Hi everyone, I found out about you guys from my new friend Cazzoom.
My name is Allison and here is my story.
I am 31 yrs old and have wanted to be a mum (and only a mum) for as long as I can remember.
I married the love of my life 2 1/2 yrs ago 2003 and I instantly became obsessed with having a baby asap. Lucky for me we did fall preg the very next month. I was elated, so very happy although it was also just surreal and I couldn't believe it had happened to "us" so quickly. I am surrounded with friends having babies and just wanted to shout from the roof tops that we were having a baby too! We decided to wait until our 1st ultrasound before telling anyone. It felt sooo special to have this secret that no one else knew about, just my hubby and me. Well we made it to the DR appt but I had some spotting brown with no pain a few days before. We were not in the slightest bit worried and were looking forward to seeing our baby on the ultrasound, I'd never even seen a baby on one before! Then things went wrong, we were told there was no heart beat!!!! I went into shock, it was too unreal and I felt like I was watching someone else and not me. We were distraught and after organising for a d/c had to go home and tell our families we were preg but have lost the baby. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life up to that point. My mum was devestated, I am an only child and my dad has passed. My mum just wants to have pics of her grand kids to show her friends like everyone else, she had been waiting for this day for years. She also has had 3 m/c so understood what we were going through.
The d/c was horrible, we sat for 8 hrs with me crying some times hysterically at the hosp waiting to be taken in for the procedure. We had not slept for 24 hrs either.
I withdrew from just about everything and everyone including my hubby after the m/c and things between us became very strained for a while. He dealt with the m/c very matter of factly and said "lets just start working on the next one" where as I was a mess and cried every day for months (until I was preg again) I hated seeing preg women, hearing about them & reading about them. Its funny how many preg celebs come out of the woodwork and in to the mags when you don't want to see them! I stopped calling and visiting friends who were preg and had children. Basically I became a horrible person, I guess now looking back I probably should have had some councelling (now I have you guys I'll be right)
We plotted along and I was preg again before the end of 03 until I started spotting at 11 weeks. I went to see another Doc at a different hosp as we didn't like the way we were treated the 1st time. Sure enough I was miscarring I had a blighted ovum (the sac keeps growing but it is empty) Another d/c followed the next day. Again I cried and cried and my hubby just pretended it had never happened, (why are men like that) I was really becoming obsessed with the "I need to be pregnant flying through my head 24/7. After another miserable Xmas (the 1st baby was due xmas day) we started trying early 04 and to our surprise we fell in Feb. I was so scared, checking for blood every time I went to the toilet and looking at my body for signs that all was ok. I lost count of how many preg tests I did just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. While I was scared I truely believed that everything would be alright this time and it was sort of...... We did have a beautiful baby girl in Nov of 04. She is the joy of my life and the reason for me doing this again. It turns out she was a twin and yes I did start spotting at 6 weeks. They realised I was having twins but there was no heartbeat so I was miscarrying the other one. They called it "vanishing twin" and said it is extremely common. We were just so overjoyed that one twin had survived that we handled loosing the other one without much trouble, myself included. I had a dream pregnancy and truly believe I am here on this earth to be a mum.
I guess thats why it hurts me so much and takes me a long time to recover from a m/c.
We decided to try and give our daughter a brother or sister in may 05 and bingo I was preg straight away. I must be very fertile as every time up until now I have fallen preg the very 1st time we tried. My mother also had no trouble falling preg just making them stick too.
I started spotting at 9 weeks, called my Doc and had an ultrasound. Sorry no heartbeat again! So booked in for a d/c in July this yr.
I saw the same doc 1 month after the last m/c and asked to see a specialist. I felt I just couldn't keep doing this over and over again and hoped they might find a cause. I had heaps of blood tests done including all the genetic tests, hubby had them too. They said there was no certain problem picked up but I did have a low positive anticardiolipin (whatever that is) so we decieded that once I fall preg again I will give myself daily injections of heprin and we will see if that helps. Its worth giving it a go, I would do anything!
We are very cautious and don't celebrate preg tests anymore, in fact my hubby just says he can't get excited anymore until we reach 3 months. That really hurts me as I am so happy from the 1st sign or positive test. Things between us are fantastic though, I have learnt that he deals with things differently than me but its ok to be different. He isn't as supportave as I would like him to be when we m/c but I have accepted it. I have handled my last m/c a lot better now I have my daughter.
My specialist I saw for the tests is lovely. She again showed us the stats. I have a 80% chance my next preg will go to term and I am very positive and hopefull that it will happen. But I am sick of being in that bottom 20%
We started trying seriously last month but it didn't happen for us. Today is day 13 in my cycle and we are trying this week to see if we can make it happen for us this month.
It is great to have a place to air your problems. Thanks for reading, sorry if I bored anyone to tears.