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Thread: Praying for a Blessing

  1. #101
    Community Host Cali26's Avatar
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    Yesterday I spoke to my mom and a few co-workers about what I was dealing with (minus the IVF). They know I'm taking fertility drugs, but I don't want to face judgment if they find out about attempting conception through IUI or IVF (actually, when I do get pg, I don't want them to look at my baby and think of how they were conceived - that's not important). Anyways, everyone I told was very sensitive and caring. My mom was trying to give me hope - by saying I was able to get pg once, so we know I do have some eggs.....Two of my co workers were doing what they could to help "problem solve" as they said they wished they could "fix" this for me.

    I left work very sad. We had a softball game last night and usually I am very excited to play. I wasn't feeling it. However, I needed to play. Unfortunately I wasn't focused and as a ball was hit to me, I got nailed right in the chest (ouch!). I was very upset and tried not to cry. It wasn't about getting hit. I just wasn't focused b/c I can't get my mind off of my crappy body. I do not want to feel sorry for myself but knowing that I am dealing with IF b/c of something I have no control over is driving me nuts.
    Mommy to 2 amazing little boys!

    Angel babies 6/9/07 & 11/16/07


  2. #102
    Community Host Cali26's Avatar
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    I forgot to mention, I did receive a call back from my NP. She left a message saying that my RE wants me to continue Follistim (a full vial) last night and tonight and trigger with my Ovidrel tomorrow night. They want me to have an IUI on Tuesday.

    She then said on Tuesday, she will discuss my modified IVF protocol if I do not become pg. She briefly said that instead of Synarel, I will start Ganillerex (sp?) when my follies reach 14mm, I will start with 450 IU of Follistim and use this in the morning, and then they will add Menopur in the evening.

    I know this is the wrong attitude, but I'm not feeling confident with the IUI (likely b/c of the quick change in protocol). So, I'm anxiously anticipating the new IVF cycle. It's just so hard to believe that so much time has passed since DH and I first started saying, "we're ready to start a family"..... not to mention, I'm not getting any younger.
    Mommy to 2 amazing little boys!

    Angel babies 6/9/07 & 11/16/07


  3. #103
    Community Host Cali26's Avatar
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    Things went ~ok~ this morning. I triggered and we BD'd on Sunday night. Yesterday I had some spotting and was hoping it was from our BD session...

    Except this morning, I had more spotting I shared this info with my NP and she appeared surprised. She said she doesn't understand why I would be spotting right now. I was hoping she'd give me some insight or some suggestion. Oh well. She also asked if I was cramping and I said yes ~ she said this was good. She also asked if I was cramping more than normal. I told her I have had some cramping in the past, but I had serious cramping the month I got pg. This cycle, I've felt only some cramping on both sides and at times I'm not sure if I'm cramping ... or tmi... maybe constipated ...

    So, we proceeded with the IUI. DH had 56 million 'clean' swimmers. We are praying that I released an egg and that his boys find it I guess that means I'm in the 2ww!

    Oh, and we didn't talk about the next IVF cycle. We were trying to keep positive this morning and we decided that we'll talk more about it in 2 weeks, if this IUI doesn't work (fingers crossed that it does!).
    Mommy to 2 amazing little boys!

    Angel babies 6/9/07 & 11/16/07


  4. #104
    Community Host Cali26's Avatar
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    I'm convinced that I was feeling cramping yesterday. Last night, the spotting (which only occurred after restroom use) turned to brown. There was only a little this afternoon. We'll see.

    Today I haven't had anymore cramping. I have had some pains around my ovary. I'm wondering if there is a cyst(s) from the meds/ovulation.

    Two weeks and counting...
    Mommy to 2 amazing little boys!

    Angel babies 6/9/07 & 11/16/07


  5. #105
    Community Host Cali26's Avatar
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    Here we go - time to think about "symptoms" - HA!
    Yesterday and today I've continued to have some brown spotting
    Today I'm starting to feel s/e from either the trigger shot or progesterone (I'm thinking it's the progesterone). I'm bloated and have sore bbs.
    Mommy to 2 amazing little boys!

    Angel babies 6/9/07 & 11/16/07


  6. #106
    Community Host Cali26's Avatar
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    Yesterday was an interesting day. I had the sore bbs (I know it's from these new progesterone suppositories) and I've had some pain around my ovaries (I'm guess I have some residual cysts from all the meds I injected this cycle - as long as they're gone in a week and a half!!). I also had some weird chest pain yesterday. Thankfully it is gone today. Yesterday, it felt as though I was really excited, anxious, or scared. Kinda like an adrenaline rush that got my heart pumping. I don't know what that means. Being in the 2ww, I was scared to call the dr. I thought if it didn't go away, I'd call. Thankfully after a full night's rest, it is GONE!

    As far as today goes, I have the same sore bbs and ovary pain.

    (((Trying to focus on other things.......)))
    Mommy to 2 amazing little boys!

    Angel babies 6/9/07 & 11/16/07


  7. #107
    Community Host Cali26's Avatar
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    Well, I woke up in tears. I've been having such weird dreams. Last week I dreamed a co-worker was pg with twins. Last night I had a dream that when I POAS it was positive. I POAS again and it turned positive but then quickly disappeared. Weird. I was just so excited to have one positive. I then had a dream that DH and I were celebrating the holidays with his family. At one point I was called an insensitive b** by BIL for not being overly excited about my SIL pg, I had to listen to one grandma say how she thought DH and I would have the first grandchild and answer questions about why we don't have kids, and I had to watch another gma and MIL give my SIL gifts saying "Finally we have a baby in the family we can give these gifts to. These are family heirlooms (it was a baby crib/blankets) from SIL great, great, great, great grandparents".... sounds weird I know. But when I woke up so sad, I told this to DH and he said, well, I can imagine all three of those things actually happening. Obviously my subconscious was at work because I know it can be reality too. He hugged me and told me not to worry. I know he will protect me, even if it means avoiding some of the family this year.
    Mommy to 2 amazing little boys!

    Angel babies 6/9/07 & 11/16/07


  8. #108
    Community Host Cali26's Avatar
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    Today I'm feeling fine. I still have some tenderness around my ovaries and my bbs are still somewhat sore. Nothing else though.
    Mommy to 2 amazing little boys!

    Angel babies 6/9/07 & 11/16/07


  9. #109
    Community Host Cali26's Avatar
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    I have to share about my morning at work:

    I turn on my computer. I see two emails. Both are birth announcements. Ugh. My coworker then stops by my office. She shares that one of ladies who just had a baby had an emergency C Section. She said that the baby weighed only 3lbs and was 10 weeks early She then wanted me to know that bad things can happen even if you don't have problems conceiving ((seriously??)) She then wanted me to know that I can always adopt ((really?????)). I told her I wasn't ready for that since I still felt I had a lot of other options that I could consider.

    I then shared some info with her from a book I just read. The first point was that as a women, I still have self worth and still can make a difference in a child's life (I work with kids). I told her that this comforted me. She said well, yeah, but guidance is a lot different than being a parent.......((huh???))

    She seemed to understand the second point of the book that I shared with her. I shared with her that this may be a trial that DH and I are experiencing with God. I believe that there is a reason for everything and I do believe that everything will work out....in God's time. (The other point to this was that the feelings of jealousy/envy that I have towards others not wanting to get pg, but who do is normal and it may be that pregnancy is their trial with God.....food for thought).

    I ended up texting DH b/c I was so sad and angry. I mean, I just got to work. I was feeling peaceful this morning. He replied and made me feel better really fast. I'm so thankful for him!!
    Mommy to 2 amazing little boys!

    Angel babies 6/9/07 & 11/16/07


  10. #110
    Community Host Cali26's Avatar
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    I forgot to add:

    I spoke to the nurse today. Last night I noticed my prometrium was only 200 mg and my current progesterone was 400 mg. I wasn't sure if I was taking the right one and was afraid I was taking too much. They said not to worry. I'm getting the same amount. They also said something about microdosing.

    As far as how I'm feeling today.... I still have sore bbs (promising? or progesterone?) and some ovarian pain. I've also had some mild cramping. Part of me wishes I was temping this cycle, but most of me is thankful that I am not. i think having one less thing to obsess about is great for me right now!!
    Mommy to 2 amazing little boys!

    Angel babies 6/9/07 & 11/16/07


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