Thread: My TTC#1 Nightmare 127 mth(10.8 year) 10 m/c TTC Again!!

Well 4 out of our 6 eggs fertilised and out of those, two were transferred back to me.

they were impressed because one of the embies is really enthusiastic and was already 6 cells the other was 4 cells and thats normal for 2 day embryos!

here they are



The other two embryos were not very good quality and are not suitable for freezing so once again we have no snowbabies and if we were to do IVF again I would have to do a full stimulated cycle! Dont think its something I want to be doing again but I guess we'll see how it goes!

I was only a little dissapointed in not getting any snowbabies but only because I think with my track record I was expecting the news this time!

But they were really posative about my two good embies, especially my 6 cell embie

But I thought you all would love to see a picture of my embies!!
Its a photo from the TV screen they use to show you the embies so not fantastic quality but you can definatly see what they are!

Cazz

Technically 14DPO today!
Dont know how I feel!
tomorrow will mark the same point in my 1st IVF cycle where I started cramping and spotting even though I was pregnant at the time!
I guess we'll see!
I have symptoms that could be put down to drugs and AF so I am not making any bets yet!

I am so scared of getting my hopes up and then crashing down!
On the other hand I try and stay posative too just in case I am pregnant!

Monday is my blood test. 3 days from now I will know if Its a BFP and weather its a good BFP!!!

Cazz

TMI warning


Yesterday at exactly the same time as my first IVF cycle I started spotting! I spotted all day but never enough to reach a pad or anything.

Then nothing all night until this afternoon! I have a feeling that its going to be along the same lines of the first IVF with low HCG that drops until there is nothing more!

Im pretty sad and have even considered giving it a huge break before even considering doing it all over again if I do it again at all!

Its been really hard on me but I am very emotionally detached from it all. not really much in the way of crying or anything but I have been very angry and almost to the point of breaking things just because they are there!

I want to thank everyone for their support!.
I will update on my blood test tomorrow but after that I am going to take a bit of a break from the boards!

good luck everyone!

Cazz

looks like history is repeating it self

got my blood test results back!

I was/am pregnant!!!

My level today was 50. there could be two scenarios I am facing!

1 ~ simple ~ pregnancy followed by miscarriage

2 ~ difficult ~ pregnant. both embryos implanted raises HCG up. Bleeding occurs and I am miscarrying only 1 of the babies. therefore the HCG would drop.
now this could mean I stay pregnant with 1 of the embryos and my HCG would start to go up again!

I am having a repeat blood test on thursday and of course I am hoping for scenario two.

I guess the "upside" to this is that it would be the third registered pregnancy and if the same thing happens like the other two "registed" ones then Kate might finally do something more or investigate more into it!!!

UGH!! why cant it be simple!!

HCG was down to 10 today so this makes miscarriage #8

funnily enough I am beginning to feel a little better today! I just want to know what the problem is and if it can be treated/fixed!!

Im still gonna be a little low on the posting ratio for a few days at least. try and get my head together!

I am going to see my IVF doctor on the 30th(they tried to give me an appt for the end of july. I flat out refused and told them I wanted as soon as possible so 30th may was a good compromise. I said to the secretary Its not good enough I know Kate is busy but my thrid IVF just failed and I want to see her now!!!!!)

I also made an appt to see one of the counsellors an hour before I see Kate. I am hoping that she will help me talk to Kate about how I dont feel I have been listened to as right from the start I said I had problems with staying pregnant! she said my only way to stay pregnant was to do IVF yet the two times I have conceived through IVF It has gone the same way. I want to be listened to I want to be taken seriously!

anyway thats me for now!
thanks ever so much for your love and constant support!

Cazz

I had my IVF review appointment with Kate today!

First I saw the counsellor for almost an hour which was good! she pretty much just let me talk. Just what I needed!
She hit on a few points that I had and helped me see how I was feeling was not a bad thing!
After this last miscarriage I almost had a meltdown! I was/am still stuggling to cope but I am getting there one step at a time

Anyway then I had my appointment with Kate and it went better than I thought!
I actually thought I was going to leave in tears but even though I got not great news it was more productive than I thought it would be

Firstly she said! "Well you have had like five of these miscarriages now havent you?" I said No its 8 now! and she went through everything we had done previously like all the tests we have had chromosomally etc to see if she needed to repeat anything like that and she said they didnt!
She said that the first IVF where I only got 3 eggs my embryo was perfect. She also said that the following two IVF's where I got 8 eggs and 6 eggs the embryo quality was not all that great!
She said my problem could be poor EGG quality and that the more eggs I make the less their quality is!
She did say that she cant say weather or not that is related to the miscarriage side of things but that its a place to start!

Firstly I am going to do another IVF cycle pretty much strait away! I need to start on primolut to bring on AF and then do a low dose IVF stim cycle without ovulation suppressant to get less eggs and see how that goes! I will be closely monitored because I could actually ovulate before they can retrieve it then I would have to do the babydance to try and catch the egg!

If that doesent work then I am going to do a "naturalish" cycle where the drug dose is so low that its like a un drugged cycle and I should only have 1 egg.

Then if that doesent work I would be looking at donor eggs!
That is going to be the hard part! Mainly because I have heard the list is very long! I would hope to find someone I know to donate eggs. I guess we'll see what happens. At least then I would still be able to give birth to Martins baby and I would love it anyway! so there you go thats me in a nutshell!

depending on when I start the drugs to bring on AF I could be stimming in about 10 days and on the IVF road again!

Its all a bit much to take in! I have to discuss it with work tomorrow and see how they are with me doing all of this again so soon! My friend is also about to have her baby so she wont be there! I mean my fertility comes first and according to Kate she says I can NOT wait!!! I need to do it now!!

I feel so old!

Cazz

I finished the last pill to bring on AF on monday! its now wednesday and I can already feel an attack of the PMS grupies coming on! lol

I just hope that AF does not come on saturday. I need to have a CD2 blood test so any other day will be fine just not saturday. though now I have said that you know what will happen right!!

oh well its nearly time to head on into another cycle



C

I woke up to AF yesterday morning and then realised I didnt have my IVF schedule, no drugs........no idea what I was supposed to do!

so at 7am I called the IVF clinic and she was cool! she said she would get the drugs in my yesterday afternoon cos I start the injections on sunday and I would not have enough here at home!

So I picked them up yesterday afternoon!
I start the injections tomorrow morning(sunday)
then on CD8 I have a scan!
Cos I am not doing the synarel spray up the nose to supress ovulation they might miss it and I have to be carefully watched!

So Im hoping for 3 good eggs at retrieval and hopefully 3 good embryos! I know they wont put back more than 2 embryos but 3 good eggs will hopefully give me 2 great embies!

just before my follies reach maturity I have to take supression injections.......... injections Im fine with...... the $81.00 for each injection Im not fine with! the nurse yesterday was like "Well lets hope you wont need more than 2 injections........
Its bloody expensive enough and now they add to it!!! grrrrrrr!

So its all on again! Its gonna go fast! I just wish that my odds for staying pregnant this time were better than all the other times but they arent! which sucks when you have to pay out over $2000.00 each cycle just to get pregnant!!

I am on 14 folic acid tablets a day, my pre-natal and vitamin C add to that the injections and I am sure you can hear me rattle and slosh when I walk down the street!!

okay well here goes!!

Cazz

I am having my OPU tomorrow!

I am hoping for 4 - 5 eggs and 2 perfect embryos!

It does seem that each time I get pregnant I get just a little more pregnant! Its a bit encouraging but I really dont want to be going through it all again!

I dont hold out much hope for this one to work but on the other hand its all I do! contradiction sure but with my history I dont want to be getting my hopes up too high! so we'll keep them at 50-50 for now!







Anyway June 22 2006 Marked my 4 years here at preg.org and 4 years on the TTC boards!

I never thought I would still be here and still TTC
Then again I never thought I would meet so many wonderful women, some of whom I call my family!

I never thought I would see so many women who's heartbreaking TTC journeys would have such joyful outcomes and that I would be able to share in their lives to see that joy and feel it along with them!

Don't ever give up hope! Because your hope is what still goves me hope for a happy and joyful future with a family of my own!

love and hugs
Cazz

Well I had my OPU yesterday

When I woke up after the nurse told me I had three eggs! I was okay with that as I had had a feeling that I had started to ovulate the day before.

Then when Martin came over to me I said to him we gat three eggs and he said no the doc said we got 2. I thought it was wierd so when the nurse came back I said the doc told martin we got two and she said Oh they found another one! So three eggs it is!
I did ovulate before. probably 1 or 2 eggs and the reason they thought two instead of three was cos the last follie they sucked out had already started to burst open and they thought they lost it!

I had a feeling about this happening so martin and I covered it on the night of the trigger just in case! I actually have had some decent EWCM these last two cycles so never say never!

I was pretty crampy and had to have a hot pack and some panadine forte when I came out but after 20 minutes the pain was worse so they gave me some pain stuff through the canular in my hand and well the pain lessened in a few minutes and I felt really drunk! lol

I am keeping my canular spot covered with a bandage to prevent infection like I got last time! cos I dotn want that again! I am still dealing with my throat thing though its only at night that I feel really bad!

I have to call later today for my transfer time tomorrow so I am hoping for 2 embryos but will be grateful for 1 rather than none for some reason I never find out the number of embies until the day of transfer.....I guess that makes me more nervous!

Anyway I am feeling okay! when I was in the waiting room yesterday before talking to the nurse I could not stop smiling! I guess this time because I knew I was not going to freak out at hearing I only had 3 - 5 eggs. I didnt even freak out when the woman next to me was told she had gotten 18 eggs! I would love to be in that position of having so many good eggs but I know it wont happen, I've accepted that now and dont expect any embies to freeze either so maybe thats why I was more relaxed!

I guess too the fact I have an egg donor lined up helps too!

anyway I am going to work today! not going to push myself and am going in a little late and I would really love the day off but both boss's are away this week!

Cazz