My TTC Journal- after mc

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emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217
My TTC Journal- after mc

Well i decided that a journal would be a great place for me to post my concerns and emotions. My husband and I have been married for over 2 years. He is 29 and I am 25. We decided to start ttc in April of 2005. I got off bc, after 5 years of use, on April 20th. We then wanted to wait one cycle to get the bc out of my system. So on May 20, I began my af, which began the first month of trying. This cycle was pretty long, but on July 1st I took a hpt and got a postive result. i checked the test three times, and all positive even though very light.

I called the dr and set up my first appointment with him. My first appointment was a week later, which then we decided to wait to tell everyone until we had a confirmation. The first appointment was suppose to be a good one, and so I went by myself- dh had to work. I went and they did a pap smear, blood work, and then since my lmp was in May they believed I was 6 weeks (I only thought 3-4 since long cycle). They did an us believed they saw the beginnings, but warned me that this one may end in mc. They set up another appointment 4 days later, to check my hcg levels again.

My second appointment went about the same as my first. I had to call my mom and tell her, because dh went out of town and I wanted someone there with me. It was not the way I wanted to tell her. We went in and the dr did another us. Said he saw two sacs but they looked irregular, so he believed I was having a mc. I had some brown spotting but no bleeding. They took my hcg and it had raised from 3000-21000, so the dr's wondered.

My third appointment was 2 days later- This one went a little better, since my levels were rising the drs then believed I could be pregnant with twins. Again blood was taken, 39000, and sent home to wait a week to meet with the at risk doctors. My fourth appointment (last) was the following week- the at risk doctors did 2 us, and then we got the dreaded news that the sac was empty. They said it was chromosonal problems, and that we should still have a great pregnancy next time. So we scheduled a d&c for the next day.

My d&c went smoothly. I had started to spot the day before, so to me that was a sign this one was finished. I think the knowing was easier than the emotional rollercoaster I was on. My d&c was two weeks and 4 days ago. I have been bleeding/spotting for the past two weeks, but 3 days ago the spotting stopped, so i am hoping this is a sign that my bleeding is done, and that the cycle is beginning.

I have an appointment in 1-2 weeks as a followup, and there i should find out about not only if everything is ok, but also about the cyst i have. I am going to wait to then to determine if we should ttc next cycle. If everything is ok then we will begin trying after this cycle. If not, then we will follow drs directions. I am hoping that everything is ok and we will begin to ttc in a month or so. Smile

I am getting rid of my vip membership to ff, and wanted to save this information for later use- Emily & Clyde- TTC # 1
Stopped BCP's- April 20,05
Cycle # 1- May 20, 05
BFP- July 1, 05
M/C and D&C- July 21-22, 05
Cycle # 2- Sept 20, 05
Cycle # 3- Oct. 28, 05
Cycle # 4- Dec. 5,05- Relaxing cycle

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Biggrin Good morning!

Today I am feeling better- Yesterday afternoon I had a breakdown. I know that I am ok but I had one of my down days. Occasionally I get these ever since my mc. I think the thing that started it was I am not bleeding anymore from my Mc- I have had bleeding for the past two weeks, and finally after the past three days no bleeding or discharge. I think to me it feels final, that the pregnancy is finally over.

Anyway I am feeling better- no discharge or bleeding again today. So I am going to go buy a basil thermometer today, so I can start taking my temperature. I am not ttc this month, but would just like to see how my temperature is doing. I still need to make an appointment for a follow up, and then that way we can determine what is up next. Here is to a good day,

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
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Wow- 3 weeks today since my d&c. It feels like forever ago. Anyway today I called my doctor, and set up my follow up appointment for next week. We are suppose to meet so he can check and see if everything is ok, he is also going to check my cyst. I hope everything is ok so we can start ttc next cycle. I will post next week after my appointment.

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Joined: 07/03/05
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Today I started temping, so I can get a better understanding of my temperatures. I need to understand my cycle so that it is easier to figure out when I o. I have trouble though because my temps I think are still messed up due to hcg levels from my m/c. The first temp was 98.6, and I think that is to high for testing. But anyway I will continue and hopefully they will drop soon, so I can figure out my cycle. I am scared to test my cervix position and mucus because I am nervous about getting an infection. I will wait until the dr appointment to make sure all is ok before I start that. Here goes to another day!

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Tomorrow is the big day- I have my dr appointment tomorrow morning and hope to get the go ahead to ttc. I am a little nervous as I hope everything is ok. I have been cramping today, kinda like o pains. I am hoping that is what it is, but we will see soon. I will post tomorrow once I know the results

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Well my appointment was uneventful- yeah that is good for me after all my other bad appointments.

The dr did an internal, which to me was kinda painful. I think I am getting close to ovulating, which will explain to me why it was painful. I got the go ahead to ttc after my af starts, which is good news since I believe it will be in 2 or so weeks. I have an appointment in 4 weeks for a ultrasound for my cyst, which hopefully will be gone by then. So the dr told me to go ahead and ttc, just to make sure I continue to take my prenatals. We also got the go ahead to bd, which will make my dh soooooo happy. Smile

But anyway so I am happy that I finally got good news, and now I just have to wait till af comes so I can begin trying again. Lets hope it was as easy as the first time around....

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Ugh I am cramping so bad today, I am not sure what it is but my lower abdomen is in pain today. :cry:

I believe I am close to ovulating, my cm is getting heavier and thinner, my cervix is higher, and I am cramping a lot more. :oops: I remember the cycle that I got pregnant, I cramped for a few days before o, so who knows maybe that is what is happening to me. My temp is looking like it could be happening, it is increasing, but could be low again. I guess we will have to wait and see.

It could also be my cyst, which I am not sure is there or not. If it is then I am worried because it is like af pains, which i know shouldn't be coming this early. We will see on that one too. It could also be from my internal yesterday, if so then I do not even want to think about sex.

DH and I are still watching what we do, because if this is my o time then I want to be very careful this time around. I know that this is the time we would have been looking forward to, but I just couldn't imagine getting pregnant this cycle. I want to make sure I give my lining time to grow back before i ttc again. I am also scared to bd, what if it hurts, I know my dh would be careful and if it hurt we would stop but I am still nervous. He was waiting for the go ahead from the dr, and now that we have it he feels better but I am still cautious.

I talked to my neighboor yesterday. She is due in February and starting to show. It is hard to see her since I would have been due in March. She is having her second child, so she is showing early. She will be finding out soon what she is having, and that will be hard to hear about. I guess I will live out her pregnancy with her. She knows about the m/c and is being very supportive. I was too excited to not tell when I found out we would only be a month apart. She was telling me about a friend of hers who had a miscarriage 3 months ago, and is now 8 weeks pregnant. She got pregnant her first cycle. So I am hoping it will be easy to get pregnant, even though i do not want it this cycle...

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Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Sad Well i am going to start off by saying this is the hardest post that I am going to write (I hope)

Last night my dh and I were laying in bed talking about our m/c and ttc. I said something about not being in control, and I hated it. He said he didn't want to have two collapsed lungs and things just happen. Then I bought up our m/c, and that I didn't want to lose our baby- (one month mark yesterday). He said well we never did lose a baby- ours was not ever one. :cry: At the time he did not mean it that way, I will explain later in post. He went downstairs, and finally after 5 minutes of thinking about it I went down to talk to him.

I went around the corner and saw him sitting on the couch. I told him that I was upset with him for what he said, and quickly began crying. He jumped off the couch and the look on his face showed me that he too believed we did have a baby, but didn't want to admit it. He held me and we stood there together for about ten minutes. I looked at him and asked if he believed we never had a baby, and he said no. He explained that we never heard a heartbeat so to him it wasn't a baby, but it is still hard for him too. I could tell he was emotional but as with other men, he doesn't do emotions well. After ten minutes I went back upstairs to bed.

It hit me last night that I am tired. I am tired of acting so strong. I have told everyone including myself over and over that I am ok with this m/c. I am not. My heart is breaking, and I do not know what to do. I have been given the go ahead to ttc, but I am not sure I want to right now. I dont think I can do this again. I do not think I have given myself time to grieve, which I need to. I think I am going to stop thinking so much about ttc for the rest of this cycle, and then next cycle we will see what happens. I have decided to not post so much and to relax and grieve over our loss. I will continue to post on here because to me it is a good place to get my emotions out, but not on the other boards as much. I am still going to temp and chart, because when I do start to try I want to be able to look back and see a pattern. We will get pregnant when god is ready for us too. It is all in his hands now...

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Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

I am feeling better today- I have to realize that when you recover from m/c you have good days and bad, that will continue for while.

After posting yesterday on both my birth board and my ttc board, I felt better. I got so many sweet and caring replies to my post. I also got a pm from a person who has been following my story, because we have so much in common. Knowing that people who have never met me care so much made me feel better. I also realized that my dh doesn't understand how I feel, and the women here do. I need their support to get through this.

I decided after talking to dh that for the rest of this cycle- not sure how long, I will not temp or chart. This way I will get the chance to grieve and think about the whole process. Then once af comes I can decide what to do. I think we are probably going to try next cycle, just not obsess over it. We will not chart or temp, but will try when we want to. This way if pregnancy occurs then we are meant to, but if not then we know it wasn't time. Then we will become obsessed the following cycle Biggrin

I felt so great this morning getting up and not worrying about temping . It took that stress away, and now I am not worried about what is going on. I know I am near -o-, but am not going to worry about when I am going to start. It will happen when it does. Now i have a few weeks to enjoy this time and to think about what I should do- we will wait and see.

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Wow it has been a while since I wrote last. I have been cramping off and on all week, but today I decided to take a OPK. I did and got a +. So it looks like I am in the o stage. i knew it was close, because it always seems for a few days I cramp, and then the day the cramping goes away, I have a lot of cm, but that is the day I o. My body is so wierd. It is like it is telling me to get ready here o comes. I never realized when I was younger what this was, but now I know it is how I handle o.

So even though my cycle looks so long, I do not actually think I am on day 38 today. I started counting the day I had my d&c, but the dr told me I would start 4-6 weeks after I stopped bleeding. I did not stop bleeding for 2 weeks following my m/c. So if you start counting on the day I stopped bleeding that would make today day 23 or 24, and add 14 days to that and there is my cycle of 37-38 days. The cycle before I tried, I started on the 42 day, and the cycle I got pregnant I tested on the 41 day. So maybe they are getting shorter. I do not know :?:

Anyway I am still not trying this cycle, and still not temping, but I did want to know when o came so I could see how long my lp phase is. Everyone talks about the length and that less than 10 days is bad, so I want to see how long mine is. Hopefully it will be 12-14, or longer. We will see in a couple of weeks when I should start my period. YEAH!

I will probably start temping next month so I can have a rough estimate, but I will decide that when AF comes. I am not sure- I still want a baby so bad, but it is still hard to think about ttc again.

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Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Wow- it seems like the last time I wrote in this was forever ago, but it has only been 3 days. So much is happening in the world, that ttc is so out of my head this month. I feel so sorry for all the people that were affected my Hurricane Katrina. I see the stories of the people on there and realize that my life is blessed. I have a dh, family and friends that love me and support me. I have a house, which a lot of the people in LA, AL, and MS do not have now. I also have God, which I know is getting me through my mc and will give me that baby when the time is right. I may not understand why i had a mc but i know there is a reason. (That is all I have to believe in) I also see now how precious life is, and that once I hold that baby in my arms I will cherish every moment with them.

I believe I ovulated yesterday or the day before. I have taken several opks and they were all positive. YEAH. So hopefully I am now in the two week wait. Lets hope that is the case, and I am getting close to ttc again. Biggrin

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Joined: 07/03/05
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I know I already posted today, but I need to get this out. I donot know where I belong. I went outside today to talk to my two neighbors. A quick summary in my neighborhood you are young with kids, or old with none- Where do we fit in? My neighbors are all our age and have kids. They are very sweet but they have bonded because of their kids. We were all standing outside talking and the kids were playing. Well the kids finally decided they wanted to go inside- I could tell my neighbors were reluctant because of me, but I quickly made an exit and walked home. I get so upset everytime I talk to them and see them together. I am longing for friends here, moved here a year ago, and hoped these two would be. But right now I do not have much in common with them.

I am very nervous about next Monday, Labor Day, we are having a get together and Clyde and I are the only ones without kids. I know how upset I get after I leave my neighbors or friends, and can only imagine how I am going to feel next week. I so want a baby, when is it going to happen for us? I guess it will happen when the time is right.

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Another few days and still no af! I seriously think I am never going to start! I guess this is a normal cycle, if you take the bleeding from my m/c out of my countdown then I am right on track for my af. I was hoping for a shorter cycle. I am still having cm so I am not sure if I actually o last week, or if I was just imagining. I was looking about my chart from the cycle I got pregnant, and I am still not 100% sure when I ovulated that cycle. It seems like I have a number of days with cm that is fertile looking. So i guess temping will definitely help- I will just have to bd every other day once I see the cm. Last cycle I just stopped having cm, which occured about 10 days before I started af, that still hasn't happened yet. Oh well I guess sooner or later I will figure out what is going on in my body.

I have my appointment in two weeks to find out about my cyst. I believe I am going to start that week, which could make an interesting appointment. I guess that way if the dr tells me the cyst is bigger, I can still decide what to do about ttc. I hope and pray that he finds no cyst, and I am ok. He already gave me the go ahead to ttc, but I am nervous about that cyst. When I go it will be 8 weeks since my d/c, and still no period. COME ON!!!. The dr told me I would start af 4-6 weeks after I stop bleeding, and I bled off and on for 2 weeks, so I guess I am still on track but ugh I am so tired of waiting.

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Another sad night for me. I got upset earlier, man I have to stay away from my nieghbors. Why did I have a m/c, am I going to be able to have a pregnancy that lasts, when will motherhood come for me? These are all questions I am asking myself tonight. I dont know what causes these thoughts, but tonight they keep going through my head. I am doing ok, but still wonder why me? I see my dh and I outside with all the neighborhood kids and I wonder what ours will look like, when will we have some running around hitting the ball, and I get upset. I can see us with kids and know that sooner or later it will happen, but I was so hoping it would be soon.

I got on my previous birth board today, and saw some beautiful u/s pictures. The ladies on there are now finding out what they are having, and also ending their first trimesters. I am so happy for them and their pregnancies, but also very jealous. Why couldn't I be going through this now, u/s, morning sickness, etc. I wish I was one of them who was so happy about my u/s, and showing it to everyone I come in contact with. I know it will happen, but when? Well I am tired and going to head to bed. Maybe tomorrow I will be in a better mood.

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Doing good today- I believe I am definitely in the 2ww now. My face is breaking out, I have been craving chocolate, and already starting to have mood swings- Welcome PMS. I am now trying to figure out when I ovulated, still not sure what EWCM is. My cm today is getting sticky, and my cp is low and hard. So I think it is a good sign that I am in the 2ww. YEAH. Now if I ovulated between day 38-42 on ff, I should be in day 7-10 now, so give it a few more days so I can have a long enough lp. Well come on af come to my house.

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Well i am still here, and still no af!! I think she skipped over my house and went to someone elses'. I am getting so tired of waiting, come on so I can start trying. I figured that if I start soon, and have a 40 day cycle I would be due at the end of June, early July. I can handle that. My cousin's little girls birthday is July 4, wouldn't that be cool to have two in one family. I am having symptoms of af but still no bleeding. I am having cramps in both my legs, and abdomen. My face is also breaking out, mood swings, and nauseau. But still no af. I have been watching others journals who all had m/c about the same time or a little behind me and they have all started their af's. It is good to see that their bodies are obeying dr's rules- mine isn't.. THe dr told me I would start 4-6 weeks after I stopped bleeding from my m/c. It has almost been 8 weeks since my m/c, 6 weeks since I stopped bleeding. So if af wants to obey the dr, it will be here soon I hope. Sorry felt like rambling today- I am just getting poed by my body. I guess it is just getting the lining time to rebuild.

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Well not much to talk about- still haven't started. I looked at my calendar of my last cycle (one I got pregnant) , and for about a week before I started I got dry cm, and had pms symptoms. So I think I am definitely in the two week wait, but could have another 6-10 days before AF comes. I have an appointment on Thursday with my dr- if I haven't started by then I will talk to him. I will post earlier than Thursday if AF comes but if not I will post on Thursday to let you all know about my appointment

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Well I think i have finally come to terms with not getting af. I was looking through my calendar- and the dr told me that I would start af 4-6 weeks after I stopped bleeding- I am currently just starting week 5. So I still have time. I also believe that I should not have counted those two weeks that I bled after my m/c as cycle days. My hcg levels were not at zero, and a new cycle doesn't start until then. (even though ff tells you to count those) So without those two weeks I am nearing the 40 day mark, which is usually when I start. My body is getting ready to af- I can tell- low cp, no cm, bloating, and cramping. I believe the prenatal vitamins are causing some of my discomfort in the abdomen. Yesterday I didn't take it and today I have felt great, no gas so I believe that is it.

I think the reason I am obsessed with af is that I have nothing else to do. I actually cut the entire yard today, which has helped. We are also going to go to Florida to visit dad this weekend. 4 days away, maybe af will come while I am there. Once I get back I am going to go try to find a job to do until subbing kicks in. I had to reschedule my appointment due to our trip to Florida, so I am going to go next Wednesday instead. I hope I will be finished with af, I cant imagine what that would be like. :oops: I am definitely feeling better about everything. Have a lot more to do which is keeping me busy!!! Biggrin

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Well today I am seeing signs of the beginning of af!!! I HOPE!!! I was checking cm and cp today, and while checking my cervix I had a brownish/redish spotting on my finger. The only reason I saw it was because i was checking my cp, it is still not making its way to the toilet paper or pad. But I believe I will have full force af tomorrow morning, and maybe tonight!!! YEAH..

I can tell she is close because I am remembering what af feels like. It has been since May that I had my last one, and this morning all the feelings came rushing back. I am emotional with definite af cramps. I am so excited because this means it is time for me to try again, but is also emotional because it means that pregnancy is completely over.

I had to reschedule my appointment tomorrow becuase I cant deal with the dr doing a u/s while I am bleeding- Yuck and :oops: . I rescheduled it for next week- 8 days.

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Well af is here in full force and all I have to say is ouch!!!!!!

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Well today is CD3- and I am ready for af to leave. It has been an emotional two days, it seemed everything was going wrong and that I would never be able to ttc again. My first day of my af started the same day I first posted, it was very painful that night which caused some emotions to come back from my m/c. Seeing the blood wasn't hard, but the cramping was. So I went to bed early and hoped the pain would go away.

Yesterday I woke up with more cramping. I decided to take medicine, but would have to wait till after my dentist and fingerprinting appointment to take the medicine the dr gave me. So I went to my fingerprinting appt and for some odd reason the machine wouldn't read my fingerprints, so we will see if it actually works. Then I went to the dentist and found out that I have to get my wisdom teeth removed. I got so upset because I did not want this to get in my way of ttc. So I decided I would go ahead and call and see if they could quickly make me an appointment to get them removed.

Well I called this morning and told them that I was trying to get pregnant and was wondering if I could get an appointment quickly. She told me that they would look at my x rays and go from there. Well Clyde went and got my x rays from the dentist and took them to the surgeon. They looked over them and called me back this afternoon. I definitely need them removed, and they worked me into the schedule for next Friday- Sept 30.. So I will be getting all four removed during my non fertile time and this will not mess up this ttc cycle.Yeah

So now the only thing standing in my way of ttc is my appointment next week to check on my cyst. I am so scared that it is going to be bigger and the dr is going to put me on bcps to make it go away. But I am not going to worry about that until I know for sure. I hope it is ok and I will be ok with ttc again!!!!

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Ok well i am in a dilema, that only clyde and I can decide on.

I am not sure I am ready to ttc. I think I am emotionally ready most days, but then I think about it and I cant imagine having another m/c, and am scared that that will happen again. Physically- My dr told me that I just needed to wait until af comes till I try again, well now she is here and now I am freaking out. I believe I ovulated this last cycle, and af came so I believe that everything is happening the way it should, but what if I begin ttc too soon. What if I should wait another cycle or two. UGH!!!!!

I talked to Clyde last night, and he said just to wait and see what is going on around my fertile time. He is scared that I will have a hard time with the wisdom teeth removal, and wants to make sure everything is ok. If I am fine and we get pregnant this cycle then that would be great, but I cant help think what if we do and my body is not ready. I have an appointment with my dr next week, and I guess I will ask him again if everything is ok and if he thinks I am fine to ttc this cycle, or if he thinks I should give it another cycle. Also I am not sure about the cyst, so I guess I will just wait till Wednesday to see what happens at the doctor. I will take this one day at a time- if it happens then I believe it is God's will.

Everyone I talk to says well you are not even sure you will get pregnant that first cycle. Well that is what worries me- I did get pregnant my first cycle last time. What if I do and my body isn't ready for a pregnancy- Could i deal with another m/c. Ugh- well thanks for letting me vent and get this out- I needed to say it.

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Wow- it has been awhile since i last posted. I have decided that I am ready to ttc. I know it is going to be tough, but I cant imagine not having a baby- and the only way to do that is ttc.

I had my appointment today. My dr found another cyst, on my right side, where the previous one was on my left side. The previous one was gone. I talked to him and he said it is ok if I ttc and that it will probably disappear soon. So I am full force ttc- hopefully in 30 days I will be getting a bfp!

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Well today I have gotten myself ready to ttc. I went out today and bought a pack of 20 opk's and a pee cup. I also bought another box of opk's so I would have enough to get me through this cycle. I also went and bought another container of prenatal vitamins. So I am ready.

We bded last night for the first time since my m/c. I was amazed that it didn't hurt, and that I was ok with it. It was very nice to be intimate like that again. I think we are going to follow the sperm meets egg plan- bding every other day until I get a + Opk, then bding those three days, then taper off once my cm dries up.

I have figured out the way my cm is, I think. I noticed on the last two cycles that I usually have a few days of heavy cm, it goes away for a day or two, and then very heavy for one day- that is the day I ovualte. Both cycles that day has been 14 days before af comes. So good luck to me.

I have my wisdom teeth surgery tomorrow. Hopefully it will go smoothly so it wont mess up our ttc.

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Today is CD16, and I am confused. Last night we bded as soon as dh got home from work. I actually attacked him which I think he liked. It was the first time we did it that quick after work, so I would say around 6 pm. I had the normal amount of leftover semen last night, but it tapered off close to bedtime. This morning I woke up with very heavy cm. It is transparent, and slippery- kind of like lubrication. It is stretchy though, which is what is confusing me. It looks like all the pictures of fertile cm. So I took an Opk. Normally my opks are completely negative, only the control line shows up. Well today i have two lines, but the test line is slightly lighter than the control line, which is a negative. My cp is high, soft and closed so ff says I am most likely fertile. So I dont know. I know though that i have longer cycles and this is extremely early for me to o. I guess I can just bd tonight and see tomorrow what is going on. Dh Is going out of town next week so I guess I am hoping that this is it, so I can have my time with him before he leaves. Oh well again I guess I will have to wait and see. I will let you know as soon as I find out.

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Ok well i am in the same situtation i was in earlier. I believed I oed, which for me is wierd this early, but I am not sure when. It could possibly have been the 16, which ff tends to agree with, or it could be the 19. If it was the 16 then why do I have such a huge temp drop on the 19, would that be to soon for implantation, I wish you could just find one certain thing that would tell you YOU Oed, but I guess for me it is not that easy. Well I am just going to continue to bd, and either get af or a bfp soon. I HOPE!!!!

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I give up- ff took away my crosshairs, because my temp is dropping. I am so tired of this....

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Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well today is cd 28, a lot has happened since the last time I posted. FF gave me crosshairs on Cd 16, so I believed it. I went through the dreaded 2ww, but started to get very depressed watching my temp drop lower and lower. So I gave up hope at the end of last week. Well Saturday (today is monday) ff took away my crosshairs. As I looked at my chart I wasn't 100% sure I oed when ff said I did. First off none of my normal symptoms of o had occured, second I still had cm which after o for me is wierd. Third it was really early. So yesterday I took a opk and it was very close to positive. The lines were the same color- all of the symptoms of o are here- my cervix is high, soft and open, my cm is ewcm, my temp dipped, and I had a + opk. This morning I woke up and took another opk, and it was a definite positive (no doubts about it)- So it looks like I was wrong and getting upset over nothing!!! I am finally oing today and it feels great! I am going to bd tonight and tomorrow for safe measures. Hopefully this one will work and stay stuck and I will be pregnant for real...

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well today is CD30 and I oed!!! I am pretty sure it was yesterday, CD29, since I had another +opk and more cm than normal. I am excited!! This morning my temps went up so it looks like this actually happened. Now I am in the dreaded 2ww, and hopefully will not stress about it. I actually am ok with the fact that it may not happen> I feel like if I am not pregnant this cycle, than this is God's way of telling me I need another month to heal!! Which is ok too. Anyway I will post later once I get those crosshairs..

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well after another night of no sleep, I have decided to stop temping during the 2ww. I am tired of stressing about the degree, and if I have had 3 hours of sleep, that I cant do it anymore. So I am going to take the next two weeks off. WOO HOO.. I am actually looking forward to not wondering- even though Clyde is going to have to hide the thermometer.

I have had the worst gas for the last two days. I remember that being one of the first symptoms I have had- but it is definitely too early this time around. Anyway I guess I will start the psycho behavior..

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well 5 dpo and I have several could be symptoms. Yesterday I felt like crap- headache, nausaus, and tender breasts. I think it was a short lived virus. Today I am feeling better- my back is hurting though.

I am so happy I decided not to temp. Even though I would like to see what my temps are doing, I am happy that I am not stressing out about it. It is good to not worry about it each morning. We went today and bought a memory foam matress pad for our bed, hopefully it will also help with the no sleeping.

I so want to be pregnant this cycle. I know I said it would be ok, but it is like all my thoughts are I am. I hate thinking that becuase if I am not I will be upset. I guess I need to start thinking that their is a good chance I am possibly not pregnant this cycle. 7 days till I am suppose to test, that would make me be 12 dpo. I would like to wait until 14dpo, but would also like Clyde to be there so it looks like next Sunday is it.

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

6 dpo- looking at my chart from the cycle I got pregnant- today is the day I started spotting. Either I hope I do not spot (if it is bad) or I spot if good. I do not want to spot if it is the start of a m/c, if not then I would be ok spotting (implantation bleeding). Anyway! I hate this so much, why cant we come up with something that says pregnant the day after you o!!!

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well I am 8dpo and I am going insane with pregnancy symtoms. I am not sure if what I have is a symptom or I am just going crazy. I have all sorts of things (sore bbs, headache, backache, lower abdomenal cramps). Today I woke up and have been so nauseas all day. It feels like I need to go to the bathroom but dont (already had 1 bm today). My stomach is very tender around my belly button and the part under my belly button is where it is hurting the worst. Ugh. I eat and am fine for awhile and then it bothers me again. Why does the 2ww toy with me so.. 4 days till testing.

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Goodness after reading that last post I do sound insane. I started af four days early. She showed up as spotting, and then by yesterday afternoon was bleeding. This morning I woke up in a ton of pain, lots of bleeding, and very light headed. Welcome back to pre- BCP's af. I haven't had one like that in awhile.

So onto another cycle. I believe I was having af symptoms or a stomach virus. I did feel like crap, so that is why I was thinking stomach virus. I am doing well with the outcome of this cycle. I think it is giving me a chance to continue to heal from my m/c- emotional and physically. So anyway all is good- cycle 2 here I come.

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

I am back and feeling better about this new cycle. I got online and bought not only Opks, but also pre-seed and a new BTT. I have been working at not posting as much and trying as hard to enjoy my time with this process it will happen.

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Today is CD 11 on my 2nd cycle trying after my m/c. I have taken some time away from the boards, because i not only have been a little depressed I also dont want to get obsessed like last cycle. Last cycle I stressed way to much about what was happening and if I was pregnant. This cycle I am not so stressed- I could care less about my temps, and if I dont wake up to take them oh well. I also am still checking cp, and cm but again am not as obsessed as last cycle. i am not going through the downfall when af shows up.

I am also a little depressed. I use to love going to the March board to see about the girls that were there with me. I see them now and they are getting so big, and now it just hurts knowing it is not me. So I cant go there anymore. My jealousy is also kicking in which is horrible. I have been posting on ttc 0-12 month board and a majority of the ladies that were there when I started have moved on. I am so happy for them, but then I get sad because I wish I was moving on with them. Poor pitiful me I know!! :oops:

So I have pulled away from the boards. I also want to keep myself busy so that I dont stress out about ttc. Dh is out of town this week, and will be back on Thursday. I have a dr appointment on Thursday to check my cyst again. I am going to use robitussin this cycle starting on cd 20, and still using opks each day!

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well I think I am on cd 15, I am not exactly sure of the day. I had my appointment on Thursday to check my cyst, and realized I didn't post the results to that appointment. Well No Cysts!!! Yippee!! I had no cysts, and my Dr. said he saw a lot of follicles in my ovaries. So for once all good news at the drs office.

I am feeling pretty happy about this cycle. I bought tons of opks, and am testing everyday at the same time- closer to o I will probably check twice a day. I also am drinking Green Tea once a day, and also taking Robitussin to increase cm. I decided that since you are suppose to take it 3 times a day the 5 days before and the day of o, and since I am not sure when O will happen I am going to take one dose from cd 15-25 every other day. Then starting on cd 25-30 I am going to take it 3 times a day. I usually o between those days. I am also using preseed this cycle, even though we havent begun that. We are following the smep plan, so we have begun our bding marathon and will continue until o, which I believe will happen over Thanksgiving.

I was looking at my chart last cycle and I am starting to believe it was an annovulatory cycle. I got a positive opk, but I am not sure my temp increased since I didnt' temp after my so called o day. I also had spotting mid cycle which I never have, and I also had a very strange period this time. Normally my af is very heavy, but this time it was mostly spotting and 4 days earlier than expected. Putting all of that together I believe it is possible that I never actually ovulated. That may be all hopes though.

Well I am going to go, not to much to post since not much going on around here. I am just going to continue to bd and hopefully will get a bfp from this cycle.

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Wow I just realized I haven't posted in a while- Today is cd 26, the day before Thanksgiving, and low and behold I got a blazing + OPk today!! I also this morning got a huge temp dip, which is what happened last cycle too. I am a little nervous about having to bd with family here, but I know it has to be done..

I am excited still about this cycle, not sure why, but I am not getting to upset about it. I know that if it doesn't happen next cycle we will continue to try, including using a fertility monitor. I will post later on in the 2ww. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well today is cd 29 and I am not sure when I oed. I had a +opk on cd 26 and cd 27, I tested later in the day on cd 28, and it was negative. FF says I could ovulate between cd 26-cd 29. I had a temp rise yesterday but then today it dipped today. I am thinking about not temping but I would like to know if I am ovulating or not.

I am thinking about taking next cycle off- no opks or anything, just not prevent next cycle. That way I wont have to worry over the holidays about my temp and so on. We will see closer to the time though.

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well I am 4 dpo, and I am not too energetic about this cycle. I truely believe I missed the egg and am not going to stress about symptoms during this 2ww. I guess I am just not going to get my hopes up and then be disapointed, I would rather keep my hopes down and then be surprised with a bfp!

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Today is 6 dpo, and I am doing well this cycle. I am not stressing, and my temps seem to have flattened out (same temp past 2 days). In the several months I have been temping I have never had that after o. Next cycle I am going to relax no temping, charting, or anything to help. I am just going to bd when I want to and etc.

I am so tired today, but I believe it is because of allergies/cold and also that I subbed yesterday for a spec ed teacher assistant, and I was exhausted last night. I almost slept the entire night last night, but woke up around 4:30 to pee (that is usnusal I normally pee several times by then). Anyway I am sorry for the ramble I am bored and this is what happens.

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well today is 8 dpo, and I am sick. I woke up this morning feeling like total crap. I am very emotional but I think it has to do with the fact that I am not feeling good. I have given up on this cycle, I dont think I am pregnant- no symptoms what so ever. Oh well.

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well it looks like I am fixing to start af early again. This morning I woke up in a great mood because my temp was up again. I went to the bathroom and was checking my cp and noticed a smudge of red. I freaked out- WHY?? Why do I keep getting af earlier then expected? Why am I not getting pregnant? etc. Well then I had a bm and a glob of brownish/red mixed with cm came out. I checked my cp again and now it was more a mix of cm with brown. So an hour later I went to the bathroom and now nothing- WTH.

I guess I am just sick of this torture- I cant do it anymore. We are taking this next cycle off- no temping, charting, etc. I do not want to have to worry about taking my temp over the holidays, and worrying about bding on schedule. So we are just going to relax this next cycle. I need to take a cycle off.

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well it is now 2 days since my last post, and I am still only spotting. I guess my m/c and D&c have screwed up my periods. Before my m/c I had no spotting beforehand, several days of heavy flow, and then spotting for a few days. The past two cycles I have spotted for 2 days, heavy flo for 3 days, and then spotting again for a few more days. I took a test yesterday just to check and it was negative. I knew it would be negative, but I wanted to make sure it wasn't just implantation spotting. I believe that af is very close since I am now getting af cramps and it looks like the bleeding is picking up.

We are definitely taking next cycle to relax. They have me oing over New Year's eve. We will not only have guests, but I know we will not be able to work in a bd session since we go to sleep at different times on that night. I also want to be able to enjoy drinking, etc. So no temping, charting, etc. I am happy with this decision- I am going to try to get in shape (40 days is enough time to loose some weight)

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

I surrender all!! I am putting the ttc process in God's hands. He is in charge and I am going to give it all to him. I trust that he will give me a child when we are ready, and it is all in his hands. Wow such a relaxation has come over me, and it is amazing how much it calms me.

Af is almost gone, and Christmas is almost here. I have been busy shopping, cleaning, cooking, and just enjoying the holidays. My bro and his family are coming next weekend, and will be here for two weeks. I am so excited about seeing them. We are making plans for New Year's= either we are going to have Clyde's family here on NYE or NYD.

I also cant believe that we have almost been dating for 7 years. It feels like we just met, but I feel like I have known him forever. I love my baby!!!

I am so thankful for this wonderful time of year!! Happy Holidays everyone!

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well af has left the building, and i am now on cd7!! I am so relaxed about this cycle, and what I needed was to take this cycle off. I am spending the time exercising and eating right. I have lost a total of 2 pounds, which for me is good. 14 more to go!!! Clyde built me a step and i have been spending the day exercising using that.

Christmas is almost here!!!!! Less than 2 weeks and i am so excited!!! YIPPEEE!!!

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and man am I excited. I am so happy to go see my entire family, and get to spend time with my wonderful nieces. We are leaving tomorrow morning, and I am not exactly sure when I will be back. Clyde is going out of town for work, and I am trying to decide if I want to come back or just stay in AL while he is gone. I guess I have to decide!!

As Christmas and The New Year approaches I think about this past year. It was a difficult year in more ways than one. This year I lost my teaching position, my wonderful uncle passed away, and I had my m/c and d&c. I am so blessed though- I have a wonderful husband and family, a great house, and we are doing ok financially. I am blessed. Next year will bring the one thing that i am wantly so desperately (I hope)

I cant believe we have been together for 7 years- our first date was on January 2 7 years ago. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and sooner or later our family will be complete. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Christmas was wonderful- everything was great and I got wonderful gifts. Well today is 4 days after Christmas, and we are finally celebrating Christmas with dh's family. Tonight we are all going over there for present exchange, and dinner. I am so excited about this weekend since it will be New Year's Eve and Day. I am so excited about getting to relax and enjoy my time with dh.

We are on cd 24, I checked ff today, and we are getting close to ovulating. Even though I am not temping I still know o is coming. I have all the classic symptoms, but I am not sure when it will happen. FF says on the 1 or 2 of January, which is next Monday or Tuesday. I am just happy to be able to celebrate not only the day of our first date, but also the day we got engaged this weekend. Maybe just maybe I will get a surprise anniversary gift!! I think it would be amazing to say we concieved on the day we started dating. It would just be magical in my eyes. I also think it would mean a lot more to me, being around this time.

I am not going to get my hopes up though, due to the fact that it will most likely end the same way as the past two months- with bfn. I will not be testing until I am on cd 45 or more, since that will be the longest cycle I have ever have- and that will make me late. God give me strength not to stress during this part of my cycle.

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Today is the day ff says I am to ovulate, and I am pretty sure it is about to happen. CM is very ewcm, cp is high and soft, and I have the classic o symptoms. Yesterday I woke up sick as a dog, and think either I have a bad chest cold or I have brochitus. I am having a difficult time breathing, but am doing ok. What a way to enjoy my anniversary.

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Got a positive opk today- cp is in right position, cm is watery/ewcm, breasts are tender, and opain. The only thing that sucks is I am sick!

emily80's picture
Joined: 07/03/05
Posts: 217

Well it has been three days since my first opk, and now 2 more positive opk's later I believe I oed. I am starting to realize that I get at least 2 opks in a row and I do not need to bd until the 2 one, since that is when I usually ovulate. FF says I ovulated yesterday, which sucks because Clyde was sick so no bding. We bded the night before and will try tonight, so hopefully we will be ok. If not I just want af to hurry and come so I can move on to a new cycle.

I have started my exercise journal- FF is going away in a few days, so I figured I would just start one here. It is a good way for me to get my thoughts out, and also a good way for me to see what I am doing and eating.

I am feeling like utter crap, and I know it is this horrible cold I cant seem to shake. I woke up on Monday morning with it, and felt like crap- just chest congestion. Tuesday morning I had it all chest congestion, head congestion, and coughing. Wednesday it was the same as Tuesday. Yesterday I woke up feeling better, no head congestion- still coughing but got a horrible headache in the pm. Today still have the headache, chest congestion, and just feel yucky. Clyde got it yesterday but seemed fine today, so who knows maybe I got the brunt of it. OH well!!!!

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