Thread: Out of difficulties grows miracles

Nothing really new to report. I feel like a big dork being on here on the 4th of July instead of being out with friends or family. I had to work from 7pm -7am last night and then again tonight. I'm actually glad I have to work the holiday. DH has these friends from high school that he goes up and parties with every year starting on the 3rd and going to the 5th. I cannot stand his friends (not all of them, just these ones) they are the biggest Asshole-ist alcoholics I have ever met. Every time they are together they drinking. And they aren't even the fun drunks. They until the point of blacking out then they start doing stupid stuff and starting fights. Sounds like a fun group huh?

They drink so much and always have since high school. I used to live with these people back in college. I would leave for work and they would be sitting on the couch with a keg in-between them drinking one cup after another. I’d come home 12 hours later and they were STILL there. Still drinking 4 of them could cash a keg before a days end. One of the guys last 4th missed their big party because he was in the hospital with an enlarged liver and early liver failure. He was 24 and had already drunk enough to damage his body, but that didn’t stop the rest of them from still boozing it up.

It's weird though because they are all very intelligent people book wise. All of them are college educated. They all went to difficult schools and have Engineering and CS degrees. Two of them have their masters and one is working on their PhD. One of them just got a job at Boeing designing new parts for planes. They all do pretty important stuff in their fields that will help to make a difference later. But I can tell ya, I’m not flying on a new plane for a while just incase it holds a part that one of them designed on a hang over! They are the smartest stupid people I have ever meet. The only way I can stand to be around these people is if I'm super drunk as well and since I can't drink since I had the IUI it is good I am working, Then there is no arguing with DH about me not going up to hang out with him.

DH doesn’t drink like they do (anymore) but once he gets around them he morphs into the stupid frat boy (even though none of them were in a frat). I cannot handle watching him. So thank god for work! Well I gotta get going now….I promised a friend I would at least stop by her BBQ before heading into work.

Nothing new going on. I am pretty sure I am not pg. I don’t know why. I don’t have any symptoms either way, but I just have that feeling. In fact I’m so sure that I’m not when DH and I went out to eat last night I ordered crab and a drink! In fairness to me I only had ½ lb of crab that Dh and I split and my drink was a strawberry sunrise (or something like that) it was a mixture of strawberry and pina coloda so there was not a lot of liquor in there. It was Yummy though!!! I feel a little guilty now even though I hardly ever eat shell fish or drink, so I’m pretty sure one time won’t hurt me.

DH and I also had a talk and we have decided that after my IUI’s are complete we are not going to pursue IVF. I’m sad about it. Especially since I really doubt the IUI’s will work but it really is the fair compromise since DH does not feel completely ready. I will just have to leave my chances up to God to be a mother….makes me think I really should have gone to church more…or at all for that matter!

Alright, I'm going back to bed. It is 6am on a sunday morning. Since I can't run for another week there is no reason to be up!

Still in limbo land at 9 DPO today. I hate the 2ww, I wish I could just find out now if I am pg or not. If I’m not I would like to get my life back on track, at least for another 2 weeks until we do an IUI again. I haven’t gone to bed yet so I don’t know what my temp is doing for today. Yesterday I slept most of the day. I have had the most miserable allergies the past few weeks. It sucks. The weird thing is I have never had allergies so I haven’t a clue as to what I am allergic to. I feel terrible at home and at work. If I was just allergy-y at home that would make since. I could chalk it up to developing an allergy to the cat, or the 2 dogs OR the house full of dust that I have been avoiding. But I feel like crap at the hospital too, where the air is filtered. I haven’t a clue as to what it is. Since I had my IUI I can only take Tylenol, Sudafed and Benadryl. Tylenol is a joke, the Sudafed only made me feel light headed and the Benadryl works, but it knocks me out. So yesterday I had a sinus headache that turned into a migraine. It was horrible! I took my 2 measly Tylenols which my migraine laughed at. So I took a Benadryl shut all the shades in the house and slept. I was woken by a phone call from my barn saying that one of my horses was acting colicky. I Freaked out and ran out the door to the barn. Bentley was mildly symptomatic….he wasn’t eating his hay but he appeared to be okay. I walked him for 2 hours, where he tried to eat the entire time…finally he pooped (a sign that his gut is moving) and I put him back in his stall where he drank water and devoured his dinner. Usually I’m really quick to call the vet, but he didn’t appear to be that bad…it looked more like dehydration then colic…and we are so tight on money I didn’t want to have an unnecessary 300.00 vet bill. Now I feel horrible that I was worried about the money instead of being sure he is okay. I stayed with him watching him for any signs of discomfort until the barn closed at 9pm. The Barn owner said they would check on him throughout the night, but I’m nervous that he got worse. I am counting down the hours until my barn reopens so I can see with my own eyes he is still doing okay. I’m sure he is….if he wasn’t I would have gotten a phone call, but I’ll feel better when 7:30 rolls around.

Here is my trouble maker of the moment.

Sigh! I’ve started to dread posting on here because I never have anything good to talk about. I’m out for this cycle as well. I have been spotting yesterday and today and expect AF to show in full force any day now. Same story…different month. At least now I can run and ride again.

My horse is fine too, just to update my last post.

AF is defiantly here and I have been miserable this weekend with cramps! Friday I had to work from 7p-7a. When I got home I made Graham get out of bed and go walk around the lake with me. It was already way too hot to make the dogs run so we walked it. My poor Rottie, but the end of walk she was miserable. Every sliver of shade we walked by she would try to lay in cause she was so hot. We were walking for 2 hours because DH walks Slooooow! Usually it takes me 40 minutes to run around the lake and an hour and ½ to walk it. But my DH walks a record breaking 35 minute mile! After we got home I had great plans to stay up all day and just go to bed early so I didn’t miss out on my weekend. So I dragged DH to Home Depot to get stuff to stain an *** ugly bed DH’s grandma gave us for our guest room in hopes to make it look decent enough to use. Two minutes after walking into Home Depot I was done and ready for bed. So we get our stuff and leave. I was feeling kinda wimpy for having to go to bed at 1pm. I barely even worked last night. We had nursing students (first time I’ve ever seen Nursing students work nights) I was in the nursery which is where all the students wanted to be (I’m sure it was because I am so awesome…..it didn’t have a thing to do with the babies! ) So all night I didn’t have to lift a finger. It was great! I just sat in my throne and charted all the info the students were giving me. I taught my student how to do the stuff I was supposed to get done and set her to work. The other students who wandered away from their own nurses I put to feeding and changing babies. The best part was, even though I only helped them if they were really screwing up they all thought I was great for letting them do so much!

So anyways I go to bed and then wake up at 2pm because there was a spider in bed with me!!! I freak out and DH comes a running. He tells me it was just a ball of hair when I pointed out the spider to him from across the room (and hiding behind the door). I’m not normally afraid of spiders but when it is in bed with me when I have only had 1 hour of sleep in the past 24 hours it grosses me out! I get cranky with him, because I am tired and on my period and I know I felt that thing crawling on me! So make him wash all the sheets before I will get back in bed! I must have been pretty ***** because he did it! So I went and slept on the couch until they were done. I only got 2 hours of sleep before I was uncomfortable and wanting my bed again. But my DH had not yet washed the sheets so I just decided to get up.

Once I wake up in my sleep deprived state I get the brilliant idea that now that I know my IUI failed, I am going to drink! So we head to the liquor store and I get a couple bottles of wine. I had the whole bottle with diner! and then a friend calls to invite us out to a bar, I’m all liquored up so we go. When I’m drinking I like to smoke. I am not a heavy smoker but I enjoy doing it so I am praying that my friend has cigarettes. She doesn’t and no one else in our group smokes so I do what any stupid drunken girl would do. I bought them from the vending machine (I didn’t even know they had those anymore) for the bargain price of 8.75! Colorado has a statewide smoking ban so every time I wanted to smoke I had to sneak my beer outside without the waitress seeing me.

It was fun going out, despite the fact my lungs feel like crap today. But I paid for it the next day! I went to bed thinking that I was going to wake up at 6 and go running, Hah! I woke up at 8am PUKING! Ugh, it sucked! I haven’t gotten sick after drinking since I was a teenager but it had been awhile since I was that drunk. I puked every 30 minutes for 4 hours straight. My DH says it was because I smoked……I’m sure that’s it. It had nothing to do with the bottle of wine I drank before even leaving the house. I was hurting so bad, not only from the hang over, but because I was so crampy and I couldn’t hold anything down to help with the cramps! So I stayed in bed all day yesterday and most of this morning. I woke up today in a panic that I was late for work. I then realized I don’t work until 3 today so now I am trying to choke down a grapefruit because someone told me that Slim For Life told them that Grapefruits are a diuretic and they boost your metabolism. Stupidly I believe them. What I really should be doing is calling and going in today for my U/S to get my Clomid for this cycle, but I don’t have the energy to do it. Oh well. I’ll go in tomorrow.

I started my Clomid yesterday. That is all that is really new on the TTC front. I think this cycle before my IUI, I'm going to go to a chiropractor and to get a message. One of the girls who I work with who is also TTC and has had 8 failed IUI's and 3 failed IVF's told me to get acupuncture as well. I don’t know if I want to do that but I might throw it in the mix as well...why not, right? I'm also taking some time off after the IUI as well. I'm guessing I will have it around the 28th. I am taking a week off work, but I have Jury Duty on the 1st. So I won’t be able to be a complete bum. I feel pretty confident that I will not be selected. I can handle one day of sitting around waiting to be interviewed.

I have been trying to keep myself busy in my 2 free weeks. I have been working a lot this week and trying to run and spend as much time with my horses as possible. DH is working a lot this week too. I actually have not even seen him once since Sunday!! He works days and has been pulling long days and I work nights. We don't even get to see each other in passing. I worry about his sperm count with him working this much (he leaves at 7ish and doesn't get home until 2 or 3...every day this week!) I told him he needs to slow down to make sure it does not affect it. I will get to see him in the morning though since I have the night off tonight.


Well –I need to get some laundry done before bed.

I’m doing a lousy job keeping this updated. I’m trying to squeeze in a months worth of “normal” life before my IUI and I have restrictions again. Over the weekend I painted our guest room and stained the bed that DH’s Grandmother gave us. I am very impressed with how it turned out!! I have to do one coat of polyurethane and then it will be done!! I'm also very impressed with the color of the paint I put up. It was an "Oops Paint" from Home Depot that I got a while ago for 5.00. Now that I see it on the walls I'm wishing I would have used it in the bedroom we are saving for a nursery. There is no way to really duplicate the color though....oh well. Our guest will be happy with it! I also went out (much to DH's displeasure) and bought new bedding for the freshly stained guest bed. I’m hoping my Chandelier I bought on EBay will show up before my IUI so I can paint it. I’ll post a picture of the complete room when it is done.

All day today I have been trying to make an appointment to get my Acupuncture done before my IUI. I’m all bummed that it is not going to happen. The only times that are available are while I am working. I’m going to talk to my boss and see if she will let me out of work to have it done. But I am training a new girl so I don’t know if it will happen. I do have an appointment for a message tomorrow though! I am very excited about that!

I’m expecting my IUI to take place this weekend. Friday is what I am thinking but it might be over the weekend. I go for my u/s Wednesday. So we will see then.

I had my massage on Tuesday. It was wonderful!!! I don’t know why I have waited so long to get one done. It was very relaxing. I was a tad disappointed with it though. I was expecting her to get all the knots out of my back and have it be more kneading, but it was more rubbing. Which was nice, but I wanted a little more. I think I need to get a deep tissue massage. Graham would LOVE this girl who massaged me though (not in that way you perv!) he likes a lighter touch massage so I’m gonna make him an appointment for Saturday. I’m gonna sneak me in my deep tissue while were there!

I also decided too call into work and get my Acupuncture done. So I did that today (or technically yesterday). It was much easier then I expected. The first part we talked about my life style and what I was seeking treatment for. They use the 5 Element Laws (Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Metal) to determine what is out of place. With me it was Earth and one of the other ones…I can’t remember which. The she explained what she was going to do and showed me the needled. They were tiny….very much hair like, just how the info sheet described them. They start first-timers with putting needles in your hands, arms, legs and for infertility in your stomach. Once I got on the table she checked my pulses in 3 different spots on my wrist and then decided to change her game plan. She said according to my pulses my body was way out of whack. The pulses are supposed to be stronger on my left side then on my right, but she could barely feel them on the left so she asked me if I was okay with doing a more aggressive treatment. She said they usually don’t do this treatment until you have a few visits under your belt, but she though it would be most beneficial to get me ready for my IUI. I told her I was ready for whatever. So she had me flip onto my back and then placed 50 or so needles all along my spine that were supposed to help certain organs realign. After the needles were placed she said it takes 20-45 minutes for your body to go back in correct form. With most needle placements they say they know when they hit the right point because you feel “Qi” (Chi- is how it sounds) but the treatment she was doing you could not feel that. Some people respond different. Some get cold where the needles are, some feel vibrations, some feel nothing but around the site your skin gets red. You have to lay with the needles in your back until that goes away. It took me a little over an hour! I didn’t think my body was that messed up! The weird thing to me was the organs that took the longest to respond were my heart and lungs….the only 2 organs that don’t cause me problems. After the needles came out I was feeling a bit spacey so she put 4 more needles in me…in my hands and on my legs to bring me back. With those I got a chance to feel Qi. That was weird! It was more jolting then I expected it to be. None of it really hurt. You could feel a poke, but it did not feel like a needle poke. I’m hoping it helps! I scheduled another appointment for Wednesday after my IUI.

I also went in today (now yesterday I guess) for my follicle check. Again this cycle I have 4 follicles. They are 1.8, 1.4, 1.3 and 0.83cm. They only think one will do anything worth while. My lining is crap though. It is only at 5.6…they like it closer to 9-12. I left the office with instructions to start my Estrace again and take my trigger shot on Thursday. Then later I got a phone call saying that my RE wanted to wait until Sunday to do the IUI to help my lining thicken. The doubled up my does of Estrace and I am to take my trigger on Friday now. Which is fine with me. I am going to a Baseball game Saturday with friends so now that my IUI is pushed back I can have a few drinks.

I took Friday off of work anticipating a Friday IUI so now I am feeling guilty and like I should go in. I found a girl to cover my shift so it’s not like I would be leaving my unit short, but still I feel bad. Part of me says screw it and take the day off because it would be good to take it easy before, but the other part reminds me that I have spent an extra 200.00 on acupuncture and massages and we could use the money. I wait it out and see how I feel come Friday.

Oh! Another cool thing I wanted to add…..when I was the RE getting my U/S today they had a pamphlet called “Acupuncture and Infertility” So I grabbed it to read while I was waiting. It said that 26% of people who used just fertility treatments to get pg were successful, BUT 46% of women who used Acupuncture along with their fertility treatments got pg!!! Those made me feel so much better about scheduling my Acupuncture. It made it feel worth it. Even if it doesn’t work I will feel better knowing that I did everything I could have possibly done to make my self successful….although I haven’t temped in a few days! I just haven’t felt like it. I’m all blah’d out of temping.

Oh! And one more cool thing that made my day. One of my good friends asked me to be her bridesmaid in her wedding! I am so flattered! I was not expecting to be asked. I had so much fun planning my wedding, and in the end graham and I got married in the Bahamas…where I didn’t have to plan a thing. So it will be fun getting to actually see one planned from start to finish.

Okay Off to bed!!

I just got home from having lunch with a few friends. We got pedicures after and that was really nice!! It has been a long time since I had one of those. Once of my friends is also having trouble TTC and is starting Clomid next month so we talked a lot about her plan and my experiences so far. I had my IUI today as well. It went well. Yesterday I made DH go and get a massage since he has been working 100+ hours the last few weeks and I was concerned about his sperm counts. The massage must have paid off because his count was good at 10 million! Everything else was good as well at 85% motility and 3+ for whatever the other thing is they look at that just needs to be above 2. . They checked my Follicles and there are 3 that are decently sized and the nurse said that it looked like we had the IUI timed perfectly. This IUI hurt a bit more then the others. Not while she was putting the catheter in, but when the nurse injected the sperm! Ouchy!! It was really uncomfortable. The nurse who did it was the same nurse, Sonja who I had for the last two. I was glad she was there. She is so fun!! She makes the experience better. I was the last IUI of the day so she let me stay lying down for as long as I wanted to. So we stayed for a bit and then went home and I lay down for another hour.

This cycle I had to give myself my HCG shot. The last few I’ve had a friend at the hospital do it but I wasn’t working when I needed it so the plan was to have DH do it for me. He started getting kinda squeamish about it so I did it myself. My poor DH got woozy from me giving it to myself! So much so that he thought he was gonna pass out and had to go lay down!! I don’t know what he is going to do when I actually have to give birth!

I’m sad this is my last IUI. I’m hoping DH will decide he wants to do one or 2 more. He has made that comment but not seriously yet. Well have to see.

Well I am exhausted! I am gonna go lay down for a bit!

I had a good temp jump today so I know that I O’d yesterday. For some reason though my ticker is not showing my info from today. I was playing with my setting on it and must have goofed something up. Oops! I’m still having O pains and cramping so DH has orders to be home for some BDing tonight!

Another thing that I am doing this cycle that I forgot to mention is I am wearing fertility beads. One of my friends went to Africa years ago and brought me back this cool statue of women and her baby and fertility beads. These beads are blessed. You are supposed to wear around your waist and you are not supposed to let anyone see them but your DH while they are on. When she first gave them to me I though they were cool looking, but I didn’t think much else about them since kids were not in my plans yet. So I put the beads around the neck of my statue and have had her sitting on my kitchen counter as decoration ever since. The day before my IUI I was chopping veggies by the statue and saw the beads and figured...why not? So I have put them on and won’t take them off until I get AF or my BFP. I figure every little thing helps.



I went wedding dress shopping with my friend today. It was fun! She found a beautiful dress that looks like it was made for her. It was originally a 3300 dollar dress and we got it on sale (and then talked them down a bit more) and bought it for 450! She looks fabulous in it and the best part is that it needs almost no alterations! Just a bustle added. I am so excited for her wedding. It was sweet seeing my normally down to earth friend get so excited. It made me want to get married again…still to my DH of course!

Here is a picture of my friend in her dress. This picture does not do her justice!!





pretty huh?