Well, I’m back and all inseminated! DH’s count was better today. 50 mil before the wash and 10 mil after. The motility increase to 87% and the rate is +3 so we got some good swimmers there! We did a u/s before the IUI and found that I O’d from the right side. I still have 2 follicles on the left that haven’t released yet but should later today or tomorrow.
I have a good feeling about this time! I just hope the 2ww goes fast.
So I took a pg test yesterday, just for fun and it was a BFP! Too bad it was from my HCG shot. Oh well- it was still fun to see. I haven’t brought myself to throw the stick out yet. I have just left it sitting on the back of the toilet so every time I’m in the bathroom I can see it. I’m very worried that it might be the only BFP I get to see. This is our last IUI and I have been very disappointed because when DH and I have BD’d the night of the IUI and the day after he was unable to perform.
That totally bums me out. Last night I got mad at him for not being able to do it. I was so sick of having sex that I just wanted to get him off me so after a while I told him if he wasn’t gonna finish then he needed to stop. Romantic I know! Way to kill the mood Amber! I couldn’t help it though! I wish it wasn’t such a chore! I just have to pray that the IUI was enough.
I am already putting my mind on other things though. Today we went to target and bought a patio set that I have had my eye on for several months. I am actually sitting outside on it as I type! It is wonderful and we got it for a steal from the end of the season sales! I will try to take pictures of it tomorrow.
I have been toying with the idea of going to the gym and working out even though it is on the ban list. I planned on going to a yoga class this morning but I slept through it. I figured that was a safe medium but what I really want to do is run! I wish I could just know now if I was pg or not so I can get on with my life either way. Infertility sucks!
Just hanging out in the 2ww with nothing new to report so I wanted to share pictures.
DH and I have been waiting for patio furniture set to go on sale and it finally did! I am so in love with it that I wanted to take pictures and share!! The coffee table was an old one from in the house. I painted it black and then put polyurethane on it to make it weather resistance and now it fits perfectly into my new space! The furniture is sooo comfy! It is the most comfortable set we could find in all price ranges….who would have guessed it came from target!! Thanks to wireless internet this is where I now spend all my time pg.orging!
Dh and I made the planters
My Yorkie loves it too!
I plan on hanging that iron wall art but we have a whole garage full of tools but not one nail or screw to be found!
Uh! My allergies are so terrible these past few days! Last night I took 2 Benadryl and 2 Sudafed and I was still a snotty, stuffy, itchy mess! This is the first year I’ve had allergies and they suck!! I never realized how lucky I was not to have them as a kid like my mom and sisters did.
This 2ww feels like an eternity this time around! Today is 8 DPO and I had a temp dip today. That really doesn’t mean too much to me. I know some people would say it looks like implantation but I have dip on almost every cycle that could be called the same thing.
My in-laws got me a gift certificate to Sports Authority for my b-day. So I’m gonna go to today and buy a heart monitor so I can go to the gym but still keep my HR below 140. I’ve been taking it pretty easy the last week so I think it would do my mental stat a lot of good to get some exercise.
Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. Most infertility treatments involve using hormones, which alter the user's moods. (That statement is like calling a lion a cat-my husband would tell you that the side effect is insanity!) The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money. Infertility treatments are expensive, and most insurance companies do not cover the costs. So, in addition to the pain of not conceiving a baby each month, the couple pays out anywhere from $300 to five figures, depending upon the treatment used.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
• They will eventually conceive a baby.
• They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
• They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.
Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.
Don't Tell Them to Relax
Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.
Don't Minimize the Problem
Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.
Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.
Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?
Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.
People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.
Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"
There are many reasons why a couple would choose not to pursue this option. Here are a few of them.
IVF is Expensive with Low Odds
One cycle of IVF is very expensive. With all of the hype in the news, many people assume that IVF is a sure thing when, in fact, the odds of success for each cycle are low. Most couples cannot afford to try for one month, much less for multiple times. Considering that it also costs a significant amount of money to adopt a baby, many couples opt for the "sure thing" rather then risking their money on much lower odds.
IVF is Physically Taxing
Undergoing IVF treatments is very rigorous. The woman must inject shots into her thigh daily to cause her ovaries to superovulate. The drugs used are very taxing on the woman, and they can cause her to be become extremely emotional.
IVF Raises Ethical Issues
Ironically, couples who undergo IVF to become parents may have to selectively abort one or more fetuses if multiple eggs are fertilized. Many couples cannot bring themselves to abort a baby when they have worked so hard to become parents. If the couple chooses not to selectively abort, they run the risk of multiple births.
Don't Offer Unsolicited Opinions If They Are Trying IVF
On the flip side of the coin, don't offer unsolicited advice to your friends who do choose to try IVF. For many couples, IVF is the only way they will ever give birth to a baby. This is a huge decision for them to make, for all of the reasons I outlined above.
If the couple has resolved any ethical issues, don't muddy the waters. IVF is a gray area in many ethical circles, and many of our moral leaders don't yet know how to answer the ethical questions that have arisen from this new technology. If the couple has resolved these issues already, you only make it harder by raising the ethical questions again. Respect their decision, and offer your support. If you can't offer your support due to ethical differences of opinion, then say nothing.
A couple who chooses the IVF route has a hard, expensive road ahead, and they need your support more than ever. The hormones are no cakewalk, and the financial cost is enormous. Your friend would not be going this route if there were an easier way, and the fact that she is willing to endure so much is further proof of how much she truly wants to parent a child. The hormones will make her more emotional, so offer her your support and keep your questions to yourself.
Don't Play Doctor
Once your infertile friends are under a doctor's care, the doctor will run them through numerous tests to determine why they aren't able to conceive. There a numerous reasons that a couple may not be able to conceive. Here are a few of them:
• Blocked fallopian tubes
• Low hormone levels
• Low "normal form" sperm count
• Low progesterone level
• Low sperm count
• Low sperm motility
• Thin uterine walls
Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose, and reading an article or book on infertility will not make you an "expert" on the subject. Let your friends work with their doctor to diagnose and treat the problem. Your friends probably already know more about the causes and solutions of infertility than you will ever know.
You may feel like you are being helpful by reading up on infertility, and there is nothing wrong with learning more about the subject. The problem comes when you try to "play doctor" with your friends. They already have a doctor with years of experience in diagnosing and treating the problem. They need to work with and trust their doctor to treat the problem. You only complicate the issue when you throw out other ideas that you have read about. The doctor knows more about the causes and solutions; let your friends work with their doctor to solve the problem.
Don't Be Crude
It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.
Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy
This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."
I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.
Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant
For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.
Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.
Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition
Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.
Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.
Don't Push Adoption (Yet)
Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.
You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.
Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.
Let Them Know That You Care
The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.
Remember Them on Mother's Day
With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.
Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.
Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments
No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.
Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.
I got a little taste of parenthood Friday night. My nephews were over and were playing hard all day. When it was time for bed the 4 yr old started saying “my tummy hurts” I though it was a ploy to get out of going to bed so I told him the best thing for an upset tummy was to get some sleep and sent him back to bed. The boys were goofing around for a little bit being in the same bed. But settled down so DH and I went and sat outside on our patio furniture for a bit. Not long after I was out there the 4 yr old came looking for me again and said he couldn’t sleep. He looked very sleepy so I told him to get his blanket and he could sit with me, thinking that he would fall asleep. When he returned with his blanket I had my feet resting on the coffee table. Cody got close and then threw up all over my legs! Then he turned and continued to puke all over our patio.
After washing him, me and the patio up we put him to bed and not long after he threw up again in bed…all over his brother! We got him cleaned up, changed the sheets then got him back to bed and he did it again! Poor kid puked 5 times before I finally called my sister and asked her what to do. The next day we went to my moms for a BBQ and to drop the kids off since we had a wedding to go to, which I’m sure a lot of people did being 7-7-7. Poor Cody slept all day.
The wedding was a lot of fun! I allowed my self to have 2 drinks. After the wedding a bunch of us went to this bar where there was a 12 dollar cover! I wouldn’t have paid it but everyone was already drunk and wanted to keep drinking so we did. The costly cover ended up being because 2 Live Crew was there. It was hilarious seeing them! They were trying so hard to be what they once were but they had this girl on stage with them that was like watching porn. She was nasty! The night was a lot of fun! It was nice not being silly drunk.
Nothing is new on the TTC front. I am 11 DPO today but feeling crampy so I’m not too hopeful. Everyone is saying that my chart looks good though. Time will tell.
I'm at work right now, sitting in the nursery by myself since all the babies went back out to their moms but I have to hang out another 30 minutes because we get in trouble for clocking out early, even if there is nothing to do so I am waiting for the clock.
I decided to post here for a bit of will power. I really want to stop and buy some HPT's on the way home. I really dont want to see a BFN so I don't want to test but something in my heart really needs to. I'm hoping I stay strong and don't give in. Send me some will power!! I dont have any left!
I just got a call back from my Re office regarding the clinical trials. There are 2 going on. The first one you would get all of the stim meds free. To qualify they want you to have an FSH of less then 10 and they want 5-10 resting follicles on each side. I have an FSH of 13 and at my last baseline u/s only 2 resting follicles on my right side. So I am not eligible for that one.
The second study I would be a great candidate for, they even cover everything at 100% BUT, you cannot have any abnormalities of the uterus and mine is severely bicornated. So I cannot get into any of the studies. I am so disappointed!
But through all that there is a silver lining. The nurse who called me (and is running one of the studies) told me she was related to me! I am pretty close to my family but I couldn’t think of any of them who got their RN and worked for my RE. She told me that she was a cousin of my FIL! Not a close on apparently since DH has no idea who she is. But she said that she really wants to help us and she was really disappointed she could not get us into her study. She said when we were ready she would get us all of our medication for free! They have a secret stash at the office that they can pull from for certain patients and she would be happy to help us out! Although we still cannot afford IVF right now it is nice to know we will have help when we can
BFN today. I hate this! I am such a mess right now and my DH is trying to help but all he is saying is ‘it will be okay’ over and over then he switched to ‘I want to hear you say it will be okay’ I told him I can’t do that because I don’t know if it will. It is just so unfair! I would be a good parent damnit! I would be a great mom and I’m not being given the chance! Why? It is getting harder and harder to have faith when month after month it is a disappointment.
I wish things were easier, I wish that I had money to do IVF and I wish that if I cannot get pg then all the crack *****s and bad parents out there couldn’t either.
DH wants to keep trying on our own. He says it will be ‘fun’. He says it will be less stress since I won’t have to be pumped full of hormones and he won’t have to have his sperm counted each cycle. I’m pretty sure fun and stress free won’t be the way to describe it. It hasn’t been fun in a long time, even before the treatments. Now I have such a jaded view on ttc it will take a while before it is fun again.
I'm stopping my progesterone today so I'm sure AF will be here soon.