Prayer needed: TTC #1 after m/c 11/30/01

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Prayer needed: TTC #1 after m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-06-25 19:08

Well, I'm starting this journal in order to keep a record of my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I also am trying to stop obsessively talking with dh about ttc. I am ttc #2 after loosing our 1st last Nov. We've been married since 1999, and I love him very much. Today is cd2. Last month I used a fertility monitor for the first time. I o on cd17 last month. The monitor is borrowed from a parent of one of my former students. I like using it. It is easy...1st morning urine...put in machine...results. Definitely not as hard as opk. It was hard to do it roughly the same time every day. Even harder was holding my urine for 4 hours. I would sometimes forget. This is our 7th month ttc. It DOES get harder each month. Each month I figure when the baby would be born if I conceived. It's like each month I already have a baby in my head. Also I miss our other baby. I think about how old she would be at Christmas, ect. I've begun actively seeking doctor's advise though. I changed doctors since my last pg. My doctor now is more willing to do test. My last doctor wouldn't test until 3 unsuccessful pg. That would be WAY too hard for me. Last month I had my progesterone tested on cd21. They said it was 19. They said anything above 15 is good. Now this month I have to go in for a Post Coital Test. I didn't even know what this was. They said when I ovulate according to the monitor...come in the next day but have sex on the morning I go to the doctor. They will test the interaction of sperm and my cervial mucus. Who ever knew getting pg would be this technical? And to think I spent all those years trying to avoid having a baby...only to find out it really is harder than it seems for some people. Then you have people like my 17 year old neice who get pg and shouldn't be. I don't think I can even go over to my in-laws any time soon because there is always a chance she may be there. She smokes even though she's pg. She jumped into the pool on her STOMACH even though she's pg. And God only knows what she does at home when nobody is looking (drugs, drinks, etc). I feel really bad for the baby. He will be so innocent in all this. And that's another thing...she's upset it's a boy. She wanted a girl. And her mom, my sil, is dumb enough to feel the same way. I don't want to be around them. But I miss my fil and mil. If they weren't out of town we could visit and just come home when the idiots arrive. But we are stuck there since we have no other place to stay. We're building a new house with a spare room so they can visit us (whenever it is finished-it's taking forever). Anyway, I love this idea of a journal. It's nice putting my thoughts into words. I've done this before on paper, but this is better. I don't feel I have to worry about if someone finds it and reads it. I can write freely. I look forward to reading over these entries in the future. Hopefully I can update every day.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-06-26 11:40

CD3
Well I was so nervous today because late last night I got a call from my boss saying she was going to evaluate me today. This was my first evaluation with this particular boss. I was so worried. I worked on my presentation all night (it felt like). Actually it was around midnight when I went to sleep. I had to be there at 8:45. I don't know why I was so nervous. I think I'm good at what I do. And I also already have accepted a new job that starts in Aug. I have not given my notice, but I always should keep in mind I've got another job lined up anyway. As far as ttc goes...af is really heavy this month. I hate it! I remember being in middle school and it being this heavy. I remember staying home from school because it was so heavy it literally made me sick. Then I think about how when I put myself on bc in high school how it all went away. I could track af to the minute too. It's funny sometimes I think about going back on bc just to make af easier. But that really defeats the purpose of ttc. I always feel this way during af week though. Anyway I hope this is my month. It seems like everyone I've talked to about the monitor says that it worked successfully in month two. I hope this is what happens with me. It keeps getting harder and harder to know if it will ever happen. Then I think maybe we should consider adoption. I'm not sure I could do it, but I think it would be better than being childless. My friend has a foreign little girl staying with her for seven weeks this summer to obtain medical help. I look at her and think I'd take her. And I've got another friend whose been trying to adopt for the past 4-5 years. We don't really have the money to do this. I guess time will only tell if all these things in my mind are even worth thinking about. But if my mom tells me one more time to just relax, and it will happen...I'm going to loose it! She has never experienced this, and I'm going to have to distance myself from mine and dh's family. It really is hard being around some people.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-06-28 10:56

CD5
WOW, what a wild and crazy past two days!!! I ended up in the hospital 2 nights ago. I felt completely fine all day. I cooked dinner, and I then started feeling a little sick. DH ate the same thing and didn't get sick. I slept for a little while, and woke up sicker than I've ever been. DH called EMT, and they took me to the hospital. They couldn't get me stop throwing up. All the medicine didn't help for a while. So I spent all night in the hospital. I'm doing better. I'm on bed rest now though. I thought I would not be sick again until I was pg again. And bed rest should be something I only do when I'm pg. Oh well! It seems if it's not one thing it's another. I just want a normal life. I want to conceive and be sick for that reason...NOTHING else. I have a follow up appointment today. I still can't eat, but I'm better. It's funny during all this I thought...at least I'm not sick during ovulation. Isn't that crazy! I know being on CD5 at least I still have a chance to be better by o time and still conceive. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-06-28 17:38

CD5 cont...
Well I just need to vent and this seems like a great way! I just got back from the stomach specialist. Not a great guy! He just looked at me and said basically I had food poisoning! DUH!!! I would not have even gone for the follow-up, but dh thought it was necessary. I hate being sick. Even more I hate myself when I'm sick. I'm not a good patient. And to make it worse I'm stressing about work. Right now I feel like I could crawl in a hole and stay there. I just wish I could have a normal life. I want to be pg...have a child...have my new house finished (we're in the process of building)...have a car that doesn't leak when it rains...all this stuff...I just wish all my problems would go away. I wish I could reach out to someone. DH is probably getting tired of me. I just have to keep going minute by minute. After my miscarriage someone told me try not to think about getting through the next day or even hour...just try to get through the next minute...maybe 5. That's what I'm going to try to do now. Why does life have to be so complicated.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-06-29 20:11

CD6
Well today dh has seemed to have come down with a stomach virus too. Not nearly as bad as mine, but it has put him under. It's always something! I'm still back to I'm glad it is not o time. I hope being sick doesn't effect o for me. I figure I'm at least a little over a week from o. I called my boss and left a message, but she still hasn't called back. I'll be glad to get away from this co. They expect me to be waiting on their every whim, but they can't return my calls!!! I need a vacation. DH talked with his parents last night...we haven't visited since 17 year old pg neice was around last. She smokes and everything else. I don't want to be around her. My family is having its own problems...health related. I don't want to be around anyone, but I don't want to be alone either. I need more close friends. My family has always been my close freinds, but I can't talk to them about ttc. This makes me think next time (if I ever do conceive again) I'm going to keep it a secret as long as I can (hopefully 12-15 weeks). I'm trying to distance myself now for the future because it will be very hard for me to keep this secret. I've started reading more. I've never been a person who likes to read, but it seems better for passing the days than tv, except for GH, have to watch it. Boy, I'm rambling. Anyway I'm trying to remain positive. A very hard thing for me to do. This journal seems to help though.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-06-30 13:06

CD7
Today I've felt a little better. I got out of the house for the first day in days, except for the hospital and doctor's office. I'm extremely tired though. I'll be glad when this week is over (and it's not even Monday). I've already started my monthly count down until the baby for this month would be born. I do this every month. It is terrible. This month I'm not telling dh. I made a deal to back off telling him such silly stuff. This baby's due date would be April 1, 2003. April Fools Baby! Wouldn't that be funny?! I hope it happens this month. So far it is too early to even start taking test for the monitor. Last month that started on CD 9. I guess I'm back to the waiting game. Wish me luck!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-01 11:27

CD8
Well my stomach is in knots!!! I just spoke with my boss. I have a meeting this afternoon I don't want to go to. I just told my boss about my other job offer. I'm so nervous about seeing her this afternoon. I just want to be gone from this co. I think I'll enjoy this new job better. It seems more personable. Although I always feel like I'll enjoy my next job more. Isn't that terrible?! I really want to be a SAHM! The only problem I'm having with that is getting to the mom part. DH would love for be to be at home. I just feel guilty staying home without a child. I already have cut my hours since my mc. I am going to cut them more now. If only I could get pg, and then I'd know what my job would be!!!! Wish me luck at this meeting.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-01 17:30

CD8 cont.
Well I made it through my meeting. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to hear from my boss. I was completely upfront with her. I told her all about the other job offer. I had to present today too. I hate being in front of people. DH said to quit work altogether. He said to stay at home. I slipped and said I'd be a Stay At Home Wife instead of a SAHM. I wasn't suppose to mention the b word (baby) this month to him. It was a deal I came up with. I would feel so stupid staying at home without children. What would all those years in college be for then?! And what would people think?! Although I'm pretty much past what people think about my career choices. I've gotten over that in the past year (I think). I just want this new job to work out. I called a church today near where we are building our house. I'm hoping to find a new church to go to. Church always has so much politics though. Anyway maybe we'll visit. I'd like to have a new church before we move. I love this journal. It's probably boring to read, but I enjoy venting in my writing.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-02 13:01

CD9-high
Well CD9 was the first day the monitor asked for a test this month just like last month. Unlike last month...it went to high today. Last month it was CD10 when it went to high...then stayed high for about a week. I hope this thing knows what it's doing. We are bd every other night anyway...we'll dh doesn't know there is a schedule, but there is! Let's see how I can keep him on a schedule w/o him knowing it. He'd bd every night, but I don't want his sperm count to go down before o. Anyway I feeling so anxious about everything now. I'm at my lunch break. I've really got to go. I just need to throw myself into work right now. This works out good since I'm working this afternoon, and I wasn't planning on it. Now if only I could hear from my b*tchy boss I would feel better. Well at least I would know where I stand. I hate not knowing things or being in control. I guess that is one thing that makes ttc so hard!!!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-02 18:40

CD9-high cont.
Well my afternoon has pasted. I still haven't heard from my boss. I HATE being in limbo!!! And to make it worse dh is working a lot lately. I always feel alone. I try reaching out to people, but I never seem to make a real connection with anyone. I even tried calling old friends. One friend I used to be very close with before I got married, and she got remarried...she's out of town. She's a great friend in the aspect of if I need her...she's there. But she never stays in contact. She waits for me to call. Then it's like old times. Although I wish sometimes she would call me. So I called another friend/former coworker. We are meeting for lunch. The only thing is I have a hard time trusting people. I need to open up to someone soon, or I may explode! I just feel very alone. I want someone to share stuff with. I'd prefer to have a female friend too. I want to be able to compare female problems. I want girlfriends! It seems to come so easy to some people. Oh well...keeping my journal lets me release my own feelings.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-03 16:27

CD10-high
Well today is almost over. I can't believe how tired I am. DH said I've been talking in my sleep again. When I'm really stressed I have terrible nightmares and talk in my sleep. I'm stressed about work, family, & ttc right now. Not a good time! But today was a new day. Worked this morning...had lunch with a friend this afternoon...tried to relax too. We're going to see some fireworks tonight. I'm trying to remain positive around dh. I'm so proud of myself for not complaining to him about anything this month. I haven't mentioned the baby thing except once accidentally. Now I have to make sure he doesn't drink tonight (or much) or get too tired. We need to bd tonight to stay on schedule. It's kind of fun seeing if I can keep him on it w/o him knowing. At least he has no pressure. I don't like that I wish each month away. I never even know what the date is anymore. But ask me what cd it is, and I'm ready. I almost think for example today is the 10th because it's cd10. I don't like the idea I'm living my life for my next cycle. I wish I could get out of this, but I'm not sure I'm ready to give up the counting, the monitor, the schedule, etc. I think I'll give it until November. That will be a year since Angel died. After that I'll consider giving up all the technicle stuff, maybe!? Hopefully I'll be pg by then!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-04 17:14

CD11-high
Well I kind of knew it...dh couldn't stick to the schedule, or I couldn't keep him on it. We bd last night and today. Don't get me wrong...I love it! And I guess since the monitor said high for about 1 week last month...we've still got time before over using his sperm is an issue. Anyway its been a lazy day but nice. I just wish I was here with Angel who should have been born by now. I guess some days are harder than others. I think about her all the time. I'll never forget her. I want to be pg again. I don't want to replace her, but I do want another child. Maybe April Fool's Day will be lucky for me next year!!! And my job situation is driving me crazy!!!!!!!! My boss still hasn't called me back with the info I need. I called her, and she said she would call me back yesterday afternoon....LIER!!!! Today I'm not bothering with it. Tomorrow I'll try again. I'm definitely quitting this job!!!! One day I'll be a SAHM, and be the happiest woman on earth!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-06 10:10

CD13-high
Well I'm sick again. This time my neck and throat hurt really bad. I wonder if I get sick a lot because of stress. My mom said I wasn't sick hardly at all as a kid. Anyway...I'm trying to stay strong. We are still bd kind of on schedule. Probably one time too many. But that's on schedule pretty much. As soon as I o...I'm ready for my doc's visit. It means next week could get crazy trying to make sure we bd on that day and rearraning my schedule to get to the doc. I'm excited though. I like having these test done. Maybe they'll find something that is easy to correct, and I'll get pg!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-07 21:00

cd14-high
Today was a good day. Had to turn dh down for bd because I don't want to overdue it before peak time. Tomorrow is the day to bd. I've also got my appointment with doc if I peak tomorrow. I've got to call in the morning. We'll just have to wait and see. I'm feeling extremely positive this month! More than ever now. This is really unusual for me. I'm always a negative person (sad but true). Maybe this is a good sign!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-08 10:57

CD15-PEAK
I'm so excited!!!! I can't explain the way I feel. I feel like everything is going well. That is not to say everything is going perfect, but everything feels like it is happening for a reason. Bad stuff is still happening, but I'm dealing with everything better. My neice's dad died. This is really sad for me. I feel sad for her. She's had a rough short life so far. I feel close to her even though I don't see her but a few times a year. Now she's going to live with my sil. It is probably for the best (I hope). And my g-ma is still sick. She's going for help later this week. And work is up in the air. I know I have a new job starting in Aug., but I'm not sure how much of it I can do. With all this happening I would normally be the most negative person you have ever seen. I even have hated being around myself in the past. BUT I have this strange feeling going through me letting me know everything is going to be okay. I love this feeling. Now I'm not saying that this feeling could just be a feeling. I realize I won't know anything for 2 weeks (as far as the baby goes), but I feel good. I'm not going to deny that! I hope this all isn't a huge let down. I really don't think it is. And if it is I think I'll need help after the let down. I'll need cheerleaders then. And this afternoon I've got my post coiteal test. I'm so looking forward to it. I'm going alone. After I lost my last baby dh said he would go to every doctor's appointment with me. I told him he didn't have to go to fertility appointments. Now in two weeks if I'm pg he will go to every appointment. I refuse to go alone to any appointments. I could not handle going in for a normal check-up like last time and finding something is wrong. Although I also have this feeling this baby is going to be perfectly fine. I must sound crazy! I hope all these feelings a correct.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-08 16:11

CD15-Peak cont.
I just got back from my doc's appointment. Cervical mucus good. DH's sperm low. She said she should see 10-15 sperm in each little look. She only saw 2-4. She said it could be because he gets too hot. Isn't that weird? She said to just "attack" him the next few days, and if I get my period this month to get his sperm tested. I've decided not to tell him that his sperm looks low. He doesn't need that pressure during his peak performance time. He does know that he has to "get his boys checked" if I get my period again. I figure they can tell him then if it is low. Or at least that's the way I'm thinking now. I hate keeping things from him, but it could just have been this morning he was low. He got really overheated during bd. He even had to take a break. So I'm just going to stay very positive. I still can't explain this feeling. As for my job...my new boss (soon to be boss when I change jobs in Aug) called today. She is so nice. She is going beyond the call of duty to help my job change go smoothly. I can't wait to work with her. Anyway I'm going to just keep everything between myself, my journal, and the ladies at ttc 7+ for now.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-08 19:45

CD15-Peak
Just wanted to tell myself...we got pg once before, we CAN do it again! I wanted to say it out loud, but I also don't want to seem like I'm crazy.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-09 12:37

cd16-peak
Well we bd again last night but skipped this morning. But you'd think I was bipolar if you saw me today. Today I'm completely down in the dumps about ttc. I feel like now we have two strikes against us. I can't seem to carry a baby, and dh sperm count might be low. I know I probably shouldn't just to conclusions, but all I can think about is how we are building a 3 bedroom house when we really will only need one. It also kills me to think there will be no Christmas' with kids...nobody to give us grandkids...nobody to take care of us when we are old. And to make it worst my family is very close. Everyone else has kids. I'm starting to cry now. Maybe I'm just not meant to be a mom. I don't know how to go on without kids. What's my purpose in life without kids?! It makes me not want to continue anything.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-10 21:11

CD17-high
Well bd hasn't been going too well. We bd twice on cd15-1st peak day. However cd16-2nd peak day-nothing. Today we tried twice. I just couldn't. Then dh gets turned off. I don't understand...last week I was ready all the time. This week I was ready of peak day 1, and that's it. These are the times I think maybe I shouldn't be so aware of when I o. Maybe I psych myself out! It drives me crazy. I'm trying not to give up hope for this month! It's hard though. I did drink a beer tonight with dinner though. When I started ttc last July I gave up all caffeine, alcohol, etc. It's getting to me now. I'm okay with not having caffeine, but I want alcohol in social situations. It drives me crazy not to drink socially with friends. They all think I'm pg when I don't drink. So as for now I'm going to drink again. Now my attitude changes daily when it comes to ttc so this could change. I REALLY hope this month I get pg! I guess I'm officially in the 2WW! Wish me luck!!!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-11 19:47

CD18-low
Well the 2WW is already getting to me. I either want to be pg, or know I'm not. It's the waiting and not knowing that is hard. Patience is not easy for me! I just need to keep saying...we conceived once we can do it again...we conceived once we can do it again...we conceived once we can do it again...we conceived once we can do it again. After that I'll worry about sustaining a pg! One step at a time. Baby steps too! I just need to make it through each hour, minute, second. I'm trying not to think long term anymore. I'm also trying not to get my hopes up. Why is it so hard not to get my hopes up!!!!! This drives me crazy!!!! It's like I don't have any self control. I do have good news about my new job. Everything is going (or at least seems like it's going to work out okay). Now I just need to give my notice at my current job. I always go back to if I was pg or had my 1st baby I wouldn't have to even be think about these things. I have to learn in the present not the future or past.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

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Posts: 110

Posted: 2002-07-12 21:47

CD19-low
Well today is finally over. I'm tired. I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I've felt little twinges in my abdomin, but it could all be in my head. However I have noticed extra cm. I don't know what this means. I hope it means I'm pg!!! I'm still trying not to get my hopes up, but it is so hard to do. I just need to stay busy. This shouldn't be too hard because I'm working a lot through Wednesday of next week. Right now I have Thursday and Friday of next week off. There is always a chance I may get called in for something though. I just need to stay busy in order to try not to obsess. Time will only tell. I truly would love to have a baby due on April 1, 2003 though. I'm going to try to stay positive. It happened once. It can happen again. If not this month maybe another!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-14 16:11

CD21-low
Well we bd the past two days. It is so nice to bd and not for the sole purpose of ttc. We had the best time last night. We went to my best friend's and had too much fun! We broke all the ttc rules...we drank, we sat in the hot tub, etc. It was great! I kind of feel the slightest bit guilty. I know if I don't get pg this month I'll probably feel like I did something that made me not get pg. I'm trying not to focus of ttc all the time. I need to find some sort of balance between a normal world and a ttc world. They 2ww is killing me! I wish I could know now if I was or wasn't. I just want to get it over with. I don't not like how I always wish each day away waiting for the next time to o. Anyway time will tell. I'm going to try to stay busy!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-15 15:30

CD22-low
The wait is getting to me now. I've only got roughly one week. I want to be pg so bad! I wish I could go to the doc to get a blood test now so I could know if I was pg!!!! I'm going crazy!!!! Why can't I get pg and stay pg and end up with a healthy baby! I need to stay busy. I was planning on cleaning the house this afternoon since I didn't have to work, but I've been lazy. The next two days I'll stay really busy with work all day long so that will help pass the time. At times I think...yes this is the month...then it feels like reality sets in and I think there will never be a month that is mine. I'm going to try to stay positive. One moment at a time!!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-15 19:48

CD22-low cont.
I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach. I hope this is a GREAT sign! I could just be hungry, but I'm pulling for pg!!!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-16 18:18

CD23-low
The wait is driving me crazy!!!!! At least I was very busy with work today, and I will be tomorrow. I kind of already am convincing myself that I'm not pg. I have these wierd feelings in my abdomin. It's probably all in my head or nerves or AF arriving early!!!! I really want this to be the month! I don't want dh to have to get his sperm count tested. I just don't think it will help our bd if he thinks or knows he has low sperm. Although maybe they can do something to fix it. I don't know!!! I'm going crazy!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-16 18:55

CD23-low cont.
Why is my CM so thick and heavy right now?! Does this mean anything!!!???? I hope so.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-17 10:46

CD24-low
AAAAAHHHHHHHH! This is me screaming!!!! I'm going crazy!!!!! I want af to just come on and COME or BETTER YET NOT! The next week needs to fly by!!! The bad thing is I really don't have anything to do Thursday-Sunday, unless I get called in to work. I think I might go to the library and start "studying" up for my new job that starts in about 4 weeks. Then maybe I can read some. Maybe I can go swimming at my friends. I'm sooooooooooooooo stressed!!!!!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-17 17:44

CD24-low cont.
I know I'm not pg this month!!! My lower back is killing me. This is a sure sign af is on her way. This sucks!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-17 19:53

CD24-low cont. again
I just made a big bowl of raw cookie dough to eat. It's amazing how food can make me feel better. Almost every month I make this when af shows up. This month I'm so stressed I made it today. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I'm sleeping late!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-18 18:53

CD25-low
Well I'm very proud of myself...today I stayed busy and did not obsess with next week's hpt. I even mowed the grass in 100 degree weather with a push mower (our riding mower's battery was dead). And more news on our house that we are building...we have the land in our names now. I'm getting excited. Next week we'll try to meet with lenders and contractors. As for ttc...I'm still nervous. It is terrible that I feel the same way every month. I get excited. I really wish each month af would stay away. Then af shows up. I'm trying to remain positive, but I really don't think this month it's going to happen. Also dh and I discuss getting his sperm count checked. We decided not to. We have too many bills now. We can't afford to put any more money into test or treatment if necessary right now. I don't know that we will ever be able to afford it. We will just have to try the old fashion way and if it happens...it happens at least for now. Maybe after the house is finished we may have more money to put toward ttc or adoption.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-19 12:13

CD26-low
Well I'm getting excited again. I've been very tired lately. I slept 12 hours last night since I didn't have to work today. It could just be that I've been working hard in the yard the past two days. I really want to be pg this month! Well just like every month I want to be pg, but part of me knows it did not happen this month. I keep telling myself that it will happen one day. I know if I'm not pg this month I will be devastated just like every month! CD26 though. Maybe af will stay away. Last month I thought she definitely wasn't coming because I didn't feel any signs of af until she started. Boy did I feel them then though! I guess I'll just keep praying!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-20 09:12

CD27-m flashing
Well today I woke up with cramps. Then I checked my monitor and the m was flashing. This means af is on its way or NOT (if she just doesn't come). I don't know why I do this to myself every month. I know in my head I'm not pg. In my heart I always wish I am. Sometimes I just wish I had my head and not a heart. Today I'm going to my friends house with dh. The same friend I had too much fun with last Saturday. It does help to make the time go by faster. I just hope af doesn't show up while I'm over there. We will be swimming and sunning. I just wish for once I could get pg!!!! And stay pg!!!! I know I shouldn't give up hope, but each month I consider not even ttc next month. I still have some strips for the monitor this month so I'm sure I'll at least do the monitor until I run out of strips. Then maybe I'll take a break. I'm so sad, but I don't want to show it to anyone. Oh well maybe I'm not meant to be a mom.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-20 10:57

CD27-m cont.
I think I'm bipolar. Now I feel like I know I'm pg! This is going to drive me crazy. I'm going to the store now and then leaving the house. Too much time on my hands is going to kill me.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-21 19:41

CD28-m flashing
Catch up-last night I had one spot in my panties. I thought here comes af. Then I noticed maybe one more spot. Then today NOTHING! I hope af isn't teasing me. When I was pg last fall I had one or two spots for a couple days then nothing. Then I tested on cd31-very faint positive. Maybe that will be what happens this time!!!! I hope I'm not getting my hopes up too much for nothing. I just wish I could get a + hpt or af. This limbo is terrible. Oh yeah I tood a hpt this morning and got a -. I guess time will tell. And I don't have any more hpt in the house which is probably good since I'd test every day if I could. I guess I'll test again Wednesday. Wish me luck.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-22 10:43

CD1-low
Well af showed up today! I hate TTC! Actually af isn't as bad so far this month as last. I have really bad cramps and back aches usually. Right now all I have is back aches. On cd1 I always want to get back on birth control and give up. I didn't mind af when I was on bc. I knew when it would come, how long it would last, and that it wouldn't hurt. I guess we'll have to try again next month. I've already figured if I get pg this month the baby will be due April 29, 2003. It really makes me sad when I think I'm actually getting closer and closer to the same time I got pg last year. Last year I got pg in late Sept/early Oct. I was due June 20, 2002. I still can't get it out of my head that I should already have my baby by now. I'm not sure how I'll handle it if I'm not pg by the time I got pg last year or even next June. I guess there is a plan for me out there somewhere. I'll have to trust it includes a baby. As for bd this month I'm going to try to fight dh off until around o time. I think since his sperm count may be low, we might be wearing him out too soon in the month. Maybe if we only do it every third night until o then he'd have enough sperm to go around. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I'm depressed today. DH is out of town. He doesn't even know I'm not pg! I think I'm going to just paint my nails and toenails and watch tv and sulk!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-23 18:16

CD2-low
Well cd2 wasn't as bad as cd1. I thought I was going to loose my mind though when our computer at home wouldn't work. I had to go to the library to check my friends out on the 7+ board. It was killing me not to be in contact with them. Anyway while I was at the library I got the book "Getting Pregnant Naturally." I read it this afternoon. It didn't tell me that much extra stuff, but I did learn giving or receiving oral sex is not good when ttc. It also said to try taking a cold shower 30 minutes before bd. Also bd every other night. This is one we have to work on. Sometimes we go over board. We bd too much. It's funny when we got married everyone said (all his friends) just wait in one year you won't have sex at all. Here it is 3 years later and we are having more sex than ever. TTC is good for your sex life if you can get over the stress. In fact I think we are going to become more creative with our bd. We are going to start bd in different places. He has always likes doing it at his parents when we visit. I want to bd on the deck outside one night. It will help to become more creative. I don't want it to always be baby making moments. And these would make cool stories to embarass our future children with...guess where you were conceived? Anyway I'm feeling better. And completely beyond words that my computer is working again!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-24 17:09

CD3-low
Well today was okay. I'm really tired and have no reason to be. I'm hoping this month is going to be THE month! I guess I'm still a little early though. Hopefully this month will be a good one. I'm going to try to not wish this month away though. I'm going to ttc AND enjoy my life!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-25 17:00

CD4-low
Today was okay. I slept late and mowed the front yard. Then a huge storm came through before I could mow the back yard. I cancelled going to a baseball game tonight with friends. I don't like going out in a storm. Lightening really scares me if I'm not at home. Today I've felt sad about my baby that I lost. For some reason some days hit me hard. I've cried a little today. I sometimes wonder if 20 years from now I'll still cry for my baby. Some people don't see it as loosing a child, but I do! I've always heard that loosing a child is one of the hardest things to go through, and I agree! I guess I'll just always be sad for the moments I lost!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-26 11:39

CD5-low
Well I'm going to visit the inlaws! What funny?! Like I've said before I love my mil and fil. The rest of the family I could do without. I'm going to try to remain calm and just enjoy "my time". I'm taking a good book and exercise clothes. They have a pool so I can sun or swim too. I'm really going to miss the support the 7+ board gives me. I guess only time will tell if I can survive a weekend without them. At least af will be leaving this weekend so we can start bd on our schedule again. I guess I better go finish packing.

_________________
Angel m/c 11/30/01

Offline
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 06/05/02
Posts: 110

Posted: 2002-07-28 17:13

CD7-low
Well we starting our every other day schedule for bd yesterday (cd6). Hopefully I'll o around cd 15 again. I'm back from the inlaws. It's always an adventure. This time we found out bil is having (or still having after 2 yrs) an affair. It's just crazy around that place. MIL and FIL are great! I'm not sure how dh and them can be so great, but the rest of the family is kind of crazy. I did a good job of not letting them bother me. My prego niece didn't even bother me. I avoided all of the family I don't like and hung out with the few I do. I'm glad to be home though. Maybe this will be our month to conceive! I am trying to remember if I don't get pg this month it will happen with time.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-29 16:40&&&nbsp


CD8-low
Well I've not done a thing today. I worked this morning, but haven't done anything else. DH was suppose to go out of town for work. I was really dreading it. Now he's staying in town, but leaving in the middle of the night. I almost wish I had the house to myself tonight. Crazy isn't it? Sometimes I dream about going to the beach for the weekend by myself. I want alone time! This is very wierd because I'm always alone. Anyway...cd8, tomorrow cd9 should be my first test day with the monitor. I'm really getting tired of ttc. Sometimes I want to quick trying and see what happens. I'm feeling kind of down right now. My moods fluctuate so much it's ridiculous. I'm going to get off my butt and do something now!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-29 21:16

CD8-low cont.
I just got off the phone with an old friend/coworker. It was REALLY nice to talk to her, but she updated me on lots of mutual friends/acquaintances who are pg now. Some I'm happy for. Some don't even want to be pg. This is so hard. One is even pg with twins and her other child isn't even 1 yet. I know I'm just jealous. But it is hard. And my friend told me her and her dh are thinking about ttc. This was the only really good news she told me. I think they would make great parents and nobody deserves to be happy more than them. It just drives me crazy that I'm so jealous of others who can conceive with no problems!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-30 19:42

CD9-high
Well the monitor asked me to test this morning just like the past two months. It said high fertility just like the past two months. I hope this doesn't mean I won't get pg like the past two months. DH is out of town again. He comes back late tonight. I hope he's up for bd. It's time to again. I just so sad for some reason. I almost feel like I'm having a panic attack. I wish I had someone to talk to. Sometimes I feel all alone. My best friend is out of town on vacation. I don't really sharing this ttc stuff with her anyway, but she can always get my mind off it without even knowing it. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to talk to about nothing, everything, ttc, etc. The 7+ board helped today, but I understand those people have there own lives and can't comment every second. I just wish I could scream right now. I'm so upset I feel like I could throw up. Maybe if I read a book I can get my mind off this.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-07-31 19:49

CD10-high
Well we were able to bd on schedule last night even though dh got back into town late. Today was a good day. He surprised me by coming home for lunch. He had to go back to work, but it was a welcome surprise. I'm starting to already wish this month away. I want to o soon! I know it's probably 5 or 6 days away though. I want to be pg so bad! Maybe it will happen soon.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-01 18:24

CD11-high
Well nothing too much new. We are bd tonight (hopefully if we keep to the schedule). Today was a good day. I really enjoyed chatting this afternoon. I'm just in the waiting for o mode now. Usually this time seems to go by quick. It's usually the 2ww that is hard, but for some reason waiting for o is hard this month. Oh well I can't make it come any faster. I'm just going to enjoy the rest of the night. Tomorrow should be good. I'm subbing at a friend's daycare in the infant room. I thought it was very nice of her to ask if I would be okay with it after loosing my baby. I've subbed before when she's in a jam but never in the infant room. I hope I do okay. I think I'll enjoy being around infants for a change. Maybe there babyness will rub off on me, and I'll get pg!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-01 18:28

CD11-high
Well nothing too much new. We are bd tonight (hopefully if we keep to the schedule). Today was a good day. I really enjoyed chatting this afternoon. I'm just in the waiting for o mode now. Usually this time seems to go by quick. It's usually the 2ww that is hard, but for some reason waiting for o is hard this month. Oh well I can't make it come any faster. I'm just going to enjoy the rest of the night. Tomorrow should be good. I'm subbing at a friend's daycare in the infant room. I thought it was very nice of her to ask if I would be okay with it after loosing my baby. I've subbed before when she's in a jam but never in the infant room. I hope I do okay. I think I'll enjoy being around infants for a change. Maybe there babyness will rub off on me, and I'll get pg!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-01 18:28

CD11-high
Well nothing too much new. We are bd tonight (hopefully if we keep to the schedule). Today was a good day. I really enjoyed chatting this afternoon. I'm just in the waiting for o mode now. Usually this time seems to go by quick. It's usually the 2ww that is hard, but for some reason waiting for o is hard this month. Oh well I can't make it come any faster. I'm just going to enjoy the rest of the night. Tomorrow should be good. I'm subbing at a friend's daycare in the infant room. I thought it was very nice of her to ask if I would be okay with it after loosing my baby. I've subbed before when she's in a jam but never in the infant room. I hope I do okay. I think I'll enjoy being around infants for a change. Maybe there babyness will rub off on me, and I'll get pg!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-02 23:47

CD12-high
Well we bd again last night on schedule. It's kind of funny. We are not robots, but we do it on a schedule. But I will have to say it was very nice last night. Just waiting to o now.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01


Posted: 2002-08-04 09:59

CD14-PEAK!!!
I'm so excited! My monitor peaked this morning. We have bd on schedule this month (so far) perfectly. I hope I'm not getting my hopes up too high. I know realistically I probably won't get pg this month. However we are having fun ttc this month (so far). I always freak around peak time. For some reason this is when we always mess up the schedule. Anyway, hopefully this will be MY MONTH!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-04 14:54

CD14-PEAK cont.
My motto-If we don't get pg this month, it's okay. It will happen in time.
We just finished bd. So far everything is going great. I'm just trying to remind myself that I don't want to get my hopes up too much. I need to be realistic (hence my motto).

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-05 09:39

CD15-PEAK
Well we have definitely bd enough (once a day since peak). This morning was even better than most. I've felt like we were just ttc. I wanted it to be more. Romance is not really our thing. At least romance doesn't usually end up with bd. But different places make it fun. The only "different" place we have is usually the ILS. DH finds it exciting. I think it goes back to how in high school bd was always more exciting due to the danger of getting caught. So this morning we bd on the front lawn (early though). It was fun. It did bring back high school times of trying not to get caught (at least it did for me). So at least we are having fun. I'm trying to remember my motto though.

My motto-If we don't get pg this month, it's okay. It will happen in time.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-06 21:01

CD16-high
Well dh and I weren't able to bd this morning. We were both soooo tired. I think in a few minutes we will try to bd. Today was a busy day. I worked ALL day (7:30am-6:00pm). I guess I better go get ready.
My motto-If we don't get pg this month, it's okay. It will happen in time.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-07 08:01

CD17-low
Well dh and I bd on both days my monitor said peak. We tried to bd last night and this morning. Neither one of us were in the mood. Why do we have to be in the mood to bd? I hope we didn't miss an opportunity to make a baby. Oh well. We are not machines. It will happen in time. This is frustrating though. It always seems like we bd good until I o. Then we are burned out. At least this month we were able to bd on both peak days according to the monitor. Now I have the dreaded 2WW. BUT I'm going to keep my motto in mind. That way I'm positive, but not overly positive (like thinking I'm pg). I guess I'm off for my long day.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-08 10:32

CD18-low
Well dh and I visited my mom and dad last night. My mom's health is not so good. She's trying to take care of my grandmother (her mom), and it's killing her (literally). My mom has everything imaginable wrong with her. She's had breast cancer, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. Today she goes for the stress test for her heart. I hope she is going to be okay. My dad is not in the best of health either. He's had 2 heart attacks and triple bypass surgery. It is really hard to see my parent's health fail. Although I'm kind of used to it (in a wierd way). My dad's first heart attack was when I was 12, and my mom's breast cancer was when I was in high school. I remember thinking both times I wanted them both to live to see me get married. Now I think I want them to live to see my children (their first grandchildren). It's wierd how this big mile stones are what I think of. Anyway, everything will probably be okay. I just needed to talk about it. As far as ttc...I'm in the 2ww. It's okay though. My new motto thing has worked. Putting it in writing seems to help. Now I'm just waiting.

My motto-If we don't get pg this month, it's okay. It will happen in time.

_________________
Angel m/c 11/30/01

Offline
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 06/05/02
Posts: 110

Posted: 2002-08-09 19:11

CD19-low
Today was good. I'm glad it's over though. Tomorrow I'm going to a party at my best friends. I love hanging out with her, her dh, and her 2 girls. It's like the family I've always wanted. And we all get along great. The 2ww stress hasn't set in yet too much. Give me about one week and I'll be going crazy though. I've got to stay strong. Next week is going to be a pretty busy week at work so that should help pass the time. I think about my motto often. It gives me such hope. Long term hope too. Not just monthly/cycle hope. It helps.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-11 11:12

CD21-low
Well I'm so tired after going to a party last night. I really recommend anyone who's been ttc for a long time to spend at least one night a month out doing something really fun. It felt so good to get away from any thoughts on ttc. Well that's not true. I thought about it, but I still had fun. This 2ww hasn't gotten to me yet. I'm not really thinking about it at all yet. I'm going to be busy with work this week. That's a good thing. And I'm getting my hair cut Tuesday (thanks to Lori) so I have something to look forward to. To change the subject sort of, I got a baby shower invitation in the mail for my nieces baby shower. I don't know why they bothered sending me one. I wouldn't go if someone said they'd kill me if I didn't go. I drives my crazy to think that she's pg and doesn't take care of herself even when others point it out. I'm not going to contribute anything to this situation. I think she should have considered what she's doing to this child. Also if I felt that the kid wasn't going to get anything I may help, but I know that my sil will and will have to provide everything for this child anyway. I know part of my feelings are jealously. I'm not above admitting that. I just don't feel I have to be around it. It's not like they are going to miss me anyway. And thank God we don't live in the same city. Also this is the side of the family that is all crazy, ex. affairs, drugs, etc. I really don't like being around them anyway. Now that's enough about them. Back to me. I'm feeling so good today. Extremely tired, but happy! Now I'm down to the one week wait. Let's hope for the best and a fast week!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-12 15:06

CD22-low
I've been busy all day. I'm finally off work though. I'm in the best mood! And for some weird reason I really think this month I'm pg! I have nothing to base this on medically though. I still feel that even if it doesn't happen I know it will happen in time. I'm very optimistic this month! I'm down to the 1ww. Wish me luck. And I wish everyone else luck too.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01


Posted: 2002-08-13 12:45

CD23-low
Well today was my day off. It has been nice. I slept late and have just been hanging out on the computer. I've got a hair appointment at 2. I need to take a shower and get ready for that. I've been tired today. And just now I've felt a little sick. I really do hope this is my month. And for some weird reason I still believe it. I know a lot of people on here think negatively in order to not get their hopes up. I tried that. What a downer that is for me. It may work for others but it just brings me down too much. I figure even if I'm not pg this month it will happen. I need to enjoy the time leading up to finding out about any pg instead of being down. I talked to my mom today. I got up the nerve to tell her that when I get pg again I'm not going to tell her or anyone for a while. Last time I told everyone the day I found out. It was too hard to go back and tell them I lost the baby. I'm going to try to hide this next pg for 20 wks (if I'm not showing too much). My parents have too much to worry about without worrying about me. I hoping that if this month turns POSITIVE that I can tell everyone at Thanksgiving. I would be around 18 or 19 wks then. It would really be something to be thankful for! If I'm not pg that's okay though. I'll still be thankful! It will happen.

_________________

Posted: 2002-08-13 15:40

CD23-low cont.
I went to get my hair cut today. I'm so thrilled with it. I have naturally curly hair that I've been fighting for years. I've finally given and gotten a curly hair cut. It looks really good if I do say so myself. My hairdresser even noticed my hair was curlier than normal. She asked what I was doing different. I told her nothing. She said she'd heard of women's hair getting curly when they are pg. I totally think I am. I know this means absolutely nothing, but don't burst my bubble. I have extreme hope this month. And if not this month, maybe next, right!?!?

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-14 09:36

CD24-low
Well I just know it! I can feel it! I really think I'm pg! I've got that sick to my stomach feeling like if I don't always have food in my mouth I'll be sick. This is the same way I felt last time. I'm not sure if my overly positive attitude this month is playing tricks on my body or what but I'll go with it for now. For me it is much nicer being positive. I even shared this feeling with dh last night. I think he thinks I'm crazy. I figure no matter what I'll be sad if af shows up so why not be happy until then. Good luck to everyone!!!! I think about everyone all the time.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-14 20:30

CD24-low cont.
I just wanted to remind myself that if it doesn't happen this month it will happen in time. I'm still staying positive though. I just needed this reminder.

Good luck to everyone else!

_________________
Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-15 08:46

CD25-m flashing
Well the m is flashing on the monitor this morning. Last month it didn't flash until CD27 then on CD28 af showed up. I still don't feel like she's showing up. The only other physical thing to report (that could be af) is a very small under the skin pimple. I'm wondering now if I'll be able to test earlier than I thought since the m starting flashing earlier. I o'ed earlier this month too. So I might just go get a test and do it when I want to (maybe Saturday). I really want to test alone. I've got to figure out how to get dh away if I do that. Who know's what I'll do?!?! I may test tomorrow morning since dh will be away. I still am staying positive. I really think I'm pg this month. I guess time will tell.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01


Posted: 2002-08-17 09:58

CD27-m flashing
Well yesterday (CD26) I had one spot on the tp when I went to the bathroom in the morning. I used a pantyliner. I maybe had 3 spots. So today I figure af is probably going to come on strong. However, so far not much. A little more than yesterday though. Maybe 5 spots. Now I'm just waiting. So much for this month.

_________________

Posted: 2002-08-18 21:20

CD2-m
Well AF made a huge appearance yesterday! I was very depressed and upset. I was definitely hoping for a different outcome. Well today I'm feeling better. I'm going to try to remain positive again this month. I figure at least dh and I can bd again this month. With my last pg, ms was so bad bd was out of the question. So I'm trying to stay positive. I wish everyone luck! And if it doesn't happen this month, it will happen in time. DH and I think our next baby doesn't want to live in the house we are in since we are building a new house. We think that's why I'm not pg yet. This baby is holding out for the GOOD house. LOL

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-19 21:28

CD3-m
Well af is still hanging on strong! I'm not as depressed about it though. And I'm vowing to stay just as positive this month as last. It worked for me. I was much happier even though the outcome was not what I wanted. So here I go again. And from my predictions I'll be o around Labor Day Weekend. So that's good. We will be off work and relaxed. And I've figured if I get pg this month I'll be due May 25, 2003. I love figuring that out each month. Anyway, thanks for all the support from those special friends out there. I really appreciate it. And I wish you all the best too.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-20 13:18

CD4-m
Well af is finally backing off some. I'll be glad when she's gone. I'm ready for the bd marathon to begin. I really enjoy that part. I figure while ttc our sex life is probably the best it has been since we started dating. I'm also really ready for a baby too though. We'll have to wait and see. It WILL happen in time!

_________________
Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-21 15:54

CD5-m
Well af is almost completely gone! I'm so glad. My classes are starting back soon. I went into school to get my room ready today. We have a formal meeting in the morning, and then I'll get to start lesson plans. I'm really excited about this year. I talked with my mom today. She usually calls maybe every other day. She had not called in about a week so I called her. My granny is really sick...maybe Alzheimer's or just mental problems. It is so tough on my family especially my mom. My mom has lots of health problems too. I hate seeing everyone so upset and sick with no definite cure. Why does life have to be so tough sometimes?! I still want to stay positive about ttc this month though. I'm off to buy more monitor sticks now. I hope I don't break the bank! Also I'm going to try the Robitussin too. I was taking it the first time I conceived. Maybe it will work again. Good luck to everyone! And pray for my mom and grandmother (the whole family really).

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Angel m/c 11/30/01
Posted: 2002-08-22 15:48

CD6-low
Well af is completely gone! I'm ready to start bd again. And for some reason dh and I have been like strangers this week. I think we are both over worked and tired. We both mentioned it last night. We both said it was like we hadn't seen each other all week. This is not true though. We've seen each other, but we are both so tired we haven't really been talking or anything. I hope this weekend we can relax and enjoy each other again. We have too! We can't bd if we aren't even talking. I just need lots more sleep. I'm almost as tired as I was when I was pg! Anyway, I know it's from starting a new school year. This always drains me. Oh, ttc news....I bought Robitussin again. I took it when I got pg the first time so I'm going to try it again. I wish everyone lots of luck!

_________________

Posted: 2002-08-23 22:53

CD7-low
Today is over. Nothing new to report. Going to start bd tomorrow.
Good luck to everyone!

_________________
Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-25 18:10

CD9-high
Well we started bd. I should say we just had fun sex! We went to a party at my best friend's house. After she went to bed we had sex at her pool in the back yard and again in her house this morning before she and her girls got up. It was great! I'm glad to be having sex for the "right" reasons and not just to make a baby. It reminds me we are people and not just want-to-be parents. I figure having sex twice in one day shouldn't hurt dh's sperm count too much because o is still at least 4 or 5 days away. So I'm very excited about this month. I'm going for the positive view point again. It will happen in time!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-26 20:01

CD10-high
Well I pissed myself off so much this morning...I went to use my fertility monitor and started peeing before I got the test ready. What was I thinking?! I stopped peeing right before I finished. You are only suppose to put the stick in the urine for 3 seconds. So I grabbed a stick. Then I tried to finish peeing. It took forever. I was so upset I couldn't finish. What a dork am I?! So anyway, I hope it worked right. I know I never o this early so I'm not really worried. But I am worried that dh is getting sick. My friend's oldest girl is sick. I'm afraid he might have caught what she has. He better get better soon though. O is just around the corner. I know that is mean, but I can't help it. I WANT A BABY! But I'm remaining level headed. If it doesn't happen this month it will happen!

_________________
Angel m/c 11/30/01

Offline
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 06/05/02
Posts: 110

Posted: 2002-08-27 16:24

CD11-high
Well I peed correctly this morning! I used the monitor the right way. I woke up thinking...I better use that thing the right way. Still high though. I'm ready for the peak. DH seems to be feeling a little better, but I'm really tired. I guess we both need more sleep. I sure hope this is my month! I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm getting tired of ttc too. I figure I may either go to one extreme or the other if I don't get pg this month. I'm either going to stop using the monitor or start doing the monitor and charting. Who knows?! I just really want a baby like I'm sure you all do. Well here goes the positive thoughts again. IT WILL HAPPEN IN TIME! Good luck to everyone!

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Posted: 2002-08-28 13:37

CD12-high
Well still no peak! I'm hoping soon. Maybe within the next 3 or 4 days would be the best. The Labor Day weekend would be a great time to bd. We are both off work, and we could relax. I guess it's just still a waiting game now. That's okay. I can wait!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-29 10:06

CD13-PEAK!!!!!
Well I didn't have to wait long. I peaked this morning. This is one day before last month. I really think that B6 is working. I'm so glad. I'm so excited. I can't wait to bd!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-29 21:41

CD13-cont.
Well I went shopping with a friend today. She's old enough to be my mom, but I love her to death. We went in Motherhood Maternity. I wanted to look around. I love looking at maternity clothes. She asked if I was pg again, and if I was would I tell her. I told her I wasn't. I also told her I wasn't sure if I was pg if I would tell anyone anyway. She said what everyone else says. At least tell me. LOL. I really hope this is my month to get pg. I'm try to be patient and optimistic. I'm still trying to remember that things happen for a reason and if it's meant to happen it will.

Good luck to everyone!!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-30 13:25

CD14-PEAK!!!
Well we bd this afternoon. I'm stressed for some reason though. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed with this whole ttc thing, but it's HARD! I thinking about taking some time off of ttc. Not not trying to get pg, but not really trying either. I'm trying to keep in mind if not this month it will happen if it's meant to. I just don't want to die childless. I'm having a pity party right now for some reason. I usually don't do this until af, but I'm having hormones early I guess.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-08-31 15:16
CD15-high
Well I just wanted to thank everyone for there support. I'm not sure how much more of ttc I can handle. I may not respond to your post on the board, but know I'm always thinking about you.

I may continue to write in my journal just to vent. I sometimes think it helps.

We only bd once during o this cycle. So I KNOW I'm not going to be pg this month. I just really can't handle the stress any more. I'm not going to do the monitor any more either. Right now I just can't stop crying. Dh has been great, but I know I'm probably driving him crazy.

So NO MORE! After this cycle I'm done. I'm not going to use bc, but I'm not going to actively try either.

For some reason the past couple of days have been very hard for me. All I can think about is the baby I lost, how I'm not getting pg, & how I never will. I just need to stop!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2002-09-02 21:18

CD??????
Well as everyone knows I've had a difficult time with the whole ttc thing for the past few days. I thought the considerate thing to do was update my journal so you know what's going on.

I've decided to stop trying so hard for a while, probably Christmas. I've given up the monitor. And I don't even know what cd I'm on. It's a great relaxed feeling.

I'm still going to come here every day. I love this place! I may not seem as active though. I need a mental break too. I want everyone to know I care deeply and hope everyone gets pg soon.

I'm not going to update my journal daily anymore. I'm going to update it when the time feels right.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me. And remember I'm still here. PM me anytime. And I'm still on the boards too.

Thank you all! I love you all!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-09 20:38

CD11-high
Well I'm back from my long break from pg.org. I'm very glad to be back. I'm still ttc though. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude (harder some days than others).

I'm using the fm again. Today is cd11-high. I'm waiting to peak. I'm taking Fertility Blend now, and so is dh. This is the first month we have tried the Fertility Blend.

That's about it for now. I'm glad to be back. It is comforting to be around others who know what it's like to loose a child & ttc for a long time. I hope everyone moves on to the pg boards soon!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-10 13:32

CD12-high
Still haven't peaked/o. I wish I would hurry up! I don't want to bd every day until peak. I don't like turning dh away though either. I don't mind every other day to keep him ready. LOL I guess I'll just have to be patient. I'm thinking I'll o/peak tomorrow.

I'm trying to stay positive again. If this isn't the cycle for me to get pg, that's okay. God has a plan. Maybe it will happen in time.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-11 16:36

CD13-high
Still no peak/o. I'm patiently waiting. I plan on bd tonight though. I'm just in the mood. I hope dh is up for it too.
This afternoon I went for a long drive in the country. It was so nice. I really relaxed. I should do that more often.
I can't wait to o. I want a December baby so bad! I would love that. And if I get pg this month the baby would be due the day before my mom's bday. I already know what I want for Christmas 2003...A BABY!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-12 07:24

CD14-Peak!!!
I'm so excited. I'm o/peaking. Last night I wanted to bd, but we didn't. Dh wasn't feeling good or in the mood. I'm glad we didn't. We sort of "saved up" for tonight and tomorrow. I can't wait for tonight!! I hope this works this month. Maybe the Fertility Blend will do the trick. I'd get stock in it if it does. LOL I want a Christmas baby. That would be perfect. And I have a family member who is due at the beginning of November so we could sort of share this experience. I hope this is in the plans. I pray for it all the time.

As far as everything else...I've been slacking at work w/ my paper work. I'm planning the Spring Program which was due Monday. I still haven't completed it. Good thing my boss is not tough. My goal is to finish today. I hate having it hang over my head. I'm just baby focused right now.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-13 20:47

CD15-PEAK (day 2)!
Well last night and this morning were great! Dh and I bd last night and this morning (on the lawn). He even carried me inside this morning from the lawn to keep the sperm inside. He's the greatest. And he helped push pillows under my butt. I hope we can be again tonight and tomorrow morning. I'm really trying to stay positive for a Christmas baby!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-14 10:10

CD16-high
Well we bd again this morning! We definitely gave it the old college try. I'm staying very positive for this month. Now I just need to relax and enjoy the baby making process inside my body. When my siggy ticker hits zero I'm going to test. I want to hold out until then. I hope I can. I'm praying for a Christmas baby!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01


Posted: 2003-03-15 17:37

CD17-3DPO-low
We bd again this morning. We are on a roll! It's nice to bd even when you know it's not o time. Now I'm trying to keep my mind off the next 11 days. The 2ww is rough (and mine just started)! I'm going to try to stay busy.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-16 10:37

CD18-4dpo-low
Well now I'm just waiting for a BFP! I really think this month it worked. I'm praying it did. Why can't we see inside of our bodies to see what is going on?!?! I wish I already knew if I had the makings of a baby inside of me. I wish I could watch. I read the pg info for each day to see what could be going on it my body. Come on Christmas baby!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-17 16:39

CD19-5dpo-low
Today was good. I was busy at work and lot of errands after work. Hopefully tomorrow will go just as fast. I want this week to fly by! It puts me closer to my day of testing. I want a BFP! I'm praying for a Christmas baby so bad. I keep looking for signs, but I want it so bad that I'm not sure if I'm seeing signs or making stuff up. I'll find out in time.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-18 14:11

CD20-6dpo-low
I'm in the 2ww! My boobs started feeling full and a little sore today. I'm going to try to keep up w/ that kind of stuff this month. I want to compare. Actaully I want to add this info to my PG JOURNAL! Time will tell.
I'm hosting a surprise baby shower for my cousin two weeks from Saturday. I'm also going to a baby shower for a friend a week from Saturday. Babies are in the air!!! I want to know I'm pg by then. That's my goal. I guess I shouldn't really say goal b/c I have no control over it. But God willing, I want to be pg by then. It would make those showers extra special. They are special anyway b/c they are representative of a new life getting ready to come into the world.
I want my turn now! If not now, soon!!! I will cherish my babies so much. I/we have worked hard for them!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-18 16:52

CD20-6dpo-low CONT.
I just wanted to add that my mind me playing tricks on me, but I do feel a little sick to my stomach this afternoon. I'm just adding this to keep up w/ my "symptoms". Also I've been on my feet a lot today, but my back hurts a little too.
Come on Christmas baby!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-19 16:32

CD21-7dpo-low
Well another beautiful day in my life. I'm staying positive for this baby this month!!! And if not this month, in due time!! I really feel like this is the month though.
My boobs were sore again today and sometimes queasy. A little cm today too. Have no clue what that means.
I'm just still praying for a Christmas baby!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-19 17:22

CD21-7dpo-low CONT.
I just wanted to add that my lower back hurts a little also. Trying to track my "symptoms".

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-19 18:07

CD21-7dpo-low CONT. AGAIN!
Adding another hopeful "symptom"...I'm having slight twinges or cramps on my right side.

Still praying!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-20 16:51

CD22-8dpo-low
Today was alright at work. I just don't like being "attacked" at work when I first walk in. No good morning or anything. Just b*tchy here and b*tchy there. Oh well.
I'm still praying to be pg this month. I hope I am. Dh said last night he thought I was b/c my body was so hot. He said when I was pg last time my body was hot especially my back.
Still praying for a Christmas baby!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-21 10:59

CD23-9dpo-low
Well I was busy all morning preparing baby shower invitations for my cousin. I'm hosting a surprise baby shower for her on April 5. I also have another baby shower to go to in 2 weeks. I really want to know I'm expecting my own bundle of joy by then.
I'm trying to hold off until 14 or 15 dpo to test. I'm still praying every day for God to bless me with a Christmas baby. We should know soon!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-23 14:42

cd25-11dpo-first day of flashing m
Today is the first day of the flashing m on my fm. That means either af is coming soon, or I will get a BFP soon!!! I'm feeling very positive this month. I should find out soon. Sort of wanted to test today, but held off.

_________________
Angel m/c 11/30/01

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Posted: 2003-03-24 06:56

cd26-12dpo-2nd day of flashing m
Well yesterday I tried testing w/ an opk since I had some to waste. They came back negative. So this morning I tested w/ a hpt. It was negative too. So I guess af will be arriving any day now. I'm very sad, but I know this feeling will pass. I still pray to God that I'm pg, and maybe I tested too early. Who knows? My prayers may be answered. If not now, I know one day (hopefully) I will become a mom.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-25 13:09
cd1-97.39F-low
Well af showed! On to next month! This time we would have a New Year's Eve baby. That would be great. My mom bought me a cute Christmas pg outfit last time I was pg. I never got to wear it so maybe I will this time. I'm temping again (see my chart in my siggy). I figure what the heck! Dh did mention today that maybe we should start test w/ him and me. I told him it was up to him. So we are at least waiting one more month. I had to leave work early today. My cramps and back aches and the sweats were making me sick. They told me to leave b/c I looked so bad. Dh brought lunch home to me. He's so great!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-26 14:24

cd2-97.39F-low
Af is not nearly as bad today as yesterday. Thank God. Now I just wish she would leave so I can ttc again! I need patience. I'm also thinking about working more next fall. I'm thinking about working with the after-school program. It will be a long day, but the extra money will be nice. And in case I haven't mentioned...if I get pg this month my edd will be December 31, 2003! A New Year's Eve baby! That would be great!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-27 07:27

cd3-97.18F-low
Not much to report today. I'm working a long day today so I won't be around much. I guess it's a good thing. The extra money will be nice. Also, last night I asked my mom to go shopping w/ my for a baby gift. I have a baby shower for a friend this weekend to go to. My mom has to get a gift for my cousin's baby shower that I'm hosting. I already have a gift for that. I just hope I can make it through a day of baby shopping w/ my mom. I love her to death, but she had no trouble ttc so she doesn't understand. She sometimes said stupid stuff. I know she doesn't mean it, but it still hurts. I figure I've got to suck it up, and be around her though. So now I have two weekends of baby showers to get through. This should be interesting. I hope I can do it!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-28 20:18

cd4-97.19F-low
Today I did my "af ritual". I treated myself to a pedicure. Each cycle I've decided to treat myself to something for me after af arrives. It helps take away so of the disappointment. I want to enjoy my life! I also went shopping for a baby shower gift. It went well. It's hard looking at all that stuff. I always think I wish this stuff was for my baby! I have a baby shower to go to this weekend. And I'm hosting one next weekend. Babies are surrounding me!! Right now I'm handling it well though. I take it one day at a time (or sometimes one second at a time). I'm just ready to get back in the swing of things. I'm ready to "actively" ttc!!! I also bought some EPO to try to help. We'll see how that helps.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-29 15:25

cd5-97.11F-low
Today was a good day. I cleaned the house and relaxed. Dh started working on our taxes. Poor thing. I'm glad he'll do it. Tomorrow I have a baby shower to go to. It should be ok. It will be small. Today I finalized plans for the baby shower for my cousin for next Saturday. It should be fun too. It's a surprise shower! I'm just really glad af is gone. I'm ready to get back into the swing of things.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-30 20:12

cd6-97.29F-low
Today was pretty good. Yesterday it was 80F here. Now it is sleeting (lightly) and in the 30'sF. Crazy weather. It's playing havoc w/ my allergies. I went to my friend's baby shower. It was nice. Very small. Only 6 people were invited. She's such a humble person. She had one m/c 7 yrs ago. Got pg right away again. Now has a 6 yr old ds. She's tried to get pg since she had him. Now she's due in May. She gives me hope. The shower was nice. Now this week I have to finish getting ready for my cousin's shower. I'm actually excited. Small parts of me are jealous, but I work through it. That's it for now. I also start my bd routine again soon. I'm really looking forward to that. I love my dh so much!!!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-03-31 15:22

cd7-96.89F-low
Today was ok. Not much new to report. I've got a bit of a sinus headache. Work went ok. Errands this afternoon went ok. I've got to really start getting things together for the surprise baby shower this Saturday. That's about it for me.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-04-01 14:38

CD8-97.19F-low
Not much new going on. Hoping to start bd every other day tonight. Busy day at work today. I love Wednesdays so tomorrow should be easier. My classes are scheduled different on Wednesdays. Hopefully the kids will be a little calmer. They have Spring Fever now. Sometimes they are bouncing off the walls. I miss my dh. He went out of town yesterday, and he got back really late. It feels like I haven't seen him in forever. He also worked on our taxes this weekend. So I didn't see him much then. Oh well, I hope tonight to really catch up with him.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-04-02 15:28

CD9-97.19F-high
Well we didn't bd last night. We started to, but we were both just too tired. Hopefully we can tonight. The fm went to high!! I want to try to bd every other day until peak. I got my hair cut today. I love getting my hair done. It makes me feel so much better. I didn't get my errands ran this afternoon though. I guess Friday I'm going to be very busy.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-04-03 20:45

CD10-high-97.19F
Well we were able to bd last night and this morning. I love being close to dh! I also had the most vivid dream last night. I dreamed I was pg. I've dreamed this before, but never so vivid. I actually woke up at 3:30am, and I had to think if I was actually pg or not. I'm just hoping to be blessed with a child soon.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-04-06 19:20

CD13-peak on the fm
Well the baby shower went well. I lived through it. We've bd the last four days. Now today the fm peaks, and neither one of us can do it. We tried all day. I know the day isn't over, but this sucks! I know I'll peak again tomorrow. And since I'm charting I'll know exactly when I o, but I can't handle the ups & downs right now. Life is not worth this!

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-04-09 15:53

1dpo
I'm pretty sure according to my chart I o'ed yesterday. We didn't bd the past two days. Things just weren't working for us. How frustrating! Now what's even worse is I have to just wait the next two weeks for af to show w/ no hope of being pg. I like the hope. At least then when af shows I'm just upset for a couple days then I hope again. I'm sooooo frustrated!! I keep wondering if maybe I'm just not meant to have children. Maybe God does not have that in my plan. What's funny is even as a kid all I wanted to be was a mommy. I guess you don't always get what you want.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-04-10 08:23

2dpo
Well I've decided to try to stay positive again. I pity partied enough. I figure there is always a chance of being pg. We did bd some. And also if it doesn't happen again this month, God willing, there is always next month. I refuse to go through my whole life miserable.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Posted: 2003-04-11 17:27

3dpo
Today was good. This week was teacher appreciatation week at my school. They gave us stuff all week. Today they made lunch for us. It was the best salmon I've ever had. I also applied for a job in the after school program for next year. I figure that will give me some extra money. They pretty much told me I've got the job. I guess I should wait to get excited. As far as ttc goes, I know there is no hope for this month, but I'm excited about next month. And this coming Thursday I have a doctor's appt. I can't wait!!! That's it for me for now.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01


Posted: 2003-04-12 16:42

4dpo
I've got a nasty cold. Yuck! I'm all stuffy, sore throat, sneezing, water eyes. I'm hoping I don't get an infection. I hate going to the doc to get antibiotics. I ended up cleaning up our office today. What a mess. Dh saves everything. Then I have to figure out what it is and decide whether to file it or trash it. At least the weather here is beautiful today. After a week of rain, I'm very thankful to see the sun. Nothing new of the ttc front. Just waiting. Still looking forward to my doc appt of Thursday though. And Thursday is the start of my Spring Break. I'm so glad my school does Spring Break with Easter. I'm looking forward to relaxing.

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Angel m/c 11/30/01

Date Posted: 04/13/2003 8:52 PM

5dpo
Today I felt a little better. I've finally cleaned some more in our office. I promise to keep it clean this time. It becomes such a junky area sometimes. I still didn't get as much accomplished this weekend as I wanted to. I got a lot done, but there is so much left to do to have my house in order. Oh well. I guess I'll get more done during Spring Break. TTC...my boobs are sore. That's normal for me though. I really have no hope for this month. I'm as okay with it as possible. I'm still looking forward to my doctor's appointment on Thursday.

Date Posted: 04/14/2003 6:21 PM

6dpo
Today I basically couldn't even speak. My voice is gone. Teaching is stuff w/o a voice. Then I had to present two things at my staff meeting today. Sometimes ppl can be so rude. I couldn't talk loud. They knew it. Then they started chatting and couldn't even hear me. I could have answered all their questions once instead of several times if they would have just shut-up!! My boss finally actually yelled for everyone to be quiet. Anyway, it drives me crazy when ppl just complain b/c they hate change and anything that might actaully make them work. That's my complaining about work for today.
TTC...my boobs are so sore. Just tracking for next month. Still can't wait for my appt. of Thursday!!!

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7dpo
I still feel bad. This cold or whatever is driving me crazy. Also I want this week to be over. Work has been driving me crazy too. I need my Spring Break. I also wish af would just hurry up and show. I'm already tired of waiting. A friend called tonight to say she's pg. I'm happy for her and her dh, but I'm jealous too. I hate that feeling. It makes me feel like a bad person.

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8dpo
My temps went back up today. It is so hard not to wish I was pg. I need to stay realistic though. I'm not pg this month! A friend called last night to say she's pg and due in Nov. That is always the hardest thing to hear. Today I'm better with it. Not ok but better. My Spring Break starts today. That's nice. Tomorrow I have my doctor's appt. I'm looking forward to that. I'm still not feeling completely better. I'm going to ask my ob if she can give me something tomorrow.

Now I'm going to start something new....I'm trying to stay positive about being childless. I'm going to start listing things I can do b/c I'm childless.
1. I can sleep whenever and as much as I want without anyone waking me up for anything.

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9dpo
Major temp drop this morning. All the way to the coverline. So af is on her way. And my ob appt was cancelled. AARRGGHH! Rescheduled for next Friday. So there goes help for next month. I was very frustrated and crying this morning. I'm trying to remain positive but realistic. Will I ever have a child? Not sure. I did go to my general doctor this afternoon. He said I don't have a sinus infection yet. He gave me a antibiotic prescription, but said not to fill it unless I got a lot worse. He also have me a discongestion pill. Tonight I'm going to a local minor league baseball game. I hope I can stay in a good mood. I want to live a normal life. I don't want to be consumed by ttc, but I am. How do I get to have a normal life? What do I do differently? I wish I knew. This too shall pass though (or it better!).

I'm trying to stay positive about being childless. I'm going to continue listing things I can do b/c I'm childless.
2. I will NEVER save money for someone to go to college.

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cd3
AF is here. My ob appt is next Friday. I'm sure I have a luteal phase defect. My lp is only 9 days. That is way too short. I'm going to buy some vitex today to add to all the other pills I'm taking. I hope it helps. I'm feeling good emotionally though. Or as good as possible. Life goes on!

I'm trying to stay positive about being childless. I'm going to continue listing things I can do b/c I'm childless.
3. I can exercise with my dh anytime w/o having to drag a child along or find a babysitter.

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cd4
Spring Break has been busy so far. I ended up keeping my cousin this afternoon. She's great! Af is almost gone. Thank God. I'll be glad when she's gone. Tomorrow I'm taking my friend that's blind shopping. I'm going to use a gift certificate they gave the teachers during teacher appreciation week. I'm excited about shopping, but I hope we aren't gone all day. I'm really looking forward to my doctor's appt on Friday. I hope it isn't a let down.

I'm trying to stay positive about being childless. I'm going to continue listing things I can do b/c I'm childless.
4. I can spend money on myself w/o having to consider what a child would need.

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cd7
This week has been so nice. I love staying at home. I'm sure I'd get bored if I did it all the time. Today I'm going to mow the grass. I'm also going to start working out more regularly if it kills me. I want to run every morning and do Arms & Abs of Steel at least 3 or 4 times a week. I want to really be in shape for this summer. I realized that I've got a little flabby tummy now. I realized this when I went shopping. I want to get rid of it. I don't eat excessively so I know more exercise is what I need. I go to see the doctor Friday morning. I called yesterday to verify my appt. I have this fear that once I'm there they will say I don't even have an appt. If they do, everyone better look out!!! I really hoping to get a good response from my doctor. I want aggressive treatment. My best friend and I were talking last night. She said when I get pg will be one of the happiest days of her life. I told her I would cry w/ joy. She said she was tearing up now (and I was too). I can't wait for those tears of joy.

I'm trying to stay positive about being childless. I'm going to continue listing things I can do b/c I'm childless.
5. I can go out of town at the drop of a hat.

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cd9
Yesterday was my doctor's appt. It went great!!! I LOVE MY DOCTOR! I had my yearly check-up. Then we discussed why it's taking so long to get pg. I'm currently on cycle 18 since my m/c. I showed her all my charts. She made a standing appt. for me to get my progesterone/thyroid checked on cd 21 or cd22. She also wants to do a HSG dye test on cd8 or cd9 of next cycle. She wants to see if there is any scare tissue blocking my tubes from my d&c. She also ordered dh's sperm to be tested. I got the jar for that. We won't have that tested until after I o though. She doesn't want to waste any sperm in a jar when it could be in me. I'm very excited now! I know that I'm doing all I can to get pg. The rest is up to God.

This morning dh and I started running again together. We had really slacked off the past 3 wks b/c I had been so sick. I'm feeling much better, and I want to be in great shape for the summer. I also did an arms & abs video. I hope that helps. I really want a perfectly flattened tummy.

Overall, I'm feeling great! Life is good! I have a wonderful dh, a great family, & terrific friends. I still want a child desperately, but life is short. I intend to try to be happy and thankful for what I do have!

I'm trying to stay positive about being childless. I'm going to continue listing things I can do b/c I'm childless.
6. I can get my body back in shape and never worry about stretch marks or extra pg fat!

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cd15-1st PEAK!!!!
What a crazy week. I've been so busy I couldn't even update my journal. This was my first week back after Spring Break. I can't believe we only have 3 weeks until school is out. I have so much stuff to do before then. Next week I'm responsible for Field Day on Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday. Then Friday I have to work extra to prepare for the Spring Programs which are the next Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday. Then the next week is the last week of school. I have to finish all the kids paper work by then. What a busy month. Then we have on week of teacher workdays. Then I'm going to spend all summer watching my cousins. I'm so excited about that! What a fun, relaxing summer!!!! They are "my girls". I'm their second mom, and it fills me with so much joy to be around them. Dh will be out of town more this month too. I guess it's a good thing considering how busy work will be.

As far as ttc, I peaked this morning. My first peak this month. So I figure (comparing from last month) I will o on Sunday. So starting today we'll bd everyday. We've had a great sex life this month! I don't mean ttc either b/c I know I can't get pg on cd5 or whatever. I just enjoy getting our sex life back to normal. Now we are ttc though. We are going to my inlaws today. We are visiting b/c my mil's bday was this past week, and Mother's Day is next weekend. We are doing both together. I hope it goes well. Never know when we do the inlaw thing. I'm keeping a positive outlook though. On Sunday night, my family is getting together for our once a month get together. I'm looking forward to that.

That's it for me for now. Pray bd works out these next few days!!!

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4dpo
Well bd went great!!! We bd before o, during o, & after o. I'm so excited. I'm going to test on Sunday (Mother's Day). I will only be 9dpo. This might be too early, but if my temps are still high I'm going to do it. Last cycle my temps dropped on 8dpo. I really would love to find out I was pg on Mother's Day. I've planned to give my mom blue & pink flowers if I get a BFP! She would be so happy. I also have a progesterone/thyroid test on Friday. I'm excited about that. I actually hope my progesterone is low b/c that's easy to fix. I've got baby fever bad this cycle. I would be due January 24 if I'm pg!

As far as work goes....AHHHAHHHAHHH!!! Busy does not even begin to describe it. Field day has been cancelled for tomorrow b/c of rain. I'm really praying it rains on Thursday & Friday too. I'm just not really excited about field day. I don't want to do it! Next week is Spring Program time. I've got those on Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday. It's just too busy! Summer can't come fast enough.

I want to be pg so bad this cycle!!!! I hope God blesses me this cycle with a perfect little baby growing inside of me.

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5dpo
Today went fine. Field Day was cancelled. YEAH!!! We just had normal classes for the kids. Tomorrow is cancelled too b/c the field is too wet. Now I just need it to rain tonight so I can cancel Friday's Field Day. Work is just too busy at the end of the school year!!

I'm really hoping to get a BFP on Sunday. I pray this is my month! I would love to avoid having all the test done this next cycle. That would be wonderful. But if test are what I need to go through to get pg....I'm willing to do it!

I'm trying to stay positive about being childless. I'm going to continue listing things I can do b/c I'm childless.
7. I can sleep late on Saturdays and stay in my pj's all day!

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5dpo
Today went fine. Field Day was cancelled. YEAH!!! We just had normal classes for the kids. Tomorrow is cancelled too b/c the field is too wet. Now I just need it to rain tonight so I can cancel Friday's Field Day. Work is just too busy at the end of the school year!!

I'm really hoping to get a BFP on Sunday. I pray this is my month! I would love to avoid having all the test done this next cycle. That would be wonderful. But if test are what I need to go through to get pg....I'm willing to do it!

I'm trying to stay positive about being childless. I'm going to continue listing things I can do b/c I'm childless.
7. I can sleep late on Saturdays and stay in my pj's all day!

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8dpo
My temps are still high!!! I'm so glad. Last cycle on 8dpo is when they dropped. I'm hoping they stay high again tomorrow. I had planned to test, but now I'm not sure. It will probably be a last minute decision. It would be wonderful, but 9dpo might be too early. We'll see!

I went yesterday (cd22) for my progesterone test. They said they results should come in Monday. While I was there they told me my pap came back abnormal. It was low grade abnormal though. They will do another test on June 2 and do a biopsy. I asked did I have cancer. They said no. Then she followed up with you have a 95% chance of not having cancer in the next 10 years or so (something along those lines). That confused me. I figure I can't change anything so I'll just deal. I asked about what if I'm pg. She said it was ok. Seems strange that it would be ok, but I'm not a doctor. I'll go with what she says.

Field Day went great yesterday! He was unbearably HOT though! Yuck! All the kids loved it and the parent volunteers were wonderful! I think everyone liked it. I did have a couple teachers who were born to complain say it was too hot! I don't control the weather though. At least this past week is over. Now next week will be busy with the Spring Programs on Wed, Thurs, & Fri. Then one more week. Then one week of teacher workdays and that's it! I can't wait!

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8dpo
My temps are still high!!! I'm so glad. Last cycle on 8dpo is when they dropped. I'm hoping they stay high again tomorrow. I had planned to test, but now I'm not sure. It will probably be a last minute decision. It would be wonderful, but 9dpo might be too early. We'll see!

I went yesterday (cd22) for my progesterone test. They said they results should come in Monday. While I was there they told me my pap came back abnormal. It was low grade abnormal though. They will do another test on June 2 and do a biopsy. I asked did I have cancer. They said no. Then she followed up with you have a 95% chance of not having cancer in the next 10 years or so (something along those lines). That confused me. I figure I can't change anything so I'll just deal. I asked about what if I'm pg. She said it was ok. Seems strange that it would be ok, but I'm not a doctor. I'll go with what she says.

Field Day went great yesterday! He was unbearably HOT though! Yuck! All the kids loved it and the parent volunteers were wonderful! I think everyone liked it. I did have a couple teachers who were born to complain say it was too hot! I don't control the weather though. At least this past week is over. Now next week will be busy with the Spring Programs on Wed, Thurs, & Fri. Then one more week. Then one week of teacher workdays and that's it! I can't wait!

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10dpo
I'm so glad my temps are still high! This is a very good sign for me. My lp is usually very short. Last month my temps dropped on 8dpo. I tested yesterday at 9dpo and got a BFN. I'm just blowing that off as too early though. I figured it was Mother's Day, and I had to at least test. I'm really hoping to get a BFP this week! DH will be out of town most of the week. I would love to tell him I'm pg while he's out of town. I know that would make his trip great!

Exericse has been going great lately. Running is getting easier and easier. I think I'll have to increase how much I run soon.

I just so excited about my temps that I can't think about anything else. I pray they stay high. I'm not sure when I'm going to test again. I have two test here at home. I may see if I can wait until Wednesday morning. I'm my temps are still high, I'll test again!

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12dpo
I'm so excited!!!! I'm still praying I'm pg! Temps are still high. I had just a little brown discharge this afternoon. Not even enough to get it on the tp though. I hope my temps are high again tomorrow. I tested this morning, but I think it was defective. It barely had a line in the "control" area, and it came up late. I might test again tomorrow if my temps are high again.

I did get my progesterone level back yesterday. It's low. Only 10.7. The nurse said it should be 15-18. The doctor wasn't in so I couldn't talk to her. The nurse left a message on my voice mail today, but I didn't get a chance to call her back. I'll have to call tomorrow.

I'm just so excited about my temps & my lp. I want this to be it so bad. I'm so excited.

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I'M PREGNANT!!! I plan on starting my pg journal tomorrow. I've gotten 4 BFP hpt in 4 days. I go to the doctor tomorrow to confirm! I'm so excited!