Well I have decided to start a journal to help elivate some of the stresses during this journey B and I have decided to take! We have been TTC since April 2004 but I have been off BC since Jan 2004 and not using any means to avoid a pregnancy, sooooo here we, or I should say, here I am writing this journal several months later.
This past Wendesday we got some news that was a little hard to swallow at the time. After numerous blood tests last week, my results showed that I am not Oing and my numbers were so low I may not have Oed at all. My cycles are so wacky and erractic so I wasnt too surprised but nonetheless still a little heart breaking. So B has to do a SA before I start Clomid, very soon. Looking forward to a new chapter in our TTC journey.
I do know that one day we will have OUR baby, I just dont know how long it will take! We are in it for the long haul and will do whatever we need to do to get out wonderful reward in the end.
I hope this journal provides me with a way of dealing with he pangs of not being pg at the moment and I hope and pray this journal leads me to my BFP someday, hopefully in the near future.
Today I am CD33 and I have no idea when AF will show her haggard face, but if she doesnt show within the week I will be put on provera to start her up so we can start the clomid. Time will tell!
All for now!
Our miracles have arrived!
Well the SA wasnt done today, B is VERY sick!!! So it will have to wait until next week! I feel so bad for him that he feels this bad! We have been together for 9 years and I have NEVER seen him this sick.... not even in college! PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE!!! I really have to keep telling myself that!! I guess I will wrap xmas presents tonight!
Well after awful appts the past few months I have FINALLY found a great dr who took the time with me and my numbers from my bloodwork today!! IT IS ABOUT TIME!!! My progestrone levels showed that I am not Oing, which was not a surprise to me. Billy will go for his SA after the holidays (they are closed on Sat until the first weekend in Jan), I start 50 mg of clomid when af shows up, go for more blood work on cd 22 and cd23 to make sure that I Oed! When AF comes again after the 1st cycle of clomid (which I soooo hope doesnt) my doctor will then set up a time for the test where they put the dye in to see if your tubes are cleared. I have no idea how to begin to spell or pronounce it! And we will go from there! I can not tell you how excited we are... finally a path to travel!!! What a great Christmas present for us! We are THRILLED!!!! I have officially changed my doctor to this new doctor I saw today!!!
I am soo happy I can not contain myself... it is like I got my BFP!!!!! Even though it is not that wonderful I am sooo thrilled to have the path I have right now! There is light now at the end of the tunnel! I now know what will happen next and next and next! That is good enough for me at this point!!!!
BRING IT ON!!! Now I really hope to see AF soon so I can start the clomid! I never thought I would be so happy to take this medicine!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!!!
Well I am at cd 4! Merry christmas to me... AF showed right on xmas! I should have known but the positive side is that I started the clomid last night so I am now I am on my way to my BFP!!! Since we have to start BDing very soon the SA has been pushed back again, but that is b/c we were told to have 3 days of no bding b4 the SA. We shall see. No side effects yet but I am sure they are coming. So that is it for now.
Good night to all!!!
I am at cd 5 and took my 3rd clomid tonight! So far so good still. I hope that tomorrow I wake the same way I did today.... full of energy! Having the week off work helps ALOT!!!!! L brought Baby B over today for a visit and it was WONDERFUL!!!! What a nice visit we had, this baby is the best baby I have ever seen! HONESTLY!!!
Looking forward to New Years and especially to start our BDing marathon! Whcih should start next Monday but if I have anything to do about it, it will start Sat (right after the ball ball drops ). And I am sure that B will NOT have a problem with that!
All for now... Good night all!!!
Our miracles have arrived!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Hello 2005!!! I have finished my clomid round for this month and the bding marathon started!!! Nothing like forced sex!! Gotta do what you gotta do! So far so good on the clomid.... some hot flashes but other than that I am ok. I am moody anyway so I dont know if it is the clomid are just me! lol SA test has been put on hold until the marathon is well and over. My next step is the HCG dye test when AF shows again.... I SOOOO HOPE THAT IT DOESNT AND I GET A BFP FOR MY BDAY!!!! My 31st bday is Jan 31st! My GOLDEN YEAR!!! I have to get a blood test in 12 days, on cd 22.
Well christmas was hectic and new years was nice.... had some people over here and had a nice night. Rang in the new year with the people I love! Well not everyone but mostly everyone!!!!
CD 12 today so the marathon CONTINUES!!!! Had early dismissal today so I am home early and glad because I have a HUGE headache..... but for some reason I dont think it is a side effect from the clomid. Dont know why I think that, just do.
Dr. M's office called to say to get the blood test on cd 21, we will be in New York on cd 22 and cd 23. I thought that he would say to go Monday cd 24 but nope I have to go on Friday. That is fine with me, I willhave to ask him why when I see him.Just curious about it.
I am not having any O symptoms yet, or at least I dont think I am. I hope this is it. How nice would it be to get a BFP for my birthday, now THAT is a present I want!!!
CD 14 today and the saga continues.... Up until tonight I have had great expectations for this cycle and what it would bring but tonight I am singing a different tune. I am nervous of being dissappointed. We are doing EVERYTHING the way Dr M. told us too and I am afraid that it may not be enough. That breaks my heart! Well, we will continue doing everything and I soooo hope that next Friday when I take mt bloodtest that it comes back saying that I Oed and maybe then I will feela bit better. I sure hope so.
I am having some twinges in my tummy tonight but nothing painful like I thought I would feel if I am Oing! I WANT TO O!!!!! Just give me the chance to O and I will show what I can do!!
Now I am off to sleep witht he snoring bear that I call my husband!!
Lots of love!!!
smf... hope you are having a nice weekend sweetie!
Wow I cant believe that it has been so long since I started this journal. I needed some time away from my own thoughts, I guess. It has been 2 cycles on clomid since I have written and I am now just starting to deal with the thought that this may not happen for us. I really thought it would happen the first try and now I realize it is going to be an even longer and tougher road to want we want. The toll is started to hit as hard as it p[ossibly can. AF found me while we were away visiting Billy's parents in the Cape and I was unable to even MOVE. REALLy bad cramps and an even worse backache. It is bad enought that she had to show up but did she have to be sooooo MEAN? Well, what is, is what is at this point of the game. I have to just move on, I don't have any other choice.
I called a RE that a friend used while she was going through IVF, this past week, before AF showed, and I have an appointment on Feb 28 which is only one week from tomorrow. This is a good thing and something to be happy about. The bad thing, B will be away for his new job that week and that is the week that we are suppose to start our BD marathon again. So I dont know if this will happen next cycle either.
This is getting so frustrating and I dont know what else to do. We have been so proactive in this process and it is getting us no where. I cant even begin to imagine if we took the "back seat" on this and just took the attitude of letting things happen when they happen? Boy, now that is a scary thought!
BTW, B's SA came back great and I had my HSG done, I have one tube completely blocked!! Another thing I have no control over, which I HATE!!!!
Well, I guess that is enough of an update! I hope I have some good news to share in the future! That would be nice for a change!
Well yet again I am have stepped away from this journal. I thought when I started that it would help me with my feelings but I think that it made them more real, a good thing and a bad thing. So here I am again having to update it with al the trails and tribulations Billy and Ihave gone through the past few months. I think it will have to be in installments!
Of course I did see AF in Feb and in March and decided to have the lap surgery per my new RE recommendation. They found out that my right tube was NOT blocked like the HSG told in Jan. That was the good news, the bad news was that I had a lot on endometriosis which they lasered off. I had NO symptoms of having this problem so the lap was a good thing to have. Per RE, we werent allowed to BD for 2 weeks. But I did get AF in 31 days which out meds which is a record for me!
Onto the next cycle! Got AF in April and started 100mg on clomid.
I am going to stop there and finish tomorrow or later, which ever comes first!
Sweet dreams!!! KISS KISS KISS