Whew! Had a scare today. My cousin, Chrissy, called me and said my Aunt's office called her and said that she had not come into work or called today - which is totally not my aunt. She is super responsible and would call if she was going to be 30 seconds late... So Chrissy asked me to go to my Aunt's house because Chris is working out of town. I called DH and asked him to go by becuase he is much closer to me. Then I called my Aunt's office to see if they had heard anything... The entire time so many bad things are running through my head and I'm shaking and feeling like I am going to throw up!!! I am really close to her. So I get ahold of the gal at the office and she says that my aunt called in sick to corporate, but corporate didn't call them! She was really worried to... So I talked to my Aunt and she had gotten a migraine that morning and called corporate and then was going to call her office - just to make sure they knew what was going on - and she fell asleep - so there were like 3 or 4 messages from all of us panicked!!! At least she felt loved!! I talked to my cousin and she I were both relieved... Whew!!! But, I was still shaking and my heart was racing in the meantime!
Well only 6 more days til I test.... I am still having those twinges in my lower belly - but it's not like gas or anything - still trying not to read into that stuff.
I have gained 5 pounds in the last two weeks! YUCK!!! I have been eating better - but not working out and have had a lot of dessert lately... Get to the gym big butt!!!!
So I got to see my bf baby tonight and another little baby that I know - and of course got the question - when are you two going to have a baby? I was like "We're trying..." the girl that asked is really sweet, but it still hurts me - it's almost been a year!
I am still have those twinges every once in awhile in my lower abs and felt a little nauesous tonight - but I think it's all in my head! Symptoms get out of my head!!! I am going to drive myself batty with alll this!
Baby shower today.... I have to drive the dually to it - ugh!!! My beautiful car is getting worked on - something flew off a car in front of me and cause $2800 in damage to my car. And because it is such a new model and there aren't many of them (2005 C55 AMG Mercedes) they had to order the parts from Germany and then they didn't have exactly what they needed to STILL waiting for parts on Monday - it's been like 2 weeks!!! I can't wait to have it back!
DH is doing an open house today so he is driving th Excursion -so I have to drive the work truck which is a huge *** F350 dually truck!!
Oh well - they are just cars... did I mention - just 5 more days until I test?
only 4 more days until I test!!! Have to make the Mother's Day rounds today... It's weird - before DH I didn't really do Mother's Day... I was raised by a single father so I did send cards to my Grandmas but it's not the same - you know... But I am close to my Aunt and now that I live down here by her I do get stuff for which makes it a more fun for me and my MIL is great too.. Can't wait to be a mama so that I get to celebrate the day!!!!
Only 3 more days.... Still working on my patience... But I am definitely not going to test before that.
It's weird because I haven't started the Clomid or anything yet, but I feel like I could be pg .... I still am having those twinges in my lower abs that I dont' remember ever having before, I have that full feeling, and today my boobs starting feeling weird. None of these have I ever had before....
But it could all be in my head too. I am just trying not to get my hopes up and to look forward to starting the Clomid. I already know though - that I am going to really let down when it's BFN.... As much as I have been working on not getting my hopes up... You know it's always in the back of your mind that this could be it - even when in your heart you know it's not....
I caved and tested this morning and of course it was BFN. This is 12 days after the last BD - of course I don't know if I o'ed this month - I am testing to make sure not BFP so I can start my Provera and then start Clomid this month. But, I have been having all these weird symptoms that I have never had before - so I decided 12 days - it could show up, right?!
Then I cried and cried this morning and DH was like, baby don't worry - it's still early - and we haven't even tried any of the drugs yet.... I was like I KNOW, but I feel like this is never going to happen - and I just feel like I am pg. And I never feel like that, you know.... So I will retest on Saturday and if still BFN then I will start Provera.- that will be 16 days past last BD - if I was pg then it would for sure show up right?
Then I talked to my Aunt (I grew up with no mom - she's it for me) and her family have always had this gift - they get "feelings" or have dreams about deaths, pregnancies, etc. And I was telling her about this morning - and she was like - I wasn't going to tell you this(because she knows what Michael and I are going thru for the last year and she didn't want to get my hopes up - in case she is wrong), but I keep seeing a baby boy and it belongs to you - and your cousin has been seeing the same thing - which is kind of crazy, but she asked me to be sure and wait until I knew for sure that I wasn't pg before starting the Provera. Now this means - it could be a baby now - or it could be in the future...
Well - it was BFN as I thought it would be... I started Provera yesterday. So I am on my way...
The baby shower was fun - the girl was beautiful!!! I LOVE pg bellies!!! Speaking of - the girl the shower was for was my ex-bf's sister. It just so happens my ex got his gf of like 2 weeks! pg so she is about 5 months along and she was there too. She was not super nice to me - but I dont' care - I think she got mad when he showed up and came and gave me a big hug.... But hey - we are friends!! And he and I haven't been together for like 5 years AND I am freakin married and trying to have a baby w/ my DH!!!! I think she may have some issues.... She SAID she was on bc - but she couldn't remember the last time she had a period, etc some other sketchy details - I think she got pg on purpose... But, that's just my opinion....
Anyway, the party was fun. I hadnt' see her new house they just finished building - it's gorgeous!! It was fun to see the whole fam again. Well I better get going.
Tomorrow will be my 5th day of Provera. Come on AF on Saturday!!! It's my cousin's college graduation on Saturday - it should be a fun party! I took the day off tomorrow. Looking forward to that. I pick up some of our wedding pics tomorrow - only 3 yrs later... And I get my hair done tomorrow. I mith get a mani-pedi too and just relax! Trying not to be too hopeful this cycle.