I'm thinking that maybe I should just give up kinda and try the adpotion thing first. We do have a few thousand set aside right now if we go through an agency - we shoudl be able to cover it. But, I want to TTC and have a baby too. Right now is sort my last shot for a while - I'll still TTC - but it woulnt' be ideal, so I figure I'll just let it happen if it will...
The other thing is this: DH and I enjoy our home and I enjoy my job. But we are not in love with either. We moved here mostly because it is pretty and warmer than where we came from - and it was a good opportunity at the time. But now we are ready for our family to grow and we don't have any relatives around for 10 hours - several hundred miles.
We do want to be closer to someone when we have kids. So I'll for sure finish this year out - but we are debating whether or not to apply for a job somewhere else. Maybe IL? We live in VA now, and have lots of DH's family in IL. Most of mine is in MI and GA. We left MI for a reason - and now there are no jobs to return to - and GA we lived there for a year and hated it. So maybe IL?
But that would require us moving, getting a new job, selling our house, buying a new house, etc. On top of that TTC or maybe being pregnant - or in the middle of trying to adopt? That just wouldn't be fair. I also don't want to change doctors at such an important point in my life. It would also be VERY hard for me to get a job when I'm 7 months pregnant.
So, I figure we will stay here at least a year or 2 - then move? It's so much to consider. I feel very lost and like no-where is home. I haven't made very many friends here - even though we've been here for almost 6 years. Mostly because those that I work with are in their early 60's , and those that are younger - closer to my age (early 30's) only live here for a year or so while their DH finishes his residency at the teaching hospital. They promptly move and I never hear from them again. It's very isolating.
Okay, well I should stop complaining. I've gotta get home and take a nap to try and bust this cold.
Well, I got a positive OPK yesterday - it was SO dark! I tested again this morning to see if it was gone already (like it usually is) and it's still there, and just as dark.
My usually only get one positive OPK - because I think my surge is quick, but this time, I don't know.
I am sitting here also thinking I feel O pain on the right side - but then again, it could be gas right?
So I'm excited about the prospects of another chance, but I'm also nervous that my body isn't quite ready yet. My hormones were on the high side of normal two weeks ago -and they should be much lower, so I'm worried that I will m/c again if I do get a positive.
I think I'll always worry that anyway, but this month I feel especially doomed.
Also- I've had a cold the last few days, so I can't get a an accurate reading on my temp. It's much higher than usual, but then again I'm sick with a head cold-so I'm sure I have a low grade fever.
The weirdest part is that I only have tiny ferns on my microscope -and I usually have a ton when I get a positive OPK. Maybe my body wants to O, but It just can't... But there is a full moon today, and a friend of mine insists that you O on full moons and get AF on new moons. I never really looked into it until she said something, and It actually seems true for me - at least my last few cycles...
So DH and I BD'd last night with preseed, and I have a few more packs of it, so we will use that today and the next couple of days - just to be sure.
I'm SOOOO nervous that I'll get pregannt and lose it again because of my hormones... Man I wish I was a "normal" healthy person instead of having to deal with these DARN autoimmune disorders!
Well, I think my thermometer is a dud, My temps have been wacky, at first I thought it was because I had a head cold and I had a fever, but not...
So I had to get a new one - I got the same brand - but I'm worried that it did this right at O time.... But I'm positive I o'd when I did because of my OPK, and we DTD for the 2 days before the day of, 2 times the day after and once the next day. So the little swimmers are there... used preseed too the day before and the day of.
Still nervous about the prospects though. So today I'm 2dpo, and I just want this so much. I want a sticky bean and a healthy baby. I spent the weekend hiding the baby stuff I have because my mom, sister, brother and SIL will be coming for t-giving and I don't want them to ask about it - especially if I'm not pregnant... The crib that my other SIL gave me - I painted it and then stored it under a tarp in the back corner of the basement. It was not put together so it was easier to hide.
I'm stuck in a faculty meeting today - and I'm really wanting somthing good to drink - something with flavor - but all they bought was coffee, regular soda, and regular tea. Everything has caffeine, and WTH couldn't they get some juice or decaf tea for breakfast???
Last time I was pregnant I had a temp dip at 7 dpo for implantation. I noticed that I never got temp dips on my other cycles, so I'll be looking for that around 6-8dpo. PLEEEEASE!!!!
Now I'm 5dpo, and so far I feel normal, so maybe this wansn't the month... again.....
But I did find a website that offers help and 2nd opinons from medical people about infertility. It's called RESOLVE, and they are going to be starting a chapter of thier organization in my city soon. Mabye that will mean that we will get some good RE's.
Oh, I don't think I wrote this above - but my RE's office never got the fax for some reason, and then the RE called me back and said he "doesn't test for antibodies at his office, and also does not treat for them"...... so much for getting treatment from him.
Then I called my endocrinologist back to see if they had a definate answer yet about the antibodies. Yep - VERY positive for them, one test was over 300, the other was over 1000!
So I'm not going to get my hopes up - but I did start taking Seleneium - which I've read can help with antibody disorders (a little).
Also, I made an appointment with the OB that I was supposed to see last year - but I decided to see his midwife instead. Well, she retired from OB practice and now only does Paps. So I called to make an appointment with him, asked about IF I get pregnant - can I come in sooner to be checked because of my health probs. She was very nice and said that I could come in if I get a positive test. Otherwise, I have an appointment with the OB on Dec. 5. He is a super specialist - Maternal/Fetal Medicine, OB, Endocrinology, High Risk patients and Ultrasounds.
So - I figure if my other docs haven't figured things out yet - he's probably my last chance.
I have had one symptom though (i had it last cycle too, so I'm sure it means nothing) Tons of CM, and I almost broke down and put on a panty liner, but I didn't end up having one in my purse.
My QOTD is whether or not I should tell my family at t-giving that we have been trying - and about the m/c. I'm still not sure though if that would keep my mom from asking me constantly when I'm going to give her a grandchild - or if it will just make it worse.
Well, today is 8dpo. I had a small temp dip on days 6 & 7 - accompanied by spotting (pinkish and only inside).
It was only a tiny bit of spotting, but after my m/c I'm terrified of any kind of spotting - implantation kind or otherwise. There is no spotting today, and I've been using my OTC progesterone cream - so I'm hoping that if this cycle is THE one - that will help.
I will test on Thurday - which will be 12dpo. I was going to wait till 13dpo, but I don't think I'll be able to wait that long.
I've had a bit of tiny cramps in my belly, and other than that - no signs.
BUT, I have had AF as early as 7dpo, and usually it is 9-10dpo. So I shall see what tomorrow holds.
I'm nervous -and excited all the same. But I still feel like it won't happen, so if it does I might just be shocked!
Well, it's 11dpo - and i got a light positive test yesterday - but the digital was negative, so I went to the RE and had a HCG blood test done - my levels were only 20, but my progesterone is a lot better than when it was with my m/c cycle. It was 22!
I'm excited, but nervous too! I'm not going to post this journal on a pregnancy board yet though, I'm only 3w4d, so I am still early and there is no telling what will happen.
I had to tell my supervisor (principal) at the school I work at because I need to go in for follow up HCG's Friday and Monday morning. But I'm supposed to be teaching from 7:30am till 2:30 pm, and the doc wants my blood by 10am. So I needed to get her permission, and someone to cover my class so I could go get the blood drawn. I haven't told my assistant or my co-worker (social worker) because I don't want them to know until I at least feel like things are more real.
I bought a whole bunch of dollar tests today so I can use em up and make sure I'm seeing darker lines....
I hope this sticks!