I did not want to DTD last night! So much so, that I even told DH that I was super sorry, but not in the mood. He took it well, and said I have to give it to him twice as good tonight I don't know how to take that, I mean, I am pretty much always up for DTD! Maybe AF? Maybe I just have too much on my mind.
I forgot to say that last night we BD (like Monkey's in heat ) and after my lower abs ached and ached, kinda like my ovaries were aching. It wasn't a horrible pain, just kind of dull. Don't know why I needed to say that, but I did. Okay. Significance is debatable.
Good Grief what a long weekend, lol! We have been so busy! But Everits party was a success. We had fun. And HE LOVED his wagon that the G-Unit got him! Sooo cute eating hims cake too... I cannot believe my baby is one! And I cannot believe the disaster in my kitchen! LOL!
So, I have brown spotting this morning... and I feel like AF is here full force, so I am praying for full bleeding! I usually never ever spot... just gush and go, lol. But I have the backache, the cramps, and the runny poos. So I feel like she is here and ready to rock! FINGERS CROSSED!
Well so much for that. Just some brown/reddish spotting and its gone today so far. I mean, it felt just like AF! Cramps and everything. Its all gone, even the bloating! Ah well... I will do what I have been doing my whole life... waiting.
Now I have this watery yellow-brown discharge going on. Very scant, very light. No red or pink to speak of. Very Odd indeed. I am starting to feel crampy again, but only in the front. Not like the back cramp period pain I was feeling yesterday. I just feel wet. Maybe it is my body gearing to O? I know that I had some EWCM a few weeks ago, but that was at the very end of the spotting, so who knows. It could have been anything.
Of course, then I am thinking, like a dumb a$$, maybe I am accidently PG and this is implant spotting? My boobs are sore and I am moody as all get out. But then again, thats PMS crap too. And that one website (the good one) said that I may think I am pg when in fact I am not, and the hormones are just trying to level out.
What I cannot finger on, is why on earth if you have a LIVE birth, things are so cut and dry...but when you miscarry its like your whole body just goes bananas? Makes no damn sense to me at all. This Saturday will mark 6 weeks since MC...so if nothing has happened by then, well, I guess i will have to call the docs and see what they say. HA! I know what they will say already..."Wait a week, if no AF then we will put you on BC blah blah blah." Pass. I don't want BC. I don't want to hear all their mumbo jumbo. Really, its too much to bear.
COME ON AF! You stupid retchid witch! Get here, get gone! GET HERE AND GET GONE I SAY!
ETA: Ok im gonna regret this but here goes... I have been taking my prenatels religiously since the MC. And after the bleeding stopped, I started having the "vitamin pees" ya know, the bright yellow ones? Like your body cannot use all that you put in so it spits it back out. well the last two day I have noticed that I have not had any vitamin pees at all. Im NOT going to say it and Jinx myself...okay yes I am. LOL. Weird spotting, lack of vitamin pees, getting up to pee again at night? Sore boobies and mood swings? I just tried to eat a piece of turkey and I spit it out, tasted like HELL. Craving Arizona iced teas like mad lol. regular ice tea will not do.
Someone talk me out of this madness please. I swore i would not do this to myself. But I cannot step away from the what if's to save my life. Seriously, WHAT IF?
I am scared. I am having severe pain in my nether regions. It started last night. It feels a lot like gas pains, pushing down on my bottom. It gets extremely intense, and very very sharp. especially when I get up from a sitting postition. It gets bad for awhile, then calms down, then starts again. I had a BM this morning, and I am bleeding pretty heavy. I cannot figure out what this could be. I am having a hard time even understanding where the pain is to be honest. I feel it in my vaginal area, in my lower tummy, and alot of it feels like its in my *TMI* anus. So much pressure. Ack. This cannot be good. I was crying earlier it hurt so bad. I don't want to go to the ER.
Anyone who may read this, please pray for me. I don't have insurance anymore. i cannot afford an ER visit. I don;t know what this is! Help please! Anyone?
Dear Heavenly Father, please heal this pain.
ETA: So I just passed a huge clot of tissue and other junk... maybe that was the source of the pain? I hope so... if thats true then is this AF or just my MC finishing itself? UGH!
well the pain keeps going in and out in and out. I have been looking on the interent of course, scaring myself to death. It sounds so much like a fibriod gone out of control. I know I have them, because that is what they docs suspect caused Taylin to pass on. So the pressure, the pain, yeah. Could be all fibriod related.
I have been waiting for over 2 hours for my doc to call. I hate that they do that to people. If I call the office, it is for a genuine concern and the should have the respect to call back in a reasonable amount of time. Even if they don't know what to say, at least call and let me know they are working on it!!!
So I have decided that it is not gas that is causing this, but when I am having "normal" gas it just worsens the problem 10 fold. I also cannot put a tampon in. That causes excrutiaing pain. And I am out of normal pads so i am changing a stupid panty liner every 1/2 hour. Good thing I have a million of those!
What I really want to do more than anything is take a shower. But I know if I do they will call, lol. So I wait, stinkin up the house, miserable, and irritated. My poor kids. I am SO not getting mom of the week award.
And I am STILL looking on the internet, lol. Now I think that maybe ENDO could be to blame, although I have never had an endo-related symptom before, it causes the same kinds of pains I am having right now. The ibuprofin really takes a bite out, but only for a few hours then its back with avengance. Reality check, how much ibuprofin should a girl take, really? I have already taken two 800 mg. doses today.
either way, its hardly an emergency situation, which is good. Now I think I may have to seek out insurance somehow to get started with some testing. Meanwhile, whatever the stupid doc says if he EVER calls back, lol... I will do what he says and go from there. Off to find myself some insurance.
ETA: Doc called back, he is sorry it hurts but does not see any cause for immediate concern. He agrees it may be a fibroid wreaking havoc, or maybe just some unhappy and undue pain associated with the MC. Anyway, I am glad he is not terrible worried. That puts me at ease a bit. But knowing that there may possibly be this out of control fibroid running amok in my uterus makes me very scared to TTC. I don't think i would do well with another loss, at least not this soon. Ok, yeah, like any time is not good. Hmmmm... decisions decisions.