I forgot to mention, I did receive a call back from my NP. She left a message saying that my RE wants me to continue Follistim (a full vial) last night and tonight and trigger with my Ovidrel tomorrow night. They want me to have an IUI on Tuesday.
She then said on Tuesday, she will discuss my modified IVF protocol if I do not become pg. She briefly said that instead of Synarel, I will start Ganillerex (sp?) when my follies reach 14mm, I will start with 450 IU of Follistim and use this in the morning, and then they will add Menopur in the evening.
I know this is the wrong attitude, but I'm not feeling confident with the IUI (likely b/c of the quick change in protocol). So, I'm anxiously anticipating the new IVF cycle. It's just so hard to believe that so much time has passed since DH and I first started saying, "we're ready to start a family"..... not to mention, I'm not getting any younger.
Things went ~ok~ this morning. I triggered and we BD'd on Sunday night. Yesterday I had some spotting and was hoping it was from our BD session...
Except this morning, I had more spotting I shared this info with my NP and she appeared surprised. She said she doesn't understand why I would be spotting right now. I was hoping she'd give me some insight or some suggestion. Oh well. She also asked if I was cramping and I said yes ~ she said this was good. She also asked if I was cramping more than normal. I told her I have had some cramping in the past, but I had serious cramping the month I got pg. This cycle, I've felt only some cramping on both sides and at times I'm not sure if I'm cramping ... or tmi... maybe constipated ...
So, we proceeded with the IUI. DH had 56 million 'clean' swimmers. We are praying that I released an egg and that his boys find it I guess that means I'm in the 2ww!
Oh, and we didn't talk about the next IVF cycle. We were trying to keep positive this morning and we decided that we'll talk more about it in 2 weeks, if this IUI doesn't work (fingers crossed that it does!).
I'm convinced that I was feeling cramping yesterday. Last night, the spotting (which only occurred after restroom use) turned to brown. There was only a little this afternoon. We'll see.
Today I haven't had anymore cramping. I have had some pains around my ovary. I'm wondering if there is a cyst(s) from the meds/ovulation.
Two weeks and counting...
Here we go - time to think about "symptoms" - HA!
Yesterday and today I've continued to have some brown spotting
Today I'm starting to feel s/e from either the trigger shot or progesterone (I'm thinking it's the progesterone). I'm bloated and have sore bbs.
Yesterday was an interesting day. I had the sore bbs (I know it's from these new progesterone suppositories) and I've had some pain around my ovaries (I'm guess I have some residual cysts from all the meds I injected this cycle - as long as they're gone in a week and a half!!). I also had some weird chest pain yesterday. Thankfully it is gone today. Yesterday, it felt as though I was really excited, anxious, or scared. Kinda like an adrenaline rush that got my heart pumping. I don't know what that means. Being in the 2ww, I was scared to call the dr. I thought if it didn't go away, I'd call. Thankfully after a full night's rest, it is GONE!
As far as today goes, I have the same sore bbs and ovary pain.
(((Trying to focus on other things.......)))
Well, I woke up in tears. I've been having such weird dreams. Last week I dreamed a co-worker was pg with twins. Last night I had a dream that when I POAS it was positive. I POAS again and it turned positive but then quickly disappeared. Weird. I was just so excited to have one positive. I then had a dream that DH and I were celebrating the holidays with his family. At one point I was called an insensitive b** by BIL for not being overly excited about my SIL pg, I had to listen to one grandma say how she thought DH and I would have the first grandchild and answer questions about why we don't have kids, and I had to watch another gma and MIL give my SIL gifts saying "Finally we have a baby in the family we can give these gifts to. These are family heirlooms (it was a baby crib/blankets) from SIL great, great, great, great grandparents".... sounds weird I know. But when I woke up so sad, I told this to DH and he said, well, I can imagine all three of those things actually happening. Obviously my subconscious was at work because I know it can be reality too. He hugged me and told me not to worry. I know he will protect me, even if it means avoiding some of the family this year.
Today I'm feeling fine. I still have some tenderness around my ovaries and my bbs are still somewhat sore. Nothing else though.
I have to share about my morning at work:
I turn on my computer. I see two emails. Both are birth announcements. Ugh. My coworker then stops by my office. She shares that one of ladies who just had a baby had an emergency C Section. She said that the baby weighed only 3lbs and was 10 weeks early She then wanted me to know that bad things can happen even if you don't have problems conceiving ((seriously??)) She then wanted me to know that I can always adopt ((really?????)). I told her I wasn't ready for that since I still felt I had a lot of other options that I could consider.
I then shared some info with her from a book I just read. The first point was that as a women, I still have self worth and still can make a difference in a child's life (I work with kids). I told her that this comforted me. She said well, yeah, but guidance is a lot different than being a parent.......((huh???))
She seemed to understand the second point of the book that I shared with her. I shared with her that this may be a trial that DH and I are experiencing with God. I believe that there is a reason for everything and I do believe that everything will work out....in God's time. (The other point to this was that the feelings of jealousy/envy that I have towards others not wanting to get pg, but who do is normal and it may be that pregnancy is their trial with God.....food for thought).
I ended up texting DH b/c I was so sad and angry. I mean, I just got to work. I was feeling peaceful this morning. He replied and made me feel better really fast. I'm so thankful for him!!
I forgot to add:
I spoke to the nurse today. Last night I noticed my prometrium was only 200 mg and my current progesterone was 400 mg. I wasn't sure if I was taking the right one and was afraid I was taking too much. They said not to worry. I'm getting the same amount. They also said something about microdosing.
As far as how I'm feeling today.... I still have sore bbs (promising? or progesterone?) and some ovarian pain. I've also had some mild cramping. Part of me wishes I was temping this cycle, but most of me is thankful that I am not. i think having one less thing to obsess about is great for me right now!!
I woke up feeling sad. My bbs were no longer sore and I no longer had any pain around my ovaries or cramps. I felt, oh, another cycle down the tubes. I then went to work and opened my email to yet another birth announcement (c'mon people....we're at work.....use your personal email for these types of announcements!!!!!)
After getting home, I noticed my bbs were starting to get sore again.
One week from today, I'll either be really happy or prepping myself for IVF #2!
Well, not much to say. My bbs don't really hurt anymore. I don't really feel anything in my abdominal region. I'm feeling less bloated. Bummer.
I forgot to add that I feel like I'm drinking way too much, especially before bed. Every night this week I wake up in the wee morning hours to use the restroom. Ugh. And last night, I went to bed at 10, went to the restroom at 12, 4, and again at 7. Sorry if this is tmi, but I usually use the restroom only 3-4 times a day, let alone at night. Maybe this is all in my head.....wishful thinking??
Well, I woke up this morning feeling zero - ziltch. Darn. darn. darn.
My bbs are only so slightly sore and today I've had some cramping. It almost felt like AF was on her way. I had some pains in my upper leg too. I almost wonder if the endo has grown back and if it has spread. Time will tell. Trying hard to stay positive.
Not many "symptoms" so to speak today. I should know by now that IUI isn't for me!
My bbs hurt when I push them in, (I feel silly pushing them), I've had some cramping, but I swear it is AF wishing she could push through. I'm taking the progesterone which is preventing her from coming.
I caved and bought a pack of HPT's today. Although I don't want to use it, I want to use it the morning before my BPT and u/s (that way I can proceed with the u/s rather than having to reschedule until after I hear the BPT results).
It's Saturday and I am doing nothing! Woo Hoo!!
DH had to work so I slept in. I've had some cramping today, wondering if AF will break through the progesterone. Bbs are not really sore at all.
EDIT: I forgot to add that I actually took my temp this morning - I don't have a baseline or anything, but was just curious. It was 98.66. Maybe I'll temp again tomorrow. I'll decide in the am.
Last week I ordered some items from a PAIL awareness website. Until recently, I didn't know there was a day dedicated to PAIL. I bought a tiny angel with a February birthstone on it, a PAIL awareness pin, and a PAIL pendant (I think I'll hang this on my rear view mirror). I guess purchasing these items are my way of remembering my angel.
Where do I begin??
Yesterday was rainy and gloomy outside and DH had to work. I spent all afternoon reading, playing online, watching tv, napping. After I napped I woke up with really sore bbs. It eventually went away. Later in the day I started to feel ovarian type of pain on both sides (mostly on my right). I really think I have developed cysts from the follistim (being that my dose was multiplied by like 10 this cycle). I then got nervous. I started experiencing some weird dull pain (nothing excruciating) on my upper left leg. I felt this pain a week or two ago and questioned if it was endo pain, but DH doesn't think the endo grew back that fast and with such a vengeance. I then became concerned that I had a cyst that ruptured, but I think I would be in more pain. And lastly, my biggest fear is that we were finally successful this cycle but it's stuck in my tube or elsewhere!!! AHHHHH!!! I can't imagine this last one happening. I don't know how I would deal.
I've been reading some great books. I don't know if I posted about them or not. Two have really touched me - Hannah's Hope and Moments for Couples who Long for Children - I'm re-learning that God has a plan for us. I feel He has us on trial right now and I trust that He will see us through this journey. I'm also learning that I need to hand my worries and anxieties over to Him. He will sort through them. Which means, I won't focus on the negative what may be. I need to focus on the here and now.
(((Praying that when it's time, I get a BFP and the result is a healthy baby)))
"Symptoms" today - very mild cramping, blood sugar keeps dropping, very mild sore bbs, took my temp - 98.60
very mild abdominal cramping
mild pain around both ovaries (cysts?)
Tomorrow is the BPT....
After a canceled IVF cycle and my fifth IUI...
Yes, after 13 cycles of TTC, at 14 DPO my HCG level is at 247.
I’m excited. I’m overjoyed. I’m scared.
I feel a lot better about this pg, feeling that things are right; however, my NP said based on my number I may have O’d from both sides (one side has a blocked tube), meaning there is a likelihood that there may be more than one. So for obvious reasons I’m praying that if these bean(s) are meant to be that they are in the right spot! I go in on Thursday for my second beta.
Please pray for me…… I need as many beta doubling vibes as I can get!
(I’ll post pictures of the HPT tonight when I get home)
My fourth post of the day...
I wanted to add how I was feeling:
mild ovary pain (both sides)
DH and I went to "cautiously celebrate" this evening - happy hour at a local restaurant. It was fun, relaxing, and a great way to focus on the here and now. One day at a time...
Praying that this is meant to be.....
Today I felt ok. I still have sore bbs, some bloat, some mild cramps, and very little soreness around my ovaries (compared to previous days).
I think I'd feel better knowing that all will be ok (wouldn't we all?). I go in for my second blood draw in the morning and am scared out of my mind to call in for the results. I dread the thought of hearing bad news..... I'm trying hard to focus on the positive and I think I may have DH call in for me.
Please say a prayer that all will work out! ((((((BETA DOUBLING VIBES)))))))
What a morning!
I woke up at 4am (to use the restroom) and couldn't fall back asleep....I was so worried about the blood draw today.
By the time I got up and got ready to leave I started crying! I was so scared! DH was great as he ran over to comfort me....When I finally got in the car I was praying and listening to an infertility CD I had purchased. I knew I needed to calm down.
After sitting in traffic for an hour, I finally arrived to the lab and had my blood drawn. I then left for my hour commute to work. When I arrived to work, I sat in my car in the parking lot trying hard to gather enough courage to call in for the results. DH called and offered support. I then got off the phone with him and had a great conversation with the nurse.
She was so excited and congratulated me. She said she just moved my file out of the IVF stack to the IUI stack. I said I hope it can stay that way as I pray my numbers doubled! She then checked the results and said "They more than doubled, they're at 661". I started to cry, I was shaking and I started rambling to the nurse how happy, overjoyed and excited I was. I said you have no idea how I feel right now! She said, "yes I do, congratulations!" I then heard the other nurse in the background clapping.
The nurse advised that I don't share my news just yet. She said we are high risk and we need to take it easy and be cautious. I do not need another BPT and will now wait until my first OB appt which will be on November 5th at 8:00. I cannot wait! She said this is when we would hear the heartbeat (OMG!!!)
I need continued support and prayers that all works out.......
((deep breath)) All things are possible.....
I hope it's ok, I'd like to post here awhile longer...
Friday I turned into a nervous wreck - I started experiencing some cramping. I had felt some bloating and mild cramps earlier in the day, but after work, it got more intense. Now that it's passed, I'm hoping (tmi warning) that it was a digestive problem - I've totally increased my fruit/veggie intake...
Saturday ended up being great. I was still a bit nervous as I woke up symptom free. We later saw my parents and sister/ bil and shared the good news with them. They were ecstatic. There were tears, hugs, and more hugs. We went out to lunch and had a relaxing rest of the day.
Sunday morning I woke up again symptom free. I also called my other sis and shared the news. She too was very excited. We later went out with MIL/SIL. We shared the news with them. They were overjoyed.
After Friday, I told DH I wanted to follow the nurses' recommendation:
Take it easy & Be cautious about who to share the news with
DH shared that his thought would be to share this news with the close family (listed above) who we shared the info about our loss ... they have been praying for us and he thought they could then pray for our little bean. His logic made sense. So I asked him to take the lead in both family settings and to share the news when he felt it was right. He did an amazing job of sharing the news. We had initially thought about being creative in how we tell everyone, but we were more interested in asking for prayers and focusing on things being "good" right now. We decided when we get our first u/s and hear the heartbeat, we will do something creative with our family then.
As of tonight I am bloated, my chest is sore, and on occasion I have some stretching feelings in my abdomen. I never thought I'd be so excited to feel these symptoms. I actually wish I had more
Is it November 5th yet????
Talk about trying to be stress free per dr's orders.......
It's not really possible when your city is on fire!
Yesterday morning we had 2 huge fires around us. We packed up our car and are ready to leave if need be. We are on an advisory evacuation order.
In the meantime, I'm trying to rest and relax.....the smoke is horrible and terribly irritating (hurts my throat, nose, lungs). All of our family is evacuated as well and I can't go to work b/c the freeway is closed.
As long as all is well.......keep praying!
PREG MENT/ PICS .... I tried changing my title to include this but haven't figured it out yet. I hope it's ok, I plan to stick around here until I know all is good.
Where do I begin?
Yesterday I woke up to some spotting. I freaked out. A little later, I had more spotting. I called the doc's office immediately, crying hysterically. The NP had to call me back and she sounded very concerned. She put me on bedrest yesterday and increased my dose of progesterone. She asked me to come in the am for an u/s.
The spotting has since stopped. And after a nerve wrecking morning wondering what, if anything would be seen, the u/s revealed that we have 2 babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in shock and feel so blessed and happy right now. One is measuring smaller than the other and it's too early to hear a heartbeat. We go in next Friday for another u/s. I think once I hear a hb, I will know that this is for real!
In the meantime, I have to take it easy, go slow when I cramp, go in to the dr if I bleed, and continue to take the extra progesterone.
I need all the prayers in the world that if these babies are part of God's plan that they will continue to stick, grow, and be healthy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here are my first pictures: