Let's see, what's new with me? Not a whole lot. Been busy working and what not. On 4/8, mom and I went craftstore hunting and I came up with a few projects. Very much looking forward to them! On Easter, we got up early and met J at his house, then we followed him to his church. After church we decided to go with everyone to The Claim Jumper. We ate so much food! Then we headed back home to pick up Jesse and then we were off to Flaming Geyser for a picnic with mom, dad, cam, darrell, the kids and Johnny. Boy was it nice, must have been like 75 degrees. Really odd for April. I think I avoided being sunburnt though so that's nice. Oh I forgot to mention, J let us drive the mustang for most of the day so it was nice to get back behind the wheel of that!! Alex drove for most of the day, but that was fine by me because I was so nervous! When I finally drove it, my legs were shaking so bad. But I did fine We came home and I made dinner for Jess and I. Then I took him home and went to bed because I was pooped; it was only 8:30.
Today I noticed something strange, I was having the hardest time breathing. It feels like someone is pushing on my chest. Kind of bugs me. Oh and I sneezed and it felt like my ovaries were going to explode Yesterday and today I'm feeling the most bloated I have ever felt, I feel absolutely huge and it sucks.
We've been collecting The Simpson's Christmas Express for Alex for Christmas because he loves the Simpsons. So far we have 6 and to my knowledge that was all there were because that's all they showed in the picture, well I went out to get the mail today and what do I find in the box, another piece of the train. I call mom up laughing and asking her how many we have, she tells me 6 and I told her I was staring at another piece. She couldn't believe it. So I called the company and asked how many total there were and the lady tells me 25. 25?!?!?! I can't belive it!! I thought 6 was a decent sized train, but 25? Now that's just rediculous. So I call mom again and let her know and she's like WHAT?!? We're not sure what were going to do. I'd like to finish the train so that we have all the pieces, but good grief where the heck am I gonna put them all. My mantle isn't that big. By the time we get this thing completed, we'll all be out like $630 together. Not sure if they're that worth it, but we shall see. Here's a picture of it:
The pieces are super cute, but I can't expect mom and sue to keep forking out money for them. Hmm, decisions, decisions!
So today just totally sucks! It started off ok, but then slowly got worse. At work, G (my boss) asked me if I wanted to read an article called "Get off your butt" where it talked about basically kissing the customers *** the minute the walk in the door, (I think before he even read it) he said we basically do all that already. Alex called up a few times and the last time he got on my nerves. He's always asking if I got a $2.00 raise yet, I know he's joking because I'll never get a $2.00 raise here because I'm the only employee they have. So this last time he called, he asked again if I got my $2.00 raise and I told him no, I will never get a $2.00 raise here because there's no way they could afford to. For what ever reason, it just pissed me off so that phone call ended shortly there after. Then G comes in later on that day and says that he talked to the owner (his dad) and they were deciding on 1 of 2 things for me and they decided to go with a $0.35 raise. Of course I was all grateful to him because I should be. But then once he left the office, I started having a conversation in my head about how aren't I worth more than a 35 cent raise. So needless to say, I went from feeling crappy to feeling like shat. I think at least deserve a $0.50 raise, that's what I've gotten in the past so why the change now. Does that mean I'm doing less of job now than I was 1 year ago. I've been here 2 years and have only gotten a raises totaling $1.35. I'm totally flexible with my hours, I'll work pretty much any extra day that he asks with only a few exceptions, I'll do anything he asks me to (i.e. jobs, signs, forms, letters), I'm always on time and I don't complain (well to him at least). What's a girl to do? I'll tell you what she's gonna do, that's find a new job because I need one that will pay me more and give me benefits. But there's a problem with that, my stupid conscious steps in and start blabbing making me feel bad for wanting to leave. Thinking about it is really bringing me down which makes me glad that I have tomorrow and the weekend off so I can eat crab and relax!
So I haven't written in here for awhile, bad me! Not much is new since I last wrote. I'm still looking for a job. Crabbing was good. We caught about 50 and they were yummy! We did good on Friday even though it poured for most of the day, then saturday wasn't very good but the sun was out so that was nice. Sunday was great because Alex and I limited out and I won a crab, but we lost a chair to the ocean so that sorta sucks.
On 4/22 I had my dr's appt. She really liked my charts and said that since I appear to be o'ing on my own that I'm not going to need drugs. She asked about the SA and I told her I was working on Alex about that one. So basically we're at a standstill until Alex get's the SA, but I think it will be soon since he didn't get bent out of shape the last time I brought it up
On 4/23 Alex started coed and they were short 1 girl so I had to fill in. I really didn't want to, but I wasn't about to let them not play. I did good the first game, had 1 average hit and another really good hit. Then the second game I walked once and struck out the rest of the time. Once the game was over, the team sang Happy Birthday to me.
On 4/24 to me!! 23 today! I worked, but it was really busy so that helped. Mom, Papa, Alex and Bobby brought me lunch. Then Rachel came by later on. When I got off, we went to the Olive Garden and then watched Man On Fire which was pretty good. I want to read the book now. Oh, I got to POAS for the first time with my monitor so that was pretty exciting! And for the first time ever I got 2 lines!! Nice to seen I can make something work right.
I think that's about it with me, if I remember anything else I'll add it later.
Today I finally got a + on my OPK and a Peak on my FM, so excited about those!!! I just wish that Alex and I didn't work so we could commence baby making
My cycle has been pretty screwy until now. I was getting nothing but lows on my FM, then yesterday I finally got a High. Was beginning to think either my body or the FM weren't working right. I think playing softball has really messed with my cycle since it's been forever since I've played.
Alex, J and I went out hitting on Wednesday and Friday of last week and I'm getting better. Played Co-ed on Friday and had the game winning hit!! It was a line drive to center. Everybody was so impressed with my improvements. Pretty impressed myself!! Then on Saturday it was off to Everett for (Alex's team) Lathrup Trucking's C NIT tournament. It was the first time this season that I've been able to watch them play. Had a wonderful time watching them play. Really looking forward to watching them this year. Especially now that we have Griz for the coach. He's really going to make things happen for them, he's extremely disciplined and wants only the best for them. That team is his #1 priority and he expects everyone to think the same way. About 5 new guys this year and they are a big asset to the team. Anyways, they made it all the way to the championship game and lost it. So disappointing! But I'm really proud of the way they played, even if they don't think that. On Saturday, I went in search of a new bikini and found 2 instead, then later on that night we went to the Outback for dinner with Donnie, Laurie, both Kellys, J and Alex. Both Kelly's had the giggles for no reason in particular. Got a little too much sun this weekend so my neck is a little burnt. But overall it was a fun weekend!!
Boy I'm getting worse and worse about posting here. Sorry I've been neglecting you journal!
Well, not much is new with me. My first FM cycle is coming to an end because I think AF is knocking on my door. Oh well. I almost tested this morning, but my temp went low so I decided to save myself a test. I think AF will be here in the AM and that's fine. Onward and upward! I've got a new box of test sticks coming and tomorrow is a new day.
Getting closer to a SA. Alex said ok the last time I talked to him AND I found a business card in his wallet from our medical center with 2 lab's #'s on it so hopefully that will happen soon
That's all I can think of for now. I'll try to write more later (on Saturday because by then I should either have AF or a BFP).
Well, it's me again and wouldn't you know it, AF showed up this morning and wrecked havok on me. I spent my morning running between the bathroom and the kitchen. When I wasn't I was making lunch for Alex. About 5 minutes before I was to leave, I had to call Alex because I couldn't make it without every couple of minutes. I called him at work and told him to come home for lunch, he thought I was either really upset because one of the cats died or that I was choking. I think he was a little disappointed that I wasn't throwing up because of m/s. I was a little too.
Finally started painting my letters, spent most of the day doing that. Had to work from 7pm to 10pm because the exit gate was broke so I got to babysit, fun stuff. Oh well, it's worth it because then I get to trade my 3 hours tonight for next friday's 3 hour shift so we can now leave for Jaymeson on Thursday night!! Can't wait
Boy it's been awhile! Not much new in the life of Me. I decided not to temp this cycle and are kind of missing it right now, but not ready to go back just yet. I may or may not temp next cycle. We shall see. I O'ed while we were on vaca with M and L and the kids so needless to say we were yet again not able to BD as much as we or I needed. I'm getting a little pissed off that everytime I gear up to O, we're not able to BD as much as we need for one reason or another. We gotta start cracking down and so we can make a baby darnit!
So many friends are preggo right now. Tony and Kyla, BK and Lindsay, Brandon and Rachelle, Ryan and Amy, Brady and Tiff. I'm happy for them, but just wish it would be our turn already.
I'm starting to think that Alex is getting discouraged. I want to tell him that all of this may not be because of him, it may rest with me, but the only way to know is for him to get a SA. After he gets one of those, they can start testing me. I wish he would understand that I would like to be tested, but he's holding things up so I can't. I think he just wants to make a baby as naturally as possible, oh I do too, but I'm beginning to think that's not going to be possible for us.
I'm feeling in a git of a slump right now. I sososososo want to move away from this little town and start our life east of the mountains. I'm ready to move. I'm ready for a new job. I'm ready to start saving money so we can build the dream home that we want.
Today is not a good day for me. I feel really low today. I'm so sick of TTC month after month with no results. It's been 17 months since we decided to start trying, granted we didn't really become serious until July, but still! I feel so behind since the only test that has been done is bloodwork. No SA, u/s, LAP, HSG, nothing. Is it too much to want to know why we haven't gotten preggo yet? I'm so ready to stop trying right now. Luckily I'm in the 2ww so that helps a little because I'm not having to POAS or worry about when I'm going to O. I just want to get off this f ing rollercoaster! Maybe we should stop all together, no FM, no timing BDing, no aids what so ever!
I'm sorry you're having to listen to me b*tch and moan, but I needed to get that off my chest. I think we're trying too hard so maybe we should put it on the backburner for a little bit. I just don't know how to. TTC has been so ingrained in my brain that I'm not sure how to take a break. I want a baby so badly and are willing to try everything to increase our chances. I think putting TTC on hold will be a good idea because I really should focus on putting me back on track. Not sure if I'll stay away from here, ok I'm pretty sure I'll still be around because I would miss everyone way too much.
A couple of days ago I gave Alex a card telling him how I feel regarding TTC and his reaction was Hmm. He's been in a good mood since I gave it to him so that's good. I'm thinking that he needed a few days to think it over and then I'll ask him what he thinks.
Anyways, this blows! The showed up today so I guess that means we are on a break. Not sure if I'm more sad about taking a break, AF being here or what. One good thing about not being preggo this cycle is that I'm going to start jogging a couple of times a week so I can shed some pounds. I'm not happy with the way I look so I'm going to do something about it.
Well, that's all from me for now. Have a great day!
OMGosh!!! I am on cloud 9 right now I'm so excited!!!!! So I finally talked to DH about the card and he agreed to putting baby making on the backburner. We will continue trying, but just not as hard to get rid of that added stress. He said that we needed to start "doing it" alot more to improve our chances. And get this (I'm sososososo happy) that he said he's going to go get tested!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He mentioned today being a good day to have a SA done because he got off work early, but wants me to go with him (I'm at work so he can't go get it done). But I'm so glad that he's finally going to have it done!!! He told me about a guy he works with was having troubles conceiving with his wife for a long time so they finally decided to quit trying and just accept things, so she went to nursing school, 3 months later they find themselves preggo. So that's pretty much it, but I am so relieved and I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. Thank you all so much for listening to me all this time, I so very much appreciate it!!