My son is eight. He is the only person who defines me!! Now I am ready to let that happen again!
On my second marriage.....sad, but true. Life is a book full of chapters....this is my newest chapter, after an 11 year marriage. I do look back and think, WTF, but love was an idea then...no regrets, we have a wonderful son and I've moved on.
I've moved on to my current life with the man of my dreams. Funny thing is, this man wasn't what I was "looking" for. We all think we have a "type" right? Well he's far from it....and so glad for that. We met and married within three months, and yes, it's been a roller coaster ride, but I'd ride it again as long as he was by my side.
We became step parents....a role I took for granted. My stepmom made it look so easy...... it's not......but I wanna be like her. My mom left this earth in 2000....two years before my son was born....way too early in life.....I needed a role model. My stepmom was one from afar. I love you Dawn.
Moving on, we have 3 kids now....ages 8, 5, and 2 1/2. As you can assume, the last two are his. Beautiful children......handful all together but I seek out the days we have them all together.
So my pregnancy journey....IUD removed the end of last August, was going in for back surgery and lo and behold, I find out I'm pregnant. Put the surgery on hold and look forward to a DD of 6/6/11. 7 weeks into I start to bleed....doctor takes a peek and what do I see through my tears, a heartbeat!! He puts me on bed rest and progesterone.....only to lose the heartbeat a week later I had a D&C the next day.
Now it's 1/12/11 and I find myself pregnant again....planned, mostly.....and scared. My first appointment is tomorrow, I do not expect much except my blood drawn and maybe a feel inside. My DD is 9/19/11, 13 days after my son turn 9!!
I'm trying not to worry....I've never gone through a lose before the one in October...I would love an explanation, but I'll settle for another chance.
So I was arguing with hubby and grocery shopping alone....go home and the cramping began. I lay down and cry. DH has been a great support, we finished watch It's Complicated as I sucked down water to stop the cramps. I started dinner, tearing up throughout, then I wiped.....brown spotting, just a little, but enough to make me think this is the beginning of the end. I cried off and on as DH keeps telling me not to worry. Cramping stops and my pad shows barely brown spotting.
This morning I wake up to the same kind of spotting but no cramps, I feel like I've lost my soreness in my boobs...the one sign I use for pregnancy. So I guess I wait. I was pregnant nine years ago....could it be my age? Heck, I'm only 33. Ok, ok...I'm whining. I need to think positive. School starts tomorrow, that oughta keep me busy; I work all weekend....fun, fun, on my feet all day in the ER registering sick people. Wait, it's positive talk....DH and I are planning a vacation during the kids' spring break...without the kids. Maybe a cruise to Brazil...tour Europe....hit the beaches of the Turks. It will be fun to plan it, whatever we do!!
No matter the outcome, I'm still young, have the best husband, the greatest son and two wonderful stepchildren. Now I'll click my heels and say that three times
Turns out it was a chemical pregnancy....my numbers were barely over 55 at like four weeks and when I started spotting, I can only assume that was period.
Decided to keep on truckin'.....is it possible to pregnant the very next cycle? My ****s fertile....at least this is what I've been told.
Maybe a Valentine's Day BFP?!
Until then, four days of missed school due to winter weather....have done nothing but entertain children and veg.....should study for my two test this week....but planning a vaca during spring break is much more fun!
On another note, my son has caused some stress into the family...being recently diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, we have a lot on our hands.....started Metadate this weekend......it's been a long road of tests and therapy......will probably never end, but hopefully this will start with a little relief for him.......
Did I say a Valentine's BFP? How about Feburary 11th So my FRER had a light second line this morning!! Many emotions come to mind....but first I have to get thru three test next week, haha. My husband laughs at me and kisses my cheek and says "please stop worrying, we'll have a baby eventually". Why didn't I think of that?
October 24, 2011....that's the date I'm working towards!!
Now to decide.....when to call the doctor and what doctor to call? I am thinking about switching OBs. I like mine right now, I started going to him when I found out I was pregnant in September...but I'm just not feeling it. I have my old OB who put my IUD in one year after my son was born and removed it last August....his office is more personable but not close to hubby's work. Decisions, decisions!!!!
So I guess my weekend will be consumed with the life science, a night out with the husband and friends, and no alcohol but so worth it!!!
Happy Valentine's Day!!! Tell someone you love them, even if it's just yourself!!!
My son is the funniest...to bad he looks like his Dad, haha.
So I have decided to wait til next week to call my dr. Hopefully by then my numbers will have gone up and no chemical/mc this time!!!
Only symptom is slight tenderness in my boobs...anything else and I'd be normal I want to have positive thoughts on this bellybean but for now, kind words and gentle strokes on the face from the hubby will have to do!!
On another note, two test today kicked my a$$. I studied more for one than the other and it will show. Man it's been a long time since I've been in college! Let you know the outcome soon!!
Loving this weather and my life. Now stick bellybean, like you've never sticked before!!!
WARNING....vent ahead that might make a few unhappy
You've been warned. I am about to vent about a certain thing that some might be sensitive to. My disclaimer is that it is not directed to anyone...its just a feeling I am having right now....so......
Why, oh why....do those with more than one child (ie at least three or more) start complaining after a few months of TTCing that it's "frustrating" to conceive to the point that they are ready to see an RE.........HELLO, I am on cycle 7, trying for baby two and I know it's not time to see a specialist.......oh and throw in there two miscarriages!!!! So many women are impatient these days......I get that it's easy to obsess about TTCing, but geez, there has to be a line!!! It just irritates me when people just need to relax........YES, easier said than done, I know, but you aren't the only person in this world who has tried to get pregnant.
Stop testing every five minutes, numbers double within 48 hrs, you aren't going to see much overnight!!!
For those that are going through a long journey of TTC....I admire you! Strength, patience, the ability to not give up, etc.......I cheer you on every chance I get!!
And to those that only take a few cycles to get pregnant......I envy you......You will make a wonderful mother and I love hearing about it......just PLEASE consider others.....we cheer your BFP always and you do the same for us......but it stings just a little each time someone makes it look "easy".
For the most part, we each will get our "turn", no matter how long, how hard, or even how we try!!!! I am not bashing anyone, just tough sometimes and I needed to vent!!
So I have discovered something.....my husband's ex wife is a jealous, petty *****. Well, let me correct myself....I knew this from day one of meeting DH, but she has taken it to a new level. See, I met my husband in December 2009, before his divorce was final......we fell in love quickly and madly and married March 28, 2010......his divorce was finalized February 4, 2010.....So yes we moved fast, but I wouldn't change it for anything and this man is mine forever.....anyways. Seems after DH "informed" her of me, I have been the topic of many threads on her "playgroup" forum. Here is the funny part....it's a private forum....and yet I know all that was said......seems she has no problem using my name AND my sons name all over her post....on top of calling me a few names. This is why I refuse to have ANY relationship with her!!! I get the venting part.....and of course all her forum buddies are going to pat her head in sympathy as she plays this victum she is so FOND of doing. But respect who you are venting about (my son, who she has no relationship with, has been mentioned by name and age more than once, and that pisses me off!!!!) .......I guess I see venting via internet much different than she does. I come to this board for this journal only. I have "attempted" to join a board, but I hardly post and mostly lurk....so I do not make much effort. So if I vent, I avoid names and specifics as much as possible.......we are all women, we all can relate, but I do not need someone to tell me how much of a bad person the ex is and call her names.....I can do that just fine in my head!!!
Needless to say, if I could confront her on this, I would, but I like my inside sources and plan on keeping it that way!!!
My attempt at temping is sorta going okay.....not sure how much I can keep up with this, but if it gets me to a specialist faster if our TTC journey takes longer, then so be.
Dropping my class has helped so much, got an A on my Anatomy Test, one of four people in class.....treated myself to an chocolate shake from QT. Now two test next week and then Spring Break.....San Fran, Tahoe, skiing, and spending time with family!!! Can't wait!!!!
CD7.....let the madness begin!! Ordered some OPks and I am going to attempt my hand at that......
Finishing up our vaca, it rained the whole time and even snowed a few times.....love it and I wish I could live here.......but Texas is our home for now.....but the moment the almost three year old dsd graduates, we will uproot and adventure somewhere else, hopefully outside this country!
Test on Tuesday.....just started studying today......may not do as well as I did before spring break....aced all my test except one.....but got an A on the hardest one!!!