We don't tell anyone that we're TTC, but I really felt like I needed to get some ideas/thoughts out, so after I stumbled across these journals, I decided to start one myself. Hopefully having an outlet for what I'm feeling about this process will help me feel/be less crazy in my everyday life- lol!
Before my husband and I got married, talked about what we wanted in life, and made a few tentative plans. We got married young (I was 21 and he was 20), so we wanted to wait at least five years before having kids, so that we had time to enjoy just being married and get established in life a little bit first. We wanted to raise our children in the faith that we share. We weren't 100% sure about how many kids we wanted to have, but decided we definitely wanted more than one, and definitely not more than four. We also agreed that we would do whatever it takes for me to be a stay-at-home-mom. These are the things we wanted for our family.
So we graduated from college and got jobs. A few years later we bought a house and adopted two dogs from a rescue organization. I had been able to get back into horseback riding (something I had done since I was a little kid but had to give up during college and a year after graduation for financial reasons), and even co-owned a horse with a good friend of mine. We had been through ups and downs in our relationship and started to feel like the time might be right to think about starting a family. We prayed about it a lot, and decided we should start TTC right after Christmas, 2007.
I went off BCP the beginning of September 2007, but we continued to prevent using condoms at the recommendation of my doctor, to give my body time to adjust to going off the pill. So as we were approaching the time to start trying, we kind of panicked and decided to put it off for a few more months. We had always said that we wanted to take a big vacation- like a European cruise or something- before having kids, and it was something we hadn't gotten around to doing. So we figured, why not wait a few months to TTC, and take our big vacation? So on Thursday, January 31st, 2008, we went to see a travel agent and got info on possible vacation options.
Now that whole week I had been waiting for AF to arrive. I felt crampy and gross and basically like she was about to arrive at any minute, but she didn't. Two of my co-workers knew about this because I was a preschool teacher and had to get someone to come take my class every time I had to run to the bathroom thinking AF had shown up. On Friday, February 1st (the day after we had been to the travel agent, mind you), my co-worker convinced me that I needed to take a pregnancy test (my period was basically a week late at this point, and I'm usually very regular). I was pretty freaked out. There had been one time we hadn't used a condom because I had finished my period the day before and thought it would be fine- I thought there was no way I would ovulate the day after my period ended. So I picked up a pregnancy test on my way home from work, waited until my husband got home from work, and took it. BFP... pretty much instantly... no need to wait the three minutes or whatever it is. Despite the fact that I wanted to have children, I freaked out. We're talking hyper-ventilating here. It took me completely off guard and I just felt unprepared and downright scared! DH was totally excited and a little disappointed that I was freaking out.
Timing-wise, it's actually kind of funny. When we prayed about when we should start trying, we really felt like we should start right after Christmas, 2007. Even after we chickened out and put it off, when did I get pregnant? Right after Christmas, 2007. It's almost like God said, "Sorry kids, you had it right the first time!"
Okay, DH just came home from work and DD is fussing, so I have to go. So... to be continued, I guess!