My TTC Journey (m/c ment)

Well, this is my first entry in my new TTC journal. I'm a little excited, because I think it will be good for me to vent here when I need to, and for those interested, learn about my journey.

I'm Angie, DH is Devin. We've been actively TTC since September after our unfortunate miscarriage. I want more than anything to have a child. I had a little break down the other day. My miscarriage really got to me. Especially since I'm coming up on what would have been my due date. I've never experienced pain like I have with this and I hate it. But, I'm trying to be strong and continue on TTC. My cycles are quite sporadic, but I haven't been temping either, so whether or not I've been Oing I have no idea. TTC so far has been pretty frustrating, but I know that the pay off will be BIG, and I can not wait for that day!

Today is better, but last night I was pretty upset. DH came home and told me that a woman he works with is pregnant with her 5th child. This woman wanted me to babysit for her 4 other children back in January, but she never called me back. Her husband is in jail, and she just broke up with her live-in boyfriend. So this baby is neither of thiers. And while that's not what I'm upset about, I still think its pretty sad for the children. She will leave work early to go out to the bar with other ladies from work. She'll be out until 2 or 3 in the morning. And while I think its okay to do this once in a while she does this 3-4 times a week. It just frustrates me. So many of us are trying desperatly trying to get pregnant and this woman who is never home with her children gets pregnant at the drop of a hat.... I guess I'm just being selfish...

Hmm... I had to dig a little to find my journal! I suppose I should keep up with it a little better! Sooo, DH and I, well I guess I, have decided to take a TTC break. I'm looking for jobs in another area. We're looking to move to a new area. I've decided that it would be best if we stop trying until we get everything squared away. We've been under a lot of stress, especially since we have more animals than any apartment generally wants to accept. The job hunt has only been going on for about a week, but so far I haven't heard a peep from anyone and I'm gong crazy sending out resumes to everyone. So, I think it's just best for now that we take a break. I love checking back on everyone though. I feel like TTC for the first time is like a big group of sisters that get together and chat, and I love that feeling. I've never felt so welcomed anywhere. Those ladies are wonderful..... Ah well, anyoo, I need to get cleaning the house! my dad and brother are visiting this weekend :-)

sooo, DH and I are supposed to be on a break. But I just can't bring myself to stop trying. this is what I want so badly. We're in a position where we can have children at this point in our life. We both have jobs and insurance. We are looking to move, and we can do that if I don't get pg. Ugh... I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. This is what I want more than anything, but I know that we can't stay where we are forever. Even when we're on break TTC is frustrating! grrrr.[/b]