My TTC World

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Joined: 01/27/07
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My TTC World

Well I decided to start a journal. I'm hoping to be able to look back on this and say wow, it was all worth it! I didn't think it would take this long, but this whole TTC is seeming to be a little harder than I anticipated.
A little background.. DH is 27 and I'm 26. We met in HS, but didn't start dating until college. We married 6/5/04 after 3 years of dating. I got the baby bug in 12/06 and decided to go off the Nuvaring in 1/07. Well, it was also kind of decided for me.. I was traveling that month and when I got back home we had a big ice storm. The combination kept me from the pharmacy and my BC.. But how glad am that it happened!! Geez! I think it was fate..
After 4 months of "trying" and irregular periods and pain, my OB did a lap in 6/07. Turns out tubes are clear, uterus is normal, ovaries normal and no endo. I was ssoooo sure I had it. But very thankful I don't. Then after a couple more months and a 60+ day cycle, she put me on progesterone to stop my cycle in 9/07. I started Clomid at 50 mg and am currently waiting to O.
I really wasn't worried about Clomid because my mom needed Clomid to have my sis and I. So, it just makes sense that I would need it too.
So here's to BFP's!!!

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Joined: 01/27/07
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So I took two OPK's so far and no O.. annoying. I'm hoping it is just late. I had a slight break down last night when I saw the negative.. I am so tired of seeing those.
I have very supportive friends and DH is fabulous. They all keep telling me it will happen and that the only person putting a deadline on things is me. SO TRUE! Gah! Us TT COnceivers know that the end goal is so hard to just "let go" and "relax". I keep telling my friends that tell me to relax that there are people in devastating 3rd world countries that don't even know what they are going to eat that day and they get pregnant, so lay off me! Wink

I have my PL on Monday 10/1, but i have a feeling I'll be on 100mg here in no time!

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So still no surge on the OPK's. But the past couple of days I have been getting water CM and today I am having EWCM.. hmmm.. so confused. AND-- i'm having pain on my ovaries.. Sometimes I wish I would temp. But I stopped doing that because it stressed me out too much. My doc also said to try the OPK's for now. So I think that DH and I should just DTD just in case the OPKs are wrong! Biggrin I like that idea! Wink My mom thinks the full moon last night will help.. who knows! I hope so!

Last night DH was so cute and was asking me about hormones and what they do and what Clomid does. We basically had mini female cycle 101 class.. actually more like 102, cause this is more advanced. He asked (just like a man) why don't they just give you the gonadotropins to make you ovulate. It was a great question, but I informed him that was the next step. That was the injectables. He was a good student. Smile

On to other news.. my good friend that I have known since 7th grade told me at lunch his dad was just disgnosed w/ bile duct cancer. Wow.. :eek: That is so rare and really devastating to hear. Sadly, it is has a very low survival rate and from what I have found online it gives you about 2 years, if that. Makes me realize my little fertility problem is really not as bad as a think it is in the grand scheme of things.. Everything is relative I suppose, but it brings me out of my bubble and makes me appreciate what I do have. I have a great DH, good job, super sweet furbabies, my health, and supportiive family and friends. All in all life is good. Doesn't hurt to want more, right?

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So I'm still not getting a positive on my OPKs. BOO.. Apparently I am not good at peeing on any stick to make it positive.. pregnancy or ovulation..! Geez.. Depressing.
So I know when I go in for my PL on Monday it will be low. At least then I can find out how DH's SA turned out. I hope we will get some good news there.

But thankfully it's Friday!
Tonight we are eating w/ my best friend. She recently m/c last month so she is still grieving. I don't blame her. My thing is though, it took her NO time to get prego. She was one of those that gets off the pill, takes her OPK, DTD when she is supposed to and.. BAM! BFP! Which I am so thrilled for her! Because that is awesome! So in that respect, at least when she is ready she can jump right back on that horse (no pun intended) and try again. Her doc (who is also mine) said that she may be Rh negative. But from what I thought, that wouldn't be an issue until later.. Unfortunately I am not versed in that subject. That is the next chapter of my prego book, but i can't get past it because I can't get prego! WTF!

Other than that, this weekend we are going to see my parents. My mom is way excited about us TTC. (My sister is not on the baby train AT ALL) so we are the only hope for g-children right now. But they have all been supportive. My mom actually had to take fertility drugs to have us, so I'm assuming I am having her same issue.
Then my good friend is getting married in Vegas and we are going to watch it live online! It's going to be fun!
PLus loads of football on! This will be a good weekend!! Smile

Anyway, I just want to end w/ a rant of if I had only known this would happen I could've saved a HECK of a lot of money of BCP!!

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I realized, for some reason I am starting all of my journal entries w/ "So"... therefore... I'm going to be more conscious about that! Blum 3

Still no word from my Dr office on the PL results.. I'm starting to really not like them. I think they are getting too big for what they can handle. They are always busy. They also just remodeled and added a new doc. I don't know what to do.. I don't know if I should change doctors or not.. I'm very torn right now- here's my line of reasoning:

Pros of staying-
I know them, they know me
Don't have to worrry about transferring records or retesting
my doctor hasn't told me there is a problem w/ my weight
I finally got her to Rx me w/ Clomid, so she knows there is a problem
Almost every female I know goes to them also

They don't really take me seriously b/c I am young
They are busy and don't call me back on results
My doctor has poor bedside manner and isn't very personable

I guess I'm afraid that some other doctor will give me a hard time about not being the "ideal conception weight" which I hear a lot of people going through. I have also read about it in books. But I have also read and heard of people my size or bigger getting prego.. So I'm not really sure I believe it. This could be me being in denial about myself. Plus it's way easier to not deal w/ it. It's another stresser on this stressful situation. Don't get me wrong.. I'm not morbidly obese or anything.. just not "ideal". I think I am handling the stress well though considering. I think of myself as a calm person.
What makes me more stressed is people constantly telling me not to stress and that "it will happen".. Sad I went off on one of my freinds today and am feeling guilty about it. I know they aren't blowing smoke up my @ss, but to me it is redundant. I KNOW! I know it will happen and I know i need to relax, just give me a break! Someone had asked me at lunch how things were going, I was giving them an update and my friend keeps piping in w/ the usual "it will happen, no stress, no stress.. all you need to do is relax" :rolleyes: I just said "i thank you for the sentiments, it's just really hard to hear that." And then fought back the tears. SHe apologized, and so did I but she got the picture.
I guess I'm just tired of people giving advice. Everyone thinks they know the answer and it frustrates me more than thinking about my own situation. She even said, " well why don't they just skip all this stuff and go straight for the IUI.." ....I just said that I think I am not the first person w/ this problem and if everything is technically normal then it should work. Plus if I can do it the cheaper way than lets do that. People just don't understand..
Sorry this one is so long.. I'm *itching..
So in conclusion, I don't know if I should keep this doc.. I guess when I'm ready I will move to an RE.. I guess..

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Good news and bad .. Mostly bad..
My doc is out of the office until 10/8, so that is why my response is slow.
The PL (prog level) is low. My nurse wouldn't give me the #'s until it is signed off on by the doc when she comes back. Another doc may sign it in the meantime though. But that means 100 mg of Clomid for next cycle.
I wait until CD35 to call them if I don't start on my own. She said that since I don't really know what normal is for my cycle's, they will wait until then. I'll take a prego test and if it's negative, then we start Progest again. I may have still O'ed I just didn't O last week.
DH's results are also not finalized by signature yet, but she said they are low. 19% normal sperm. Normal range is 30% and above.
So she said for him he would be referred to a urologist.. But on that subject I have mixed feelings.. I was reading in my "Getting pregnant" book that studies have shown that sperm morphology and count are sometimes 50% higher when a sample is taken during sex. Has to due w/ more ejac and arousal, and to test this they just give men a special condom. So, we agreed if the test came back slightly lower than normal we wouldn't worry about it. We'll talk more when I get the final results after the doc signs it. Plus I'll have to read up more on that subject. I am not that knowledgable. His dad did have problems when they were trying. His count was low. So they packed up, moved to the country and had 3 boys -BAM BAM BAM! one right after another.
So I do feel better and I feel worse.... I guess I have more reading to do.. :reading:

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So... (j/k)

Last night was very stressful and sad. After telling DH about the results, which he said he wasn't surprised about, we talked for awhile. The thoughts of possible IUI's and IVF's and daunting treatments became more than my brain could handle. So I pretty much cried all night. DH was very sweet to me though.
(but watching Private Practice didn't help though with the show on the switched babies! Geez!) :crybaby:
I guess in a way it takes the pressure off of me a little, knowing that he also has a "problem." But in the end, it all still sucks.
I did realize though that we still need to figure out what will make me ovulate, so until then we can't do much anyway.
The other thing I realized- we need a vacation!! So instead of working today, I am looking on the internet for travel deals! Biggrin this makes me happy!!

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I'm such a bad journaler!
However it was a crazy weekend! We bought a new SUV! Hyundai Santa Fe! Love it! Hopefully I can put a car seat in it soon!
Got more specific results on DH's SA.. Apparently out of the 81% of sperm that are bad 90% of them are HEADLESS! :WTF:
Not cool, so he is being referred to a urologist. We can't do an IUI w/o the urologist report, so he really needs to go. Now that I know his "helper's" and not HELPING! :).. we need to see what can be done about that..
He wasn't too surprised when I told him though. I think because of his dad.
I finished making a baby quilt for a friend's baby shower on Saturday. I usually do well at them.. so far at least. I am truly happy for all of my friends that get pregnant. I know they would be happy for me too.
I will put a picture up soon of the quilt.. it's super cute. Smile Can't wait to make one for mine!

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I haven't posted because there hasn't been much to talk about in the TTC category.
I called the nurse on monday and started my provera. So we are doing 10 days of that. Then I will call for my 100 mgs. I'm going to ask if I should take them on different days, like 3-7 or 4-8. See what she says. I just want to O. No more of these baby doses!

I had a baby shower on Saturday, and I made my friend a nice baby quilt. I took pics, so I will post them later when I'm home. She really liked it. It was kind of awkward because she was about to dump her BF and they were going to sell the house that they bought together, and BAM she's prego! Ain't that the way it is though! But no one wanted to ask what they were planning to do, like get married. Apparently, BF is all excited about the baby and very proud to be having a boy. It's going to be a whopper though! BF is 6'4"!! :eek: She told that both of them were 9 pounders at birth! Can I get a C-section please! Stat! Wink

We were at my sis' house for the shower and my mom came too. So after the shower my mom, me, my sis and her DH were all talking. He was such an a-hole cause he said that he had lied about telling my mom and sis that he wanted a baby. (You see he is very selfish and only wants to spend money on his OWN toys) :eyeroll: My sister has been thinking for years that she will change him, but we all know how well that works!! So I'm sad for my sis and my parents for possible not getting children b/c of him.. My sis is turning 31 in January and has been on BCP since HS. I'm 4 years younger, haven't been on BC that long and am STILL having problems. My prediction is they will wait until it's too late and then will be SOL.. I know there are miracle babies, but most of them take a lot of time, money and work, which they don't have the yearn to.

Yesterday was DH's b-day! Yay! He's not much of a b-day person, but was happy. He needs a break though. He has been going gung-ho at work and going to school twice a week for his masters. No wonder he had an abnormal SA.. Hopefully I can get him to check out a urologist by this weekend.

I've been scoring the internet for deals on vacations. I REALLY want to go some place to relax and have fun w/ DH. We both need it! We haven't been anywhere in a year. Way over due!

Alright back to work!

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Man, this morning I woke up at 4:30 with a G-I-A-N-T headache! It was like I had been :banghead: all night! I couldn't even open my eyes. DH gave my some ibuprofen and I slept in until 9 am. Was nice. It helped.
I think it was allergy related. It was all in the front of my head. I've never had a migraine before, so I'm not sure if that is what I had. My friend said it could be a side effect of the hormones.
Other than that life is going fine. I am going to a wedding on Saturday w/ my mom cause my dad doesn't want to go. Can't wait for good food!! Mmmm..
The holidays are approaching so we are trying to decide what the schedule is going to be. They whole inlaws thing is always fun. Last year T-giving was at my house x2.. so I really don't want to do that again. For Xmas we are going to AZ to see my g-ma. Not sure yet if we are flying or driving. My sis told my mom they will be "elsewhere" for T-giving.. didn't even say where.. just "elsewhere.." :roll: whatever..

I want to get this cycle over with.. 38 days and counting!!

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I must have SUCKER written on my forehead..

Not sure what to think of this..

A religious friend of mine told me something that I blew off, but now I sit here and am actually pondering it.. (I am not religious. I was raised Lutheran, but haven't been to church in .. oh 20 yrs.. I have gone w/ my g-ma to watch her play the organ, but very minimal. No haters please.)
She told me that the reason it is taking me so long to get prego is because there is a long waiting list for "good kids" up in heaven. The good people have to wait longer to get a "heavenly angel" sent down to them. She said God is working hard to create a "special person just for me".. Can you see my synacism?? :wtf:
I'm thinking that is a load of malarkey. Mostly because my deductive reasoning shows that plenty of people I know and consider "good people" have great well-rounded babies.. all the time.. So I appreciate the nice sentiments.. but going to be synacle on this one if you don't mind!
Weird.. I think I would rather have the "just relax and it will happen" people talk to me than that.

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Friday night we went out to a new restaurant and then later went out for drinks. We get home and get ready for bed and I look down and I am covered in a rash!! :ugh: I hate rashes. I was really terrifed that I had a reaction to the provera. I looked it up online and they said it is possible b/c its synthetic. So, I called my nurse and she talked to the doc and the doctor doesn't think it was from the provera. Cool! I was so worried. Another hurdle to have to get over.. Now I am just waiting for AF.. hopefully she will come by this weekend. the rash is finally healing and dissapating. Thankfully it wasn't on my face or anything, just mostly on my trunk, and hands.
I've been working out more. Woohoo, go me! I found a trail they just finished in our neighborhood, so I have been taking the dogs out there to jog. The weather has been fabulous!! I L-O-V-E fall and winter.. Smile
So I get to add another friend to my list of TTCers. That makes 3 of us now. She knows very well of my troubles, but I am afraid she will be one of those people that gets prego right away and then can't stop talking about it.. sigh.. Just so tired of everyone else around me getting prego. How many times do you read that sentence on this board!! Anyway, it just doesn't help the psyche when things like that happen. She is very worried about miscarriage though b/c she has history of cervical surgery. That would be sad. But she is talking about it to her doctor.
I don't know what the next step is going to be for us.. I say that because DH still hasn't looked into the urologist. I almost feel like it won't help us if we keep trying b/c his spermies aren't even functioning right.. I feel like the only way we are going to get prego is if we do an IUI.. I don't know. I just don't have very high hopes until he goes in there. It's hard not to feel that way.

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There's hope!

Found this on an infertility blog..

"Thursday, May 11, 2006
Abnormal Sperm Can Fertilize Eggs and Make Babies
How do I know that? Because it happens every day at the NYU Fertility Center.
If we have a man with good counts, good motility and low morphology, we do not recommend IVF with ICSI. We will treat him as if there is not a problem (because we don’t think there is one) and allow the couple to do insemination. If they do go on to IVF, we do not perform ICSI, and the eggs fertilize just fine. Of course, we would not follow this plan if the counts or motility were very low. And we at times have exceptions.
Other clinics do things differently. Sometimes its because other places have found that they need to do ICSI to get good fertilization rates in their patients with low morphology. I can’t speak for the techniques of other offices, but you should know things are done differently in different places. As with all of my entries, don’t change any of your treatment plans without speaking to your doctor first."

Here is the website.. very informative!!

Really makes me feel better!! I really feel like there is hope and things aren't as bad as I'm making them. There is another blog that talks about why below 30% morphology is "bad."

"Thursday, May 04, 2006
Sperm Morphology Mythology
This week I saw a couple who were told the reason they were not getting pregnant was “bad morphology”. The sperm, they were told, could not penetrate the egg because of the abnormal shape of the sperm. Because of this, they would need to go directly to in vitro fertilization with ICSI. This was in spite of the fact that they were young, had normal hormone levels and open tubes. I’ll tell you what I told them.
When we test sperm (the semen analysis) we look at a few different parameters. First is the volume, which should be 2cc or higher. Second is the count. This is the number of sperm per cc, so it’s technically a measure of the sperm concentration. This should be 20 million per cc or higher. The average is around 35 million. Next is the motility: the percentage of sperm moving. Should be 50%, most normal samples are not much higher. And then there is the morphology: the percentage of sperm normally shaped. This should be 14% or higher. The average is 2-6%, but why?
The original guidelines for sperm parameters, from the WHO, stated normal morphology should be 30%. Then about 20 years ago, Dr. Kruger came out and said we really need to be looking more carefully at sperm shapes. If we are really careful we will see that there are more abnormal sperm than we think, and the cutoff should be 14%. He called his classification "strict criteria". He also said that by being more careful we could better identify the men who are infertile due to badly shaped sperm. This all sounded well so the andrologists (the people who do your sperm test) started looking harder, and harder, and harder. They now deduct for every sperm that does not look perfect. So over the past 20 years, the andrologists have been getting pickier and pickier, and now a man is lucky if his morphology is over 5%, and almost everyone is less than 14%.
Obviously this has all gone too far. We are telling almost all men that their sperm is abnormal, and that just can’t be. The fact is we do not know what a normal sperm looks like. More on this next time. "

Wow.. Does this mean DH doesn't need to go to a urologist??? Hmm.. more to ponder.

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Very crampy today. I feel like I am going to start soon.
DH and I talked a lot last night about the info I found above. We are both in agreement that we'll give it some time. He has a lot on his plate w/ grad school and work.
Now, I might change my mind at some point.. b/c this TTC is hard, but I felt like my questions were answered and many of my deepest fears were put to rest. My parents are in the same mindset as the doc above. Don't fix what ain't broke!
My friends are telling me to just have him go and it won't hurt anything. I'm just not feeling it. I think we'll give it a couple of months and then retest. This could all be temporary.

TTC sucks! Smile
Did I mention that we booked a lodge for the weekend in November!? I can't wait. We will definitely need the time away!! :freedom:

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Last night was rough. Had myself a cry fest.. Here's how it started:
I talked to one of my wo-workers about the "joys" of infertility. She unfortunately has been going through WAAYYY more than I have, but it was nice to talk to someone that understands.
She suggested that I see her RE. She said they are nationally known and I actually have a friend in my bunco group that is a nurse there. I told her I will do 3 rounds of Clomid and then go see her doc. If the Clomid doesn't work, then it will be January and I will have 12 months of "crap" to show the RE. I agreed that if it doesn't work then we should move on to injectables. One fabulous reason..... our insurance covers it!! Hello! Can I get a halleluyah!!?? :boogie: She said she only pays about $500+ per cycle for her entire month. that includes the meds, copays and scans! Hollar! :clappy: It made me very hopeful. I was REALLy scared about cost, so that lightens the load of having to try to convince DH (well so I thought).
So that night I'm talking to DH about it and he just really freaks out on me. Says that if we go to an RE he wants to talkt o them about finding out what is wrong w/ me and not do the injectables..... :annoyed: .. really cause isn't that what we are FREAKING doing??? :censored: I mean the past 10 months have been freaking test after test and surgery and scans.... Well I lost it.. :bigsad: I couldn't stop crying and it all just came out. He apologized and said he didn't mean to upset me, but we ended up just not talking about it anymore and going to bed.
I'm just so hopeful that we don't have to even get to that point. Here's to hoping Clomid works!! :wine:
I had me a major carb fest at lunch today which was so bad.. but my emotions were not putting me in a good place on a Friday.
But in other news I started today!!! :clappy: :clappy: I called the nurse so I could get my Rx before the weekend. I also want to ask about taking it on days 3-7. We'll see.
Hope everyone has a good weekend and see ya next week!! Biggrin

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Oh.. A little update on my friends' dad w/ cancer. He had a Whipple procedure performed on Wed that went well. That is where They take out part of your bile duct, part of your pancreas and you gall bladder. Then they re-route your small intestines directly to your remaining bild duct to help w/ pain and making sure bile gets into help w/ digection. Cancers in that area can be very painful and this helps. But they also found that his cancer was more advanced then originally thought. They found a tumor on his pancreas, bile duct and in his lymph nodes. Very sad. they also wanted him to start chemo and radiation as soon as he can. I was concerned about this because I was under the impression that treatment like that wouldn't help much. I'm not sure. I suppose there is a lot more research out there now.

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So I started Clomid 100 mg yesterday. I decied to do it days 3-7 (against my doctors orders). Let me tell yuo how I came to this conclusion. I talked to the nurse on Friday and asked her if and/or when I might change to 3-7. She told me that I "will never" change. This through me off. From what I have read some doctors believe that days 3-7 give you more of a chance to O on days 14-15. And the fact that the doc said that.. makes me think that she believes everyones bodies are the same. That we all need to take them 5-9 period. I just don't believe that. Last cycle, I really felt like my body wanted to O around 14-15 and wanted to start around day 29-30. I had many physical signs. To me, I know my body better than anyone else and if 3-7 is going to be more likely to make me O on 14-15, then that is what I am going to do. *stepping off soap box* DH agrees w/ me too.
So it's a gamble but what have I got to lose? I hope I am the one at the end of this that can say- I told you so! Smile

Man, I have been feeling really light headed on this new dosage so far. I haven't been able to eat as much (not a bad thing) and just feel icky. I got a mondo headache yesterday after taking my first dose. No hot flashes yet, but I'm sure they are on the way! :blob8:

Not much else going on.. I'm very excited that the possible O day is going to be on a weekend. Weekend BDing is so much easier and less stressful!

Wishing everyone good luck and baby dust!
:babydustblue: :babydustpink:

Oh PS- my ticker is a day off. Friday I just had spotting and didn't actually start bleeding until Saturday. SO I'm really on CD4.. need to change that.

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Well my nausea SE have subsided from the clomid. And still no hot flashes! *knock on wood*

I'm very excited because I got my performance eval done at work and I'm doing very well. I got a pay raise and got paid today! I also did OT a couple of months ago and that check is going to come on Monday! So yippee!! Biggrin
I'm really trying to focus on the good things that are happening in my life. It helps me distract myself from all of the monthly let downs of not being pregnant yet.
The author of "Eat, Pray, Love" was on Oprah awhile back and she talked about finding something to be happy about each day. Dealing w/ all the TTC let downs, you can easily get consumed in negativity. So I'm trying to keep my chin up and look at the "sunny side of life!"
CHEESE! I know..

I've had to distance myself from a friend of mine that is trying to conceive for the first time this month. She can be very negative about things, and is really stressing about a lot of things in her life. Yesterday, I tried to give her some advice, but she ignored and blew me off. I guess I didn't say what she wanted to hear.. Well that's not my job. So I really don't want that stress on me right now and so I'm taking a step back. If she decides to come to me for anything I'll listen, but we've been friends for too long for her to take this out on me. It may sound rude, but I've helped her through this same problem (in-law problems) for months now. And I just told her that she is not the first person in the world that hates their in-laws and she needs to try to start letting go of the thought of being BFF w/ them.. apparently she didn't like that.. :{

Anyway, my alarm clock didn't go off this morning and so I was an hour and a half late to work. Oops. thankfully, my bosses are very understanding. We had a Halloween party yesterday and they assumed I got sick from the food! LOL!

T minus 14 days until we go on our trip to Broken Bow!! Woohoo! I should have a ticker for that too! Praying for good weather!

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I always get like this before an O (unfortunately most of the time I get all worked up and usually don't even O). :rolleyes:
But I always stare at the calendar (you know you do it too!) I count and recount my possible O days. I check to see when my possible HPT POAS day is.. and then I check my possible due date if we do get prego.. Man. It's so hard not to! August 2nd BTW! A Leo!
We are going to the store tonight so I will buy some OPK's.

I'm not sure if I have written in here about what the plan is going to be.. Anyway, it helps me to have a plan set up in case we don't get prego.
We will do one more month of Clomid if this doesn't work, then in January we will go see a fertility specialist. I mentioned that my coworker had recommended hers and i am actually kind of excited about it. I guess because it is a new set of expert eyes that can shed more light and possibilities to our problem.

Yesterday, I was home and watched TLC's a Baby Story. They had a woman on that get prego on Clomid and was going to have triplets! :eek: Let me say it again T-R-I-P-L-E-T-S!! Holy cow! I was glued to the TV in awe that it was possible! I gave me some renewed hope that if she can pop out 3 eggs on Clomid, I should be able to at least get one! *cross fingers*
Another woman was prego w/ triplets w/ IVF and another w/ quads from Follistim. I'd be more than happy w/ twins, but 3 or 4.. wow.. I don't know.. I'd cry a lot at first for sure, but I do think I would be grateful for whatever i got.

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Joined: 01/27/07
Posts: 30

Not much going on today.. I am starting to have some cramping in my ovaries. I really hope that is a good sign. I bought my OPK's yesterday. I will do one when I get home tonight. It will be neat if I actually do O this month. I've never seen a positive OPK (or a positive HPT for that matter)!!
It's always so hard to concentrate on work with all this going on.
I talked to a friend of mine today and she made me feel better about things. She said that really I am just starting to "try" because this is only my second cycle of Clomid. I guess to me, I was trying to validate that we have a problem by saying that we have been trying since January. I think that is more for my doctors, to show them I have a problem. Mostly because they won't do anything for you until you have been trying for 12 months. Thankfully mine saw that I wasn't ovulating and need some help before I got that far. But to think that we are "starting over" because of Clomid does help.. much better than thinking "we've been trying for almost a year"..

Tyring to think good O thoughts!! ---***---***---

jandj654's picture
Joined: 01/27/07
Posts: 30

I'm starting to get worried again.. I did an OPK when I get home last night and one this am.. they were both VERY negative. Very light lines.. I bought the digital ones, but i still pop out the stick and look to see exactly HOW negative it is. Hmmm... I know it is still early but I'm getting worried.. I can't help it.. I've been disappointed so many times before. I'll keep testing until Tuesday, CD 18, after that I don't have anymore. I have my b/w on the 15th anyway, so no point in testing after that. The b/w will show what's going on. I was so positive.. and I'm still trying to be.. its just so hard..

Last night we BD and it felt like a chore to me. I think DH was satisfied, but my mind was elsewhere.. Gah.. I try really hard not think about this TTC stuff. I don't know what to do..

jandj654's picture
Joined: 01/27/07
Posts: 30

Feeling a little better today. I think mostly because it is Friday!! Yippee!!
I'm going to happy hour tonight w/ a couple of friends. Hopefully that will help me relax in prep for my weekend full of BDing!! Biggrin
I forgot to bring my OPK to work, so I'll have to do it tonight. I hope it's darker.. I'm really going to be bitter if this month is also a bust..

jandj654's picture
Joined: 01/27/07
Posts: 30
I'm So Excited!!


I OVULATED!! I can hardly contain myself!!
:thewave: :jumpingbeans:

I was so worried too that it wasn't going to happen. Here's the rundown of the last couple of days..
Friday: I went out w/ a couple of girlfriends for happy hour. By the time I got home and got hubby fed, etc, i realized I hadn't POAS yet. So I decided to wait until the next morning. We BD'ed anyway.

Saturday: We get up to go to my parents' house. I POAS and it is BLARINGLY POSITIVE!! The digital one gave me a smiley face and when i pulled it out, it way darker then the other. VERY COOL! I showed hubby and he was happy. :clappy: That night we came home and BD. I used Preseed in case my CM was low.
(Symptoms included major ovary pain, bloating and seensitive nips)

Sunday: another test and another positive!! New symptom of cramping down there and very h0rny! (Sorry TMI) That night we had some of the best BDing ever! (Thank God for hormones!!) Preseed was used again.

Monday: VERY sensitive nips! Holy cow! Couldn't even brush against them. I even had a hard time going to sleep cause they were so .. burning.. really weird. I asked DH when he has ever seen them like that and he didn't know. We didn't BD this day b/c DH was starting to feel underthe weather. :sickinbed:

I'm so happy, I can't even stop saying it. I am on cloud nine. :cloud9: I don't care if we even get prego this round. Cause the BD is great and even better I ovulated!!

I haven't ovulated since J-U-N-E! :eek: I'm wondering if that is why the ovaries were so painful. Among being overstimulated by the Clomid.

So I am in the TWW. I have my B/W on Thursday to check my PL. I hope it doesn't matter that I didn't O until Monday. I've decided I will test on Thanksgiving. GAH!! What a wonderful day to find out, if i am!! SO much to be thankful for!! (i'm going to cry) It will be 10 DPO..

I'm actually really thankful right now that the next couple of weeks are going to fly by. We are celebrating T-giving at work on this Thursday. We leave for our cabin trip on Friday.. Monday I am hanging out w/ a friend.. Next week is only a partial week... Then a full weekend of football, family and food!! Wonderful!!

jandj654's picture
Joined: 01/27/07
Posts: 30

So I'm still having sensitive nips! 2 days past O.. weird. But I'm just taking them as good signs. I have my B/W tomorrow, but probably won't find out the results until next week. They are slow. I'm also having mild cramps in the uterus/ovary area.
I'm finally coming down off my high. Now I'm just tired and trying to get some work done since this and next week are short weeks for me.
Yesterday i was so ding batty! It was annoying me. I was very ADHD.. I would start working on something and then the next minute I'd be searching the internet.. Gah.. Hopefully today is better.
They have been trying to crack down on the internet use at work, so I hope I don't get in trouble.
I am taking care of my friends' Shih Tzu while she is in Kauai on her honeymoon. It's been interesting. I'm a big dog person and have 2 boxers. So its very strange to me to have a lap dog in the house. They are getting along pretty well, but he was such an annoying twit last night cause he kept wanting to get on my lap while I was watching the Biggest Loser. I can't just let him up when I don't even let my own dogs up. Sorry. But I am going to give him to another friend while we go to Broken Bow this weekend. I have to take mine to the g-parents. They like it up there. They get to run around 10 acres.
Ugh.. Christmas is coming so fast! DOn't get me wrong. I LOVE Christmas, but the thought of gift buying is daunting! I'm trying to decide if I am going to Black Friday shopping.. we'll see. Last year I went w/ my MIL.. Being w/ her is exhausting enough!! Let alone shopping amongst OTHER crazy women!

jandj654's picture
Joined: 01/27/07
Posts: 30

I had my b/w this am and like I thought I won't get the results until next week. Probably Monday.
I kind of felt bad b/c I may have insulted the lab tech.. not sure. Okay- I'm a blood giver and stopped giving as much the past year b/c I have had such a run of bad phlebotomists. It was taking them at least 2 sticks to get a vein and that was getting very annoying and painful. One time the lady that came to take my blood for our life insurance had to stick me 3 times, I had to sign a waiver and she had to do it in my hand! Also, when I gave blood before my lap the nurse told me I have "phantom veins". Apparently they are there one second and gone the next.. :rolleyes: So you have to be a quick stick! Anyway, so I'm slightly sensitive w/ the blood draws b/c I just have to assume that the person doing it might not be the best. So I told her that she was probably going to need a butterfly needle (the smaller needles are easier for tough veins) she pressed on my arm and said "No, you don't need one." And BAM she got my vein on the first try!! I told her that she was really good and she gave me a look like.. "of course I am, what did you think.." Oh well..

Symptoms so far are still slightly sore nips, not as bad and sore ovaries. I'm wondering if both of my ovaries are sore because I O'ed from both....... I know there is a slight chance and I'm probably delusional.. but it's hard not to wonder..

I think if this one doesn't work, I might just start looking into as specialist anyway.. I just feel like w/ my weird pains and from what I've read about on here, that I should be getting a little more attention (like scans and follie counts). It would make me feel better if I knew I wasn't getting cysts and overstimulation. I really don't think that is a lot to ask.

Here's to hoping this one worked..
I'll check in when I get my results. Hoping for high progesterone levels!!

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Joined: 01/27/07
Posts: 30

We are back from our trip to Broken Bow, OK. It was fun. We had a great time. It was a long drive, about 7 hours, but it really felt like we were getting away. We went with another couple that we have known for a long time. I've known Chris since the 7th grade! Crazy. Anyway, I'm having some slight guilt twinges because I basically did everything I was not supposed to do. All those things they warn you about.. I did.. So I'm going to have a little confession session.. Please forgive me for I have sinned.. I drank alcohol and used the hot tub. Not supposed to do those things when possibly prego.. But I didn't smoke.. So I guess it's not all that bad. One great thing about our city is that there is a smoking ban in all public places. So there are no smoking sections at restaurants, even the bars downtown in Austin are all smoke free. There were alot of people upset about it, but the rest of us non-smokers shouldn't have to deal w/ it. So when we go to other places that don't have the ban, we get reminded how lucky we are to not go out to eat and come back smelling like an ash tray. Anyway, sorry for that detour..
I did take my prenatals and we did some hiking for exercise. It was really beautiful.

I got the call from my nurse about my blood work and my PL was 15.4!!!!!!!!!! :clappy: YAY!! She said we will stay on this dosage if not prego and then to call her if I get a BFP or if I start. So the next 2 days are going to be very hard. Thursday is CD27 and 10 DPO.

I had lots of cramping yesterday and still have pointy nips. I cannot walk around w/o a bra on cause they just point out of my shirt! TMI, but it is annoying. Also I was so sick yesterday. I'm still getting over it today. My head was a balloon, my throat hurt, my neck hurt, and lower back was really achey.. It felt like I was getting Strep or the flu. I was so worried I would get a fever.. another thing you aren't supposed to get when prego. I'm telling you if I get a BFP.. it will seriously be a miracle. This cycle has been so crazy. I was going to be really mad if it was the flu because I didn't get my flu shot. I opted out because I have never gotten one, but also haven't gotten the flu. Most peole I talked to said they got sick afterword anyway..

So I'm really worried about my best friend. She had a m/c 2 months ago and was told to wait 3 cycles before trying again. Well last time I talked to her she hadn't started her 3 rd cycle yet and her cycles weren't normal anymore. She said she has been really hormonal and crying at the TV. I tried to call her today b/c we were going to get together and she didn't answer. I wasn't going to go up there anyway because I didn't want to get her sick, but I at least wanted to talk to her. It's so emotional TTC as it is but then to get through the rollercoaster of being exited from a BFP to then losing it 10 weeks later.. So terrible. I can't even imagine. I just want to let her know that I understand feeling like you are completely out of any control and that time will heal. I just hope that she can relax and try again when then time comes. I keep telling her the saving grace is that it took her no time at all the get prego the first time, so at least she is not like me that takes almost a year. I was so happy for her when she called to tell me she was prego. I really think they are going to be good parents. She is a teacher and he is a cop. They are very laid back and this is the next step for them in their lives.
Just like this is the next step in ours. DH and I have always been doing things about the same time as them. We got married, they got married, we got a house, the got a house.. so the next logical step would be for us to get prego and then they get prego, right?

I can only hope.

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Joined: 01/27/07
Posts: 30

Okay, so I'm not so much over my sickness yet. Last night I was up about every hour coughing. Ugh.. So I called in to work today. My boss was very understanding. There is no way I was going to get anything done. Even w/ the short week.

How many times have I gone onto pregancy calendar to check to see where my possible pregnancy is? .... mm.... at least once a day.. so sad..

I have to go and buy some medicine and prego tests. I always hate buying them because the person behind the counter always has to a comment or reaction. Like, "is this a good or bad thing..?" None of your d@#$ business. Smile :rolleyes:

10 DPO is probably going to be too early, but show me a person that can hold on past then.. especially when you did everything you were supposed to this cycle.. and trying to deduct every little twinge and pain inside your body as if it were a "symptom." Not many out there..

Plus how cool would it be if I could take a pee test on Thanksgiving morning, go to my parents house and give them the good news. WHat a great day that would be. Definitely a fantasy.. but it's so hard not to think about.

I'm about to talk about my possible side effects and my nips again. So if you don't want to read, stop now. But I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror and my nips were orange..... orange?? :WTF: I've read of people's getting darker but orange? :/ Weird. I'm also still having dull pains in my abdomen.. so who knows. I just want the waiting over.

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Joined: 01/27/07
Posts: 30

Still sick, but my cough is more productive and I seem to be getting better. Right now I just feel exhausted.
Symptoms today are one sore bb and still sensitive nips. I'm getting some AF like cramps in my uterus.. which I think is way too early. I wasn't expecting a start until Monday. No spotting yet.
I really feel like these are good signs. Yesterday I kept going back and forth.. prego.. not prego.. prego.. not prego.. ugh.
DH got a little pissy w/ me yeserday and I just went off on him. I'm thinking that is hormone related, but also because of the stress of the upcoming holiday. I am just so exhausted, there is no way that I am going to be able to clean the whole and cook a meal for his family that are supposed to come over on Friday. He got pissy when I told him this and said that it puts a lot of pressure on him when his family always gets the "shaft."

Say what??? :evil:

I'm sorry, come again??

FIRST of all, the reason we are doing T-giving w/ his family on Fri and not Thurs is because his brother is a fire fighter and has to work that day. SO :WTF: ? And as I recall (could be wrong) but pretty sure we did Xmas w/ them on Xmas day last year.. So again I ask :WTF: ?
I wrote my SIL and email saying that I apologize for the short notice and change of plans (us being sick is kind of out of my hands...) and that is she didn't want to cook we could just go out to eat. No biggy. We'll see what they decide. Today I really don't care. For some reason, I'm very aloof today..
I just don't want them to come over. My house is a mess and I would feel like a lazy @$$ if someone walked through my door right now.

I can't wait until tomorrow morning.. I really hope that all this waiting has paid off..

WIsh me luck ladies!!! I'll update you on Friday after we get back from my parents.

I'm so glad i'll have the animals back Smile My babies.


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Joined: 01/27/07
Posts: 30



OMG!! I can't believe it!!


I'll take a picture and post it of the test. The first one I took for my FMU was a dud. I was so pissed. I had it all planned out. We were going to tell his mom at breakfast and then my parents at lunch. Well we couldn't tell his mom until today.
BUt it was so sweet when we told my parents because my dad cried! Awww.. he never cries! The only time I see him cry are at funerals and me and my sis' weddings. Everyone so far has been very happy for us.

We also found out that DH's worthless brother got a 19 yo prego that he met on my space a couple of months ago.. awesome. I can't tell you how happy I am that we were prego when we heard that news. I would have been so pissed just like everyone else on here would have. You hear about that crap all the time. People who are being stupid are getting prego way faster than the rest of us who are actually trying. Ridiculous.

Anyway, its been a great Thanksgiving. Very weird, hasn't really sunken in yet. I can't go in for an ultrasound until the week before Xmas.. ugh.. so long away.. My OB's office won't see you until 8 weeks. AT least I might be able to have a picture to take to my grandma's to show her.

I'm not really sure of the EDD. I've looked at a couple of websites and calculators and they all give me something different. But it looks to be somewhere around the beginning of August. Seems forever away from now. Its crazy. The whole thing is. Just so hard to believe and weird. I really hope this thing lasts the whole way through..

Symptoms so far are some major cramping. No blood. I'm assuming that is implantation. Every morning I wake up and want to be sure I still am prego.. just give me a sign. So far the cramps are a good sign, I guess.

I haven't been too moody. DH is happy about that. I need to get a good prego book. I have "what to expect.." which is okay, but its kind of dated.. 2002. I'm going to look for a more recent one and just read that in the meantime.

I'm not sure when I am going to give up this journal and go to the prego pages.. Maybe when this sinks in more..