*Update: As requested, I'm opening my journal up for comments, so feel free to comment if you feel so moved.*
I felt like starting fresh with a new journal. My old had the title, "ttc again after mc in Aug." Well that was Aug of 2009, which was over a year ago now, so I think it's time to start a new journal.
I've been ttc#2 since May of 2008 and it's been quite the journey. A lot of ups and downs a long the way, feeling like giving up, having hope again, then wanting to quit. I've held on despite that, and more recently, have relaxed and let God take control.
One of my pg.org buddies recently said something that struck a chord with me. She said, "I don't think God would have given me the desire (for another baby) if it wasn't meant to happen, I just need more patience." I thought that was a very good point, and had never really thought of it that way. It made me smile
Last edited by FLSunshineMom; 04-05-2011 at 11:43 PM.
I think today's the day. I got a +OPK yesterday evening, had o pain on the right side late last night (about 12:30am), which continued in a milder version off and on all day, then a little while ago, had some major cramping and very intense o pain again, except this time it was on the LEFT side, which was interesting. Fraternal twins, maybe? Haha. Actually, I'm not really sure how I feel about twins. I used to think it would be so cool, but now I am not so sure. It's not up to me, though. What God would provide, He would make a way for me to handle. I'm sure of it
DH and I decided to "actively" try again this month. Our BD issues are still there, but we have found a way to cope with it and make it work to ensure insemination. That being said, we had BD "success" 3 times near O time this time! 3 days before, 1 day before, and the day of (today). I feel good about that, and will have plenty of hope for this 2ww. I just hope I can stay busy enough so it's not on my mind constantly!
This morning I woke up with some unmistakable nausea, then had it again sometime during the day. BBs have also been pretty sore and tender today. I assume it has something to do with O'ing?
I actually thought I was O'ing earlier this cycle, on CD 13, because on CD 12, I got an almost positive on an opk. I didn't test again until 8 hours later, and it was lighter again, so I just assumed I had missed the peak of the surge. I also had EWCM, and some cervical cramping. But on CD 13, I never had any O pain, so it made me wonder. Sure enough, on CD 14, I got a darker opk again in the evening. On CD 15 it continued to get progressively darker, and then by evening, it was positive. At the same time I got the positive, as if on cue, I had the BEST EWCM I think I have ever had, much better than the previous EWCM. The opk confusion might have to do with the new brand I'm using, too. They are IC's from Amazon.com. Previous to that, I was using mostly the dollar store brand.
Last edited by FLSunshineMom; 01-10-2011 at 06:43 PM.
I need to correct something I said in my previous post regarding BD around O time. The "3 days before" part should have said "4 days before."
Yesterday, I still had nausea, but it was milder. BBs were still sore, even more so.
Today, no nausea, and BBs are only mildly sore and tender.
My sense of smell "seems" to be heightened as well, but it's probably just my imagination.
And what is up with all the EWCM? Wow, I've had it starting the day before O all the way up until today. It was more scant today, but I'm surprised I had any at all at 2 dpo. Normally my CM dries up the minute I ovulate, LOL.
Today I was dreaming of carrying another baby in my arms. It happened while I was carrying my almost 4-yr old (grunting periodically from the strain) from her bedroom to the living room. I was thinking about how it wouldn't be long now and she would be too big for that. I was also trying to imagine what it would be like for my daughter to have a sibling. She is always asking to go see one of her cousins, or to go "play with the kids" either at the mall or the playground, and I feel so bad for her some days that she doesn't have any kids who live close enough to play with (we live 'out in the country' on a large piece of property and only have two neighbors, none of which have younger kids).
My temps haven't been very impressive so far. Today it finally went up some, at least, which made me feel a little better.
Today's "wishful-thinking" symptoms:
-Increased tender/sore bbs, they also feel slightly 'fuller'
-Joint pain off and on, especially in my right hip (which I had with my pg'cy with Hannah)
-Drowsiness (may be from Zyrtec I'm taking? Though I am taking a very LOW dose, only 1/6 of a tablet).
-Mild cramps last night, and some today
-Today, up until early afternoon, dull pain in area of right ovary
-BBs seemed a little less sore today than yesterday
-Tonight, started having some pretty bad nausea off and on.
-Fatigue all day long.
I wasn't too impressed with my temp this morning, but... temps don't mean much at this point I guess, plus it 'could' be implantation. I just don't want to get my hopes up. Can't wait for 10dpo to get here as that is my official test day. Less than two days to go.
Well it's not looking too good. Only getting BFNs, then tonight I started to cramp here and there but they definitely feel like the start of AF cramps, and it appears that Sister Spot is beginning to make her appearance as well. It was a minuscule amount (two different times) but there, nonetheless.
The good news is, when we DTD this morning, it went smoothly for a change. I felt like we were 'normal' again, LOL DH recently went to the doctor and was given medication for his high blood pressure, so I'm hoping the high BP was the issue and that the meds are helping the situation. I really really hope it's not just a 'coincidence' and happened to be one of those rare times when things went well. If it is because of the meds, then ttc this next month will be sooooooo much easier, that's for sure
I had a very interesting dream a few nights ago. In the dream, I was pregnant, and my due date was January 1st. It was so real. It was probably "just a dream," but one never knows about these types of things I guess. Hmmm if that were to be true, that would mean only having to wait "about" three more months to get that BFP
Obviously, despite my "good" chances last month, we didn't catch the egg. I stopped posting here for awhile after that, because I guess I just didn't have much to say.
Looks like I am going to O later this month. Joy of all joys. Waiting waiting waiting. lol. I'm on CD 15, and as of this evening, still getting a negative opk. In fact it was the lightest one yet of all the opks I've done so far this month. Ha! Go figure. Tonight I had some really good EWCM, though, so it shouldn't be long now. And what is up with the directions on the back of the Dollar Tree opk box now? I just happened to read them again yesterday, and it said that one line meant a negative opk, and two lines meant a positive!?! It's almost like the opk test directions mixed up with the pregnancy test directions. At any rate, I decided to ignore those directions and just read opks like I always have. If I'm wrong and the company that makes those tests has passed a bill in congress to get the directions changed (lol), then my temp will show that I ovulated anyway.
Moving on. Apparently that one time of BD where everything went well was just a one time event, unfortunately. Apparently it didn't have anything to do with DH's medication, it just happened to be one of those rare events. I admit it was a bit disappointing, and I kept hoping for it to happen again. Then one time several days ago I thought it was going to happen again, everything was going along so great, and then all of the sudden something happened and... nada. Game over. You lose. And there are no more coins in your pocket. At that moment, I got so frustrated that I was in tears, but I kept it inside and didn't tell DH how I was feeling. I was thinking right then, "That's it. I'm done trying. I can't do this anymore." And then came the moment of truth... was I going to bother putting in that "extra effort" so than insemination would still happen? I debated back and forth, and in the end, clamped down like a bulldog (not on DH, thankfully) and decided to go for it! So I did. But for a good portion of the day after that, I was so depressed. I'm not sure exactly why THAT time I took it so hard. I didn't snap out of it until I went for a drive later and heard some things on the radio, then went to see a move with my daughter (Yogi Bear, which was surprisingly pretty good!) which helped take my mind off everything. I did a lot of thinking on the way back home after that, too (and heard more encouraging things on the radio. The Good Lord always seems to know just what I need. )
After that incident, I decided I wanted to try and make BD more enjoyable, despite our issues. So I talked to DH about it, and next thing I know we were BD, and enjoying every minute of it. The "extra effort" at the end was just like icing on the cake. I didn't mind one bit, and it wasn't like effort at all. The next time after that, about midway through I had to "remind" myself again not to think so much about ttc and to just relax and have fun, and I did. Oh what a difference it made. I hope to keep this attitude up
Despite that change, I still struggle with obsessing over the opks. I had to fight the urge to test a 3rd time late tonight, despite only having one dollar tree opk left. No, I decided, better to wait until tomorrow morning, and then I'd have time to make another trip to the dollar store. I guess I am really wanting that +opk, since there are times when we don't get the opportunity for BD and when we do, I like for O to happen shortly thereafter! That's what *I* want anyway.
My half brother is supposed to be coming into town tomorrow. My other brother is supposed to pick him up from the airport, and then they'll call me to let me know where they're going for lunch so I can meet them there with Hannah. I haven't seen him in like forever, so it will be nice to catch up. I am also supposed to go over and help clean for my MIL tomorrow to get ready for Hannah's birthday party on Sunday (it will be at her house). I hate house cleaning. I don't mind laundry, but as for cleaning, well... let's just say I think houses really need to have a self-cleaning feature built in.
On another subject, I've been thinking a lot lately about picking up running again. Not long after I first thought about it, I got sick naturally, lol. Then I got slightly better, then got sick again recently and am still in the middle of that. So the running will have to wait a bit longer. The good news is, I'm not so sick that I can't BD
Last edited by FLSunshineMom; 02-09-2011 at 01:30 AM.
Finally got a +OPK today! I had run out of tests yesterday after testing at 1:00pm, and wasn't able to get more and test again until today at Noon. I was pretty sure I'd get a positive today, based on what my EWCM was doing, and other signs.
Now here's to hoping we get another opportunity to try and catch that elusive egg.
It's funny, this morning when I first took my temp, it had shot up to 98.03, which was a bit confusing. I had woken up a lot during the night coughing, though. I had also woken up earlier than usual and couldn't go back to sleep, so I temped before getting up, then stayed up awhile, ate breakfast, then went back to bed (wasn't feeling well, either). Then when I woke back up again, I re-took my temp, and it was lower again. So I went with that temp. Then the +opk just confirmed that the second temp was likely the more accurate one.
Tonight I'm not feeling any better; in fact, possibly even a bit worse. Earlier I was hacking and coughing my guts out, lol, and ohhhh the burn in my chest. YEEOUCH! Which might mean I'm not up for more BD anytime soon, but we shall see. Not gonna stress about it this time. Thankfully, some hot water with apple cider vinegar and honey mixed in seemed to help slow down the coughing (and intensity of it) quite a bit.
On a more positive note, I had a nice time with Hannah today on her birthday. Took her to Applebee's for lunch, and she had macaroni and cheese, and broccoli (the broccoli was my idea. Thankfully she eats it with very little prompting by me!). Then the servers got together and came over to sing her Happy Birthday with the whole clapping thing. Hannah ate it up They also gave her a free sundae! I was impressed After that, we went to the mall and I let her ride the train. Our favorite "conductor" was there today and she gave Hannah a very special ride Then Hannah rode on one of those "moves in place" trucks, then I took her shopping at JCPenney with her birthday money from her grandma and she picked out a very nice blouse for herself (she has great taste!). All in all, a good day. Except for one part. The longer it went, the worse I was feeling. I wanted to stay longer and let her play in the play area at the mall, but my whole body was starting to ache and I was starting to get very lethargic (not to mentioning coughing constantly), so it was time to call it a day.
Oh, and about my opk. I wonder if it could mean something good that I got a positive on my daughter's birthday?
It's looking like I probably O'd yesterday. Had a very nice temp jump this morning, and I took my temp at my usual temping time (well not the exact time, but only slightly earlier), and I had not coughed for a few hours prior to that and slept like a baby during that time (By the way, I still want to know where "sleep like a baby" comes from, because ummmm babies don't usually sleep for very long stretches?")
Anyway. Pretty sure I'm 1 dpo! Time to start obsessing over every little twinge. hehe. Earlier today, I had what felt like a strap pulled tight around my abdomen for a brief period of time, then it stopped. Then about an hr ago, I had sore BBs for about... oh... a minute. lol. And just a few minutes ago I could swear they started feeling a little swollen. Hahahaha now isn't that a good imaginary symptom. Gotta love the mind games during the 2ww. I've learned to just have fun with it
Oh, and I also think it's kinda neat that not only did I get the +opk on my DD's birthday, but now also looks like I O'd on her birthday as well. Not that it necessarily means anything, but well ya know.... gotta try and find ANY kind of a sign that this might be "the month."
This afternoon my DD made me laugh so hard (which right now unfortunately means I also COUGH hard, lol). She had just finished a snack, which was leftover ravioli, and thought I had cleaned her up good, but a little later found crusted ravioli sauce on her upper chest (how it got there, I have no clue, as she had a bib on!). I told her we need to go get a baby wipe and clean it off, but she thought she'd be cute and bent her head down, stuck her tongue way out, and started LICKING it off! It wasn't so much the fact that she was trying to lick it off, but it was the WAY she was doing it. She looked just like a dog licking itself, with big, long strokes.
(Oh and by the way, I still went and got a baby wipe )
Last edited by FLSunshineMom; 02-11-2011 at 06:22 PM.
My temp dipped way down this morning compared to the two previous mornings. Here I thought my temp was rising so nicely, then this morning it was back down again.
I have decided that I just can't do the whole "imaginary symptoms" thing again this 2ww. I would so much rather RELAX and not think about it. I might make a mental note (and note here) some highly unusual thing now and then, but I am so not going to obsess over every little thing this time. Just not gonna. I'm going to get a life, for a change. lol.
Today we had Hannah's birthday party. It went well, and she really enjoyed it. She insisted on wearing her Princess dress (a hand-me-down from an older cousin) over her regular clothes for her "party dress," even though it's getting too small for her. Then guess what she got as one of her gifts? A new princess dress, with a matching barbie doll! Now she has a brand new dress that fits her really well. She also got one of those shaking balls that plays music and bounces all over the floor (a BIG hit with her ), a retro game station that just plugs right into the TV (with Pac Man, Dig Dug, Galaga, etc.), and a set of 3 miniature furry animals.