My TTC#1 Nightmare 127 mth(10.8 year) 10 m/c TTC Again!!
+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 16 1234511 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 155

Thread: My TTC#1 Nightmare 127 mth(10.8 year) 10 m/c TTC Again!!

  1. #1
    Posting Addict cazzoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Victoria, Australia
    Posts
    9,116

    Default My TTC#1 Nightmare 144 mth(12 year) 10 m/c TTC Again!

    THIS
    IS
    MY
    JOURNAL

    144 MONTHS

    Cazz



    Last edited by cazzoom; 12-02-2008 at 05:04 AM.
    TTC 14.5 years
    10 BFP's, 10 Angel babies
    Wanted always forgotten never

    Add me on facebook

  2. #2
    Posting Addict cazzoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Victoria, Australia
    Posts
    9,116

    Default

    My Husband and I have been Trying to Conceive for EIGHT Years ONE month now

    I knew I had female problems.....a lack of a period for one....since going off the pill at age 18. But still I never thought I would have trouble getting pregnant. I was so naieve and had no idea about anything

    For the first 3 or so years I was like okay it will happen when it happens. not that we were really Trying but we weren't preventing either
    By year 4 I was like okay there is definatley something wrong and went and saw my first doctor who promptly told me that I was(at 95kgs) "too fat to get pregnant and to go away and lose some weight"

    After that visit I did not go see another doctor for a year.

    By year 5 I was desperate so I made an appt with a womens clinic and after waiting 4 months to get in I finally saw a GP who listened to me and was very shocked by the way I had been treated...at this point I had not had a period for 7 years...As it turned out there was also a fertilty expert working at the clinic on that morning and she went and consulted with him and he was appauled at the way I had been treated as well and took me on strait away.
    That being said I have been with him now for 2.5 years
    I didn't ovulate on my own so therefore couldn't get pregnant

    The first thing he did was blood tests....with one blood test he worked out my first problem, a high prolactin level, and put me on medication for it ......But although it fixed the problem it still did not make me ovulate.
    So after several months I was given more tests. they found nothing else really other than I didnt ovulate.

    I joined the TTC7+ board which was amazing.
    I found out that I was not alone and I learn so much about conception and the factors needed to conceive. I had been so naieve about my own body that I felt so stupid for just thinking that when I wanted to get pregnant I would.

    I was, in April 2003, put on a medication called Metformin. And after 18 days I ovulated on my own for the first time since I went on the pill at 14(which was for pain resons not contraception)
    It did not result in a pregnancy but it did give me some hope that It might happen one day.

    By this time I had been charting my Basel Body Temperature for several months so I was now able to follow my cycles as real cycles, I could see when I ovulated and was able to learn so much about my own body.
    I also suspected that I had a Luteal Phase Defect(LPD) but could not convince my doctor as I had only had two cycles when I saw him next after starting the metformin. My luteal Phase(LP) was only 9 days
    I was then placed on gonadotrophin injections...or ovulation induction.

    For me the first two cycles on the injections did not go too well. I ovulated but my progesterone was really low(19 and 12) which meant I did not ovulate too well.
    My third cycle on the injections went really incredibly well. From about 6 Days Past Ovulation(DPO) I KNEW I was pregnant. My progesterone was 32. I had the booster and it went up in four days to 72. so I did not get another booster.
    I felt different, I had symptoms and at 10 DPO I did a home pregnancy test and it was posative. I did another at 11DPO and again at 12 and 13DPO and they were all posative. The afternoon of 13DPO I had an early miscarriage. I was devastated. In the end I think it was the fact I did not get that second booster shot and the LP problem

    I went strait into another cycle and had an even better progesterone result of 66. I had started to feel the same things I had felt the previous cycle but because I had no booster shots at all, my period came at 10DPO. Which again gave me a LP of 9 days...that made my suspicion greater but still my doctor did not listen but my ovulation induction nurse kind of did and conceded to let me have both boosters even if my progesterone was quite high.
    The last cycle on the injections I had a first progesterone of 33 and then 3 days later it was up to 58 but I just did not feel pregnant. so I was expecting my period and it came right on schedule.

    I had to take a break from the injections because as much as they take out of you physically and emotionally they are also expensive at about $600 a cycle including all the medications you have to buy. Plus I was still on the metformin and the medication for my prolactin as well as prenatal vitamins. I rattled and sloshed for a long time.

    I went to see a naturopath and in one cycle she lengthened my LP from 9 day to 14, my second cycle with her my LP was 17 days and my third cycle with her was so good I went back on the injections this time with IUI.

    I managed to get pregnant but sadly miscarried at 5 weeks. I was not pregnant for very long but I loved that baby so feircely and it absolutely devastated me to not be pregnant any more. I sunk into a nightmarish fit of depression and not even coming to these baords couild help.
    I stupidly went strait into another injections/ IUI cycle and when that failed went again into a third again without success.
    Financial, mental and physical reasons meant we had to stop the treatments again and we dont know if we will ever be going back to them or even on to IVF as we are so financially drained and IVF as everyone knows is very expensive. I just need to win the lotto I think.

    I want a baby so badly and I have been actively trying for over eight years. every time I see a new baby or a pregnant woman, or another BFP that is not mine I feel a little twinge. I am not the type of person who thinks that because I havent gotten pregnant that no one else should......... but I do have myself a pity party occasionally

    I often wonder why me? I don't drink, dont smoke, eat a healthy diet, I dont drink anything with caffieine etc so why is it hard for me when I am doing everything right?

    This whole process has been really difficult for my husband and I emotionally and physically, monetarily and even in the bedroom department. But we are still together and I am hoping that one day we will finally experience the joys of a pregnancy and parenthood

    I would adopt in an instant but there are no babies here in Australia and not too many older children either.
    i would adopt internationally too but it is so darn expensive we cant afford it.
    Sometimes I find myself daydreaming that somone I know knows someone who is pregnant but cant keep the baby and we arrange a privat adoption.............far fetched I know but i just wnat a baby so darn badly I would do almost anything to have one.

    i would love to go see my naturopath again I am well overdue for another appt but as money is so tight it could be a long while before that happens.

    So much has happened with us this year................and I know that I am not the only one in the world going through stuff. But we really would just love for this year to be over so we can start fresh

    As for my cyles.
    Well since the injections finished I have gotten AF quite regularly very regularly in fact considering how they were before treatments.
    unfortunately I dont know when I O
    I have not been chartin very much and am trying to get back into it. I must try harder. but when I was on the injections I could feel O pains really badly when they were good Ovulations but whenever I have O'd off the injections i have only been able to tell through temping.

    i have no idea why this may be and perhaps that is why we cant just get pregnant on our own. perhaps someone out there will have the answer.

    thats about it for now

  3. #3
    Posting Addict cazzoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Victoria, Australia
    Posts
    9,116

    Default

    Ugh. saw my stupid doctor yesterday and he basically wants to go back to the start and see if I am really ovulating on my own.
    I am going to start charting fully again but I am pretty sure I am ovulating.....maybe not well but I am doing it.

    It sucks that he has basically put a stop to anything further......I thought he would bring up IVF but he didnt. not that we could financially do it but I would have like to have heard him say it.

    more than likely going ot go back to naturopath and see how much she can do for me now.

    Cazz
    TTC 14.5 years
    10 BFP's, 10 Angel babies
    Wanted always forgotten never

    Add me on facebook

  4. #4
    Posting Addict cazzoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Victoria, Australia
    Posts
    9,116

    Default

    CD 2 today. yesterday I thought I was dying. the pains were so darn bad. every period I get seems to get worse and worse ont he pain scale. and lasts for longer and longer.
    i tried discussing this with my doctor on tuesday and all he said was
    "yeah that can happen"
    I really am going to see a new doctor in the new year as I have just about had enough!!!

    I have also started charting again. I just hope I can keep it up.

    Cazz
    TTC 14.5 years
    10 BFP's, 10 Angel babies
    Wanted always forgotten never

    Add me on facebook

  5. #5
    Posting Addict cazzoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Victoria, Australia
    Posts
    9,116

    Default

    OKay so for the last couple of weeks I have been on this Maca stuff(under observation of my naturopath) and I cant beleive how my AF went. usually I have maybe 1 or 20 days of full bleeding. then 3 - 4 days of spotting which is sometimes broken up with a day of no bleeding or spotting
    This time I had that really bad pain on friday followed by the arrival of AF and then FOUR FULL DAYS of bleeding and then 1 day of spotting.

    I am hoping that this means that my cycles are going to become a lot more normal and possibly increase my chance of getting pregnant without injections or insemination.

    I am having a couple of twinges today on my left side which is usually the side that I ovulate on. perhaps I am going to ovulate early!!
    I am going to totally cover my bases this cycle

    charting is going well so far and I have not forgotten.

    I guess as always this is a wait and see game!!!!

    Cazz

  6. #6
    Posting Addict cazzoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Victoria, Australia
    Posts
    9,116

    Default

    Well its CD13 and last night I suddenly got this bad bad pain on my right side. Its still going now and sometime the pain shoots down my leg. now I dont know if this is O pains or some kind of injury. I keep taking my temp every morning so I guess I will see in the next couple of days if it is!!!!
    I am still goin on this maca stuff so if I O like this on the Maca I will definatley keep taking it

    Whenever I have ovulated on Injectable meds I always have had ovulation pain. when I ovulate on no meds I get no ovulation pain. still trying to find someone who will explain why to me.

    I also got myself a female budda necklace which coincidently I put on yesterday afternoon just before the pain started.
    Apparantly she brings general healthy and wellness but also aids in conceiving.
    I know someone who has been TTC for 3 years with no luck at all she gets a female budda and within one month is pregnant. she is now 8 weeks.
    I am willing to try just about anything

    Cazz

  7. #7
    Posting Addict cazzoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Victoria, Australia
    Posts
    9,116

    Default

    This is just about killing me.
    I think I am almost ready to give up TTC altogether.
    I cant handle it any more. the stress and dissapointment alone is almost unbearable. I just want one thing in this whole world and its the one thing I will probably never have.
    Unfortunatley there wont be anyone dropping a baby off through the postal service any time soon.
    I am Sad and depressed and I can hardly take it any more.
    I hate seeing pregnant women. I hate seeing babies. I hate seeing children.
    I especially hate seeing parents walking around saying to their kids "Oh I wish I had never had you!!!!!"(copped that one in a shopping centre the other day and had to hold every horrible word inside me for that woman cos I know it was more out of frustration or at least I hope it was.)

    I was told the other day...."Well at least you know you got pregnant".............I thought that too at the beginning. But now I wish I had never gotten pregnant in the first place. its even more hearbreaking to have to give up.

    The thing is I would quite happily never get pregnant again. Its not the pregnancy I want.......its the live healthy baby at the end of the pregnancy I am desperate for.

    thanks for listenng
    Cazz

  8. #8
    Posting Addict cazzoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Victoria, Australia
    Posts
    9,116

    Default

    Pregnant!!!!!!!

    Or I was.
    I got a BFP yesterday clear as day but I had suspected it for a few days.
    for starters
    I could not stand the smell of Martin...just like last time
    I felt the implantation cramping and new that was what it was
    I went right of cereal........just like last time
    I took to gulping down milk..........just like last time
    I was tired as....just like last time
    the one thing that was different was that on thursday I put on my bra and my boobs could hardly fit if it was a new bra I would have been like ........okay....... but this bra was 2 years old and washed many many times.
    took the test yesterday at 10DPO and BFP appeared strait away. 5am today woke up in crampy hell of pain and bleeding everywhere. So again its over before it began.

    On the posative side I got pregnant on my own.....perhaps with the help of my new female buddha necklace. no metformin and only on my prolactin meds.

    this cycle I am going to be stopping my prolactin meds as soon as I ovulate and see if that could make any difference.

    I am sad. I never told martin I was waiting to have a blood test on monday before telling him and now I am glad I didnt.

    I have a feeling that all would have been well had I ovulated a few days earlier(I O'd on CD20) so I am going to hope and pray that I O a little sooner this cycle.

    Cazz

  9. #9
    Posting Addict cazzoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Victoria, Australia
    Posts
    9,116

    Default

    Well I am on CD5 now and we have decided since the unexpected pregnancy and subsequent m/c that maybe we are not meant to give up TTC just yet.
    So we are going to go for it with a renewed vigour this cycle.

    I am now on vitex as well as the Maca and I am also on the Robitussin to try and help my EWCM. I am drinking 2 litres of water a day as well as trying to gulp down horrible green tea for the same reason. lol

    We are trying to do as much as possible to get me to ovulate earlier. Hopefully CD14 and hopefully pregnant with and October baby!!!!!

    wish me luck...............am sure going to need it

    Cazz

  10. #10
    Posting Addict cazzoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Victoria, Australia
    Posts
    9,116

    Default

    Cancelled my doc completely and stayign with my naturopath

    Cant stand my doctor any more. the thought of going back to see him again today turned my stomach.
    Every time I visit him I end up in tears and never very far from where I began.
    I went to the naturopath who is so fantastic and helpful and she loves my charts!!!
    She confirmed my pregnancy from my chart and said my doc was mad...lol
    she said my chart was triphasic too which looking at it no I can see.
    She also confirmed what I already knew......

    that the readon this baby did not stick was the fact I Ovulated at CD20. I knew this and told her that that is why I thought I m/c and she told me I was very smart and knew entirely too much about TTC...........lol

    She has put me on a herbal tonic of stuff including vitex and other stuff including progesterone. We are hoping to bring my ovulation back to CD14 - CD16 to ensure that if......NO WHEN I get pregnant again that it will stick and I will hopefully stay pregnant. she also has stuff in that tonic that will help prevent m/c

    I am so excited and instead of leaving the doctors office frustrated and in tears I left feeling happy and calm and feeling like I am on track with TTC again!!!

    I am for the first time in a long time very happy!!!

    much love and happy days to everyone

    Cazz
    TTC 14.5 years
    10 BFP's, 10 Angel babies
    Wanted always forgotten never

    Add me on facebook

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 16 1234511 ... LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
v -->

About Us | Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Terms & Conditions