Okay, I don't know whether to be concerned or not.
My temp went down this morning to 98. I don't know if that's part of the downward trend towards AF or the fact I was so hot last night I'd kicked all the covers to the floor and woke up chilled! Who knows, but I guess tomorrows temp will give some indication. If it goes down again, I'll start resigning myself to another BFN, another month of Clomid.
I'm still getting some bb tenderness, not so much throughout the whole thing as much as it is nipple sensitivity (I know TMI), and the low belly twinges have stopped. But to that end, I haven't been having any cramping like I usually get w/ AF on the way. Of course it's still early in the game.
On Clomid, the longest I've gone before AF showed was 12dpo with day 10/11 having some spotting. I'm praying that getting to 10dpo w/ no cramping or spotting is a good sign. My pattern is about 1-2 days before AF actually shows, I have a couple of instances of spotting (usually brown, sometime pink) on TP. Then, I go in for a clomid ultrasound, we discuss the level of spotting (because at that point that's usually all I'm doing) and determine what my actual CD1 is going to be. Even on Clomid I can't have normal AF's that start gangbuster's, announcing their presence with authority so to speak!! No...I have to play the 'is this really AF? Should I call the Dr?' game.
So, right now I'm in limbo, wondering if the lack of AF symptoms is a good thing. Wondering if the temp going down was an AF sign or just me sleeping w/ no covers under a ceiling fan, on a cool night, by an air conditioner vent! Wondering if the BB pain being more nipple as opposed to all over is a good thing. Wondering if I start spotting so close to the weekend, how I'm going to get my clomid ultrasound. Wondering if I even truly O'd because I don't have the projesterone numbers to hang my hat on!
Just....wondering...waiting...and praying without ceasing!
Nathan asked me out of the blue the other morning if he was ever going to have a baby brother/sister. My heart stopped. I told him to keep praying. That if it was God's will we have another baby, He'd give us one, but that I didn't know. Then I asked him why he asked. He's been praying for one since he was 2years old, but it's been a while since he's asked. Turns out, he was playing with some of his Thomas the Tank Engine trains (at almost 7, he's playing w/ superheros more and train play has almost stopped) and he started feeling bad for them, that they didn't get played with all the time anymore. He was wondering if he'd ever have a little brother or sister to give them to because he wanted to teach them how to play with them, how to build track, and to watch the movies with them. I wanted to cry. I'm sitting here tearing up now. He'd be such an awesome big brother and I pray he gets the chance.
I have 4 days before I test.
Wow! I just realized how long it's been since I've posted anything. Not because I'm not still obsessing though by any stretch of the imagination!
I tested on Sun 10/16 and it was neg, and then monday AF showed up.
So, not only did she show up, she did it on the week I'd taken off from work. Which is the real reason I wasn't online very much. I'd taken the week off to get some much needed, major cleaning done in my house.
Each day I took a room (or two depending) and gutted them, scrubbed them down, and put them back together. Very rewarding...and exhausting!
But, I knew me. I purposely didn't keep my computer on while I was working because if I started playing around online I'd never get anything done!
So, I'm now on CD11 and waiting to O. I had 200mg of clomid again this month and was pleasantly surprised to find out I was wrong about what cycle I was on. I thought this was 5 of 6 but Dr. B has me down as 4 or six. He also mentioned that if it didn't happen this month we could discuss some other tests that we could do to make sure nothing else is gong on, but then he said that he didn't feel like anything had changed, I'm just still annovulatory and that we (read HE at this point) just needed to be patient!
HA! The man has NO idea what patience is!
Whew...this month is flying and I'm hitting the nailbiting stage of this cycle. It seems weird. In many ways I feel like I haven't obsessed as much as I have been. I've filled my days first with vacation, then with catching up at work and, perhaps most of all, I've picked back up my writing. That's filled lots of time (or perhaps just space in my mind!)
Regardless, I'm happy to say that I'm on day 16 and have had a temp spike. It went from 97 on CD13 rising to 97.3 on both CD14&15 and today it jumped to 98!
Of course FF won't give me a cover line until it stays up for several days in a row and it's odd because every other month I've been on Clomid I didn't O until CD17.
Sooooo I guess we'll see. I'm going to keep watching my temps and try not to obsess about little things. Of course, that means I won't mention that my bb's are sore mid cycle! Okay, so apparently I'm going to obsess whether I want to or not!
Let the mega obsessing begin! I had another temp spike! My temps had been hovering around 98.3 but this morning it went to 98.6! Oh please, oh please, oh please let this be working towards a triphasic pattern!
The only other 'symptom' I've had are very tender nipples. Now, tender BB's are usually one of my first PMS symptoms but it seems they started early this month. They've been this way since Wednesday (CD18/2dpo) Not the shooting little achiness feeling I was getting last month. This is just centered on..well...the center!
Here's hoping it actually means something this month!
This has been a rough week arthritis/fibromyalgia wise. It's almost been a 1 step forward 15 step backward disappointment. I've made the decision to get myself back on track diet and exercise wise. I'm very much over the 'ideal weight' and know I have no chance of reaching it before I become pg (well...I hope it doesn't take me another 2-3yrs!) but I can start taking care of myself.
Anyway...I've done really well diet wise (except for that cake/ice cream moment at work on Friday!) but the exercise part went down the tubes. I went to Curves on Tuesday after several weeks (okay...near a month) of not going and had a good workout. There are several machines that really mess with my bad knee so I went light on them but it didn't matter. I HURT myself badly. By that night, I couldn't put any weight on my bad knee at all and even shifting it when I was sitting was painful enough to bring tears to my eyes. It's gotten gradually better over the week and I can now walk w/o much pain but too much bending kills it. Imagine corn being ground to meal on gravel and that's what my knee sounds like when it bends - even DH could hear it last night!
So, I only worked out one day last week. I'd planned to keep going and just bypass the machines that work the legs entirely - concentrate on the arm machines and the boards in between - you know the 'something is better than nothing' mentality. Ha! Best laid plans and all that. Wednesday I woke up feeling like my entire body had been wrung like a dish rag. My back was stiff, my shoulders and arms ached like I'd been holding a 100lb weight for hours, my hips felt like they were fused together, my thigh muscles burned and twitched and my hands were so weak holding onto my purse strap was a chore. I just felt sore all over. It hurt to sit still...it hurt to move...it was the Fibromyalgia. It has been six months or more since I've had the all over body pain that used to make pain meds part of my daily diet.
I was absolutely miserable and it was made even worse because since I'm in the 2ww I'd stopped all meds but thyroid and glucophage! All I had was the normal dosing of 'regular strength' tylenol. In other words I could have been popping m&m's for all the good it did me!
The good news is the pain has subsided and now I just feel slightly achy and very weak - muscularly - which if it's follows the same course it's done before that will disappear gradually as I move more. Fibromyalgia is cyclic, so hopefully that bad spell is going to give way to another good one.
Either way, I'm not going to let this stop me from working out this week. One of the things my rheumatologist told me would help the Fibromyalgia was keeping active. That too much inactivity will make the bad spells longer. So I'm not giving up!
Now, all I need to do is move more, eat better and NOT bite my nails to nubs before I test! Which...I think...testing will be done around 11/14. If I can hold out!!
You know, this is all going to end up being a combination of pms and a stomach bug and I'm going to pull every strand of my hair out!
So, here's what's happening with me so far at 9dpo.
BB's...can we say...owwww! They've moved from just painful nipples to being achy all over, especially if I'm going down stairs or working out. Again...could be pms.
My temps went way down on 8dpo (from 98.5 to 98.2) but today they jumped back up to 98.5. Yay! Now if they'll just stay up and end in a bfp!
I've been super nauseous all day long. A couple of times even coming to the point of gagging and looking for somewhere discreet just in case I tossed my cookies! I've resorted to swigging pepto just to move from the couch to go pick up Nathan. Of course this is going to be the bug that
was going through the store like wildfire last week! Of course, those people were usually feeling better the next day, so you know if I still feel like this tomorrow my hope are going to skyrocket!
On a pain side note, things are going better and I've actually been able to work out twice this week - with plans to go a couple of more times.
Work however has been the biggest pain in the rear ever. I got caught in a meeting that lasted until almost 6pm on Monday (I'd been there since 7am). I got there at 6am on Tues as opening mgr, only to have the mid manager call out leaving me the only mgr in the building until 2pm, my regional manager call and demand that I sit in on a meeting that didn't pertain to anything *I* do at all, and twenty min before I was leaving two repair men showed up who needed to work in areas that needed an escort! So, I ended up working a 10hr day. Then today, because an employee needed help, I show up on my day off at 6:30am and work until 8:30am in the cash office so she could leave early for an oral surgery appt (cash office personnel can't leave until the days processing is done and no one else was available who knew the processing), then went to the worthless check dept to turn 6 bad checks over to the court system and ended up not getting out of there until after 10am.
And just think...I have two more days before this week is over.
I'm anxious to test...I'm anxious to be far enough dpo to test reliably!
And to say DH is excited by my queasiness is an understatement! Even knowing about all the call outs from last weeks bug, when I mentioned I was laying on the couch sipping a pepto cocktail, his first comment was 'maybe this means you're pregnant'. Obviously he remembers the all day, every day, morning sickness that lasted my entire pregnancy w/ DS!
I have 5 days before I test....if I last that long!
Okay, I'm wondering if I'm just sick..physically...mentally is a given!
I broke down and tested w/ a $tree test this morning (10dpo) and it was negative. Not that I really expected it to be otherwise because it's still too early but, after yesterday's all day horrible, nearly gagging, where did I put that bottle of pepto bismal nausea yesterday, I woke up and before I'd even gotten halfway down the hall to my son's room I was nauseous and dizzy. So, my imagination ran wild and I couldn't stop myself from testing!
I'm actually sitting on the couch, procrastinating in the worst way. I've got to be at work at 10am, but the thought of moving just makes me feel...well...nauseous! We had a bug go through the store last week and several people called out from it, but it was a 24hr thing and I've been feeling like this since yesterday morning.
Other than that, my temps are still up and my bb's are achy/tender and feel hot - but sore bb's are also one of my pms symptoms, so I'm trying not to read too much into that!
Okay, this is not getting me ready for work....waaaahhhh
Well...11dpo and I'm quietly losing my mind. The only thing I'm thinking of is...am I...could I be...please let me be...don't get too hopeful...what if I am!!...it's nerve wracking!
Okay, so here's what's going w/ me at 11dpo.
Temps...remain the same...still high and actually have stayed the same temp (98.5) for 3 days straight. I'm also 11dpo and my average luteal phase is 12dpo w/ a maximum of 14dpo - so on top of over analyzing everything as possible pg symptoms, I'm horribly afraid everytime I go to the bathroom that I'm going to find AF has shown up.
BB's still painful. All over now but still the nipples are the most sensitive. And it's not just when something pokes them it's all the time. Sleeping has been interesting the past few days because my favorite position is a semi side-stomach position and either way was uncomfortable. Also, have had this level of achiness before and NOT been pg, so who knows. :P
Nausea has faded somewhat but hasn't disappeared altogether. I don't feel like I'm one deep breath from hurling anymore but I've still got that 'bleh' not right feeling, episodes of queasiness and also of lightheaded dizziness.
I just ned to last a few more days before I test.
But, I don't know what I'm going to do if it's a BFN again. Just the thought of it (at odd times the past few days) has made me want to just cry.
And it's usually happened at work where I can't just go and have the good cry I want to!
I got a BFP!!
Before work yesterday I went to Walmart and got a 3 pack of First Response. I couldn't wait so I stopped at Best Buy (electronics store) and went to their bathroom. The line was faint...but it was there...and I spent 10min in the bathroom stall wailing like a fool! I couldn't help it! All I could do was cry and say 'thank you'!
Of course, I was only 11dpo, I wasn't using FMU, and the line was very faint so I roped myself back in and managed to make it through the day w/o telling anyone or having anyone ask me what was the reason for the silly grin plastered on my face!
I'd planned to use FMU this morning and get an 'accurate' reading, but for some reason last night I could not stay out of the bathroom. From 11:30pm until 7:30am I had to go 4 times! So much for FMU!
Of course I couldn't help myself. I tested at 10am and got another faint line! I immediately told DH, who looked very skeptical and kept saying 'I don't see it'. Of course, he's done this w/ all of my pregnancies. He won't let himself 'believe' until I get a doctors confirmation. It's the way HE protects himself from dissapointment!
It led to a cute moment (IMO). He kept snickering and sayinging, 'Where...what line...' so I hit him on the arm with the test, then said, 'No! Bad baby! Don't hit daddy!' Which completely cracked him up.
He believes, though he swears he's waiting, because he's been walking around with a grin all day long and has made several off hand comment about how our families (and especially Nathan) will react. Then I made the comment at Walmart (I had to get more tests because I want to take a few more when I'm actually 'Late' to hopefully get some darker lines. That way when I go on my next day off to have my dr's office confirm the test, I can confidently say...yep got a dark line!) about how much diapers cost and he got this faintly sick look on his face and said, 'Oh man...I hadn't even thought about that yet!'
Last time I got pg in Feb 04, the day the dr confirmed it (at just over 4wks), we told Nathan and both our families. When I miscarried a week later, it was very hard. I did like having the support of my family, but trying to explain to my then 5yo son why he'd only been a 'big brother' for a week, was a conversation I hope to never repeat.
Because of that, I've asked DH if we could wait until I'm at least 6wks before we tell anyone. I know I'll NEVER make it much past that because I am so happy and excited and (regarding work) commited to not doing anything stupid (like lifting heavy objects and swinging from ladders to steel to get products down for customers).
I'm going to hang around here for a little while longer, again the old fear of m/c rearing it's ugly head, because I don't want to 'get ahead of myself' too much by starting a pg journal!!
Okay, this is more nerve wracking than the 2ww...I'm convinced of it.
I went in on Monday (11/14 - 14dpo) and had my pregnancy confirmed by the doctors office. Two wonderful things happened there. One, my favorite nurse Maryann was the one who gave me my pee test (she'd done my one w/ Nathan) and when I told her my home tests had been faint, she dug around in a cabinet until she found a different test that she said was little more sensitive. So I actually had 2 pg tests working at the same time!
The sensitivity didn't matter though because w/ in seconds both tests popped up positive! She was as excited as I was! Then she asked if my husband was excited and I laughed and told her that he said he wasn't going to believe it until someone from the doctors office said 'Congratulations Mr. Bailey'. Well, when she heard that, she pulled out her note pad, wrote the date, time, and 'Congratulations Mr. Bailey' and gave it to me. I wish I'd had a picture of Earl's face when he read that! He thought it was so funny! It's hanging on the refrigerator now but will certainly go in the new baby's book!
Then Maryann did something that will forever put her at the top of my Christmas card list! The doctor wasn't in (he'd been called in for an emerg c-section) so she made an 'executive decision' and ordered me some blood tests to check my hcg levels! I could have kissed her! My last preg ended in a m/c so I was looking for ANY reassurance!
The results came back with a number of 109 which, after reading on the boards about some of the other ladies numbers in the high hundreds and even thousands, sounded awfully low to me. But, the nurse was quick to assure me that for a two/three week gestation period the numbers were right on track.
I'm to go back on Monday for another test to see how the numbers are doing.
I've decided that NOW would be a good time to get an evil head cold and it's killing me! My head hurts, my nose is stopped up, my throat hurts, my ears hurt...basically anything over my neck is not cooperating! I did call Dr. B's office to find out if there's anything I could take but I just wish it would go away!
Otherwise, I'm sitting over here quietly losing my mind from worrying about a possible m/c. I'm not cramping or spotting or in any way but until I get past that 5wk mark where I lost my last baby, I'm going to be paranoid.
My bb's are still tender but the level they were at last weekened (where I didn't want anything to touch them) has gone down a notch. They are still painful when poked but breathing doesn't make me wince anymore! My stomach still has that bleh feeling but I wish I had full blown m/s! It would be more reassuring.
I just remember that in 2004, I had the tender breasts, then the home bfp, then the doctor's office confirmed bfp, then a week later a m/c. So, the doctors BFP may have reassured Earl, but it's reawakened all those memories and fears! Knowing the numbers has helped, but I'll be better if I could just get my second set of numbers and get a little further along.
We've decided to wait until after the second blood test and Thanksgiving to tell our families. One if the numbers indicate something is wrong, we won't have gotten everyones hopes up, and with everyone in one place we'll get them all in one swoop!
There are of course three exceptions to this rule. The first (and most important) is going to be Nathan. We're going to tell him as soon as we get the results of the second blood test back (if the results are good). He's so anxious for a baby I know he'll be beside himself with joy. As a matter of fact, when we prayed before bed last night, he told me and Earl that he'd decided to pray for only what he wanted the most (apparently he's decided to move away from the generic 'bless my family, my friends' type prayer) so he prayed for Earl's grandmother whose in the hospital and then he prayed for a baby brother or sister. I wanted to cry.
The other two exceptions are my friends Robin and Ann. Robin has been my sounding board (okay..my whining and obsessing board!) for this journey and I couldn't NOT tell her! Her son was in my son's kindergarten class, but because both of us work, we didn't get to know each other until one day when she e-mailed me. She'd found my journal on pg.org and saw Nathan's kindergarten graduation picture! She's a special, funny, caring woman that I'm fortunate to have gotten to know! So, of course I told her (shhhh....Earl doesn't know that!).
Ann is family. We've been friends since we met at work in 1992. Because of our same sick sense of humor, a love of music and books, shared experiences, and the beach, we became closer than sisters! We've been each other's confidant, leaning post, thump on the head to bring you to your senses, friends since then. She supported me through 6yrs of TTCing before moving to England in 1996. When I became pg in 1998, I had to share the news with her over the phone. She now lives in South Carolina and is coming up next week to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with us and her family (who live in the area), so she will also be told before Thanksgiving!!
If my numbers are good from Monday's test, I will probably move to a pg journal. All I can do is pray and try to remain positive! I just wish time would move a little quicker...you know?!