Well I decided to start a journal. I'm hoping to be able to look back on this and say wow, it was all worth it! I didn't think it would take this long, but this whole TTC is seeming to be a little harder than I anticipated.
A little background.. DH is 27 and I'm 26. We met in HS, but didn't start dating until college. We married 6/5/04 after 3 years of dating. I got the baby bug in 12/06 and decided to go off the Nuvaring in 1/07. Well, it was also kind of decided for me.. I was traveling that month and when I got back home we had a big ice storm. The combination kept me from the pharmacy and my BC.. But how glad am that it happened!! Geez! I think it was fate..
After 4 months of "trying" and irregular periods and pain, my OB did a lap in 6/07. Turns out tubes are clear, uterus is normal, ovaries normal and no endo. I was ssoooo sure I had it. But very thankful I don't. Then after a couple more months and a 60+ day cycle, she put me on progesterone to stop my cycle in 9/07. I started Clomid at 50 mg and am currently waiting to O.
I really wasn't worried about Clomid because my mom needed Clomid to have my sis and I. So, it just makes sense that I would need it too.
So here's to BFP's!!!
So I took two OPK's so far and no O.. annoying. I'm hoping it is just late. I had a slight break down last night when I saw the negative.. I am so tired of seeing those.
I have very supportive friends and DH is fabulous. They all keep telling me it will happen and that the only person putting a deadline on things is me. SO TRUE! Gah! Us TT COnceivers know that the end goal is so hard to just "let go" and "relax". I keep telling my friends that tell me to relax that there are people in devastating 3rd world countries that don't even know what they are going to eat that day and they get pregnant, so lay off me!
I have my PL on Monday 10/1, but i have a feeling I'll be on 100mg here in no time!
So still no surge on the OPK's. But the past couple of days I have been getting water CM and today I am having EWCM.. hmmm.. so confused. AND-- i'm having pain on my ovaries.. Sometimes I wish I would temp. But I stopped doing that because it stressed me out too much. My doc also said to try the OPK's for now. So I think that DH and I should just DTD just in case the OPKs are wrong! I like that idea! My mom thinks the full moon last night will help.. who knows! I hope so!
Last night DH was so cute and was asking me about hormones and what they do and what Clomid does. We basically had mini female cycle 101 class.. actually more like 102, cause this is more advanced. He asked (just like a man) why don't they just give you the gonadotropins to make you ovulate. It was a great question, but I informed him that was the next step. That was the injectables. He was a good student.
On to other news.. my good friend that I have known since 7th grade told me at lunch his dad was just disgnosed w/ bile duct cancer. Wow.. That is so rare and really devastating to hear. Sadly, it is has a very low survival rate and from what I have found online it gives you about 2 years, if that. Makes me realize my little fertility problem is really not as bad as a think it is in the grand scheme of things.. Everything is relative I suppose, but it brings me out of my bubble and makes me appreciate what I do have. I have a great DH, good job, super sweet furbabies, my health, and supportiive family and friends. All in all life is good. Doesn't hurt to want more, right?
So I'm still not getting a positive on my OPKs. BOO.. Apparently I am not good at peeing on any stick to make it positive.. pregnancy or ovulation..! Geez.. Depressing.
So I know when I go in for my PL on Monday it will be low. At least then I can find out how DH's SA turned out. I hope we will get some good news there.
But thankfully it's Friday!
Tonight we are eating w/ my best friend. She recently m/c last month so she is still grieving. I don't blame her. My thing is though, it took her NO time to get prego. She was one of those that gets off the pill, takes her OPK, DTD when she is supposed to and.. BAM! BFP! Which I am so thrilled for her! Because that is awesome! So in that respect, at least when she is ready she can jump right back on that horse (no pun intended) and try again. Her doc (who is also mine) said that she may be Rh negative. But from what I thought, that wouldn't be an issue until later.. Unfortunately I am not versed in that subject. That is the next chapter of my prego book, but i can't get past it because I can't get prego! WTF!
Other than that, this weekend we are going to see my parents. My mom is way excited about us TTC. (My sister is not on the baby train AT ALL) so we are the only hope for g-children right now. But they have all been supportive. My mom actually had to take fertility drugs to have us, so I'm assuming I am having her same issue.
Then my good friend is getting married in Vegas and we are going to watch it live online! It's going to be fun!
PLus loads of football on! This will be a good weekend!!
Anyway, I just want to end w/ a rant of if I had only known this would happen I could've saved a HECK of a lot of money of BCP!!
I realized, for some reason I am starting all of my journal entries w/ "So"... therefore... I'm going to be more conscious about that!
Still no word from my Dr office on the PL results.. I'm starting to really not like them. I think they are getting too big for what they can handle. They are always busy. They also just remodeled and added a new doc. I don't know what to do.. I don't know if I should change doctors or not.. I'm very torn right now- here's my line of reasoning:
Pros of staying-
I know them, they know me
Don't have to worrry about transferring records or retesting
my doctor hasn't told me there is a problem w/ my weight
I finally got her to Rx me w/ Clomid, so she knows there is a problem
Almost every female I know goes to them also
They don't really take me seriously b/c I am young
They are busy and don't call me back on results
My doctor has poor bedside manner and isn't very personable
I guess I'm afraid that some other doctor will give me a hard time about not being the "ideal conception weight" which I hear a lot of people going through. I have also read about it in books. But I have also read and heard of people my size or bigger getting prego.. So I'm not really sure I believe it. This could be me being in denial about myself. Plus it's way easier to not deal w/ it. It's another stresser on this stressful situation. Don't get me wrong.. I'm not morbidly obese or anything.. just not "ideal". I think I am handling the stress well though considering. I think of myself as a calm person.
What makes me more stressed is people constantly telling me not to stress and that "it will happen".. I went off on one of my freinds today and am feeling guilty about it. I know they aren't blowing smoke up my @ss, but to me it is redundant. I KNOW! I know it will happen and I know i need to relax, just give me a break! Someone had asked me at lunch how things were going, I was giving them an update and my friend keeps piping in w/ the usual "it will happen, no stress, no stress.. all you need to do is relax" I just said "i thank you for the sentiments, it's just really hard to hear that." And then fought back the tears. SHe apologized, and so did I but she got the picture.
I guess I'm just tired of people giving advice. Everyone thinks they know the answer and it frustrates me more than thinking about my own situation. She even said, " well why don't they just skip all this stuff and go straight for the IUI.." ....I just said that I think I am not the first person w/ this problem and if everything is technically normal then it should work. Plus if I can do it the cheaper way than lets do that. People just don't understand..
Sorry this one is so long.. I'm *itching..
So in conclusion, I don't know if I should keep this doc.. I guess when I'm ready I will move to an RE.. I guess..
Good news and bad .. Mostly bad..
My doc is out of the office until 10/8, so that is why my response is slow.
The PL (prog level) is low. My nurse wouldn't give me the #'s until it is signed off on by the doc when she comes back. Another doc may sign it in the meantime though. But that means 100 mg of Clomid for next cycle.
I wait until CD35 to call them if I don't start on my own. She said that since I don't really know what normal is for my cycle's, they will wait until then. I'll take a prego test and if it's negative, then we start Progest again. I may have still O'ed I just didn't O last week.
DH's results are also not finalized by signature yet, but she said they are low. 19% normal sperm. Normal range is 30% and above.
So she said for him he would be referred to a urologist.. But on that subject I have mixed feelings.. I was reading in my "Getting pregnant" book that studies have shown that sperm morphology and count are sometimes 50% higher when a sample is taken during sex. Has to due w/ more ejac and arousal, and to test this they just give men a special condom. So, we agreed if the test came back slightly lower than normal we wouldn't worry about it. We'll talk more when I get the final results after the doc signs it. Plus I'll have to read up more on that subject. I am not that knowledgable. His dad did have problems when they were trying. His count was low. So they packed up, moved to the country and had 3 boys -BAM BAM BAM! one right after another.
So I do feel better and I feel worse.... I guess I have more reading to do..
Last night was very stressful and sad. After telling DH about the results, which he said he wasn't surprised about, we talked for awhile. The thoughts of possible IUI's and IVF's and daunting treatments became more than my brain could handle. So I pretty much cried all night. DH was very sweet to me though.
(but watching Private Practice didn't help though with the show on the switched babies! Geez!)
I guess in a way it takes the pressure off of me a little, knowing that he also has a "problem." But in the end, it all still sucks.
I did realize though that we still need to figure out what will make me ovulate, so until then we can't do much anyway.
The other thing I realized- we need a vacation!! So instead of working today, I am looking on the internet for travel deals! this makes me happy!!
I'm such a bad journaler!
However it was a crazy weekend! We bought a new SUV! Hyundai Santa Fe! Love it! Hopefully I can put a car seat in it soon!
Got more specific results on DH's SA.. Apparently out of the 81% of sperm that are bad 90% of them are HEADLESS!
Not cool, so he is being referred to a urologist. We can't do an IUI w/o the urologist report, so he really needs to go. Now that I know his "helper's" and not HELPING! .. we need to see what can be done about that..
He wasn't too surprised when I told him though. I think because of his dad.
I finished making a baby quilt for a friend's baby shower on Saturday. I usually do well at them.. so far at least. I am truly happy for all of my friends that get pregnant. I know they would be happy for me too.
I will put a picture up soon of the quilt.. it's super cute. Can't wait to make one for mine!
I haven't posted because there hasn't been much to talk about in the TTC category.
I called the nurse on monday and started my provera. So we are doing 10 days of that. Then I will call for my 100 mgs. I'm going to ask if I should take them on different days, like 3-7 or 4-8. See what she says. I just want to O. No more of these baby doses!
I had a baby shower on Saturday, and I made my friend a nice baby quilt. I took pics, so I will post them later when I'm home. She really liked it. It was kind of awkward because she was about to dump her BF and they were going to sell the house that they bought together, and BAM she's prego! Ain't that the way it is though! But no one wanted to ask what they were planning to do, like get married. Apparently, BF is all excited about the baby and very proud to be having a boy. It's going to be a whopper though! BF is 6'4"!! She told that both of them were 9 pounders at birth! Can I get a C-section please! Stat!
We were at my sis' house for the shower and my mom came too. So after the shower my mom, me, my sis and her DH were all talking. He was such an a-hole cause he said that he had lied about telling my mom and sis that he wanted a baby. (You see he is very selfish and only wants to spend money on his OWN toys) :eyeroll: My sister has been thinking for years that she will change him, but we all know how well that works!! So I'm sad for my sis and my parents for possible not getting children b/c of him.. My sis is turning 31 in January and has been on BCP since HS. I'm 4 years younger, haven't been on BC that long and am STILL having problems. My prediction is they will wait until it's too late and then will be SOL.. I know there are miracle babies, but most of them take a lot of time, money and work, which they don't have the yearn to.
Yesterday was DH's b-day! Yay! He's not much of a b-day person, but was happy. He needs a break though. He has been going gung-ho at work and going to school twice a week for his masters. No wonder he had an abnormal SA.. Hopefully I can get him to check out a urologist by this weekend.
I've been scoring the internet for deals on vacations. I REALLY want to go some place to relax and have fun w/ DH. We both need it! We haven't been anywhere in a year. Way over due!
Man, this morning I woke up at 4:30 with a G-I-A-N-T headache! It was like I had been all night! I couldn't even open my eyes. DH gave my some ibuprofen and I slept in until 9 am. Was nice. It helped.
I think it was allergy related. It was all in the front of my head. I've never had a migraine before, so I'm not sure if that is what I had. My friend said it could be a side effect of the hormones.
Other than that life is going fine. I am going to a wedding on Saturday w/ my mom cause my dad doesn't want to go. Can't wait for good food!! Mmmm..
The holidays are approaching so we are trying to decide what the schedule is going to be. They whole inlaws thing is always fun. Last year T-giving was at my house x2.. so I really don't want to do that again. For Xmas we are going to AZ to see my g-ma. Not sure yet if we are flying or driving. My sis told my mom they will be "elsewhere" for T-giving.. didn't even say where.. just "elsewhere.." whatever..
I want to get this cycle over with.. 38 days and counting!!